A Tale Of Two Fundies

Those zombie who smile too much and pollute your door knob with prayer mailers/VBS coupons? Here's further evidence you should avoid eye contact with them.

Burning flaming crosses in children's arms.

and

Tying your son to a tree and leaving him for dead.

Newt Gingrich Won't Stop Talking

This time it's about drilling or some horrifying trip to Europe with his dad......or.....Jimmy Carter being bad at math? Seriously, what is he talking about?

Good thing I'm not alone:

What the fuck does that have to do with the price of gas? Nothing!

BONUS FUN!!!

Here's an unflattering flickr gallery of pictures from Newt's gay "drilling" tour of Orlando.

Saturday Night Randomry

I ran across my dusty copy of this Kronos Quartet CD a day or so ago, prompting me to use the Youtubes to see if anyone had posted a visual.

Tada.

Some background:

In 1999 Philip Glass composed a new score for the 1931 classic Dracula. The evidence of his considerable genius being the decisions to (a) use only a string quartet (b) engage the services of Kronos Quartet to bring the music to life even as so many lose (not all permanently, however) theirs. The result brings a whole new meaning to “Death and the Maiden” and provides considerable pleasure to movie lover and concertgoer alike.

Glass opts for colours rather than themes in this post-modern melodramatic rendering, chock-a-block full of Alberti basses. Arpeggios signal the entry of the living dead; the horse drawn carriage gallops across the screen with an undercurrent of syncopation that harkens back to Mozart’s first G Minor Symphony (No. 25, K. 183); the sinister viola helps the weary traveler, Renfield (played with a very fine madness by Dwight Frye), up the Transylvanian steps even as his host declaims “The children of the night [wolves howling], what music they make!” All of which contributes to director Ted Browning’s marvellous tone of restrained horror and stylish after life.

It's Coming Right For Us!

From Towleroad:

At the beginning of the month I posted about a lost, starving Polar Bear that had been shot by police in Iceland after it had swam 200 miles from Greenland or the nearest chunk of Arctic ice. They said they were afraid it posed a threat to humans but couldn't wait 24 hours for a "correct tranquilizer" to be flown in. Their excuse was disputed by a local veet who said he could have had the proper tranquilizer flown in in about an hour.

Well, another Polar Bear turned up. They shot and killed it again. What was their excuse this time?

"The chief veterinarian from the Copenhagen zoo had been flown in late Tuesday to help. The police 'tried to get close to (the bear) with our vet, but they did not get close enough to shoot it with the anaesthetiser,' zoo spokesman Bengt Holst told AFP. 'Then the bear started running, so the police were frightened they would lose control. The bear could run very close to the populated area, so they decided to shoot it,' he added. Holst said he believed Icelandic authorities had made the right decision. 'It was a security problem,' he said."

SOMEONE CALL HARRIET CHRISTIAN!!!

This video was made by a place called the Women's Media Center, or as John McCain calls it "a bunch of cunts."

They're very angry at our favorite MSNBC crazy, Chris Matthews.

Hey, Women's Media Center............what Juan McCain said.

Downside Of Gaymarriage

From Dan Fishback:

Thanks a lot, California!

Thanks a whole freaking lot.

via omg

Gore Vidal: Superawesome Crotchety Old Bastard

This is fucking awesome.

Start here:




Then go here (Seriously, read as much of it as you can).

Then this awkward interview with the NY Times:

Q: How did you feel when you heard that Buckley died this year?

Vidal: I thought hell is bound to be a livelier place, as he joins forever those whom he served in life, applauding their prejudices and fanning their hatred.

The Times article has some other great stuff in it about how much Gore Vidal hates contemporary fiction, Al Gore, and the interviewer herself (I'm not kidding). Vidal also says Generalissimo John McCunt is a pretend war hero who married that rich pill beer lady because that's what young douchebag officers do.

Good stuff.

It's Been Too Long

It's time to check up on our beloved friend Craig:

just me foolin
around singing
some RENT>>>>

this musical
means a lot to
me. i remember
being 17 and hearing this for the first time...i listened to it every
day for a year!!

Welcome Back 9udy

Here's Another Way You Can Help Pay For Hope-filled Ads

You can buy this WANTED poster created by an elderly Mexican artist named "Juan McCain", of which Hopey now sells on his website.

