James Dobson Resigns

Glitter Graphics





After reading, it really makes one wonder what evil asshat is waiting in the wings to take over:

James Dobson, who stepped down as president and CEO of the Colorado Springs-based anti-gay group Focus on the Family six years ago, has resigned as chairman, the AP reports:

"Dobson notified the board of his decision Wednesday, and the 950 employees of the Colorado Springs, Colo.-based ministry were informed Friday morning at a monthly worship service, said Jim Daly, the group's president and chief executive officer. Dobson, 72, will continue to host Focus on the Family's flagship radio program, write a monthly newsletter and speak out on moral issues, Daly said. Dobson's resignation as board chairman 'lessens his administrative burden' and is the latest step in a succession plan, the group said."

Said Dobson: "One of the common errors of founder-presidents is to hold to the reins of leadership too long, thereby preventing the next generation from being prepared for executive authority, though letting go is difficult after three decades of intensive labor, it is the wise thing to do."

GLAAD President Neil Giuliano released a statement in response to the news: "For more than 20 years, James Dobson has used his expansive, well-funded media platform to promote defamatory and false information about the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. As Dobson resigns from his role as chairman, it is important to remember his history of false and defamatory claims about our community. GLAAD urges the media to not allow Dobson to turn today's news into yet another media platform for him to advance his intolerant divisive attacks on gay and lesbian Americans and their families."


via Towleroad

Someone Send This Fucktard To CPAC's Green Room

From Fey:

It's funny that Tyra Banks seems to think the concept of gay self-hatred is somehow shocking, fresh ground to cover, but in a "everything old is new again" way she's kind of right. This "I Hate Being Gay" episode of her show is the best, loliest thing I've seen since Bobby Jindal's response to Obama's address last night.

Even though we have similar feelings about the ickiness of both male and female anatomy and even though we both think our genitals are prettier than anybody else's (cuz of their, you know, "beautiful shape?") and even though we share a desire to be straight and lead heteronormative lives with ladies and houses and pets--although I had to get an extension on my previous "straight by 30" deadline--there is still something I don't like about this Shane character.

I think it's the hair.

Why Are We Not At CPAC?

Holy shit. This shindig looks like the greatest clusterfuck of all time.

Conservatives Republicans well-connected affluent kid touchers are holding their annual meet and greet, and, honey, did it deliver.

Besides Grover Norquist's Future-Douchebags-Of-'Murica Rainbow Party 2009™, Mittens showed up and used his plus one invite to bring along his ego/shattered ambitions:



Bobby Jindal a young Republican padawan named Jonathan Krohn showed up to talk about Conservatism for the few moments leading up to his GOP hazing, which included the use of chloroform and a giant rubber fist:



Subway Dude was there and got in a few shots at Chris Matthews (easy target) and MSNBC:

First it started with the news media (enemy number one in the conservative crowd), including his cable news competitor, MSNBC, and its host Chris Matthews

"Other news outlets have gotten religion recently," said the now-Fox News host. There is the "Oh God channel", he added, "after Chris Matthews finally realized that there was a God and called him out before Bobby Jindal's speech."

Later he went on to call Matthews station "MSBS." The rest of the media wasn't spared. Nor were members of Congress and the administration. Huckabee called Newsweek Magazine, "ObamaWeek," for its favorable covers and coverage of the president, referred to Obama's treasury secretary as "Turbo Tax Geithner," for his failure to pay portions of his income tax. Reflecting later on his long-held belief that the IRS should be abolished, Huckabee concluded that, if it came true: "We would no longer have a tax cheat running the IRS."

Also, Tucker Carlson was booed and a bunch of "Family Values" voters want to get in on the hot gay sex action.

brickbat is considering actually registering with it's first political party just to attend CPAC 2010. It would sooooooooooooooooo be worth it.

Young Republicans Gather For Drunken Night Of Sodomy

Famed hipster Grover Norquist organized a sock hop at a D.C. pub for young conservatives, presumably as a ruse to set up a hot night of hookups for his more senior pals.

