Someone Send This Fucktard To CPAC's Green Room

From Fey:

It's funny that Tyra Banks seems to think the concept of gay self-hatred is somehow shocking, fresh ground to cover, but in a "everything old is new again" way she's kind of right. This "I Hate Being Gay" episode of her show is the best, loliest thing I've seen since Bobby Jindal's response to Obama's address last night.

Even though we have similar feelings about the ickiness of both male and female anatomy and even though we both think our genitals are prettier than anybody else's (cuz of their, you know, "beautiful shape?") and even though we share a desire to be straight and lead heteronormative lives with ladies and houses and pets--although I had to get an extension on my previous "straight by 30" deadline--there is still something I don't like about this Shane character.

I think it's the hair.

BREAKING NEWS: Group Lamer Than Cutters Exists!!!

Teenage girls that embed foreign objects in their skin:

Those unfortunate souls who find cutting insufficiently harmful have taken mutilation to the next level with something doctors call "self-embedding disorder." According to the Chicago Tribune, embedding is when people deliberately insert objects into their flesh, either by forcing them through wounds or by puncturing the flesh with those objects.

"Personnel at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon. One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long."

via Jezebel

Russia Hates Cutters

The happiest place on Earth is sick and tired of those emo assholes killing their buzz, so they want to outlaw tight jeans and shirts for toddlers:

Legislation is currenting being formulated in Russia to heavily regulate emo websites and ban emo and goth dress style in schools and government buildings.

The new laws are apparently being driven by fears that these "dangerous teen trends" encourage depression and suicide.

The legislation was presented last month at a hearing held by the State Durma, where critics claimed that the "negative" emo culture encourages anti-social behaviour and glorifies suicide.

Emo kids were described as teenagers who wear black, have facial piercings and black hair with fringes that "cover half the face", reports The Guardian.

Rappers Intimidated By Emo Penises That Are Larger Than Theirs

From Village Voice:

If clothes make the man, do tight clothes make the man a homosexual? A Brooklyn-based rap group thinks the current trend in hip-hop—medium tees and sagging jeans cinched tightly below the hips—is causing some confusion. And they are not alone.

Members of the rap group Thug Slaughter Force—three brothers and two friends calling themselves Drama, Filthy, Tempa, Rebel, and Blanco the Don—walk the streets of Brooklyn in XL T-shirts with the words "Tight Clothes" slashed through with a red stripe: their message of protest against what they see as the move away from traditional baggy clothing and toward tighter-fitting outfits in today's hip-hop. The "No Tight Clothes" campaign is their latest idea in a decade of trying to make it in the rap game.

"Where'd you get that shirt from?" yells Elijah Bilal, sitting outside Lalove Uniform on Fulton Street. "Bring me one!" the 40-year-old adds, and then offers a reporter his own observation about the direction of hip-hop attire: "The tight clothes—what, the boys is gay now? Boys walking around thinking they girls, girls walking around thinking they boys . . . No wonder all the girls are dating girls—because the boys are gay!"

Mexican Emo Judgement Day 2008™

Thinking about wearing your sister's pants while on spring break in Acapulco? Think again.

Angry Messicans are flooding the streets looking for emo boy-kissers:

A bizarre wave of mob emo-bashings is sweeping across Mexico. The movement is being generated on message boards and social networking sites by non-emo youth who highly dislike like the emo look and attitude.

The spark came first in Queretaro on March 7. An estimated 800 young people poured into the city's Centro Historico hunting for emos to beat the crap out of. They found some. The next weekend it spread to Mexico City, where emos faced off against punks and rockabillies at the Glorieta de Insurgents, the epicenter of emo social space in the capital. There's also been reports of anti-emo violence in Durango, Colima, and elsewhere.



Now the emus are fighting back, presumably by throwing hair brushes or razors that were already lodged in their arms.

via Intersections

Today's Hilltard Video

I have no idea what's more offensive. The images used in the video, or the music itself.

Thanks A Lot Al Gore

The intertubes just got a little crazier. There's this webtard with a blog called 90 Day Jane. In 90 days Jane will commit suicide. And she's going to blog about it until the deed is done:

In three months (83 days now), Jane is going to commit suicide, and meantime she'll write a daily essay with an admittedly neat look at one aspect of suicide. On Day 90 she said she wouldn't change her way of life. On Day 89 she wondered why movie suicides shave their heads. Day 88 she figured she won't pack up her belongings for her family; Day 87 was reactions-to-the-thousands-of-readers day, and on Day 86 she shopped for a suicide dress. There was video.

The version on her blog is disabled, but here's the updated video of 90 Day Jane in the changing room




Here's a nugget from Day 84:

I don't really like holidays too much. Besides the fact that they are very commercial, I hate the expectation that goes along with them. I always feel like I'm "supposed" to have a good time.

