Conservative Hobbit GOP's New Hope™

The NY Times has profiled Jonathan Krohn, the scary tween who gave a rousing speech at CPAC to a room full of drooling pedos and deep-fried Twinkie enthusiasts.

Krohn is your average home-schooled kid from Georgia who learns Latin from a Christian school on Fridays and studies Arabic with a tutor:

SITTING in the back seat of his mother’s van as she drives through Atlanta suburbs, Jonathan Krohn is about to sign off with a conservative radio talk show host in Florida. In the 40 minutes he’s been on the air, with the help of his mother’s cellphone, this hyper-articulate Georgia eighth grader has attacked the stimulus bill, identified leaders he thinks will salvage the Republican Party’s image, and assessed the legitimacy of Barack Obama’s birth certificate.

The show’s host chuckles and asks whether President Obama has called Jonathan “a little fascist.”

“The president hasn’t come after me yet,” Jonathan says chummily, “but we’ve had other people come after me!”

“Jonathan!” his mother hisses from the driver’s seat.


Guess mom is still touchy after screening phone calls from Mark Foley.

Even Bill Bennett has a not-so-secret crush on Krohn:

Jonathan would wake up at 6 a.m. to listen to Bill Bennett’s “Morning in America” show and became riveted by politics and American history. Soon, Mr. Bennett, whom Jonathan now describes as, “my mentor and very good friend,” was taking Jonathan’s calls.

“Jonathan was an extraordinary boy, very special,” Mr. Bennett said, in a phone interview. “He wowed my audience, he wowed me. He’s very engaging and learned. He’s got staying power.”


Gross.

This species of hobbit is more complicated than you'd imagine. For one, he is an anti-semitic Jew:

...He received a computer from his maternal grandfather for his 13th birthday. “In the Jewish culture in which my mom was raised, 13 is a big deal,” he said. “But since I’m a Jewish Christian, I don’t do a bar mitzvah.” (Decades ago, his mother became a Baptist.)


Shame on you, Mr. Krohn.

And shame on you, Rush and Michael Steele, for allowing this kid to appear more relevant than both of you, the Mexican Child King, and Bible Spice combined.

President Unicorn will handily win all 50 states in 2012.

Last Lambo Boyfriend Update...Maybe/Possibly/Probably Not

Myspace Glitter Graphics






Access Hollywood is reporting that Adam Lambert claims he is single:

Fortunately for him, Adam Lambert is not one to back down from a controversy.

The “American Idol” finalist handily addressed the recent photo scandal where votefortheworst.com posted pictures of him dressed in drag and kissing another man.

“You know what, I have nothing to hide. I am who I am. And this is about singing… nothing else,” Adam told Accesshollywood.com’s Laura “Dish of Salt” Saltman at last night’s Top 13 party.

For the record, Adam said he is currently single. When he spoke with Access last week, the photos had not yet surfaced and Adam admitted he had been Google-ing himself while competing on the show to see what people were saying about him.

“That came back to bite me, didn’t it,” he joked.

And yes, he did Google himself when he heard about the photos.

“When my parents, family and friends told me too, I did. I live here in Hollywood, you know. All about free expression. It’s all in the name of art,” he added.

The photos in question were taken at the “Burning Man” arts festival held in the California desert each summer.


Geno's World, who claims to be in contact with associates of Cheeks/Brad Bell, begs to differ:

Geno's World has an exclusive response to an Access Hollywood report from 1 hour ago. Adam had talked to AH about his kissing photos that hit the web of him and "Cheeks". The report says Adam is currently single.....NOT SO says a close associate of "Cheeks". "Oh no, they still see each other. They're still together!".....Stay tuned

Just Stop With The Gifts Already

Seriously.

You'd figure that after DVD Gate, US officials would wise up and save a fucking buck or two. We're in a recession, you know.

Friday, SOS Cankles McGee met with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov in Geneva, bringing along a present. Inside was a red button (are we the only ones who see something terribly macabre about this?) with a very special message printed on it. Things went downhill from there:

When it comes to Russia, the Obama administration has been talking about “pressing the reset button.” It’s meant to symbolize a possible new start in U.S./Russian relations, which “crashed” after Russia invaded Georgia last August.

