It's Over

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And our Faerie King, Lambo Cockrissian, lost.

A few reax worth reading here and here.

THIS one from Jim David @ HuffBlow (of course) takes the cake:


The best singer didn't win a freaking singing contest.

When Kris Allen defeated Adam Lambert as the Season 8 "American Idol," it was, as predicted, a seismic upset. The Chicago Sun-Times said, "David slayed Goliath." Endless bloggers posted reactions like "The biggest robbery since Bush stole the election" and "The end of American Idol's last hope at relevance."

Everyone, from the judges to Google to Yahoo to the Vegas odds makers, predicted a Lambert victory. They were right, and everyone knows it. In the end homophobia won, and everyone knows it.

Yes, homophobia is alive and well, which is why Lambert lost the ultimate title. Go ahead -- give me another reason. Yes, Lambert is over the top and screams a lot and is campier than Liberace at Radio City. Sure, Kris Allen is a cutie, and has pleasant enough vocals, and he's nice. But a better singer, or performer, than Lambert? Please.


Ohhhhh just wait. It gets even more maudlin:


If the contestants had zero backstory, Lambert would have decimated the competition. Instead, Allen's Christianity, church roots and corn-fed wife were exploited, as were Lambert's musical theatre roots (i.e. his 'theatre fag' history). He didn't say a word about his sexuality, but didn't need to. For that we had the Internet, zapping anyone's private photo library to the world, so photos of Lambert swapping saliva with a guy went viral, as well as a lot of his very strange yet riveting LA cabaret performances, turning off the homophobic majority.

Yes, a majority of the country is homophobic. If it weren't, gays would have had their rights back in the 90s when the Europeans got them. We wouldn't have a majority of states with a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. We wouldn't be fighting for even rudimentary domestic partnership laws in some cities and states. We wouldn't have anti-gay imbeciles like Maggie Gallagher, Peter LaBarbera, Matt Barber or the "God Hates Fags" morons getting publicity. Yep, if American weren't homophobic, Lambert would be waving to the crowds from a convertible.

...And he made, without really trying, a great leap for gays in America. The American public learned his sexuality early on and still voted for him into the finals, even if they were too scared to give him the ultimate prize. But they obviously had their limits. Perhaps if he hadn't sung his finale "Mad World" performance in that 'Basketball Diaries' cloak, which made us fear he was a misunderstood youth about to pull out a semiautomatic and open fire on the tweens in the mosh pit, he would have won.


Jim David, shut the fuck up.

Adam Lambert was never a gay contestant. He was a contestant everyone surmised to be a sodomist based on an arsenal of evidence. He never admitted to anything. He was never a gay hero, because he never said he was gay.

EW had a post-finale interview with Lambo and the following exchange occurred:

I want to just get this question out of the way first, something that's been dangling a bit over you for the whole season: Would you like to put to rest all the speculation about your sexuality?
It's not dangling over my head. [Laughing] It may be dangling over yours, but it's not over mine. Yeah, I think speculation keeps things really interesting.

So you don't want to say anything one way or the other?
Like I said, I think speculation keeps things very, very interesting. [Laughs]


See? No homophobia involved. He's not a gay.

Atleast, not an out gay. Maybe a pansexual opportunist who used a nationwide platform to promote his career rather than promote understanding and acceptance.

But Mr. David, you can't call homophobia against a guy who denies being gay.

Good Luck, Lambo Cockrissian

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Today's Anti-Paultard Video

From the description:

We, at the cult of Ron Paul, discuss the vile conspiracy that prevented the good Dr. Paul from taking his rightful place in the white house. We discuss Dr. Paul's broad base of support and the complete media black against him perpetrated by the evil NWO.

Today's Paultard Video

Again with the tiniest hobbit.

We'd stop mocking if he's stop videoing. Or whatever that word would be.

From the description:

twitter me twitter.com/robertwanek

my president is fascist he wants me to serve thats the bottom line respect he can't earn.


via Middle-earth

BREAKING NEWS: brickbat Endorses Missouri

The alternate title of this post was "Chuck Baldwin And This Douche Are Gold-humping, Ron Paul-fetishist Jewbeasts."

