Jeebus to Kick Muhammad's Ass

One interesting aspect of the GOP nomination race is the tough guy competition (which thank Gawd replaces the swimsuit competition).

Mccain will follow UBL to "the gates of hell."




But look out WALNUTS! King of Iowa Christians and Subway enthusiast Mike Huckabee wants to be a little more inclusive in his useless rhetoric:

Asked whether the American commanders on the scene were right in not attacking the Iranian boats, Mr Huckabee said he backed their decisions, before warning Iran: "Be prepared, first, to put your sights on the American vessel. And then be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of Hell, because that is exactly what you will see after that."


Huck also added that his son David will be sent to Iran to hang every canine.

via Times Online

Local Myspace Doucheteen Arrested

Some 14-year-old doucheteen from Crestview was charged Tuesday for sending a threat through Teh Myspace:

“So why don’t you take your ‘gangster’ (expletive) and get the (expletive) out of my family! Also if I see or hear about you touching or even looking at her your (expletive) is mine boy,” the message continued.

Hmm. When I was in school, we said that shit to each others' faces.

*pssst* ......no paper trail that way, asshole.

via NWF Daily News

WAR ON XMAS CONTINUES

Just when we thought that the War on Xmas was behind us, some treetard keeps the aggression going.

A man in Niceville (which is totes an inaccurate name. Every time i've been there, I've met nothing but asshole blue hairs) claims someone is placing Xmas trees on his lawn. Now the police are involved.

Ohhhhhhh, the humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!

via NWF Daily News

Blackwater Cool with Killing Non-Brown People Too

Capt. Kincy Clark with 2005 photo showed a Blackwater helicopter releasing CS gas at a checkpoint in Baghdad.


Blackwater, known for it's delicate and diplomatic handling in the Iraq War, dropped CS gas over a Baghdad checkpoint back in May of 2005.

Only 1 problem.

Our American soldiers were there:

“This was decidedly uncool and very, very dangerous,” Capt. Kincy Clark of the Army, the senior officer at the scene, wrote later that day. “It’s not a good thing to cause soldiers who are standing guard against car bombs, snipers and suicide bombers to cover their faces, choke, cough and otherwise degrade our awareness.”


via NY Times

Kerry to Place Loser Hex on Obama

Barry's been waiting for endorsements. Mr. Gore, maybe?

Nope. 2004 Demrat loser extrordinairre John Kerry.

via AP

Stuttering Paultard Scares Me

Dr. RuPaul needs to start using sugarless drug-laced Kool Aid.

Obama's Kenyan Roots

A Moment with Betty Butterfield

Today's Godtube Moment

What's uncooler than Godtube? A Godtube music video about Mike Huckabee.

Bush Still President, Planning on Doing Things

While the US Student Body Presidential elections are going on, the current SBP has about 12 months to get something accomplished, besides this.

So, where's Waldo off to? The Middle East!

W is on a week long visit to the region, making his first stop Israel, which is the first time he's been as President.

I don't really blame him. I'm a procrastinator too.

Good news is that he's going to blog about his adventures in the Holy Land, presumably on this laptop.

via AP

Funny Youtube Spazz

via Gawker

DBNJ: Your Serial Killer Headquarters

The Daytona Beach News Journal is now your # 1 source for news on Redneck Dexter.

They even have a special page online so you can track the movements and latest updates on a creep that shudda been in jail three years ago.

Besides pictures of victims and archived pieces on RD, they even have a definition of "serial killer" :

The definitions vary from source to source. In general, a serial killer is one who preys on people he or she does not know.

Thanks DBNJ.

And, wait!!! Oh cool!!! New home prices are down, I can get a job in nursing, AND I can find true love on truesexysingles.com.

DBNJ, the most trusted name in news. Atleast right above the Panama Shitty News Herald.

via DBNJ

9udy Headed to FL to Scare the Elderly

9udy 11uliani hasn't placed higher than 4th so far. But that's his plan. He has a "firewall" if you will. This "firewall" is Florida.

I guess he decided that the best group of people to scare into submission would be blue hairs, who already think the black orderly at their nursing home is stealing their medecine and mother of pearl necklaces.

via AP

Fredneck Wakes Up Long Enough to Pander in SC

Part-time Presidential Candidate Fred Thompson is pinning all his hopes on a South Carolina win:

I don't know of any better place to stand my ground and test my case than in South Carolina.

To be accurate, someone will be behind Thompson propping him upright.

via AP

Obama Concedes in NH

I hoped and didn't work. Now what?

Seriously, tho, never heard a concession speech like this.

Emo-Hillary NH Victory Speech

Emo-Hillary Follows Trail of Tears to NH Victory

photo via AP

Good for you. That crying thing worked.

Just hope you don't expect to use the same strategy in Nevada. Boys don't cry, and niether do prostitutes on a 14 hour shift.

"Ewwwww, the black man won't let me be President. I totes called dibs back in the 90's. Wah Wah Wah."

Hillary, when it's 7am on a Tuesday and you have an obese Chinese businessman breathing down the back of your neck screaming "Yeehar, Yeehar!!!!" then you can cry. Otherwise, STFU.

via NY Times

Scary Serial Killer Distraction

Hey, did you know there was actually a Daytona Beach News Journal? Me neither!