So when Secretary of State Hillary Clinton greeted Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov in Geneva Friday before sitting down to their working dinner, she was all smiles when she presented him a small green box with a ribbon.

Lavrov opened it and, inside, there was a red button with the Russian word “peregruzka” printed on it.

"I would like to present you with a little gift that represents what President Obama and Vice President Biden and I have been saying and that is: 'We want to reset our relationship, and so we will do it together.' …

"We worked hard to get the right Russian word. Do you think we got it?" she asked Lavrov, laughing.

“You got it wrong," said Lavrov, as both diplomats laughed.

“It should be “perezagruzka” [the Russian word for reset]," said Lavrov."This says ‘peregruzka,’ which means ‘overcharged.’”


We recommend that our goverment just stop handing out gifts all together. If you really feel compelled to hand out stupid shit to any Joe Blow with an accent, try fruit cake. Or a Snuggie. Or booze.

No One Wants To Play Doctor With America

That's right. No universal health care and no sexy surgeon general for you.

CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta officially withdrew his name for the post Thursday, citing family reasons or some other shit that's just an excuse for not wanting to make less money:

This is more about my family and my surgical career," Gupta told CNN's "Larry King Live."

The neurosurgeon said he would likely have had to give up practicing had he taken the job as the nation's top doctor.

In addition, the 39-year-old and his wife are expecting their third daughter any time, and the government job would have meant long periods away from his family, he said.

"I think, for me, it really came down to a sense of timing more than anything else," he said. "I just didn't feel I should do that now."


Further, it seems that Vermont anger bear Howard Dean has no interest in the post either:

The news that Sanjay Gupta has decided not to go for the gig of surgeon general has already fired up supporters of Howard Dean, who are now touting him for the post.

But a close Dean ally familiar with his thinking tells me that it’s not really a gig that would work for him. “It’s not a good fit for him,” this ally tells me.

A few months back there was a round of chatter about Dean getting tapped as surgeon general, but at the time Dean aides shot down the speculation. “Even then we didn’t think it was right for him,” the Dean ally says.


Basically, the only candidates left are Dr. Nick and that guy who fertilized the freak in California with her own mini-cult.

Enjoy your diseases and lack of condoms, America!

President Obama To Teabag Queen Elizabeth In April

Oh good Lord Xenu fuck. The British are so testy these days.

The Telegraph's Iain Martin has his bloomers in a knot over President Unicorn giving UK PM Gordon Brown DVDs as a gift, when Brown gave Obama a stupid pen and some dusty old books in return.

BREAKING NEWS, IAIN: Black people are horrible tippers. It should come as no surprise that they are horrible gift givers as well.

Martin latches on to this crime to humanity by scoffing at the notion that the DVD's will even play in British players:

This is quite a serious question. I have a vision of the Browns, Gordon and Sarah, settling down at the PM's country retreat (Chequers) this weekend. The children have been put to bed and Mr Brown heads in the direction of the DVD player:

GB: "The Obamas bought us some films on DVD. That was very thoughtful."

SB: "Not that thoughtful..."

GB: "What shall we watch? ET? Star Wars? Psycho, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia?

SB: sighs... "Seen them all."

GB: "I'll try The Wizard of Oz, it's the version in which all the colours have been restored to the original quality. We can stop and try something else if you don't like it. Where's the remote control?" (GB fiddles with the DVD player for several minutes) "Right, I think it's going to start." (Nothing happens, machine displays a notice saying 'disc loading error').

SB: (examining DVD cover) "They're Region 1, they won't play in the UK."

The Browns sit in complete silence for several more minutes reflecting on what this means.

Let's hope that somebody in the White House was aware of the difference between the formats and acted accordingly when ordering the DVDs. I have asked Number 10 to clarify and will post an update when they respond.


