Saturday, July 5, 2008
Good Riddance
Jesse Helms is dead.
Nothing he has said need be repeated. He was a miserable old fuck filled with poisonous vitriol.
PS: Fuck you, Billy Graham.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
HOLYCRAPYESTHISISHAPPENING!!!!!!!
Our orange gay governor is getting married to a woman, because it is illegal to have a same-sex marriage in Florida.
Other than the fact that Carole Rome is not a make-believe female, the most interesting aspect of this story is the timing......of dumping a ridiculous story on the 4th of July weekend.
Okay, Charlie. This is for the win. If you wanna be life-partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™, it's gotta sound authentic:
"She's special in every way. She's brilliant, beautiful and sweet. I'm very, very lucky," Crist told the St. Petersburg Times in an exclusive interview.
Crist said he picked out the sapphire and diamond ring on Wednesday at the Gold and Diamond Center in St. Petersburg's Northeast Shopping Center.
No date has been set for the wedding, but Crist, 51, said it would be in St. Petersburg, where he is a member of First United Methodist Church. There probably also will be a reception in Tallahassee.
Special in every way? Dude, you sound like Mary Poppins. All we can picture is you and this
Here's some more:
"We've talked about it quite awhile," said Crist, who proposed to Rome, 38, on Thursday morning in his Bayfront Tower condominium in St. Petersburg.
"God bless her, she said yes," he said. "What better place to do it than the 'Burg," said Crist, who said his parents were "ecstatic."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.
via Halperin / St. Pete Times
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Barack Obama: Soccer Mom
Above is some footage from a totally normal soccer game. A totally normal soccer game attended by the Sercret Service where you can't hear the kids over camera shutters OH MY GOD IT'S BARACK OBAMA AT HIS KID'S SOCCER GAME GRAB YOUR CAMERA AND TAKE ONE ZILLION PICTURES AND SEND THIS TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spoiler Alert: The terrorists win.
via Slate / du
Elderly Panamanian Juan McCain Tried To Kill Sandinista Rebel With Bare Hands
Here's a fun story. Another
In this 1987 adventure, WALNUTS! goes on some kind of diplomatic gay cruise to Nicaragua with Thad Cochran and Bob Dole (who has also stated that McCain is a psychogeezer).
Cochran, Dole, and McCain were meeting with some Sandanistas, who turned out out NOT to be delicious cookies. The discussion got heated and suddenly Generalissimo John McCunt snatched one of the Pecan Sandanistas out of his chair, assaulted him, and probably called him a cunt.
From Sun Herald:
Notably mild-mannered Republican Sen. Thad Cochran shocked many earlier this year with comments about John McCain's volatile temper. He has since mended fences with the GOP presidential nominee.
But as first reported at sunherald.com, Cochran told the Sun Herald he witnessed a confrontation between McCain and a Sandinista rebel decades ago in which McCain "got mad at the guy and he just reached over there and snatched him."
...The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine," Cochran told the Globe. "He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."
...But Cochran said he observed McCain engage in a physical confrontation with a Sandinista while participating in a diplomatic mission led by Sen. Bob Dole and others in the fall of 1987. Cochran, McCain - who had won election to the Senate that year - and other members of a bipartisan committee of lawmakers called the Central American Negotiations Observer Group - met with Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, head of the left-wing political party known as Sandinistas, about tensions in the region.
The atmosphere was tense, as the U.S. was pressing "pretty hard." Cochran noticed a disturbance at the meeting table in a room lined with armed personnel.
"McCain was down at the end of the table and we were talking to the head of the guerilla group here at this end of the table and I don't know what attracted my attention," Cochran said. "But I saw some kind of quick movement at the bottom of the table and I looked down there and John had reached over and grabbed this guy by the shirt collar and had snatched him up like he was throwing him up out of the chair to tell him what he thought about him or whatever. I don't know what he was telling him but I thought, good grief, everybody around here has got guns and we were there on a diplomatic mission. I don't know what had happened to provoke John but he obviously got mad at the guy and he just reached over there and snatched him."
Fred and Sharon Say "Don't Inhale"
It's been a while since we checked in with movie moguls Fred and Sharon Spencer. Here's the creepiest "tribute to the troops" that you will ever see.
9udy Is More 9/11 Than WALNUTS!
9udy 11uliani did an interview with CNN (presumably while wearing heels) and had this to say about the current elderly GOP Condo Association President:
"I thought I was best qualified, but I thought John was No. 2," Giuliani told CNN, his ego apparently overruling the message Team McCain wanted him to deliver in an escalating flap with Barack Obama's camp over comments from Bam-backer Wesley Clark, a retired Army general.