From (giggle) Chuck Baldwin:

Thanks to a concerned Missouri state policeman, a nationally syndicated radio talk show host stated that he was alerted last week to a secret Missouri state police report that categorized supporters of Congressman Ron Paul, Bob Barr, and myself as "'militia' influenced terrorists." The report, he said, "instructs the Missouri police to be on the lookout for supporters displaying bumper stickers and other paraphernalia associated with the Constitutional, Campaign for Liberty, and Libertarian parties."

Ignoring the threat of Muslim terrorists, the Missouri Information Analysis Center (MIAC) report focuses on the so-called "militia movement" and "conflates it with supporters of Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin, Bob Barr, the so-called patriot movement and other political activist organizations opposed to the North American Union and the New World Order."


Good...because you people are fucking nuts.

Let's read on:

The Columbia Daily Tribune also carried the story last Saturday. It quoted Missouri resident Tim Neal of Miller County. "When Neal read the report, he couldn't help but think it described him. A military veteran and a delegate to the 2008 Missouri Republican state convention, he didn't appreciate being lumped in with groups like the Neo-Nazis.

"'I was going down the list and thinking, "Check, that's me,"' he said. 'I'm a Ron Paul supporter, check. I talk about the North American union, check. I've got the "America: Freedom to Fascism" video loaned out to somebody right now. So that means I'm a domestic terrorist? Because I've got a video about the Federal Reserve?'"


Yes, it does.




And with that, we bring you a very special Today's Paultard Video:



via here and Columbia Daily Tribune,

Someone Send This Fucktard To CPAC's Green Room

From Fey:

It's funny that Tyra Banks seems to think the concept of gay self-hatred is somehow shocking, fresh ground to cover, but in a "everything old is new again" way she's kind of right. This "I Hate Being Gay" episode of her show is the best, loliest thing I've seen since Bobby Jindal's response to Obama's address last night.

Even though we have similar feelings about the ickiness of both male and female anatomy and even though we both think our genitals are prettier than anybody else's (cuz of their, you know, "beautiful shape?") and even though we share a desire to be straight and lead heteronormative lives with ladies and houses and pets--although I had to get an extension on my previous "straight by 30" deadline--there is still something I don't like about this Shane character.

I think it's the hair.

Checkin' In With Chuck

Famous Republican bouncer and homosexual mutilation fetishist Chuck Norris has written yet another masterpiece for the Mexican webpamphlet WorldNetDaily:

An old Spanish proverb says, "An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy." I believe that value will hold, in or out of a recession. And being that my 87-year-old mother lived through the Great Depression, I think her value (and those like her) will actually increase through these tough economic times, because their insider wisdom can help us all.

Like in the 1930s, many today are counting on government to be the savior, but thus far all that's resulting from bailouts is a ballooning repayment schedule – just like back then. Fox News recently highlighted that the total federal outlays in 1929 were $3.1 billion (less than 3 percent of GDP). By 1940, they tripled to $9.5 billion (10 percent of GDP). Worse still, the total federal debt mushroomed fom $17 billion in 1929 (16 percent of GDP) to $43 billion in 1940 (44 percent of GDP). And yet, unemployment remained at 15 percent.


Snoozer, right?

Wrong.

Read a little further and find out why we really are a nation of whiners. Have you ever wiped your ass with a magazine in an outhouse? Better yet, have you ever seen one of these outhouses? Didn't think so, liberal fags:

Like with most, Mother's family didn't have running water or electricity. And Granny Scarberry did her best to keep the outhouse clean, with Grandpa helping through his regular deposits of lye to control the odors. (You can imagine how the hot, humid Oklahoma summers turned that outside commode into one small-closet-sized smelly sauna.) A "scavenger wagon" would come by once a week and clean out the hole. It had a small chair-like contraption over it with the hole punched out of the center. (They once had a two-seater in there, which allowed for two people to enjoy one another's company and conversation – mom told me that she always felt a little upper class when she sat with someone else.) By the way, and I'm not trying to be crude, toilet tissue wasn't around, so they used a Montgomery Ward catalogue. (And you wondered why the catalog was so thick?) No joke – they preferred the non-glossy pages. I'll let you figure out why.

Got the picture?


Yes. Chuck Norris' mother hates Capitalism™.

The rest of the article includes healthy tips from Mother on how to make the best of being a hobo the end.

Known Hilltard Now Controls Sodomist Hive Mind

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So there's this really rich lady bitter who owns a bunch of gay pamphlets that people apparently purchase.

