Camps Release 9/11 Statements

Obama:

Today, we honor the memory of the lives that were lost on September 11, 2001, and grieve with the families and friends who lost someone they loved in New York City, at the Pentagon, and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. We will never forget those who died. We will always remember the extraordinary efforts of our firefighters, police and emergency responders, and those who sacrificed their own lives on Flight 93 to protect their fellow Americans. And we give thanks for the Americans defending us every day in our communities at home, and in our military abroad.

On 9/11, Americans across our great country came together to stand with the families of the victims, to donate blood, to give to charity, and to say a prayer for our country. Let us renew that spirit of service and that sense of common purpose. Let us remember that the terrorists responsible for 9/11 are still at large, and must be brought to justice. Let us resolve to defeat terrorist networks, defend the American homeland, stand up for the enduring American values that we cherish, and seek a new birth of freedom at home and around the world.”


McCain:

No American living then should ever forget the heroism that occurred in the skies above this field on September 11, 2001. It is believed that the terrorists on United Flight 93 may have intended to crash the airplane into the United States Capitol. Hundreds if not thousands of people would have been at work in that building when that fateful moment occurred, and been destroyed along with a beautiful symbol of our freedom. They and, very possibly I, owe our lives to the passengers who summoned the courage and love necessary to deny our depraved and hateful enemies their terrible triumph.

I have witnessed great courage and sacrifice for America's sake, but none greater than the sacrifice of those good people who grasped the gravity of the moment, understood the threat, and decided to fight back at the cost of their lives.

I spoke at the memorial service for one of them, Mark Bingham. I acknowledged that few of us could say we loved our country as well as he and all the heroes of September 11 had. The only means we possess to thank them is to try to be as good an American as they were. We might fall well short of their standard, but there is honor in the effort.

In the Gospel of John it is written, 'Greater love hath no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends.' Such was their love; a love so sublime that only God's love surpasses it. I am in awe of it as much as I am in debt to it. May God bless their souls.


The 2 candidates are meeting later tonight to talk about public service or some bs.

John McCain's Latest Addition To RACERIOT 2008™

Mexicans do not like black people. They just don't. The elderly Juan McCain knows this and is using it to his advantage yet again with another negative spanishy language ad.

Translation at Hotline

BREAKING NEWS: Old People Don't Know How To Use Computers

Summary: The elderly Juan McCain is scared and confused by our technologies, while his wife can order a Peruvian AIDS baby and an assload of pills on her Blackberry in under 30 seconds.

Here's Another Way You Can Help Pay For Hope-filled Ads

You can buy this WANTED poster created by an elderly Mexican artist named "Juan McCain", of which Hopey now sells on his website.

Just for fun, they put up a video of how these posters are made in those hardworking bitter paper printing factory things. Clearly, this is pandering to those of us who grew up on Mr. Rogers.

McCain And The Sanctity Of Marriage

Here's a passage from The Real McCain:

Arriving back in the United States in 1973, McCain faced not only his own lingering injuries but also those that his wife had sustained in an automobile accident in 1969. After nine months of intensive physical therapy, he was reinstated to flight status. While stationed in Jacksonville, Florida, he was instrumental in turning around the performance of a Corsair squadron.

His marriage did not recover so well. McCain has admitted to “selfishness and immaturity” and has attributed the breakup of his marriage to his own misdeeds. He has even gone out of his way to exempt Vietnam from any blame. “The blame was entirely mine,” he said.

McCain had already met and romanced, while still married to Shepp, the woman who would be his second wife — Cindy Lou Hensley, seventeen years his junior, the only child of a wealthy Anheuser-Busch distributor from Phoenix.10 Cindy’s father, Jim Hensley, had been a World War II pilot, shot down over the English Channel. In 1955 he formed his company, Hensley & Co., now the country’s sixth-largest beer distributorship. Cindy had gone from cheerleader to rodeo queen to graduate student at University of South Carolina by the time she met McCain in 1979. A year later, McCain and his first wife were granted a divorce; six weeks later, McCain married Cindy.

via BraveNewFilms

XXX: Charlie Crist's Elevator Makeout Party

What does Gov. Charlie Crist do in his free time, when he's not fellating microphones or the elderly Juan McCain?

Make out with hot chicks in elevators, of course. Like any very straight heterosexual Republican would do:

How interested is Florida Governor Charlie Crist in being John McCain's VP runningmate? So much so that veteran GOP dirty trickster Roger Stone -- who coordinated a few dirty stunts in support of Crist during the 2006 gubernatorial campaign -- is quietly peddling a so-called "Charlie Crist sex tape." That's what Stone called it during a telephone conversation. And no, it is not a tape of Crist having sex with a guy. In fact, it isn't even X-rated. The video was seemingly staged to kill the rumors that Crist is gay. Stone claims the tape -- which he discussed recently with Politics1, but didn't show to us ("I'm saving it for the national shows") -- "shows Charlie fooling around in a hotel elevator with his girlfriend ... They're making out." Adds Stone: "It was captured on a security camera in the elevator" last month. And Stone just conveniently happens to have a copy of the hotel's elevator surveillance tape, just when Crist's name is in play for the VP spot. Hmm. As for Crist's purported girlfriend -- presuming it is the same one he took as his date to the White House Correspondents Dinner in DC a few weeks ago -- she's still married (and not to Crist). Disclaimer: Always be skeptical of anything from Stone.

