Westboro Not Going Anywhere According To Crazy Rant On Site

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About a month ago, Towleroad speculated about a Westboro Baptist Church mass suicide because of a cryptic blog entry that went a little something like this:

We are particularly urgent about it, because the time is shortly to come when we will grant you your wicked wish, Doomed america! Your smart-assed pundits and foul-mouthed politicians have for years told us to pack up and leave if we don’t like this filthy little cancerous boil on the butt of the earth. You all think you’re so clever that you can come up with such cutesy little quips. You’re collectively so Bible dumb that you don’t know what you’re saying. So let me help you out.

...We gotta go, peeps! We gotta go! And when we do, it’s time for this filthy nation to receive of all the plagues that your Creator has promised. The reason there is such urgency in those words … such passion in the irresistible call from our Saviour, Husband, and Friend … is because when that time comes for this rebellious nation – which is spiritually called Babylon and has become literally Babylon by the inexplicable and forcible snatching of that Mesopotamian land where ancient Babylon sat – it is going to be very fast and very violent, such that all mankind is utterly and simply amazed.


Alas, this is not the case. Atleast according to Westboro's blog section in an email answering session:

A few web sites are claiming you guys are going to do a mass suicide because of the April 4 field report. What do you think about waht they’re saying? Here are some excerpts:

From Gossip Boy:
A cryptic blog post on the Westboro Baptist Churchs website hints that their mission is coming to an end, as full darkness invades America, and they are ready to end their fight and depart. Generally, when cults start talking this way, someone is in the kitchen mixing up Kool Aid.

From Towleroad:
Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church recently left a blog post that has some wondering if the extremist group is planning a mass suicide (a la Jonestown). A little excerpt from the post (link goes to WBC blog) written in their typical hag-alect:

Kansas Watch:
But in today’s posting on Fred Phelps’ and family’s blog, they kind of sound like they are planning to leave this mortal coil.

Justin


And the answer:


I say first: This is wishful thinking and standard slander. It means nothing.

I say second: I am late in responding because I was at K-State picketing General David Patraeus. If you check out our schedule of coming pickets (in less than 12 hours I hit the road for Hartford, CT and Cambridge/Boston, MA) - that schedule is almost enough to make me tired just looking at it. My point being - WHY NOW would anyone think that we would do anything as disobedient and lawless as murder?

I say third: That excellent field report says nothing different than we have been telling you for a long time. Today our exit out of this country feels closer than it has in the past. The truth of the matter is that GOD, IN HIS WORD, says he gave those examples in the scriptures FOR OUR EXAMPLE and FOR OUR LEARNING and FOR OUR COMFORT, it says, upon whom the ends of the world have come. There is a VAST body of scripture that speaks to these last hours of the last days of all. So even as Noah preached to the world and THEN GOT ON THE ARK JUST BEFORE THEIR DESTRUCTION CAME, the Doomed Ante-diluvium world and even as LOT preached to and then LEFT Doomed Sodom et al, and their destruction came and likewise when Moses and the Children of Israel PREACHED TO and then LEFT Egypt at which point God destroyed the MOST POWERFUL ARMY in the world in that day (from which Egypt NEVER recovered), etc. etc., we preach to Doomed america. Now, there are three things we hear from brutish Doomed americans, and in this order, to wit: 1. God loves everyone; 2. There is NO God and 3. If you don’t like america . . . if america is Doomed . . . if you think we are this or that, etc. . . . THAN GET THE F#@& OUT!!

SWEET!

...That 144,000 Jews are going to put away the lies of the house of Israel about Christ and who he is and so forth, and they are going to serve God in truth, and WE are going to help them! YAY!! Stay tuned Justin! The day is coming when you will see the flip of what Paul did. He told those stiff-necked and rebellious Jews that he was DONE with them, that God had sent him now to the Gentiles to call out a people for his name, and at Romans 11, Paul makes it CRYSTAL clear that when the fullness of the Gentiles be come in, that God is going to return to the Jews and save a remnant of them and that day is fast approaching! I cannot tell you how thankful I will be when we are through talking to this nation of truly STUPID rebels against God (and you have NO cause!).

