Weekend Roundup

Juan McCain doesn't care about George Bush.

The Edwardses were not going to endorse, but Johnboy got all giddy.

Women are bad at math.

Mittens is still losing the presidential race.

This guy will also poison you.

L. Ron Paultard goes in for the kill.

Bill Clinton will punch an old lady before this thing is over.

Juan McCain is old.

Very old.

Another Moment With Betty Butterfield

BREAKING NEWS: David Archuleta's Dad Is A Douche

Jeff Archuleta has been banned from the backstage of Idol.

Debate Over Crotch Weapons

You decide:

The infamous cock and ball gun featured in the psycho-vampire flick from Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, From Dusk Til Dawn, is a gooder. It can slay a vampire from yards away, and it just looks plain cool. It's hard; it has those semi-automatic testicles attached; and it's really everything a good crotch weapon should be. But is it really big enough?

via io9

God Hates Weddings

Those crazies from the Westboro Baptist Church are protesting Jenna's wedding.

Because weddings are gay.

Neener-Neener, You Had An Accident

The local paper has a camera and interwebs.

They're dying to use them.

Racist Emails From The Edge

The guys set to protect the possible first black POTUS seem to like racist jokes.

Barack Obama Is A Terrorist Agist

Not only does he sit on the board of Hamas, but Hopey hates the elderly as well:

At the root of the dispute is McCain's decision to call attention to a Hamas adviser's apparent affinity for Obama. The adviser, Ahmed Yousef, said in a recent interview: "We like Obama and hope that he will win the election."

McCain used those comments in a fundraising appeal and has cited them in interviews.

Asked about the matter Wednesday during a taping of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," McCain said: "It's indicative of how some of our enemies view America. And I guarantee you, they're not going to endorse me."

In an interview Thursday with CNN, Obama accused McCain of trying to smear him by repeating the comments.

"This is offensive, and I think it's disappointing, because John McCain always says, 'Well, I'm not going to run that kind of politics,'" Obama said. "And then to engage in that kind of smear, I think, is unfortunate, particularly since my policy toward Hamas has been no different than his."

The Illinois senator added: "For him to toss out comments like that, I think, is an example of him losing his bearings as he pursues this nomination. We don't need name-calling in this debate."

This hurt the aged man's feelings:

McCain's campaign issued an angry response that accused Obama of trying to divert attention from a legitimate question by raising McCain's age.

"He used the words 'losing his bearings' intentionally, a not-particularly-clever way of raising John McCain's age as an issue," McCain adviser Mark Salter said. "It is more than fair to raise this quote about Senator Obama, because it speaks to the policy implications of his judgment."

Then Joe Lieberman totally fessed up to the disgusting truth we dare not speak of:

It's None Of Your Goddamned Business. Now Get Off My Lawn!!!

First Lady of Beers Cindy McCain is very rich. Not Oprah rich, but rich.

She was on the today show with suspiciously glassy eyes and responded to people who want to know how much mob money she makes:

Cindy McCain declared that she will never release her tax returns -- not during the presidential campaign, and not even if she becomes first lady. "I'm not the candidate," she said.



Howard Dean then released this statement:

"What is John McCain trying to hide? Throughout this campaign, he has acted like his own calls for openness and accountability apply to everyone but himself. Now he thinks he can bring that same double standard to the White House. Whether he is skirting the FEC, withholding his tax returns, or stocking his campaign with the same Washington lobbyists he attacks on the campaign trail, John McCain is showing that he doesn't respect the voters enough to be honest with them,” Dean said.

He continued, “John McCain may not like it, but the American people have a right to know about the well documented links between his political career and the McCains' business ventures. John McCain's refusal to meet the standard of every other candidate seeking the office is one more reason he's the wrong choice for America's future."


Then nothing happened because Cindy is super rich.