No matter. The DBNJ says there's a serial killer in the cultural Mecca that is known as Daytona Beach.

And that's good enough for me. I watch enough Cold Case Files and The First 48 to believe it.

That shit scares the shit out of me.

via DTNJ

DEM RESULTS!!!

CNN is fucking with me. Hillary is winning 40% to Obama's 35% for right now. But then 40-35. 40-39. 39-35. CNN apparently can't fucking add. The only thing for sure is..........

JOHN EDWARDS WINS 3rd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WALNUTS! Wins

via MSNBC

And just for the hell of it...

No 9urprises 11ere

MSNBC wanted to know if 9udy 11uliani ever teared up, you know, like emo-Hillary. And guess what he says?



Take a shot.

He's Back

Looks like he's gonna beat Mittens today in NH.

via WaPo

Ron Paul Says MLK was Pedarist

Paultard Overlord had some pretty interesting things to say about the man in newsletters he circulated in the 90's:

In the early 1990s, a newsletter attacked the "X-Rated Martin Luther King" as a "world-class philanderer who beat up his paramours," "seduced underage girls and boys," and "made a pass at" fellow civil rights leader Ralph Abernathy. One newsletter ridiculed black activists who wanted to rename New York City after King, suggesting that "Welfaria," "Zooville," "Rapetown," "Dirtburg," and "Lazyopolis" were better alternatives. The same year, King was described as "a comsymp, if not an actual party member, and the man who replaced the evil of forced segregation with the evil of forced integration.

Ron Paul for President of Stormfront for LIFE!!!

via TNR

Powell on Obama

The man who once contemplated running for President himself gives his thoughts on Obama.

Hillary Refuses to Help Us

How can we trust her to be President if we can't trust her to help us with our laundry?

Michelle Poaches Voters from Rivals

Bill's War Against Childrens' Books

Former President / Ametuer Gynecologist Bill Clinton is frustrated at the "free pass" given to Obama:

"It is wrong that Senator Obama got to go through 15 debates trumpeting his superior judgment and how he had been against the war in every year, enumerating the years, and never got asked one time--not once, 'Well, how could you say that when you said in 2004 you didn't know how you would have voted on the resolution? You said in 2004 there was no difference between you and George Bush on the war. And you took that speech you're now running on off your Web site in 2004. And there's no difference in your voting record and Hillary's ever since.'" Mr. Clinton said at a town-hall style meeting Monday afternoon at Dartmouth College. "Give me a break. This whole thing is the biggest fairy tale I've ever seen."

Funny, I thought he was fond of fairy tails:

Bill Clinton April 24, 1992"I've said I've never broken the drug laws of my country, and that is the absolute truth."(Bill Clinton, New Orleans Times Picayune, 4/24/92)

Bill Clinton June 16, 1992"Q: If you had it to do over again, would you inhale?"A: [Bill Clinton:] Sure, if I could. I tried before."(Bill Clinton, MTV "Choose or Lose Special," 6/16/92)

or

"I have vivid and painful memories of black churches being burned in my own state when I was a child."President ClintonJune 8 1996 - national radio address

"I've never known of a black church being burned in Arkansas."John Ferguson, Director Arkansas History Commission quoted in the Frank Wolfe column June 9, 1996

via The Sun

Hillary: You're No MLK or JFK

This is how it started.

A supporter at a Hillary event says:

"Some people compare one of the other candidates to John F. Kennedy. But he was assassinated. And Lyndon Baines Johnson was the one who actually” passed the civil rights legislation.

Then Hil chimes in:

You know, today Senator Obama used President John F. Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to criticize me. He basically compared himself to our greatest heroes because they gave great speeches. President Kennedy was in Congress for 14 years. He was a war hero. He was a man of great accomplishments and readiness to be president. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. led a movement. He was gassed. He was beaten. He was jailed. And he gave a speech that was one of the most beautifully, profoundly important speeches ever written in America, the “I have a dream” speech.


So, those of you keeping score, Hillary has campaigned on:

1) inevitability
2) experience
3) change
4) the black dude who's running against me will probably be assassinated.

via NY Times

Pat Robertson at his Finest

John Edwards is Kinda a D-Bag

Hey, remember when Hillary went all emo and cried yesterday?

Well John Edwards, the man who has spent the last three years getting everyone to cry about his wife's tatas, decided to use the opportunity to take a jab at her:

I think what we need in a commander-in-chief is strength and resolve, and presidential campaigns are tough business, but being president of the United States is also tough business.

I'm not sure if Hillary cried as a calculated move to prove she actually has a heart, or if the sudden realization of losing this election has set in. Either way, it was a pretty shitty thing to say, John boy.

Let's see how chipper you are February 5th.

via ABC.

Obama on Republicans

Hiwawy Sad :(

Hillary breaks down at a NH coffee house.

Signs of Desperation

Come on, Bill.

Paultards Resort to Using Occult

Way to appeal to mainstream America.

Deja Vu

via Sully

Mittens has Magic Underwear in Knots

VOTE RALPH!!!

King of Iowa Christians Jabs Mittens

WALNUTS! Attacks Magic Pajama Ninja

Fave Part of the Debate

Listen to Obama near the end.

Shrillary Pretty Frustrated

Here's a clip from Saturday's ABC debate.