The wild bacchanal included Dave Matthews music, FOX News on the teevees, and $5 drinks named after some old shitty actor who invented crack and AIDS:

It's early February, and the happy hour at the Union Pub on Capitol Hill is jammed with an unlikely slice of young Washington strivers: conservatives, libertarians, free-market/small-government types, anyone right of center. People, in other words, in their 20s or early 30s who actually groan at the label Generation Obama.

Organized by an employee at the Grover Norquist-led Americans for Tax Reform, the party in the pub's back barroom seems naturally suited for this group: Fox News is playing alongside the Dave Matthews tracks. One drink special, $5 for a down-on-the-heels set, seems almost too perfect a nostalgic prop: "The Gipper," concocted with bourbon.


WaPo interviewed various GOP twinks and they had interesting things to say. Take this from Spencer Barrs, in "intern":

"My best friend called and asked who I voted for and I told him I wasn't voting for Obama," Barrs says. "And then he told me, 'I just think you hate black people.' It was a shot to the gut. You feel like you're surrounded on all corners."

His friend John O'Keefe, 23, another conservative think-tank intern who might be out of a job after his internship ends in May, dismisses his liberal contemporaries. "The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation," he says, before ruminating on a very Washington cure-all. "I'm hoping that people get [angry] at Obama and start forming political action committees."


The best byte comes from Dustin Siggins, whom WaPo pretty much outs as a flaming mo:

At the Union Pub, Dustin Siggins, 24, says he sometimes uses humor to deflect the awkwardness of being on the margins of his generation. "I met a girl today at the gym from Boston College. She was getting a law degree from George Washington. She was cute," he says. "But she wants to work for the ACLU, and I said, 'Oh, you're one of those.' "

Later, in a phone interview, Siggins says he struggles with some of his party's more culturally orthodox ideals. "Because I am in this generation and was raised in a pro-gay-marriage era, I am only a little bit against gay marriage, but only a little, like 53 percent to 47," he says. "I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, and they would all back me up. In college, I used to have lunch with them. . . . We went ice skating once."

via WaPo

Morning (News) Dump

Obama hottie speechwriter Jon Favreau was thrown under the bus by the NY Times. The bright side is that you can now call his cell and hear the hypnotic melody that is his voicemail.

Canadian fighters intercepted a Russian bomber while President Unicorn was visiting the country. Canada has fighter jets...you learn something new every day.

U.S. set to shoot down any large sparklers North Korea launches.

With W out and BO in, Michele Bachmann has developed a terminal case of jungle fever.

Justice Dept. transforms in to Woodstock within a month of transition.

Republicans better not say shit about any cute nicknames Dems come up with in 2011.

Mittens robbed again...this time of jewelry.

W and Laura are officially hobos.

President Unicorn Delivers Eloquent Faux-SOTU Address

President Obama offered a grim portrait of America's plight in an address to a joint session of Congress last night, but he promised to lead an economic renewal that would lift the country out of its current crisis without bankrupting its future.

Striking an optimistic tone that has been absent from his speeches in recent weeks, the president said his stimulus plan, bank bailout proposal, housing programs and health-care overhaul would work in concert to turn around the nation's struggling economy. And while he bluntly described a country beset by historic economic challenges and continued threats abroad, he said the solution lies in directly confronting -- not ignoring -- those problems.

"The weight of this crisis will not determine the destiny of this nation," he said. "The answers to our problems don't lie beyond our reach. They exist in our laboratories and universities, in our fields and our factories, in the imaginations of our entrepreneurs and the pride of the hardest-working people on Earth."

In an address that largely shunned foreign policy to focus on the economy, Obama added: "Now is the time to jump-start job creation, restart lending, and invest in areas like energy, health care and education that will grow our economy, even as we make hard choices to bring our deficit down."

The 52-minute speech was greeted with sustained applause in the House chamber, which he had helped populate with more members of his party. Republican and Democratic lawmakers alike rose repeatedly to offer their approval of the president's rhetoric and his promise of recovery.

via WaPo

Why You Should Avoid People With The Last Name "Brown"

Tabloid Prodigy lists the top 10 celebs surnamed Brown you should avoid......besides Chris:

8. Sylvia Browne
Who: World famous psychic and smoker

Why you should stay the fuck away: Best friends with Montell Williams

Offenses: Shady business practices led to 21 days in jail, and has long been the target of skeptics who claim that the psychic is a fraud.