Larry the Loophole

Hopey To Lend Hobo Hillary A Dolla'

Change she can believe in may be dropping into Cankles' tin cup:

On Friday, Barack Obama publicly raised the possibility of helping Hillary Clinton pay off more than $25 million in debts, including the $11.42 million she loaned her own campaign to keep it afloat in recent months.

"Historically after a campaign is done and you want to unify the party, particularly when you've had a strong opponent, you want to make sure you're putting that opponent in a strong position so that they can work to win an election in November. So, obviously, I would want to have a broad range of discussions with Senator Clinton about how I could make her feel good about
the process and have her on the team moving forward."

The dreamy Messiah can't directly give her a WIC card, but he can "send out a solicitation in Clinton's behalf to his own donors and to other donor lists, asking for contributions to be directed to her campaign"hold a joint fundraiser with the money split between Clinton and Obama".

The kicker is that up to about $10 million of that debt is owed to Jabba the Penn, who now spends his time eating the children of Colombia.

The prospect of Obama actually having compassion for Thundercunt has set Hopetards off in a tizzy, as they would much prefer him to choke a bitch.

via HuffPo

Locals Form Angry Lynch Mob Against Science

I lurve my local paper.

A story like this:

Not religion pitted against science, but philosophy against philosophy.

In a truly liberal education system, that’s how academic Nancy Pearcey says educators would approach intelligent design and the theory of evolution.

Nearly 800 people attended Pearcey’s lecture Thursday at Okaloosa-Walton College on the foundation of Darwinism and its far-reaching implications in American culture.


elicits comments like this:

I belive there is a GOD and nothing is going to change that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't belive we came from monkey's.

but if we evolved from monkeys...then why do we still HAVE monkeys...

It is typical to see so many anti-Christian comments here. Christ was attacked and killed. Not suprisingly, Christianity is still being attacked. Choose this day whom you will serve, as for me and my house we will serve the LORD.


And my personal fave:

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is coming to get your doughnuts.


via NWF Daily News

John Edwards Totally Wants To Do Hopey

Listen to Millboy on Morning Joe and tell me what you heard.

Grand Theft Auto Destroying American Families

From Jockhomo:

Who or rather what doesn’t appear in the new version of Grand Theft Auto, true to form the game is even hitting the gay demographic. No, big bruiser Niko Bellic is not gay but rather disturbingly plays a homosexual lothario on an online dating site to lure a gay Irish American mobster. Damn, my ears perked up regarding the gay sequence, but surprise the play is handled brilliantly and with a great deal of humor thanks to acclaimed screenwriter Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boyscout and The Long Kiss Goodnight). Per usual players can choose not to complete certain missions; i.e. main character Niko benefits later from a friendship formed with the gay mobster. Remember you’re playing an apocalyptic adult game where no demographic remains unscathed. While GTAIV walks a precarious line I have to give Rockstar Games props for not defaulting to the usual homophobic sequence filled with stereotypes.

It's Burma

From Sully:

A useful primer on why many don't allow those thugs in power to control the discourse. It's Burma.

He's Fighting With The Elderly Now

Dude, take a lesson from W and clear some brush.

John McCain Knows Black People

El Presidente WALNUTS! wants black folk to know that he cares. He cares enough to send them this pander ad, complete with that crazy gospel music Harriet Tubman used to sing as she rocked him to sleep.

via John McCain's crazy picture box with a typewriter

brickbat Welcomes Back Mittens To The News Cycle

And with that, Baby Jeebus Christian/Mooslim/Space Christian Electoral SMACKDOWN 2008™ swings into gear.

Willard "Lord Xenu" Romney is hitting the campaign trail for the elderly John McCain because he is old and his hip hurts. Auditioning for the part of McCain's campaign life partner, Mittens decided to attack St. Barack:

On CNN's "American Morning," the former Massachusetts governor, who dropped out of the GOP nomination race in February, said that Democratic front-runner Barack Obama would be easier prey for McCain than Hillary Clinton, who is barely hanging on. "I think she is flawed, but he is more flawed."

