Bobby Jindal: Demon Warrior

Before Louisiana Governer Bobby Jindal was a candidate for life partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™, he was a young bright-eyed college student who spent his spare time casting demons out of his friends.

In a 1994 essay he wrote for the New Oxford Review, Jindal describes an encounter with his friend Susan. She had the cancers and started acting wierd and smelling really bad. One night at a prayer meeting, Susan collapsed and had a seizure.....sooooo.....yeh, it was time for a exorcism:

The students, led by Susan's sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, "Satan, I command you to leave this woman." Others exhorted all "demons to leave in the name of Christ." It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.

...Whenever I concentrated long enough to begin prayer, I felt some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe. . . Though I could find no cause for my chest pains, I was very scared of what was happening to me and Susan. I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.

After a few hours, the girl tried to get up and escape, but her friends date raped pinned her back down to the floor and continued the Good Baby Jeebus' work:

Maybe she sensed our weariness; whether by plan or coincidence, Susan chose the perfect opportunity to attempt an escape. She suddenly leapt up and ran for the door, despite the many hands holding her down. This burst of action served to revive the tired group of students and they soon had her restrained once again, this time half kneeling and half standing.

After this didn't work, they tried to get a help from a preacher. He refused, because he realized that they were batshit fucking crazy. Then this:

It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand.
While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence "Jesus is Lord." Over and over, she repeated "Jesus is L..L..LL," often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed "Jesus is Lord."

With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, "Has something happened?" She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief.

So, there you go. And you thought Dick Cheney was creepy.

via TPM