If Charlie gets the veep nod, expect the DNC to have a surveillance tape of their own.

via Politics1

The Long Weekend

While we were all drinking and getting high on airplane glue over the weekend, some stuff happened:

The Hillbot 2000 was updated with a dancing chip...



A Indian-American, a Space Christian, and a gay dude walk into a ranch...

Bill Clinton once again proved that he hates his wife and her campaign...



St. Barack filled in for Ted Kennedy, who was dicking off on his elitist boat.

People Who Have Seen John McCain Naked Says He's OK

The elderly coupon enthusiast has released his medical records.

He had cancers. He takes lots of pills. He is old:

He broke both arms and a leg when he ejected and spent the next 5½ years as a prisoner of war in Hanoi. During that time, he was beaten and tortured repeatedly, suffering fractures of both shoulders. Because he received no treatment for his fractures, they healed improperly, leaving him with reduced range of motion for his shoulders, arms and right knee, Eckstein said.

McCain takes a daily aspirin to prevent formation of blood clots; an occasional Zyrtec, an antihistamine used for nasal allergies; and the sleep agent Ambien CR for treatment of insomnia when he travels.

McCain takes a daily aspirin to prevent formation of blood clots; an occasional Zyrtec, an antihistamine used for nasal allergies; and the sleep agent Ambien CR for treatment of insomnia when he travels.

The former pilot also sometimes experiences occasional dizziness when he stands, a benign condition called positional vertigo, Eckstein said.

John McCain is an elderly dizzy sleepwalking Adonis.

No Other Need Apply

Webb's GI bill passed. 75-22. Guess what elderly man had a senior moment and forgot the pyhsical location of where he worked?:

Three senators missed the vote: Tom Coburn was at a funeral, Ted Kennedy is dealing with his new diagnosis and McCain — who had spoken out against the bill for costing too much and creating a new bureaucracy -- was fundraising and campaigning in California.

B.A. Barackus saw an opportunity and took the floor:

I respect Sen. John McCain's service to our country. He is one of those heroes of which I speak. But I can't understand why he would line up behind the president in his opposition to this GI Bill.

I can't believe why he believes it is too generous to our veterans. I could not disagree with him and the president more on this issue. There are many issues that lend themselves to partisan posturing, but giving our veterans the chance to go to college should not be one of them.

WALNUTS! got really pissed and dictated a long diatribe about "the Kaiser" and not being able to use his wooden nickels at the penny arcade; all of which was written on papyrus:

It is typical, but no less offensive that Senator Obama uses the Senate floor to take cheap shots at an opponent and easy advantage of an issue he has less than zero understanding of.

...Both Senator Webb and I are united in our deep appreciation for the men and women who risk their lives so that the rest of us may be secure in our freedom. And I take a backseat to no one in my affection, respect and devotion to veterans. And I will not accept from Senator Obama, who did not feel it was his responsibility to serve our country in uniform, any lectures on my regard for those who did.

..."Perhaps, if Senator Obama would take the time and trouble to understand this issue he would learn to debate an honest disagreement respectfully. But, as he always does, he prefers impugning the motives of his opponent, and exploiting a thoughtful difference of opinion to advance his own ambitions. If that is how he would behave as President, the country would regret his election."

Then Hopey was all like:

I am proud to stand with Sen. Webb and a bipartisan coalition to give our veterans the support and opportunity they deserve. It's disappointing that Sen. McCain and his campaign used this issue to launch yet another lengthy personal, political attack instead of debating an honest policy difference. He should know that this is not about John McCain or Barack Obama — it’s about giving our veterans a real chance to afford four years of college without harming retention. Sen. Webb’s bipartisan bill will do this, and the bill that John McCain supports would not. These endless diatribes and schoolyard taunts from the McCain campaign do nothing to advance the debate about what matters to the American people.


Moral of the story:

Barack Obama is a gay liberal terrorist who was too busy being an elitist fag to work for the most awesomest company ever.

John McCain loves America, always says the Pledge of Allegiance, and is not a black Mooslim terrorist.

Jim Webb Will Kick All Their Asses At The Same Time

The elderly Juan McCain is having a BBQ this weekend for a few dozen guests at his nursing home compund in Sedona. Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney will all be there, in what looks to be a veepstakes three-legged race extravaganza that ends with a "liniment massage" contest.

Who will emerge the victor?

The Appeaser Responds

Angry John McCain

It's None Of Your Goddamned Business. Now Get Off My Lawn!!!

First Lady of Beers Cindy McCain is very rich. Not Oprah rich, but rich.