Repeating a line of criticism from the McCain campaign, Romney said of Obama: "He can read a prompter very well and energize a crowd, but he has not accomplished anything during his life in terms of legislation or leading an enterprise or making a business work or a city work or a state work. He really has very little experience, and, you know, the presidency of the United States is not an internship, and I honestly believe that you're going to see America choose somebody who has been tested and proven who has been able to demonstrate time and again that he understands how to make the economy work, he understands how our military works, he understands the needs of the country and the heart and passion of the American people."

Hopey responded:



Then the cameras shut off and Mittens wept.

Email From Crazy Racist Aunt Of The Day

If you think this series of tubes is just for helping poor Nigerian bankers unfreeze their money or finding pics of Christopher Atkins' 1982 Playgirl spread, you're dead wrong.

It's also a great tool to spread your own brand of crazy racism and religious demagoguery by simply hitting "Forward to all".

My aunt delivered today, with this delightful rant about brown people stealing scholarships.

Enjoy:

This is a subject close to my heart. Do you know that we have adult students at the school where I teach who are not US citizens and who get the PELL grant, which is a federal grant (no pay back required) plus other federal grants to go to school?

One student from the Dominican Republic told me that she didn't want me to find a job for her after she finished my program, because she was getting housing from our housing department and she was getting a PELL grant which paid for her total tuition and books, plus money leftover.

She was looking into WAIT which gives students a CREDIT CARD for gas to come to school, and into CARIBE which is a special program (check it out - I did) for immigrants and it pays for child care and all sorts of needs while they go to school or training. The one student I just mentioned told me she was not going to be a US Citizen because she plans to return to the Dominican Republic someday and that she 'loves HER country.'

I asked her if she felt guilty taking what the US is giving her and then not even bothering to become a citizen and she told me that it doesn't bother her, because that is what the money is there for!

I asked the CARIBE administration about their program and if you ARE a US Citizen, you don't qualify for their program. And all the while, I am working a full day, my son-in-law works more than 60 hours a week, and everyone in my family works and pays for our education.

Something is wrong here. I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY.

IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP -- please pass this along. I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else.

Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

PART OF THE PROBLEM, Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along, if you don't agree --- delete it!


You're welcome.

Craig Stevens Infested With Gay Bed Bugs

Oh noes!!! Our favorite Broadway sodomite has bed bugs, which means he has crabs or crabs with AIDS. Not quite sure yet.

He also got a job and got his George W Bush reparations check, which he promptly spent to go see Clay Aiken in Spamalot.

via Check Craig's Blogg

Today's Paultard Video

Some crazy talk about the French, New World Order, and that retarded trick where you make the Pentagon and Twin Towers out of money.

Basically, a Paultard's Paultard.

Holy Lord. This Is Lude and Lascivious.

Above is a video of The Messiah riding in his magic Muslim airplane while talking on the phone to his bosses: Hamas and the Devil.

GASP!!! He's wearing jeans!!!

This is news on CNN.

(Better quality video here.)

The General's War On Wizardofascism

From Jesus' General:


Heather Fiorentino
Superintendent, Pasco County School District
Land O' Lakes, FL

cc: David Estabrook .
Principal, Rushe Middle School

Dear Superintendent Fiorentino ,

I never thought I'd write a letter asking you to fire Principal Dave Estabrook. His work at Rushe Middle School has been exemplary until now. Indeed, I thought he was the only living principal who truly understood the threat wizardofascism poses to America's children. His actions certainly supported my conclusion. He had, after all, prompted the firing of a teacher for engaging in wizardry by performing a "magic trick" in class.

But today, I learned that perhaps the firing was merely a ruse he employed to draw attention away from his own satanic activity, an annual event he calls "picture day." Every Spring, Mr. Estabrook invites witches and sorcerers into his school where they use strange devices of demonic origin to capture children's souls and imprison them on pieces of paper. He then ransoms off the imprisoned souls in glossy 8x10 and wallet-sized purgatorial dungeons to the desperate parents of his soulless victims.