Just for fun, they put up a video of how these posters are made in those hardworking bitter paper printing factory things. Clearly, this is pandering to those of us who grew up on Mr. Rogers.

Charlie Crist Hates Floridian Women (because he fucks men)

This Sunday's NY Times has an interview with known brunch enthusiast Charlie Crist.

Here's a sneak peek:

For this Sunday's New York Times Magazine, Deborah Solomon coyly sort of raises that issue at the very end.

Solomon kicks it off by stating, "Your personal life is not that of a typical Republican candidate. For starters, I hear you're"-- wait for it -- "not a property owner." Crist replies, "It is true. I do not own property."

Solomon then moves on to, "You were married nearly 30 years ago, but the marriage lasted less than a year. Do you prefer"-- wait for it -- "living alone?" Crist: "I got married and divorced because it didn't work out. I haven't found the right one since." Of course, the use of the word "one" will be parsed for days.

"You can't find one woman in all of Florida?" Solomon helpfully asks.

Crist: "Maybe I have. Stay tuned."

Lou Dobbs Leads Brave March Against Tomato Mexicans

IMPEACHMENT!!!

Pat Vinditte: Badass

33

From Deadspin:

Here's the video of Yankees' Single-A pitcher Pat Venditte baffling a hitter last night with his pitching ambidexterity.

Venditte, a natural right-handed pitcher, had a special glove made — four fingers, two thumbs — so he doesn't have to go all Jim Abbott out there on the mound.

Notorious I.R.A.Q.I.

How have I not seen this before?

Best Of Teevee News

Click here for a great compilation Gawker put together of TV News' most uncomfortable moments.

Michael Savage Afraid Of Homosexual Mafia

From Media Matters:

Responding to a caller who said, "I had to explain to my young son why these two men were holding hands the other day," radio host Michael Savage stated, during the June 16 broadcast of The Savage Nation, "You've got to explain to the children ... why God told people this was wrong." He went on to say, "You have to explain this to them in this time of mental rape that's going on. The children's minds are being raped by the homosexual mafia, that's my position. They're raping our children's minds."

During a discussion about gay marriage with a previous caller, Savage said: "It's not a joke when you pervert an institution like marriage, which is in trouble enough. It's not a joke." He added, "Our children are being destroyed by this." He went on to say of gay marriage, "It's a very important story. The children don't know what to make of it. Children nine, 10 are saying, 'I'm gay.' They don't know what it even means." He added: "It's a giant propaganda machine trying to pervert children."

Chuck Norris Wants To Drill America (gross)

We all know Mike Huckabee's BFF is a blogger. But now, Chuck Norris is a vlogger.

Hooray!!!

John McCunt

Outrage

Further info here at Pam's House Blend.

Insane Press Conference Ends With Tard's Arrest

Remember Larry Sinclair? The guy who blew St. Barack in a limo after they killed a bunch of preachers with cocaine? Yeh, that one.

He held his crazy press conference yesterday:

...And pay Sinclair did -- for the venue and its microphone, as well as for a kilted lawyer (with a suspended license) named Montgomery Blair Sibley, who informed those assembled that his preferences in dress were arrived at as a way to secure comfort for his unusually large sexual organs. "I don't know why men wear pants," he said with a poker face. "It's a function of male genitalia. If you're size normal or smaller, you're probably comfortable with [pants]. ... Those at the other end of the spectrum find them quite confining."

"I asked him to wear a suit and tie," Mr. Sinclair said ruefully. Then, he admitted to suffering from a brain tumor.

Only slightly less mystifying were the several dozen assembled journalists who seemed to grant Mr. Sinclair some modicum of respect with their questions. They cross-examined his statement regarding his supposed meetings with the Illinois Democrat with a vigor and small-bore attention to detail that prosecutors reserve strictly for witnesses who are sane. Imagine if you were to encounter someone who had lit himself on fire, and then proceeded to ask which brand of gasoline he favored.

Shortly after this event, he was arrested:

A footnote to the story of Larry Sinclair, the gadfly whose long criminal record I wrote about this morning: He was arrested by Washington, D.C., police after his press conference there today, two officials at D.C.'s First District station confirmed to Politico.