She was on the today show with suspiciously glassy eyes and responded to people who want to know how much mob money she makes:

Cindy McCain declared that she will never release her tax returns -- not during the presidential campaign, and not even if she becomes first lady. "I'm not the candidate," she said.



Howard Dean then released this statement:

"What is John McCain trying to hide? Throughout this campaign, he has acted like his own calls for openness and accountability apply to everyone but himself. Now he thinks he can bring that same double standard to the White House. Whether he is skirting the FEC, withholding his tax returns, or stocking his campaign with the same Washington lobbyists he attacks on the campaign trail, John McCain is showing that he doesn't respect the voters enough to be honest with them,” Dean said.

He continued, “John McCain may not like it, but the American people have a right to know about the well documented links between his political career and the McCains' business ventures. John McCain's refusal to meet the standard of every other candidate seeking the office is one more reason he's the wrong choice for America's future."


Then nothing happened because Cindy is super rich.

John McCain Knows Black People

El Presidente WALNUTS! wants black folk to know that he cares. He cares enough to send them this pander ad, complete with that crazy gospel music Harriet Tubman used to sing as she rocked him to sleep.

via John McCain's crazy picture box with a typewriter

Elderly McCain Loses 23 and 27% Of Last Night's Votes To People Who Are Not Running

The hoary Republican Condo Association President is still hated by his own party. Here's some numbers from last night:

Indiana:

McCain - 319,213 - 77%
Huckabee - 41,127 - 10%
Paul - 31,605 - 8%
Romney - 19,544 - 5%


North Carolina:

McCain - 380,587 - 74%
Huckabee - 62,738 - 12%
Paul - 37,089 - 7%
No Preference - 20,226 - 4%
Keyes - 13,553 - 3%


This obviously clears the way for a victorious President Dr. Congressman L. Ron Paultard!!!

Pawpaw McCain Throws Secret Service Under The Bus

McCain Declines Secret Service, Dares Assassins To Try Something

via The Onion

Elderly Republican Condo Association Preznit Thinks It's 1919

The senile Panamanian candidate would like a "League of Nations" to deal with Barack Obama's homeland of Iran.

From Americablog:

Too bad the League of Nations was disbanded in 1946 when John McCain was ten years old. Oh, and one of our commenters added this:
Reminds me of Mr. Burns at the Post Office:

"Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"



McCain then announced that he supported "freeing the negro slaves" by the year 2020.

WALNUTS! has also weighed in on what kind of Supreme Court judges he would appoint:

Republican John McCain is castigating Democrat Barack Obama for voting against John Roberts as Supreme Court chief justice.

McCain offered an olive branch to the Christian right in a speech about the kind of judges he would nominate planned for Tuesday at Wake Forest University. The far right has been deeply suspicious of McCain, the expected GOP presidential nominee, because he has clashed with its leaders and worked against them on issues like campaign finance reform.

McCain promised to appoint judges who, in the mold of Roberts and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, are likely to limit the reach of the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion.

"They would serve as the model for my own nominees if that responsibility falls to me," McCain said in his prepared speech.

via Americablog and HuffPo

Elderly Juan McCain Threw W Under The Bus

Famous Greek beard Arianna Huffington has just released a shocking revalation. It seems that eight years after the fact, she wants to tell us that both she and the elderly Juan McCain were in attendance at a liberal elitist baby-eating dinner party in LA. WALNUTS! confided in her that he did not vote for George W Bush in 2000. Neither did Cindy McVicodin, who was still fuming after W and Karl Rove had aborted their black baby in South Carolina:

At a dinner party in Los Angeles not long after the 2000 election, I was talking to a man and his wife, both prominent Republicans. The conversation soon turned to the new president. "I didn't vote for George Bush" the man confessed. "I didn't either," his wife added. Their names: John and Cindy McCain (Cindy told me she had cast a write-in vote for her husband).

The fact that this man was so angry at what George Bush had done to him, and at what Bush represented for their party, that he did not even vote for him in 2000 shows just how far he has fallen since then in his hunger for the presidency. By abandoning his core principles and embracing Bush -- both literally and metaphorically -- he has morphed into an older and crankier version of the man he couldn't stomach voting for in 2000.

via HuffPo

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Brown People!!!

The elderly Panamanian, Juan McCain, is celebrating today's drunken Messican holiday by launching his new website: Juan McCain in Espanol!!!

The new spanish language site features Pawpaw's talking points in festive jibber jabber, videos with authentic footage of the veteran fighting in the Spanish-American War, and even a spot to donate your pesos and Chiclets to help support Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™.

Somewhere, Tom Tancredo is sobbing.

via JuanMcCain/espanol

Today's Paultard Video

This Nazi Paultard has devised a brilliant scheme to wrestle the Republican nomination away from Juan McCain: Make sure all the delegates at the convention are Paultards.

Then, all that's left is to annex America, use their Cheetos-stained hands to tatoo binary ID barcodes on non-Paultards' forearms (because The Matrix will be named America's Official Movie), then force us all to create Second Life characters that will be their Second Life characters' slaves.