Oh good Lord Xenu fuck. The British are so testy these days.
The Telegraph's Iain Martin has his bloomers in a knot over President Unicorn giving UK PM Gordon Brown DVDs as a gift, when Brown gave Obama a stupid pen and some dusty old books in return.
BREAKING NEWS, IAIN: Black people are horrible tippers. It should come as no surprise that they are horrible gift givers as well.
Martin latches on to this crime to humanity by scoffing at the notion that the DVD's will even play in British players:
This is quite a serious question. I have a vision of the Browns, Gordon and Sarah, settling down at the PM's country retreat (Chequers) this weekend. The children have been put to bed and Mr Brown heads in the direction of the DVD player:
GB: "The Obamas bought us some films on DVD. That was very thoughtful."
SB: "Not that thoughtful..."
GB: "What shall we watch? ET? Star Wars? Psycho, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia?
SB: sighs... "Seen them all."
GB: "I'll try The Wizard of Oz, it's the version in which all the colours have been restored to the original quality. We can stop and try something else if you don't like it. Where's the remote control?" (GB fiddles with the DVD player for several minutes) "Right, I think it's going to start." (Nothing happens, machine displays a notice saying 'disc loading error').
SB: (examining DVD cover) "They're Region 1, they won't play in the UK."
The Browns sit in complete silence for several more minutes reflecting on what this means.
Let's hope that somebody in the White House was aware of the difference between the formats and acted accordingly when ordering the DVDs. I have asked Number 10 to clarify and will post an update when they respond.
Earlier, Martin pondered on whether Barack was worthy of an invite The Queen sent his way for a spot of tea:
President Obama has been rudeness personified towards Britain this week. His handling of the visit of the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, to Washington was appalling. First Brown wasn't granted a press conference with flags, then one was hastily arranged in the Oval office after the Brits had to beg. Obama looked like he would rather have been anywhere else than welcoming the British leader to his office and topped it all with his choice of present (*) for the PM. A box of 25 DVDS including ET, the Wizard of Oz and Star Wars? Oh, give me strength. We do have television and DVD stores on this side of the Atlantic. Even Gordon Brown will have seen those films too often already.
This was coupled with Michelle Obama's casual choice of gifts for the Brown sons - matching models of the helicopter which ferry her husband around. While Sarah Brown had spent time choosing gifts for the Obama girls, Michelle had clearly sent an aide to the White House gift shop at the last moment.
All in all, he doesn't think much of us, as I explained in my post here earlier this week.
But what's this? Something, suddenly, seems to have made the Obama White House perk up and start to take an interest in the Brits. The Queen has invited the President to tea when he's here for the G20 in April. And he's in through the front door of Buckingham Palace faster than a Harley Davidson roaring along Route 66.
Note how the coolness of Team Obama disappears when a bit of regal glamour is introduced into the equation. He might not like the Brits, but he can recognise a global superstar when he encounters one. He wants to be associated with her. He's shameless.
Fellow Telegraph douchebag James Delingpole blames this all on the First Lady and her Princeton Koran hate thesis:
Iain Martin is quite right here: no matter how utterly rubbish we have become as a nation in the Blair/Brown years, Britain's friendship is something Obama will come to regret having dispensed with so lightly. This was not the act of a global statesman, but of a hormonal teenager dismissing her bestest of best BFs for no other reason than that she felt like it and she can, so there.
What was the guy thinking? In researching my new book Welcome to Obamaland, I discovered that Obama's judgment is pretty dreadful - but this? My favourite theory so far - suggested by presenter Greg Garrison - was that it was a move calculated to please his Lady Macbeth. At the moment in Britain, we're still in the "Doesn't she look fabulous in a designer frock" stage of understanding of Michelle Obama. Gradually, though, we'll begin to realise that she is every bit the terrifying executive's wife that Hillary Clinton was. Or, shudder, Cherie Blair.
We may just LURVE Michelle's fashion sense. But Michelle doesn't reciprocate our affection, one bit. Her broad-brush view of history associates Brits with the wicked white global hegemony responsible for the slave trade. Never mind that a white, Tory Englishman - William Wilberforce - brought the slave trade to an end. Judging by her record, Michelle does not make room for such subtle nuance.
Consider her notorious statement that: "For the first time in my adult life I am really proud of my country." Consider her (till-recently suppressed) Princeton thesis, "Princeton Educated Blacks And The Black Community."
In it she writes: "I have found that at Princeton, no matter how liberal and open-minded some of my white professors and classmates try to be toward me, I sometimes feel like a visitor on campus; as if I really don't belong. Regardless of the circumstances underwhich I interact with whites at Princeton, it often seems as if, to them, I will always be black first and a student second."
..."As I enter my final year at Princeton," she writes. "I find myself striving for many of the same goals as my White classmates - acceptance to a prestigious graduate or professional school or a high paying position in a successful corporation. Thus, my goals at Princeton are not as clear as before."
"Yes, exactly, you silly girl" you want to shriek at young Michelle as you give her a good shake. "It's called 'opening your mind', 'broadening your experience', 'allowing youthful dogma to be shaped by reality.' It's why people go to university, don't you know?"
In summary...suck it, England.
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