We have a most glorious new task, and it is going to be amazing. There are going to be two things that those Jews are going to do in response to this call that we are going to put forth now, WITH a vengeance (you know we will ) and so we must look to the scriptures to see it. Because those Jews are likened by the prophet Jeremiah to Figs - REALLY GOOD figs or REALLY, REALLY BAD or EVIL figs - SO BAD AND EVIL that you cannot eat them or you will die! Plus - the beat the crap out of Paul and at one point they left him for dead and HELLO, THEY KILLED CHRIST!! Our personal experience with them is that they are mean and vicious and violent!!

...Now I must ask you - WHY IN THIS WORLD would we consider anything short of running to this battle as FAST as our little legs will carry us!!

As for that cryptic lie - YIKES!! We are about as plain spoken as words can be - GOD HATES FAGS AND THEIR ENABLERS . . . . . . . . . . . . .THEREFORE . . . . . . . . . . . . . america IS DOOMED!!! YAY!!!

Thanks!


Wow. Just.....wow.

It's Over

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And our Faerie King, Lambo Cockrissian, lost.

A few reax worth reading here and here.

THIS one from Jim David @ HuffBlow (of course) takes the cake:


The best singer didn't win a freaking singing contest.

When Kris Allen defeated Adam Lambert as the Season 8 "American Idol," it was, as predicted, a seismic upset. The Chicago Sun-Times said, "David slayed Goliath." Endless bloggers posted reactions like "The biggest robbery since Bush stole the election" and "The end of American Idol's last hope at relevance."

Everyone, from the judges to Google to Yahoo to the Vegas odds makers, predicted a Lambert victory. They were right, and everyone knows it. In the end homophobia won, and everyone knows it.

Yes, homophobia is alive and well, which is why Lambert lost the ultimate title. Go ahead -- give me another reason. Yes, Lambert is over the top and screams a lot and is campier than Liberace at Radio City. Sure, Kris Allen is a cutie, and has pleasant enough vocals, and he's nice. But a better singer, or performer, than Lambert? Please.


Ohhhhh just wait. It gets even more maudlin:


If the contestants had zero backstory, Lambert would have decimated the competition. Instead, Allen's Christianity, church roots and corn-fed wife were exploited, as were Lambert's musical theatre roots (i.e. his 'theatre fag' history). He didn't say a word about his sexuality, but didn't need to. For that we had the Internet, zapping anyone's private photo library to the world, so photos of Lambert swapping saliva with a guy went viral, as well as a lot of his very strange yet riveting LA cabaret performances, turning off the homophobic majority.

Yes, a majority of the country is homophobic. If it weren't, gays would have had their rights back in the 90s when the Europeans got them. We wouldn't have a majority of states with a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. We wouldn't be fighting for even rudimentary domestic partnership laws in some cities and states. We wouldn't have anti-gay imbeciles like Maggie Gallagher, Peter LaBarbera, Matt Barber or the "God Hates Fags" morons getting publicity. Yep, if American weren't homophobic, Lambert would be waving to the crowds from a convertible.

...And he made, without really trying, a great leap for gays in America. The American public learned his sexuality early on and still voted for him into the finals, even if they were too scared to give him the ultimate prize. But they obviously had their limits. Perhaps if he hadn't sung his finale "Mad World" performance in that 'Basketball Diaries' cloak, which made us fear he was a misunderstood youth about to pull out a semiautomatic and open fire on the tweens in the mosh pit, he would have won.


Jim David, shut the fuck up.

Adam Lambert was never a gay contestant. He was a contestant everyone surmised to be a sodomist based on an arsenal of evidence. He never admitted to anything. He was never a gay hero, because he never said he was gay.

EW had a post-finale interview with Lambo and the following exchange occurred:

I want to just get this question out of the way first, something that's been dangling a bit over you for the whole season: Would you like to put to rest all the speculation about your sexuality?
It's not dangling over my head. [Laughing] It may be dangling over yours, but it's not over mine. Yeah, I think speculation keeps things really interesting.