Obviously, this is the kind of attitude that got me here in the first place. I'm tired of being the sole member of my own Dateless Wonder Club. So, in the spirit of living my remaining life to the fullest, I said yes. I mean, what have I got to lose right? He seems nice, and there's a sense of perspective in the futility of a Valentine date without a future.

I just hope he's not looking for anything long-term.

Oh, Jane. You slay me.

Meanwhile this fuck is still planning on living long past teh cockaroaches. Such is life.


via Gawker and 90 Day Jane

It's My Primary and I'll Cry If I Want To

Hillary isn't the only Clinton who can cry on cue. Remember this?



via Sully

Emo-Hillary Cries Again

Today at an event in New Haven, Connecticut, Emo-Hillary cried again. Just like the day before New Hampshire:

Penn Rhodeen, who was introducing Clinton, began to choke up, leading Clinton's eyes to fill with tears, which she wiped out of her left eye. At the time, Rhodeen was saying how proud he was that sheepskin-coat, bell-bottom-wearing young woman he met in 1972 was now running for president.

"Well, I said I would not tear up; already we're not exactly on the path," Clinton said with emotion after the introduction.



Here's to hoping she has a good reason to cry tomorrow night.

via The Swamp

OMGEEZ!!! THEY'RE GONNA FIGHT TO THE DEATH...Oh, Wait

Last night, there was a much anticipated one-on-one debate between Kenyan terrorist dude Barack Obama and Emo-Hillary. The MSM was hyping this as a contentious showdown with plenty of bloodletting that would splinter the Dem Party.

Yeh, about that:



Oh. Somewhere after the debate, Chris Matthews locked himself in a bathroom and cried like a little baby.

Listen, I don't like Senator Thundercunt. Can't stand her. But this was really nice to see:


Only one last piece of business to take care of as this cordial debate ends. Barack's got to knock down criticism of the blown-out-of-all-reasonable-proportion State of the Union snub! And so, Obama attempts courtliness, stopping to help Clinton from her chair, enjoying a friendly embrace, and then - just so that silver fox Claire McCaskill doesn't get too jealous - a few platonic pats on the back. Detente!




Barry, ever the gentleman. And this is what one HuffPo commenter had to say:

lindalee
Helping Hillary or any able-bodied woman from a chair is sexist, condescending - and in this case, completely calculated. It was a reminder that she is a woman, thus inferior and weak - and she needs a big strong, superior man to help her navigate. BS! Thus was a political move and women should be offended.

I have often said that kissing and hugging the female politicians is the same thing... INAPPROPRIATE! They are supposed to be equals and shaking hands should be the rule

To which I reply....



via HuffPo

Crazy Tom Cruise Also A Sucker

I have conflicting emotions.

One one hand, I'm still emo over Heath, so anyone trying to take advantage of his death by posing as his father to get free schwag and condolences from movie stars disgusts me.

On the other, when it's Tom Cruise involved, that....that's just fucking gold:

Heath Ledger's father set about the sad task of gathering personal effects today from his son's SoHo apartment.

Kim Ledger, a race-car driver, was spotted today outside the apartment where his son died last week. He arrived in New York on a flight from LA yesterday.

While Ledger visited the apartment, police were still trying to find a twisted impostor pretending to be the grieving father. The imposter cruelly duped superstar Tom Cruise into consoling him over the phone - and nearly got John Travolta to buy him a plane ticket to the United States, sources told The Post.

To which Tommy replied:



via NY Post

Catching Up on Paultardery

Emo Paultard Lisps Lists Reasons for Supporting his Overlord

Emo-Hillary NH Victory Speech

Emo-Hillary Follows Trail of Tears to NH Victory

photo via AP

Good for you. That crying thing worked.

Just hope you don't expect to use the same strategy in Nevada. Boys don't cry, and niether do prostitutes on a 14 hour shift.

"Ewwwww, the black man won't let me be President. I totes called dibs back in the 90's. Wah Wah Wah."

Hillary, when it's 7am on a Tuesday and you have an obese Chinese businessman breathing down the back of your neck screaming "Yeehar, Yeehar!!!!" then you can cry. Otherwise, STFU.

via NY Times

No 9urprises 11ere

MSNBC wanted to know if 9udy 11uliani ever teared up, you know, like emo-Hillary. And guess what he says?



Take a shot.

John Edwards is Kinda a D-Bag

Hey, remember when Hillary went all emo and cried yesterday?

Well John Edwards, the man who has spent the last three years getting everyone to cry about his wife's tatas, decided to use the opportunity to take a jab at her:

I think what we need in a commander-in-chief is strength and resolve, and presidential campaigns are tough business, but being president of the United States is also tough business.

I'm not sure if Hillary cried as a calculated move to prove she actually has a heart, or if the sudden realization of losing this election has set in. Either way, it was a pretty shitty thing to say, John boy.

Let's see how chipper you are February 5th.

via ABC.