Earlier, Martin pondered on whether Barack was worthy of an invite The Queen sent his way for a spot of tea:

President Obama has been rudeness personified towards Britain this week. His handling of the visit of the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, to Washington was appalling. First Brown wasn't granted a press conference with flags, then one was hastily arranged in the Oval office after the Brits had to beg. Obama looked like he would rather have been anywhere else than welcoming the British leader to his office and topped it all with his choice of present (*) for the PM. A box of 25 DVDS including ET, the Wizard of Oz and Star Wars? Oh, give me strength. We do have television and DVD stores on this side of the Atlantic. Even Gordon Brown will have seen those films too often already.

This was coupled with Michelle Obama's casual choice of gifts for the Brown sons - matching models of the helicopter which ferry her husband around. While Sarah Brown had spent time choosing gifts for the Obama girls, Michelle had clearly sent an aide to the White House gift shop at the last moment.

All in all, he doesn't think much of us, as I explained in my post here earlier this week.

But what's this? Something, suddenly, seems to have made the Obama White House perk up and start to take an interest in the Brits. The Queen has invited the President to tea when he's here for the G20 in April. And he's in through the front door of Buckingham Palace faster than a Harley Davidson roaring along Route 66.

Note how the coolness of Team Obama disappears when a bit of regal glamour is introduced into the equation. He might not like the Brits, but he can recognise a global superstar when he encounters one. He wants to be associated with her. He's shameless.


Fellow Telegraph douchebag James Delingpole blames this all on the First Lady and her Princeton Koran hate thesis:

Iain Martin is quite right here: no matter how utterly rubbish we have become as a nation in the Blair/Brown years, Britain's friendship is something Obama will come to regret having dispensed with so lightly. This was not the act of a global statesman, but of a hormonal teenager dismissing her bestest of best BFs for no other reason than that she felt like it and she can, so there.

What was the guy thinking? In researching my new book Welcome to Obamaland, I discovered that Obama's judgment is pretty dreadful - but this? My favourite theory so far - suggested by presenter Greg Garrison - was that it was a move calculated to please his Lady Macbeth. At the moment in Britain, we're still in the "Doesn't she look fabulous in a designer frock" stage of understanding of Michelle Obama. Gradually, though, we'll begin to realise that she is every bit the terrifying executive's wife that Hillary Clinton was. Or, shudder, Cherie Blair.

We may just LURVE Michelle's fashion sense. But Michelle doesn't reciprocate our affection, one bit. Her broad-brush view of history associates Brits with the wicked white global hegemony responsible for the slave trade. Never mind that a white, Tory Englishman - William Wilberforce - brought the slave trade to an end. Judging by her record, Michelle does not make room for such subtle nuance.

Consider her notorious statement that: "For the first time in my adult life I am really proud of my country." Consider her (till-recently suppressed) Princeton thesis, "Princeton Educated Blacks And The Black Community."

In it she writes: "I have found that at Princeton, no matter how liberal and open-minded some of my white professors and classmates try to be toward me, I sometimes feel like a visitor on campus; as if I really don't belong. Regardless of the circumstances underwhich I interact with whites at Princeton, it often seems as if, to them, I will always be black first and a student second."

..."As I enter my final year at Princeton," she writes. "I find myself striving for many of the same goals as my White classmates - acceptance to a prestigious graduate or professional school or a high paying position in a successful corporation. Thus, my goals at Princeton are not as clear as before."

"Yes, exactly, you silly girl" you want to shriek at young Michelle as you give her a good shake. "It's called 'opening your mind', 'broadening your experience', 'allowing youthful dogma to be shaped by reality.' It's why people go to university, don't you know?"


In summary...suck it, England.

Adam Lambert Secrets Revealed!!!

Known emohomosexual deviant Adam Lambert's sin against nature is getting a lot of attention these days. Since we really dig the kid, we're jumping on the bandwagon.

The Inquisitr dug up the above video of Lambo Cockrissian getting felt up by a coven of writhing sodomists, along with another video of him dry humping male negro dancer.