So you don't want to say anything one way or the other?
Like I said, I think speculation keeps things very, very interesting. [Laughs]


See? No homophobia involved. He's not a gay.

Atleast, not an out gay. Maybe a pansexual opportunist who used a nationwide platform to promote his career rather than promote understanding and acceptance.

But Mr. David, you can't call homophobia against a guy who denies being gay.

Joe The Plumber Hates, Yet Fears Queermosexuals

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Here's a gem from everyone's favorite Intellectuel Moderne, Samuel Wurzelbacher...also known as Joe the Plumber after he dons his cape constructed of American flags stolen from librul public libraries.

From a Christianity Today interview:


Q: In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

A: At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary—it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing.


via shorts

Site Asks All 5 Gay Wal-Mart Shoppers To Stop It

Queerty exposes Arkansas resident and Wal-Mart CEO, Mike Duke, as somone who is against gay adoption! Gasp!

Now they feel the need to ask gay men to refrain from buying Wrangler jeans or those fancy Puritan dress shirts.

Ugh:

Their prices may be low, but Wal-Mart's support of discrimination appears to be through the roof. Thanks to the site KnowThyNeighbor.org, the signers of an Arkansas petition to limit adoption only to married couples (effectively denying adoption to gays, who cannot legally marry) are now available for all to see. Well, they always were: This data is public information, and publishing it is perfectly legal (although the scourge of anti-gay advocates). But browsing Know They Neighbor, one name in particular sticks out: Mike Duke of 16 Pinnacle Drive, Rogers, Arkansas. Yep, that's the guy who Wal-Mart just named CEO on February 1.

...Now what? Well, you can throw this evidence into yet another hat as reasons to boycott Wal-Mart, right next to "poor employee health care," "unfair labor practices," and "destroying local businesses." If Wal-Mart's chief executive supports such discrimination, buying lawn chairs, toilet paper, and clothes for your kids effectively puts dollars in Duke's pocket.

Lambo Lands In Bottom 2; Internets Outraged

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Tween girls (and fancy tween boys) realeased a collective and traumatic squeal about 8:40 EST last night when our fair Lambo Cockrissian was put in the bottom 2.

Truly, the terrorists are winning.

Here's a decent summary from Idolator:

More surprising to observers, though, was the appearance of longtime frontrunner Adam Lambert in the bottom three, alongside Giraud and Kris Allen. Was this the result of shenanigans by the producers–who want people to keep watching, even despite the widespread assumption that Lambert’s going to win this thing–or was it the first piece of evidence that a wide swath of America isn’t really into the whole Scissor Sisters/Muse/Adam Lambert axis of rock, despite poor old Randy Jackson’s claims to the contrary?


Keep in mind that last year’s winner operating in the “covers of other peoples’ covers” paradigm was actually using as his touchstone a genre of music–crummy radio mook rock–that, while being objectionable for a host of completely valid reasons, does relatively well, especially when compared to the glammy and fabulous bands that Lambert has chosen to emulate on the Idol stage. Sure, his fanbase is pretty devoted to him and he normally has amazing energy on the stage (save Tuesday’s oddly inert performance), but as other contestants drop off and their former fanbases find new horses to back, that may not be enough.


As much as it pains me, go to this site and read some of the comments, of which are full of conspiracy theories.

It's just a show, folks.

Homosexual Emodemon Horrifies Fox News

It was only a matter of time. Bill O'Reilly and the geniuses over at FOX have pegged Lambo Cockrissian as a sodomist warlock, what with the pictures of said warlock kissing another guy or a unicorn or whatever.

Pay no mind to the fact that THESE PICTURES HAVE BEEN OUT FOR MONTHS NOW.

This is what news has come to.
via Towleroad

It's Hard Out There For A Hater

We were totally going to breeze over the above ad released by the National Organization for Marriage because other sites had already covered it. But this is just too rich.