Hmm. Seems like something's missing from that quote. Let's try again:
"9/11 thought I was best 9/11, but 9/11 thought John was No. 9/10,"
Better.
Another Journalist Waterboarded
This time it was Hitchens:
You may have read by now the official lie about this treatment, which is that it “simulates” the feeling of drowning. This is not the case. You feel that you are drowning because you are drowning—or, rather, being drowned, albeit slowly and under controlled conditions and at the mercy (or otherwise) of those who are applying the pressure. The “board” is the instrument, not the method. You are not being boarded. You are being watered. This was very rapidly brought home to me when, on top of the hood, which still admitted a few flashes of random and worrying strobe light to my vision, three layers of enveloping towel were added. In this pregnant darkness, head downward, I waited for a while until I abruptly felt a slow cascade of water going up my nose. Determined to resist if only for the honor of my navy ancestors who had so often been in peril on the sea, I held my breath for a while and then had to exhale and—as you might expect—inhale in turn. The inhalation brought the damp cloths tight against my nostrils, as if a huge, wet paw had been suddenly and annihilatingly clamped over my face. Unable to determine whether I was breathing in or out, and flooded more with sheer panic than with mere water, I triggered the pre-arranged signal and felt the unbelievable relief of being pulled upright and having the soaking and stifling layers pulled off me. I find I don’t want to tell you how little time I lasted.
You can see the video here.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The Ticket?
The lady bitters may have to settle for a different veep with lady parts. St. Barack dropped what some call a hint:
I love Kathleen Sebelius. I think she is as talented a public official as there is right now. Integrity. Competence. She can work with all people of all walks of life, but I promised that I am not going to say anything about my vice president until I actually introduce my vice president.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Oscar?
From NY Post:
It's hard not to wince a little when Ledger's character gets going on the topic of death, as he frequently does. It's been only six months since the actor was found dead from an accidental overdose in his SoHo pad.
Playing the Joker, slumped on the floor of a police interrogation room, his character explains that he prefers a knife as a murder weapon because it's slower.
"In their last moments," he says eerily, "people show you who they really are."
In this flick, Ledger showed us what a masterful actor he was - certainly deserving of a posthumous Oscar nomination.
Harriet Christian's Orlando Vacation
The work of Hilltards, Operation Chaosers, or bored doucheteens?
From Local6:
Vandals spray-painted "Obama smokes crack" and other hate messages on 60 city vehicles parked across the street from City Hall in downtown Orlando.
...Special business cards left near the damaged vehicles contained negative messages about Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain. However, there were positive words about Sen. Hillary Clinton, Local 6's Kimberly Houk reported.
Some of the vehicles also had opened gas tanks.
Officials estimated that the vandals caused more than $10,000 in damage.
Bitter Bill To Talk To Hopey
Within the next couple of days, Barack and the crybaby will have a heart-to-heart:
Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe assured CNN’s Candy Crowley that former President Bill Clinton and presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama will be discussing Clinton’s role in the campaign within the next two days.
“I believe that in the next 24 to 48 hours they will talk and off we will go,” McAuliffe stated on Sunday’s Late Edition.
Wes Clark On John McCain
Sen. Unicorn's newest bff, Gen. Wesley Clark, pissed a bunch of people off yesterday by saying the elderly John McCain is a pretend war hero who was also a shitty pilot.
From Politico:
Clark said that McCain lacked the executive experience necessary to be president, calling him “untested and untried” on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” And in saying so, he took a few swipes at McCain’s military service.
After saying, "I certainly honor his service as a prisoner of war. He was a hero to me and to hundreds of thousands and millions of others in the armed forces, as a prisoner of war," he added that these experiences in no way qualify McCain to be president in his view:
“He has been a voice on the Senate Armed Services Committee. And he has traveled all over the world. But he hasn't held executive responsibility. That large squadron in the Navy that he commanded — that wasn't a wartime squadron,” Clark said.
“I don’t think getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to become president.”
Special Ops Stepped Up In Iran
A good read from The New Yorker:
Clandestine operations against Iran are not new. United States Special Operations Forces have been conducting cross-border operations from southern Iraq, with Presidential authorization, since last year. These have included seizing members of Al Quds, the commando arm of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, and taking them to Iraq for interrogation, and the pursuit of “high-value targets” in the President’s war on terror, who may be captured or killed. But the scale and the scope of the operations in Iran, which involve the Central Intelligence Agency and the Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC), have now been significantly expanded, according to the current and former officials. Many of these activities are not specified in the new Finding, and some congressional leaders have had serious questions about their nature.
Read Woodward's Bush at War trilogy and you can see where this going.
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