Morning Dump

Levi Johnston to write pop-up book about his time spent with apes.

Fundies get a new mascot.

Megan McCain's resume was posted online via an incoherent twattering.

Yet another reason to get rid of this whole Twitter thing before Ashton Kutcher is installed as a puppet emporer under the control of Skynet.

Judgement Day is closer than we thought.

The first and possibly only time we will tell someone to "take a cue from George W. Bush".

Morning (News) Dump

Obama hottie speechwriter Jon Favreau was thrown under the bus by the NY Times. The bright side is that you can now call his cell and hear the hypnotic melody that is his voicemail.

Canadian fighters intercepted a Russian bomber while President Unicorn was visiting the country. Canada has fighter jets...you learn something new every day.

U.S. set to shoot down any large sparklers North Korea launches.

With W out and BO in, Michele Bachmann has developed a terminal case of jungle fever.

Justice Dept. transforms in to Woodstock within a month of transition.

Republicans better not say shit about any cute nicknames Dems come up with in 2011.

Mittens robbed again...this time of jewelry.

W and Laura are officially hobos.

George Bush: Healer

So says freelance medical authority Bill Frist, in an Op-Ed blog entry for CNN asserting the "fact" that W has saved 10 million African lives from teh geigh cancurz:

A legacy of President George W. Bush will be that he saved 10 million lives around the world.

His critics ignore it, but name another president about whom one can say that with such certainty. It is what historians will say a decade from now looking back. Not bad for a president who leaves office with the lowest approval rating in recent memory.

The bottom line is: George Bush is a healer.

Israel Says Jump

Bush asks "how high?":

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert of Israel said Monday that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice had been forced to abstain from a United Nations resolution on Gaza that she helped draft, after Mr. Olmert placed a phone call to President Bush.

“I said, ‘Get me President Bush on the phone,’ ” Mr. Olmert said in a speech in the southern Israeli city of Ashkelon, according to The Associated Press. “They said he was in the middle of giving a speech in Philadelphia. I said I didn’t care: ‘I need to talk to him now,’ ” Mr. Olmert continued. “He got off the podium and spoke to me.”

Israel opposed the resolution, which called for a halt to the fighting in Gaza, because the government said it did not provide for Israel’s security. It passed 14 to 0, with the United States abstaining.

Mr. Olmert claimed that once he made his case to Mr. Bush, the president called Ms. Rice and told her to abstain. “She was left pretty embarrassed,” Mr. Olmert said, according to The A.P.

Guess Who's Coming To The White House?

Barry visited whatshisname with that wife of his who wrote the Koran:

President Bush had a "relaxed" and "friendly" meeting with President-elect Barack Obama after he and first lady Laura Bush welcomed their successors to their future home Monday, a White House spokesman said.

"The president and the president-elect had a long meeting, described by the president as good, constructive, relaxed and friendly," White House press secretary Dana Perino said in a statement. "The president enjoyed his visit with the president-elect, and he again pledged a smooth transition to the next administration."

Because They Think (Ergo KNOW) Many Americans Are This Stupid

President Awesome Beamed From Somewhere To Praise Guy He Hates

Generalissimo John McCunt Was Never Tortured

Read the whole thing from Sully:

In all the discussion of John McCain's recently recovered memory of a religious epiphany in Vietnam, one thing has been missing. The torture that was deployed against McCain emerges in all the various accounts. It involved sleep deprivation, the withholding of medical treatment, stress positions, long-time standing, and beating. Sound familiar?

According to the Bush administration's definition of torture, McCain was therefore not tortured.

Also, we missed this one by a day. But a good read.

The Iraq War Is Soooooo 2003

Finally. Something besides lameass stories about Baby Jeebus Christian/Mooslim/Space Christian Electoral SMACKDOWN 2008™ or how things are exploding wherever brown people live.

The Russians decided to liven up a slow news week bombing the shit out of Georgia:

The Russian military advanced into Georgia on two fronts Monday, heading towards cities outside the breakaway provinces that have been the centers of fighting.

From the flashpoint South Ossetia, the Russian military moved south towards the central Georgia city of Gori, Georgia said. Russia said its troops were on the outskirts of the city.

...Russian troops were also in Senaki, in western Georgia, having advanced from Abkhazia, Russian and Georgian officials said.

Russia's Interfax news agency cited an official with the Russian Defense Ministry saying troops were in Senaki to "prevent attacks by Georgian military units against South Ossetia." Senaki is home to a Georgian military base.