Bobby Jindal To Deliver SOTU Response...In Tongues

Tonight, President Unicorn will be accompanied on the airwaves by fellow Mooslim and known date rapist Piyush "Bobby" Jindal:

Jindal, the 37-year-old governor of Louisiana and the Republican party's new hope, needs to demonstrate confidence and competence - and show a little sparkle - to boost his hopes of being chosen to take on Obama in 2012.

...Being chosen by the Republicans to respond to Obama gives Jindal a significant leg-up over his rivals, offering millions of viewers their first opportunity to see Jindal, who is conservative on both social and economic policy. The high-profile slot in the past has boosted careers but also destroyed them.


So, good luck, our fair Mexican Child King. Fuck this up, and the GOP is stuck with Bible Spice.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

From the description:

This is that night! My neighbor is such a blessing, and she has ministered to us, prayed for us and encouraged us over and over. I love her deeply. She has been praying intensely for a brother who has been ensnared and when she went to sleep she was awoken with a song. Though she had never sung to anyone before she humbled herself and came and shared with us.

Checkin' In With Chuck

Famous Republican bouncer and homosexual mutilation fetishist Chuck Norris has written yet another masterpiece for the Mexican webpamphlet WorldNetDaily:

An old Spanish proverb says, "An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy." I believe that value will hold, in or out of a recession. And being that my 87-year-old mother lived through the Great Depression, I think her value (and those like her) will actually increase through these tough economic times, because their insider wisdom can help us all.

Like in the 1930s, many today are counting on government to be the savior, but thus far all that's resulting from bailouts is a ballooning repayment schedule – just like back then. Fox News recently highlighted that the total federal outlays in 1929 were $3.1 billion (less than 3 percent of GDP). By 1940, they tripled to $9.5 billion (10 percent of GDP). Worse still, the total federal debt mushroomed fom $17 billion in 1929 (16 percent of GDP) to $43 billion in 1940 (44 percent of GDP). And yet, unemployment remained at 15 percent.


Snoozer, right?

Wrong.

Read a little further and find out why we really are a nation of whiners. Have you ever wiped your ass with a magazine in an outhouse? Better yet, have you ever seen one of these outhouses? Didn't think so, liberal fags:

Like with most, Mother's family didn't have running water or electricity. And Granny Scarberry did her best to keep the outhouse clean, with Grandpa helping through his regular deposits of lye to control the odors. (You can imagine how the hot, humid Oklahoma summers turned that outside commode into one small-closet-sized smelly sauna.) A "scavenger wagon" would come by once a week and clean out the hole. It had a small chair-like contraption over it with the hole punched out of the center. (They once had a two-seater in there, which allowed for two people to enjoy one another's company and conversation – mom told me that she always felt a little upper class when she sat with someone else.) By the way, and I'm not trying to be crude, toilet tissue wasn't around, so they used a Montgomery Ward catalogue. (And you wondered why the catalog was so thick?) No joke – they preferred the non-glossy pages. I'll let you figure out why.

Got the picture?


Yes. Chuck Norris' mother hates Capitalism™.

The rest of the article includes healthy tips from Mother on how to make the best of being a hobo the end.

What We Liked About The Oscars

Combine making fun of Scientology with a heartfelt acceptance speech by Dustin Lance Black and you have the point of the Oscars where it was okay to stop watching it.

What was kinda cool? Sean Penn winning for Best Male.

What wasn't cool? Sean Penn's smugness accepting the award on his behalf.


UPDATE:

Fey reax to DLB's win:

Aww! That was the biggest "Yeah right" moment of the entire ceremony! That you were thinking about gay marriage back in 1987 smells like some seriously convenient post-Prop 8 retcon to me! And at 13? When I was 13 my only gay hope was that one day I'd get to suck on a man's fat chode and then maybe even one day get my fat chode sucked. But to be fair at 13 I wasn't half as pretty as DLB undoubtedly was, so maybe he'd already had that particular dream fulfilled.

I love how it is always the prettiest gay sluts, the ones whose only LTR was the one they had with their gym coach way back in their early teens, who are the most sanctimonious about gay marriage!*

The Argument For A New Poet Laureate

Patton Oswalt for Poet Laureate - watch more funny videos