Further, Geno's World claims that the man Lambo is swapping spit and gay with in the photos posted yesterday is a performance artist named Cheeks, also known as Brad Bell:




Adam Lambert has made it to the final 12 of this year's "American Idol". The guy has got tremendous talent and will go far. Pictures of Adam kissing another man have recently surfaced all over the web. The question remained.....who is the mysterious man? Well the man is............ Brad Bell aka "Cheeks" a music star in his own right! Geno's World has been in contact with Brad's people and is hoping for an interview soon. One of Brad's people told me that "Brad doesn't want to mess with Adam's chances in Idol. His main concern right now is to support Adam and give him his 100% support and love!"

Either way, we fully endorse Adam as the next American Idol and hope he stomps the shit out of the blind guy who's faking it and the guy that made up the story about his wife dying.

More pics of Lambo's possible bf here, along with some surprisingly good music and funny videos.

No Surprises Here

Idol contestant Adam Lambert made it to the final 12 last week, but pictures that have recently surfaced may test the majority of America's tolerance towards teh buttseks.

From Tabloid Prodigy:

Big surprise everyone: American Idol’s makeup loving, fingernail polished pretty boy, Ryan Seacrest Adam Lambert, is a big homosexual. Or as Simon would say, he’s theatrical.
And he’s got awesome gay friends who've released scantily clad, fagalicious photos of him wearing makeup and flamboyant clothes. True, he looks like a club kid fag all the time on Idol. But in these photos, you can see him swapping spit bubbles with his fellow skinny, twinky boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.

Check out his gallery of regretable gayness at Dudetube.

Missouri Lawmakers Sign Bill To Fight Mooslim Tyranny

Some Republicans got together and decided that, in these trying economic times, Issue #1 should be outing our Half-Breed Muslin President for the Illuminati Caliph Devil he is. What would be the best way to do that? Amend the state constitution:

Fifteen Republican members of the Missouri General Assembly have signed on to a state constitutional amendment that appears aimed at advancing the claims of the fringe movement that doubts President Barack Obama's eligibility to serve as president.

The language is contained in a proposed "voter’s bill of rights," which would serve "as a defense against corruption, fraud, and tyranny."

The proposed amendment states:

"For candidates who are required by the Constitution of the United States to be natural born citizens, the secretary of state shall request an official copy of the candidate’s birth certificate. Other certifications, such as a certificate of live birth, shall not be accepted. Should any candidate fail to provide an official birth certificate within thirty days of the request by the secretary of state, his or her name shall not be placed on the ballot."

The Birthers, as they're known, have focused on the State of Hawaii's refusal to release the original of Obama's birth certificate, as opposed to official copies; Hawaii state law bars the release of the original.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Today's Paultard Video

RONPAULZWUNTHURDPLASELOLZ!!!!

Time for celebration by heavy mouth breathing and stuttering over your own prepared remarks.

via the Youtubes


PS: Even anti-pork "Washington outsiders" get their earmarks:

Rep. Ron Paul vehemently denounced the $410 billion catch-all spending bill approved last week by the House of Representatives.

But although the libertarian-leaning Republican from Lake Jackson cast a vote against the massive spending measure, his fingerprints were on some of the earmarks that helped inflate its cost.

Paul played a role in obtaining 22 earmarks worth $96.1 million, which led the Houston congressional delegation, according to a Houston Chronicle analysis of more than 8,500 congressionally mandated projects inserted into the bill. His earmarks included repair projects to the Galveston Seawall damaged by Hurricane Ike and the Gulf Intracoastal Waterway.

Mittens Wins GOP Black Panther Straw Poll

Hoorayz!!! Mitt Romney has been crowned Grand Dragon of Michael Steele's conservative hip-hop movement at CPAC's drunken Carnival, also known as the Players Ball.

Mittens garnered 20 percent of the vote, edging out Mexican Child King Bobby Jindal, who pulled in 14 percent...because he is brown.

As if this weren't funny enough, Sarah Palin tied for third place with Ron Paul.

We repeat: Sarah Palin tied for third with RON PAUL.

LONG LIVE BLIMPS AND HOBBITS!!!

via Politico