This soul thievery must end now. You have no choice. You must fire Mr. Estabrook, immediately.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Shawnee Mission East Annoints Sodomist Homecoming Overlord

From The Pitch:

On a cold February night, the Shawnee Mission East gym is packed. It's Senior Night, and the boys' basketball team is taking on the rival Shawnee Mission South Raiders. It's a close game, and the excitement and tension threaten to sweep the crowd into a frenzy.

...Right above the student bleachers is a homemade sign in the East colors of blue, black and white. It reads: "Thank you SME senior cheerleaders." The names of the squad members are listed, including Reagan, Haley, Matthew, Kirby, Morgan.

The cheerleaders split up into two groups that line up on either side of the basket. Matthew Pope — the tallest member of the squad as well as the only guy — takes a spot in the back row. The 17-year-old, who choreographs all the routines, is one of the three co-captains of the squad.

There's another thing that makes Matthew stand out. He's openly gay. At Shawnee Mission East, a school that's often stereotyped as conservative and snobby.

...At the homecoming dance last October, Matthew stood on the platform stage in the East gym. He was nervous and excited. His friend Sarah Jones, whom he knew from cheerleading, stood by his side and gripped his hand tightly. The gym was hot, and the lights shone brightly onto the homecoming king and queen candidates.

Matthew sported black tux pants, a black button-down shirt and his brother's bright-pink tie. A mass of people crowded the stage as if they were at a concert. He waved to friends. His mom, Teri, a nurse at Olathe Medical Center, stood to one side. He spotted two of his best friends, Serena Verden and Jessica Perbeck, in the middle of the crowd. His boyfriend, James Castle, was resplendent in a black Armani suit and a red tie.


...At the dance, the 12 homecoming king candidates were introduced, and the announcer started counting down the five runners-up.

After the first runner-up was announced, he realized, "Oh, I haven't been called yet." He looked around, trying to figure out which of the remaining candidates was going to be the next king. He conveyed this to Sarah, who assured him again, "You're going to get it."

He felt nervous and reminded himself to calm down.

When the announcer read his name, he stood there, shocked. His heart kept racing. "You won!" Sarah screamed over the uproar from the crowd. She started jumping up and down and grabbed him.

...Looking back, Matthew describes that night. "It was just," he says and then pauses, searching for the right words, "all happy."

Wherever he goes from here, the memory of homecoming will help carry him through: "It was the ultimate feeling of being accepted. I'll be going on now for the rest of my life having that experience. Everyone accepted me, so it's really cool."

More On Pawpaw's Spiritual Adviser

This may be breaking news, but black Mooslimy preachers aren't the only ones who say things that fall under the category of "retarded".

From BraveNewFilms:

You may have heard of Rev. John Hagee, the McCain supporter who said God created Hurricane Katrina to punish New Orleans for its homosexual "sins." Well now meet Rev. Rod Parsley, the televangelist megachurch pastor from Ohio who hates Islam. According to David Corn of Mother Jones, Parsley has called on Christians to wage war against Islam, which he considers to be a "false religion." In the past, Parsley has also railed against the separation of church and state, homosexuals, and abortion rights, comparing Planned Parenthood to Nazis.

Oh, Yeh. This Happened

Yesterday, when we were all singing and laughing about that house that fell on Thundercunt, Russia got a new spy poisoner.

From International Herald Tribune:

Dmitri Medvedev, the Kremlin insider and unprepossessing lawyer who had never held elected office before, was sworn in as the Russian president Wednesday inside the Grand Kremlin Palace.

The ceremony, mixing czarist splendor with renewed Russian confidence, marked the passing of formal power from President Vladimir Putin to his young and untested protégé. But the events also served as a tribute to the enduring stature and popularity of Putin, who Medvedev nominated as prime minister within hours of taking office.

Putin, a former KGB leader who had presided over Russia's economic revival while consolidating power, rolling back civil liberties and leading a government beset with corruption, arrived at the ceremony alone and before Medvedev.

He stepped from a black limousine and briefly stood before the ceremonial Presidential Regiment, which was standing outside in the chill. "Greetings, comrades!" he said, and was met with a deep, rousing cheer.

The two men then threw back shots of Polonium, because that is all they have to eat.

Hopey Leading Among Gay Puppet Demographic

Famous foam rubber-and-felt homosexuals Bert and Ernie debate the Dem candidates.

No word yet on who Tinky Winky will endorse.

Pwned!

Meet Monica Conyers. She is a very angry President Pro-Tem of the Detroit City Council.

She is also a bitch.

Back in April, Monica got in a shouting match with the Council President during session and called him Shrek, which I am assuming is a racist term for elitist Council Presidents.

The Detroit News thought it would be fun to bring a bunch of middleschoolers to interview the evil witch and ask her why she is such a poopypants. What ensues is fucking gold.

Mrs. Conyers, you got Pwned! by an 8th grader.

Inside Our Dark Lord's Bunker

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Today's Godtube Moment

What better way to tell the story of Baby Jeebus than to mold a pile of clay into what eventually looks like a bloody John Kerry with a crown of thorns?

What Is Wrong With The World?

Arsham Parsi's Story

Poltics of Preschool

From BraveNewFilms:

A preschool girl attempts to gain social status through material means only to find out she's been trumped. Any similarities to the presidential primary are completely coincidental.

Elderly McCain Loses 23 and 27% Of Last Night's Votes To People Who Are Not Running

The hoary Republican Condo Association President is still hated by his own party. Here's some numbers from last night:

Indiana:

McCain - 319,213 - 77%
Huckabee - 41,127 - 10%
Paul - 31,605 - 8%
Romney - 19,544 - 5%


North Carolina:

McCain - 380,587 - 74%
Huckabee - 62,738 - 12%
Paul - 37,089 - 7%
No Preference - 20,226 - 4%
Keyes - 13,553 - 3%


This obviously clears the way for a victorious President Dr. Congressman L. Ron Paultard!!!

The End?

Idol judges throw Jason Castro under the bus.

May be the last episode I watch of the show.

Syesha bores me.

David Cook is a pompous cover artist.

David Archuleta annoys the shit out me with that fake Disney G-movie act. He is a eunuch.


UPDATE:

For what it's worth, Castro now has his own doll.

From dlisted:



The shit above is a doll someone made of Jason Castro. They put it up on eBay. They forgot to add the most important thing. His bong!!!! Methinks that evil (and delicious) demon, marijuana, had a lot to do with his performance last night. This is why potheads and live television do NOT mix. So, Jason Castro effed up big time by completely forgetting the words to one of my favorite Dylan tunes, "Mr. Tambourine Man." My drunk ass even knew the lyrics! I was singing along and kept going when he fucked up and I'm not even competing for a damn record contract!

This dumb bitch let the weed fuck him up! Hey, it happens. People won't care if he messes up his lyrics when he's singing for quarters in the subway in a couple of months. Aww....Castro is such a lovable pothead, but get thee shit together! You know Castro and Paula Abdul do bong hits in the "green" room. It ain't called the green room for nothing.

Arianna's Lament

From HuffPo:

The way the McCain camp has reacted to my revelation about his not voting for Bush in 2000, immediately moving into kill-the-messenger mode, is further confirmation of what has happened to McCain -- now willing to say or do anything, or sling mud at anyone, to satisfy his hunger for the White House.

And I'm curious, at exactly what point did Mark Salter decide I was "a flake, and a poser, and an attention seeking diva"? Was it before or after I hosted a book party at my home for the book he co-wrote with McCain, Faith of My Fathers?

Was it before or after our many conversations about McCain giving the keynote address at the 2000 GOP Shadow Convention I organized in Philadelphia to underline the failure of both political parties to address major issues, like campaign finance reform?

...This isn't Mitt Romney we're talking about, folks -- a man for whom pandering and flip flopping fit like a perfectly tailored suit. This is John McCain, a man whose personal history, in the words of Newsweek in 2000, "makes the other presidential candidates look like pygmies" -- and who, at one time, before he held a fire sale on his principles (Everything Must Go!), was ennobled by that history and had the chance to become that rarest of things -- a real leader.

"The only game that needs changing is the one in Washington D.C.

It's Over

Here's the math:

Total Delegates 1845 - 1693 Obama + 152
Super Delegates 257 - 271 Clinton + 14
Pledged Delegates 1588 - 1422 Obama + 166
Popular Vote 49.6 - 47.3 Obama +2.3
Popular Vote (w/FL) 48.7 - 47.5 Obama +1.2
Nat'l RCP Average 45.1 - 44.9 Obama +0.2

Calls for Thundercunt to drop out are coming from McGovern and Clark.

Hopey is back in Washington lining up the supers.

Ambinder wonders how she'll get out:

Barack Obama is, by almost every measure and by almost every unmeasurable impression, on the precipice of being able to declare victory and have his declaration be accepted by the media and his party. Hillary Clinton needed to find a way to give superdelegates their "Holy Moly" moment, and she failed. Absent an extraordinary intervening event, the question for Hillary Clinton now is how she ends the race. Obama has made it clear that he will not pressure her. It's her decision.

...THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN professes not to be worried about the hardening edges between Clinton's universe of supporters and Obama's universe of supporters. But they concede that reintregrating Clinton supporters in the party will be more difficult than in ordinary cycles. At the highest levels of the Obama campaign, there is no appetite for any talk of a unity ticket so far. Still, big victories in West Virginia and Kentucky will help Clinton make the argument that she is indispensable.

Tonight's Last Post

Indiana is still too close to call.

This was awesome:

Apparently, way before this election began, Paul Begala got together with Lou Dobbs in heathen New York City, where they ate the Food Of The Working Class and pinned Barack Obama's electoral hopes on whether he could prove that he was able to accommodate dwarves with their insatiable need for marmalade. Or something. Begala may be drunk, or filling the performance-art vacuum left by his absence of pal James Carville. We don't know. But Begala did find a way to denigrate "Volvo drivin', NPR tote bag totin'" liberals, and claim Obama needed to "put the jam on the lower shelf where the little folk can reach it."

Watch the video here.

via HuffPo

Pawpaw McCain Throws Secret Service Under The Bus

McCain Declines Secret Service, Dares Assassins To Try Something

via The Onion

Hopey Wins NC

St. Barack of Obama, founder of Hamas, has just won NC according to MSNBC.

DC Madam Suicide Note Released

Police have released famous CEO of all whores, Deborah Palfrey's suicide note.

From ABC:

Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the so-called D.C. Madam, took her own life last week because she could not bear going to prison, she told her mother in a suicide note that she left on her nightstand.

"I cannot live the next 6-8 years behind bars for what both you and I have come to regard as this 'modern day lynching,'" Palfrey wrote. Local Florida police released the notes to the media Monday morning. Palfrey said she did not want to face leaving prison as a "penniless and very much alone woman."

...Palfrey left behind two notes, one for her mother and the other for her younger sister. She tells both women that she loves them very much and that she will be waiting for each of them "on the other side."

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney is still veep and David Vitter is still in the Senate, probably wearing diapers and fucking holes in stuffed animals he creates at Build-A-Bear.