Sinclair is wanted in Colorado on theft and forgery charges, but police officials I spoke to wouldn't discuss the charges. Reason's David Weigel first reported the arrest.

Wedding Clips

Great video by SF Gate here.

Crazy Obama-hating Preacher Returns

Scary Hilltard Hobbit Returns

Remember this thing?

Someone has trained this manimal to say a few more words.

Date Set For Obama/Clinton Makeout Party

On June 26, Hillary is forcing all of her lady bitters to show up and give money to the inadequate black male.

The lady bitters will be forced to write the presumptive Mooslim checks (made out to HOPE™) and in return, St. Barack will encourage his donors to donate to Hillary so she doesn't become a hobo like the rest of us.

This is how our politics are done. Yeah!!!

via HuffPo

High School Tonys

Elderly John McCain To Lead Brave Army Of Babies

OMGIHADN'TTHOUGHTOFTHATJOKELOL

Jesus Christ.

From Ben Smith:

On sale at the Texas GOP convention. The speakers were generally respectful of Obama, the Dallas Morning News reports, but this is the sort of stuff that the RNC has been warning state parties about for months.

Meet The People Who Are Destroying Your Marriage

Story here.

Photo via Sully

Today's Hilltard Video

4 More Years (of horrible speaking)

via BraveNewFilms

Cindy McCain Still Stealing Stuff

But it's not pills this time.

Remember when Cougar McCain thieved a recipe from Food Network and said it was her own? She's done it again:

Cindy McCain's Oatmeal-Butterscotch Cookies

3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) unsalted butter or margarine, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cups rolled oats
1-2/3 cups butterscotch chips

Stir ingredients while sniffing airplane glue, add a dash of Vicodin and meth, then bake at 375 for 10 minutes.

Fat Al Gore Bravely Endorses Obama After Everyone Else

The President of Earth has decided to speak out (with a mouth full of Ruffles) and endorse Hope™. Let's read his greasy blog:

A few hours from now I will step on stage in Detroit, Michigan to announce my support for Senator Barack Obama. From now through Election Day, I intend to do whatever I can to make sure he is elected President of the United States.


Over the next four years, we are going to face many difficult challenges -- including bringing our troops home from Iraq, fixing our economy, and solving the climate crisis. Barack Obama is clearly the candidate best able to solve these problems and bring change to America.

And You Thought It Was Over

We can all pretty much agree that President W is the most awesomest POTUS of all time. Waaaaaaaaay better than his crybaby dad.

But how awesome will President Jeb Bush be? Will he start a war with Yemen? Will he use any of W's dance moves? Will he sell America to his Mexican wife's Mexican friends in Mexico?

Let's find out why the Bush family will only be in Paraguay for about 4 years, until President WALNUTS! kicks it after a tragic Rascal accident while campaigning for re-election in 2012:

President Bush was asked by a SkyNews correspondent whether the end of his term marked the end of the Bush presidential dynasty that began with his father’s Oval Office tenure 20 years ago.

In response, Bush singled out his brother, who has often been mentioned as a possible Republican presidential contender. "Well, we've got another one out there who did a fabulous job as governor of Florida, and that's Jeb,” he said. “But you know, you better ask him whether or not he's thinking of running. But he'd be a great president."

via CNN

Crosswalk Countdown

Crosswalk Countdown - GuerilLA from Kelly Herrington on Vimeo.

via Vimeo

Dick Puller Resigns

Still searching for the right college? Why not give the American University in Iraq a look. You can have your balls grabbed and your belly rubbed by it's president, Owen Cargol:

(SPOILER ALERT: He's a Republican)

Success in Iraq is critical to U.S. national interests, which is why we've insisted on sending our best and brightest civilians there: loyal Republicans, young GOP political operatives, and in the case of Owen Cargol, a man who fancies himself "a rub-your-belly, grab-your-balls, give-you-a-hug, slap-your-back, pull-your-dick, squeeze-your-hand, cheek-your-face, and pat-your-thigh kind of guy."