Meanwhile, the 2008 candidates had stuff to say.

John McCain released a really long boring geography lesson while gumming apple sauce:

"Georgia is an ancient country, at the crossroads of Eastern Europe and Central Asia, and one of the world's first nations to adopt Christianity as an official religion. After a brief period of independence following the Russian revolution, the Red Army forced Georgia to join the Soviet Union in 1922. As the Soviet Union crumbled at the end of the Cold War, Georgia regained its independence in 1991, but its early years were marked by instability, corruption, and economic crises.

Barack said stuff too while on vacation; in between windsurfing and hating America.

Trailer Released Of Oliver Stone's Horrible New Movie

Above is a sneak peek at Stone's "W", which is a movie about the greatest President of our time.

The movie will not create much buzz until about 2 months before it is released, when Richard Dreyfuss is found dead in his NY apartment from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs.

Nancy Grows A Pair

(Eat it, Rahm)

Special Ops Stepped Up In Iran

A good read from The New Yorker:

Clandestine operations against Iran are not new. United States Special Operations Forces have been conducting cross-border operations from southern Iraq, with Presidential authorization, since last year. These have included seizing members of Al Quds, the commando arm of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, and taking them to Iraq for interrogation, and the pursuit of “high-value targets” in the President’s war on terror, who may be captured or killed. But the scale and the scope of the operations in Iran, which involve the Central Intelligence Agency and the Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC), have now been significantly expanded, according to the current and former officials. Many of these activities are not specified in the new Finding, and some congressional leaders have had serious questions about their nature.

Read Woodward's Bush at War trilogy and you can see where this going.

4 More Years (of horrible speaking)

via BraveNewFilms

And You Thought It Was Over

We can all pretty much agree that President W is the most awesomest POTUS of all time. Waaaaaaaaay better than his crybaby dad.

But how awesome will President Jeb Bush be? Will he start a war with Yemen? Will he use any of W's dance moves? Will he sell America to his Mexican wife's Mexican friends in Mexico?

Let's find out why the Bush family will only be in Paraguay for about 4 years, until President WALNUTS! kicks it after a tragic Rascal accident while campaigning for re-election in 2012:

President Bush was asked by a SkyNews correspondent whether the end of his term marked the end of the Bush presidential dynasty that began with his father’s Oval Office tenure 20 years ago.

In response, Bush singled out his brother, who has often been mentioned as a possible Republican presidential contender. "Well, we've got another one out there who did a fabulous job as governor of Florida, and that's Jeb,” he said. “But you know, you better ask him whether or not he's thinking of running. But he'd be a great president."

via CNN

No Shit

No Bitter Child Left Behind

via BraveNewFilms

You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry

From WaPo:

Getting lost in the media furor over McClellan's memoir is the new autobiography of retired Lt. Gen. Ricardo S. Sanchez, the onetime commander of U.S. troops in Iraq, who is scathing in his assessment that the Bush administration "led America into a strategic blunder of historic proportions."

...Among the anecdotes in "Wiser in Battle: A Soldier's Story" is an arresting portrait of Bush after four contractors were killed in Fallujah in 2004, triggering a fierce U.S. response that was reportedly egged on by the president.

During a videoconference with his national security team and generals, Sanchez writes, Bush launched into what he described as a "confused" pep talk:

"Kick ass!" he quotes the president as saying. "If somebody tries to stop the march to democracy, we will seek them out and kill them! We must be tougher than hell! This Vietnam stuff, this is not even close. It is a mind-set. We can't send that message. It's an excuse to prepare us for withdrawal."

"There is a series of moments and this is one of them. Our will is being tested, but we are resolute. We have a better way. Stay strong! Stay the course! Kill them! Be confident! Prevail! We are going to wipe them out! We are not blinking!"

A White House spokesman had no comment.

The Appeaser Responds

Joe Biden: Pretty Awesome

Here's the angry ex-candidate responding to W comparing Hopey to Nazi appeasers:

“This is bullshit, this is malarkey. This is outrageous, for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country, to sit in the Knesset ... and make this kind of ridiculous statement.”

Leave It To Kostards

Everyone knows that one of the Bush twins got hitched over the weekend.

What you may not know is that Daily Kos used this as an opportunity to rail against W.

They post the wedding photos "Side by side with Iraqis whose special day was turned into a living hell by the father of the bride from Crawford, Texas".

Guys........come on.

251 days, 5 hours, and 11 mins until he's out.

Give it a rest.

via LGF