BREAKING NEWS: Thundercunt Leading Among Indiana Wiggers

Cankles McGee is leading Indiana so far with 13% reporting:

Clinton - 87,164 - 58%

Obama - 62,656 - 42%

These bitter elitist "white niggers" truly hate America.

via CNN

"The Drill Presses Of Temptation"

Jesus' General writes an open letter to homophobic bigot, Principal Daphne Beasley:

Dear Principal Beasley,

Kudos to you for attempting to address the problem of public displays of affection in our schools. With the exception of the soul-crushing rules preventing our children from worshiping or bearing arms in the classroom, exposure to handholding and kissing is the biggest threat students face in our schools.

Your solution--asking teachers to report suspected couples so you can prominently posts their names on your office wall--is a great first step. It grants the rest of the student body an opportunity to join in the war against love by providing them with the means to implement traditional methods of expressing social disapproval (gossip, teasing, etc).

More importantly, as I'm sure you learned when you used your list to out a homosexual couple, your solution subtly invites your more heterovangelically inclined students to employ the counseling method most preferred by the American Family Association: repeated applications of the heavy steel-toed boots of peer pressure.

But I have to ask you, what about those who engage in semi-public displays of auto-affection? I'm talking about the guy who gets a little bit too excited sitting next to the cheerleader in homeroom and then runs to the restroom to rub a quick one off before second period and the guy in metal shop whose tensile strength steadily increases as he watches the drill press going slowly going up and down and he's hears the blurp blurp blurp of lubrication oil being dispensed on the hot bit's face? You know in five minutes he'll be hiding himself in a welding booth, his hand in his coveralls frenetically attempting to apply enough flux to properly puddle his bead.

What are you doing about those guys? Are you posting lists of suspected masturbaters on your bulletin boards? Are your bulletin boards even large enough to do that?

I hope you're giving it some thought.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically acceptable kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Beasley can be contacted here .

via Jesus' General

Edwardses Will Not Endorse

Famous son-of-a-mill John Edwards and his beard wife Elizabeth will not endorse anyone for anything ever.

However, they did open up to respected news Goliath People Magazine about their likes, dislikes, and fave boy bands.

Elizabeth likes Hillary's healthcare plan because her cancers told her to, but does not like Thundercunt because what little money the hobo does bring in comes from lobbyists.

Mrs. Edwards likes St. Barack because young people like him, but does not like the fact that he is black or something like that:

In their first joint interview since John, the Democratic former senator and 2004 vice presidential nominee, dropped out of the race in January, the couple named what they liked and disliked about each of the remaining Democrats – and Mrs. Edwards didn't hesitate: "I like Hillary's health care plan."

What doesn't she like about the senator from New York and former first lady? "The lobbyist money," she adds.

On Obama, she says: "The fact that he has motivated so many young people to be involved, I think is fantastic."

But, she adds: "I don't like his health care plan or his advertising on health care, which I think is misleading."

As for Millboy, he likes Hillary for her tenacity. He likes Obama because he is black and therefore probably hung:

On Clinton: "I like something different about Hillary. I think her tenacity shows a real strength that's inside her."

What doesn't he like about Clinton? "Um, still a lot of the old politics," John Edwards said.

As for Obama, he says: "Sometimes I want to see more substance under the rhetoric."

But he cited two things he likes about the charismatic young senator from Illinois: "One is, I think he really does want to bring about serious change and a different way of doing things. And secondly, I think it's a great symbolic thing to have an African-American who could be president."


via People (yes, People)

Today's Hilltard Video

Here's a video from Citizen Kate, who is a self-described citizen journalist. She went to a Hillary campaign event in Indiana, where most wiggers live.

It was a star studded event with such celeb heavyweights as Rob Reiner (who is famous for marrying lesbians and making shitty movies) and one of those hobbits who I assumed would be voting for L. Ron Paultard.

Elderly Republican Condo Association Preznit Thinks It's 1919

The senile Panamanian candidate would like a "League of Nations" to deal with Barack Obama's homeland of Iran.