The Washington City Paper has audition tapes, dug up by the HRC, showing that mouth breathers really do have problems sounded out the King's english. Let the hilarity ensue:

Inbred Shit-troll Waddles Her Way To Washington

Westboro Baptist Church sent their members a-wassailing to the White House to express their anger against the Muslin Devil, Barack Obama. The group was led by the daughter of reknowned gay fisting porn star, Fred Phelps.

From Towleroad:


Shirley Phelps-Roper and a contingent from the Westboro Baptist Church paid a visit to the White House yesterday to pray for God to shortly destroy the "antichrist" Barack Obama. They were met by counter-protestors who far outnumbered them, according to Campus Progress.


One question: Where can we buy one of those awesome purple hoodies?

Here's some more video funnery from the event:

On Lambo's Awkward Night

Short version:

It was Grand Ole Opry week, and Adam Lambert chose Ring of Fire.

Randy Travis was the "mentor" and proceeded to try and convince America you can get AIDS and the gay from black nail polish. Lambo's choice of a "Middle Eastern kind of flair" on the song did everything but push Travis to the breaking point of tying the Gay Emodemon to a fencepost in Wyoming. Watch the vid for catchy Randy Travisisms like "I don't even know what to say about this boy".

Also, we're pretty sure that was Cheeks/Brad Bell shown in the audience with the caption "ADAM'S MOM AND FRIENDS".

dlisted's Michael K went off:

Why didn't Johnny Cash appear in a ring of fire to punch Adam Lambert in the mouth and then burn that "Mad Max gone wrong" jacket over his body?! Adam's performance of "Ring of Fire" made my ring of fire (I'm putting cream on it) throb in pain. Bitch gets an A+ in trytoohardy, but if you weren't smoking some of Paula Abdul's secret recipe through a hookah, you were probably trying to figure out what the hell was going on up there. Paula was definitely the only ho who was on board with that shit. You would be too if a magic carpet appeared at your feet and flew you through Adam Lambert's boyfriend's sparkly sweater during that slaughter-filled performance.

It was like orgy music that will make your peen go limp. Speaking of, when Adam tried to bring on the sexy, I had to go to Bible.com, put my hand on the screen and pray that I never experience anything like that ever again. That being said, Adam needs to stay. Well, that glittery Shrek creature with Sonic the Hedgehog hair is at least making me feel something. The rest of those boring bores only make me crave oatmeal made with tap water.


The performance was also panned by Rolling Stone.

Sorry, Lambo Cockrissian. Try again next week.

It's A Reckoning

Condsidering the Space Jesus money poured in to the successful Cali Prop 8 agenda, it's time for retaliation:

Gay people are fed up and have learned a thing or two about mobilizing themselves -- and not just for angry rallies. Some pro-Proposition 8 folks may come to regret their not so private support of hate. And were you thinking about skiing in Utah this year? Hmmm, Colorado's looking pretty appealing these days.

Yet somehow an economic boycott doesn't feel direct enough; those who team up against gay people must learn that there are consequences.

That's why we are seeking to strip the Mormon church of its status as a religious organization. According to IRS law, "no organization, including a church, may qualify for IRC section 501(c)(3) status if a substantial part of its activities is attempting to influence legislation (commonly known as lobbying)." [Emphasis added.]

Please join our efforts and show the world that gay people -- and their friends and families -- know how to hit back. Sign this petition to support the legal effort to strip the Mormon Church of its tax-exempt status.


Again, we reiterate... SIGN THIS PETITION

It's a reckoning :

Black Community Lynches Equality

Prop 2 here in Florida was going to pass no matter what.

However, new numbers in California show that Prop 8 passed with the aide of higher black turnout:

A few people seem to be interested in whether or not the black vote was decisive.

If the following standard analysis assumptions are true the answer is probably a very close ‘no’, but at least one of the assumptions seems very possibly false and with other fairly likely assumptions the answer looks like a ‘yes’.

My assumptions are:

1. that the vote among black people was as reported (69% Yes on 8).