As Inside Higher Ed reports today, Cargol resigned back in April as the first chancellor of the American University in Iraq, apparently for health reasons, but he'd been forced out of a previous position as president of Northern Arizona University after just four months for allegedly sexually harassing a NAU employee:



Cargol's 2001 resignation stemmed from allegations made by a Northern Arizona employee who alleged that Cargol, while naked in a locker room, grabbed the employee's genitals, the Arizona Republic reported. In a subsequent e-mail to the employee, Cargol described himself as "a rub-your-belly, grab-your-balls, give-you-a-hug, slap-your-back, pull-your-dick, squeeze-your-hand, cheek-your-face, and pat-your-thigh kind of guy."

...AU-I is a private, non-profit institution, but it was started with $10.5 million from the U.S. government and its board --which hired Cargol -- is stacked with prominent names:

Iraqi President Jalal Talabani is chairman of the Board of Regents; and Barham Salih, Iraq's deputy prime minister, is president of the Board of Trustees. Zalmay Khalilzad, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq and a counselor to former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, sits on the board. So too does Fouad Ajami, head of Middle Eastern studies at Johns Hopkins University.

Guess Who's Getting Gaymarried?

Queen Latifah.

Now that California okayed the demise of heterosexual relationships all across the country, King Latifah can stop living in sin with her trainer/girlfriend and start really pissing Jesus off:

This is somehow a big deal since Queen Latifah is not technically out of the closet, despite the fact that America has known she's lesbian ever since she played one in that dopey heist flick Set it Off back in 1996. It's also seemingly a big deal because Latifah has endorsement deals with Cover Girl, Pizza Hut, and Jenny Craig, among others, and it's unclear how those companies would react to having an openly gay spokesperson. (Never mind that gay marriage is now legal in California.)

Those concerns happen to be completely unfounded—if any of those companies were to drop Latifiah for coming out of the closet, the backlash would quickly result in a public relations disaster of gigantic proportion. So let's just agree this isn't a big deal at all, okay? Wake us up when Lindsay is officially out.

via Radar

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

Here's a short doc on the upcoming video game, to be released September 16.

God No

Rumors are going around that Leo DiCaprio will have the lead in the upcoming Captain America movie:

The rumor mongers have uncovered who Marvel wants to pick up Steve Roger's shield last seen on Tony Stark’s workbench. Al Gore's tree hugging side-kick, Leonardo DiCaprio!

That's right, Leonardo DiCaprio is the first name being bandied about Marvel Studios as their pick for Captain America. And, you may remember just a few weeks ago Brad Pitt was named as Marvel's first choice for Thor? Well, now Latino Review says Pitt is in the running as Marvel's second choice for Cappy as well. Of course they add this disclaimer...

What To Get The Drunken Mother Who Has Everything

.

The Milkscreen.

From Gizmodo:

Just because you have a baby at home doesn't mean that your partying days must come to an end. Fortunately, mothers that like to go out on Saturday nights and have a few drinks can prevent passing boob booze onto their kid using a system called Milkscreen. Basically, Milkscreen is a litmus test that screens breast milk for alcohol that could have a negative impact on a baby's health. The whole thing seems a little weird in a contentiously irresponsible sort of way, but I suppose it is better to be safe than have a drunken baby on your hands. Available for $20 for a large pack.

The Demon Hunter On ID

Side Note: Gingrich thinks he “would be far and away the best candidate” for life partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™.

What To Get The Racist Who Has Everything

Father's Day Speech

B.A. Barackus: Blood or Crypt?

Obama has a brilliant new strategy: Scare the shit out of the elderly John McCain.

From HuffPo:

At a Friday night fundraiser, Barack Obama warned supporters that Republicans "are going to try to scare people. They're going to try to say that 'that Obama is a scary guy.'" Someone in the crowd shouted, "Don't give in." Obama shot back: "If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun."

This upset Pawpaw and he shot back:

"Barack Obama's call for 'new politics' is officially over. In just 24 hours, Barack Obama attacked one of America's pioneering women CEOs [McCain supporter Carly Fiorina], rejected a series of joint bipartisan town halls, and said that if there's a political knife fight, he'd bring a gun."

Then he mumbled something about Mexicans and ran back to the Straight Talk Express and huddled under his seat for the next 8 hours.

The Empty Chair