From Americablog:

Too bad the League of Nations was disbanded in 1946 when John McCain was ten years old. Oh, and one of our commenters added this:
Reminds me of Mr. Burns at the Post Office:

"Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"



McCain then announced that he supported "freeing the negro slaves" by the year 2020.

WALNUTS! has also weighed in on what kind of Supreme Court judges he would appoint:

Republican John McCain is castigating Democrat Barack Obama for voting against John Roberts as Supreme Court chief justice.

McCain offered an olive branch to the Christian right in a speech about the kind of judges he would nominate planned for Tuesday at Wake Forest University. The far right has been deeply suspicious of McCain, the expected GOP presidential nominee, because he has clashed with its leaders and worked against them on issues like campaign finance reform.

McCain promised to appoint judges who, in the mold of Roberts and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, are likely to limit the reach of the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion.

"They would serve as the model for my own nominees if that responsibility falls to me," McCain said in his prepared speech.

via Americablog and HuffPo

Bill Clinton Scolds People Who Care

Ametuer Gynecologist Bill Clinton was doing some rally to try and get people to vote for his succubus of a wife, some poor person fainted. The poon hound did not care, and even scolded the people who stopped listening to him. The bystander was okay, until they were carried into Bill's dressing room after the event and were immediately groped.

Elderly Juan McCain Threw W Under The Bus

Famous Greek beard Arianna Huffington has just released a shocking revalation. It seems that eight years after the fact, she wants to tell us that both she and the elderly Juan McCain were in attendance at a liberal elitist baby-eating dinner party in LA. WALNUTS! confided in her that he did not vote for George W Bush in 2000. Neither did Cindy McVicodin, who was still fuming after W and Karl Rove had aborted their black baby in South Carolina:

At a dinner party in Los Angeles not long after the 2000 election, I was talking to a man and his wife, both prominent Republicans. The conversation soon turned to the new president. "I didn't vote for George Bush" the man confessed. "I didn't either," his wife added. Their names: John and Cindy McCain (Cindy told me she had cast a write-in vote for her husband).

The fact that this man was so angry at what George Bush had done to him, and at what Bush represented for their party, that he did not even vote for him in 2000 shows just how far he has fallen since then in his hunger for the presidency. By abandoning his core principles and embracing Bush -- both literally and metaphorically -- he has morphed into an older and crankier version of the man he couldn't stomach voting for in 2000.

via HuffPo

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Brown People!!!

The elderly Panamanian, Juan McCain, is celebrating today's drunken Messican holiday by launching his new website: Juan McCain in Espanol!!!

The new spanish language site features Pawpaw's talking points in festive jibber jabber, videos with authentic footage of the veteran fighting in the Spanish-American War, and even a spot to donate your pesos and Chiclets to help support Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™.

Somewhere, Tom Tancredo is sobbing.

via JuanMcCain/espanol

RCP Update

Total Delegates 1745 - 1606 Obama + 139

Super Delegates 254 - 269 Clinton + 15

Pledged Delegates 1491 - 1337 Obama + 154

Popular Vote 49.2 - 47.5 Obama +1.7

Popular Vote (w/FL) 48.3 - 47.6 Obama +0.7

Nat'l RCP Average 46.2 - 44.7 Obama +1.5

North Carolina 49.7 - 42.7 Obama +7.0

Indiana 43.8 - 48.8 Clinton +5.0

via RCP

Rev. Wright Meets Grandpa Simpson

via Vanity Fair

Howard Dean Tells Fox They're Biased

Then gives Chris Wallace a reacharound.

Hopey Wins Guam By Seven Votes

Yesterday, Guam had some silly little meeting thingy and pretended it was a real election:

With all 21 precincts reporting, Obama finished with 2,264 votes, or 50.1 percent. Sen. Hillary Clinton got 2,257 votes, or 49.9 percent.

Each candidate picked up two delegates.


via CNN