2. that black people make up 6.7% of the CA population

3. that black people represented a share of the votes equal to their share of the population

I further assume that 8 passes with 52% which seems the likely number at this point.

Given each 1000 voters, black people in CA represent 67 of them.

There are 520 Yes votes and 480 No votes for each 1000.

At 69%, Black voters voted 46 Yes and 21 No for each 1000.

If they voted like White voters (55% No) they would have voted 31 Yes votes and 36 No votes.

That would make the final tally 505 Yes and 495 No votes. (50.5% to 49.5%). [numbers very slightly rounded]

But this analysis is VERY sensitive to assumption #3. It appears that black people in CA may have voted in a greater share than that of their representation of the population. Right around 10% of the vote.

That would mean that given each 1000 voters black people in CA represent 100 of them.

At 69% Yes on 8 that would be 69 Yes and 31 No for each 1000. If they had voted like White voters they would have voted 45 Yes and 55 No. That would make the final vote equal 496 Yes and 504 No (proposition loses 49.6% to 50.4%).

Interestingly, at the 10% vote share level, if a small majority of black people voted against the measure it would have lost (49% Yes, 51% No gives the measure a loss at 49.9%).

Basically, if the black voter share is 10% or higher, the black vote difference from the white vote made the difference so long as the final total is at or below 52%. And if the black voter share is any higher than 10%, it made the difference even if black voters had only split 50-50 instead of the 45-55 shown in white voters.

Today's Godtube Moment

brickbat proudly brings you The Fischers, a family of musical homosexual puss demons from Outer space...or Nashville. I can't remember which one.

In their own words:

You don't believe in killing babies-Get Out and Vote! You don't believe in Gay marriage-Get Out and Vote! Don't like illegal immigration-Get Out and Vote! Don't like Slack politicians-Get Out and Vote! Stand up and be counted! IF YOU DON'T GET OUT AND VOTE--THE DEVIL WILL! There are supposed to be many more people in this country that believe in God than those that don't. So tell me, why are these ungodly minorities pushing us around and passing laws that are anti-Christ and anti-God? Because we don't stand up! If every single person that claims to believe in God were to get out there and vote for Godly values we wouldn't be sliding into such an ungodly mess! Stand up and be counted!!! For more info on this and other topics go to www.thefischers.net


Seriously, go check this shit out.

brickbat's fav parts here and here.

Fucking gold.

World Still Proves To Be A Sad Dark Place

This account via PeterPan:

Sometimes opponents of same-sex marriage will argue that we don't need legal marriage if we can get all the same things from domestic partnership, or power-of-attorney paperwork. But it is not the same thing, as these true stories tragically illustrate:

...Just ask Bill Flanigan. Bill’s partner of five years, Robert Daniel, was admitted in critical condition to a Baltimore shock trauma center because of complications arising from AIDS. The two were on a family trip from California on their way to visit Bill’s sister in the Washington, D.C. area. Bill followed Robert’s ambulance to the hospital and rushed into the critical care unit. When he arrived, he asked to see Robert and confer with his doctors. Staff members shut him out. They said that only family could visit, and Bill didn’t count.

But, Bill insisted, what about my durable power of attorney for health care decisions? What about the fact that we are registered as domestic partners? (Bill and Robert carried around with them all the legal documentation they could to make sure their relationship would be respected.) The staff paid these things no mind. They let other patients’ family members in and out of critical care throughout the night, while Bill waited. He was never permitted to make the physicians aware of Robert’s wishes not to have life-prolonging treatment, and he was kept from Robert’s side. The nightmare the couple had tried to make sure would never happen came to pass.

Bill was allowed to see Robert only after Robert’s sister and mother arrived, hours later. By that time, Robert was unconscious, his eyes taped shut and a breathing tube – something Robert specifically did not want – down his throat. Robert died a few days later, without the two men ever having a chance to say goodbye.

UpWord via PP

Michael Savage: Big Time Cum Whore

From Gawker:

Michael Savage, the fag hating radio host who thinks autism is the parents' fault, may seem like your typical blustery foaming-at-the-mouth neocon piece of shit. But Radar suggests that that's not necessarily so. I mean, yes, he's a neocon piece of shit, but one with a hippie past. Well, enough of a hippie/beatnik past to have been friends with Howl scribe and confirmed sodomite Allen Ginsberg. They wrote letters, long ago in the animal soup of time when Savage was Michael Weiner:

Dear Allen:

After speaking to you on the phone about how nice the black-white thing is in mountain villages in Fiji, I walked downstairs to the school courtyard, where a little-known black brother looks at me, takes my hand gently, we do some old-world Lower East Side finger tricks, and he peacefully kisses the back of my hand—I do the same for his hand. I told him about our brief talk, and he says, "I must have felt the vibes."

Michael Weiner

Radar also mentions a rumored-about photo of Ginsberg and Savage swimming naked together in the balmy waters off of Fiji. Oh hoooooo. Were he alive today, I wonder what Ginsberg would say about this batshit zealot who was once his friend, long ago. Probably something about the best minds of his generation being destroyed by madness. I'm with you in Rockland, Allen.

Good Riddance

Jesse Helms is dead.

Nothing he has said need be repeated. He was a miserable old fuck filled with poisonous vitriol.




PS: Fuck you, Billy Graham.

Rappers Intimidated By Emo Penises That Are Larger Than Theirs

From Village Voice:

If clothes make the man, do tight clothes make the man a homosexual? A Brooklyn-based rap group thinks the current trend in hip-hop—medium tees and sagging jeans cinched tightly below the hips—is causing some confusion. And they are not alone.

Members of the rap group Thug Slaughter Force—three brothers and two friends calling themselves Drama, Filthy, Tempa, Rebel, and Blanco the Don—walk the streets of Brooklyn in XL T-shirts with the words "Tight Clothes" slashed through with a red stripe: their message of protest against what they see as the move away from traditional baggy clothing and toward tighter-fitting outfits in today's hip-hop. The "No Tight Clothes" campaign is their latest idea in a decade of trying to make it in the rap game.

"Where'd you get that shirt from?" yells Elijah Bilal, sitting outside Lalove Uniform on Fulton Street. "Bring me one!" the 40-year-old adds, and then offers a reporter his own observation about the direction of hip-hop attire: "The tight clothes—what, the boys is gay now? Boys walking around thinking they girls, girls walking around thinking they boys . . . No wonder all the girls are dating girls—because the boys are gay!"

"The Drill Presses Of Temptation"

Jesus' General writes an open letter to homophobic bigot, Principal Daphne Beasley:

Dear Principal Beasley,

Kudos to you for attempting to address the problem of public displays of affection in our schools. With the exception of the soul-crushing rules preventing our children from worshiping or bearing arms in the classroom, exposure to handholding and kissing is the biggest threat students face in our schools.

Your solution--asking teachers to report suspected couples so you can prominently posts their names on your office wall--is a great first step. It grants the rest of the student body an opportunity to join in the war against love by providing them with the means to implement traditional methods of expressing social disapproval (gossip, teasing, etc).

More importantly, as I'm sure you learned when you used your list to out a homosexual couple, your solution subtly invites your more heterovangelically inclined students to employ the counseling method most preferred by the American Family Association: repeated applications of the heavy steel-toed boots of peer pressure.

But I have to ask you, what about those who engage in semi-public displays of auto-affection? I'm talking about the guy who gets a little bit too excited sitting next to the cheerleader in homeroom and then runs to the restroom to rub a quick one off before second period and the guy in metal shop whose tensile strength steadily increases as he watches the drill press going slowly going up and down and he's hears the blurp blurp blurp of lubrication oil being dispensed on the hot bit's face? You know in five minutes he'll be hiding himself in a welding booth, his hand in his coveralls frenetically attempting to apply enough flux to properly puddle his bead.

What are you doing about those guys? Are you posting lists of suspected masturbaters on your bulletin boards? Are your bulletin boards even large enough to do that?

I hope you're giving it some thought.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically acceptable kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Beasley can be contacted here .

via Jesus' General