Now he owns all bathhouses, BRAVO, J.D. Ordonez, the Log Cabin Republicans, and the word "fabulous":

Paul Colichman, the whiny queer version of Rupert Murdoch, has finalized his latest additions to his list of gay media holdings. The Regent Entertainment chief, who already owns Out, The Advocate, and the mostly invisible here! TV network, now has an 80 percent stake in PlanetOut Inc. in the newly branded company Here Media, giving him control of HIVPlus magazine, Alyson Books, and websites including Advocate.com, Out.com, HIVPlusMag.com, OutTraveler.com, GayWired.com, SheWired.com, PlanetOut.com, and Gay.com. Score one for gay media — or score one for yet another media conglomerate gobbling everything up in some senseless stab at synergy while the people who suffer are the consumers?

Westboro Baptist Really Needs To Stick To Bake Sales

Monday, a few mouth breathers from Fred Phelp's Westboro Baptist Church, a famous homosexual bathhouse in Kansas, staggered their way to Silverton, Oregon to protest some tranny mayor.

From Jesus' General:

America's favorite spiritual family, Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Clan, came to Silverton, Oregon on Monday, November 24th, 2008, spreading the good news that God hates Silvertonians (having earlier visited Portland and Tigard to share the news that the lord cannot stand Portlanders and the country of Finland). The Mayor of Silverton (Stu Rasmussen) is transgender, and that ticks off the deity but good. Alas, the Lord had other commitments and could not deliver His condemnation in person: instead, He who is the One True God chose to delegate the job of sharing His bellicosity to one man and three young women from Kansas who had some free time. The God of the Israelites is one mysterious dude, and His hiring practices are opaque. He is nothing if not the King of "Go Figure."


Our fave images from the event here:

Toothless

On Props 8, 2, etc. : Where was the HRC?

We've never been a fan, and today Sully succinctly sums up his disdain:

You will notice that the website of the biggest gay rights group in the country has one single mention - it's a blog about a celebrity, of course - of the massive protests that occurred for marriage equality across the country yesterday. (A letter from Joe Solmonese tells us to be nice.) You will also notice that a handful of young non-professionals were able to organize in a few days what HRC has been incapable of doing in months or years. You will know from brutal experience that in the two decades of serious struggle for marriage equality, the Human Rights Campaign has been mostly absent, and when present, often passive or reactive.

...They will argue that this was a state, not a federal, measure. Sure - but its implications were obviously national, as protests in almost every state revealed. They are supposed to have "expertise" - but the ads that ran in No on 8 were the usual fearful, focus-group driven, conviction-free pap. So in the biggest national struggle in the history of gay civil rights, this organization - which has vacuumed money from the gay community for years - were by-standers. Why is that not a scandal?

How many struggles do we have to wage with these people always, always failing to lead - before we demand accountability and reform? Losing a battle this important should mean, at least, the rolling of some heads. Or we have no accountability at all. What are we: the Bush administration?

Updos For Obama

Yes, it's gotten to this point:

I got this evite from Medusa, a Park Slope hair salon on Seventh Avenue near 1st Street, on 7th Ave and 1st Street, where they are planning to have a Sarah Palin factory up and running for about 4 hours on October 18th. For $75 you can have a Sarah Palin updo...

For $75 the Sarah Palin updo is yours and places you in the running to win best Sarah Palin look-a-like. Winner claims a prize valued at over $200 and all proceeds from this event go to Obama's campaign Fund! The ladies "Submerged: Tales from the Basin" will be reading excerpts from their anthology; a book dedicated to hair (a portion of the books proceeds go to Katrina victims).

via Ben Smith

First Shot Fired In The Great Douchebag War Of 2008

Justin Timberlake complained about Ashton Kutcher's claim of starting the trucker hat trend:

“It’s funny,” Timberlake says in the new issue of Fashion Rocks magazine. “I keep hearing Ashton Kutcher say how he was responsible for trucker caps. I’ve heard him make that statement before.”

But Timberlake insists he and his William Rast fashion line partner and childhood friend Trace Ayala are the real trendsetters. “Trace and I were wearing them when we were seventeen,” Mr. SexyBack says.

Meanwhile, noone cares and the two continue to meet twice a week at the Viceroy under fictitious names to piss on each other while listening to Seal.

Needs More Craig Stevens

If you're like us, you were dying to know just how Craig Stevens and his super serious girlfriend were doing.

Here's all you wanted to know about Janine, headshots, NY, Broadway, and faggotry: