Showing posts with label drunks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drunks. Show all posts

Monday, January 5, 2009

Celebrity Sightings!



After landing at the final destination of last night's 18 Bar Tour (NYE just wasn't enough), we ran in to local America's Got Talent contestant Bill Curlee singing karaoke and harassing various drunks for no reason.

It was golden:







That's all.

Oh, and never polish off 4 bottles of wine chased with Jager or you just might end up singing music from The Band sitting in a chair...because you are too drunk to stand.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Congrats, Britain. You Really Outdid Yourself



Instead of emergency services being called every 8 seconds, this New Year's eve, you shaved it down to 7:

Violence scarred celebrations and led to a bloody New Year across the country as emergency services endured a chaotic end to 2008.

Ambulance control centres reported receiving 999 calls as often as once every seven seconds - the second highest volume of calls since the Millennium - as binge drinkers turned nasty in the freezing temperatures.

Many of the calls related either to alcohol-fuelled assaults or excessive drunkenness.



Included are images of our favorite excessive drunken moments:



Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Lindsay Lohan Has Things To Say/Slur About Palin Baby Bonanza

Linsay grimacing after having her staple shot of baby batter.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Read this shit:

When SamRo's away, LiLo will blog. Last night, Lindsay Lohan took to her blog for help locating Dixie cups of marble ice cream before Samantha Ronson returned home and then finished up the entry by dedicating a song to her girl with the lyric "I've been saved by a woman." Yeah, pretty typical stuff.

So that's why we were caught off guard when Linds offered up a particularly fair and balanced political entry this morning. The topic at hand: Republican V.P. candidate Sarah Palin and all that baby drama surrounding her 17-year-old daughter.

Lindsay writes: "I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences."

Sunday, June 15, 2008

What To Get The Drunken Mother Who Has Everything

.

The Milkscreen.

From Gizmodo:

Just because you have a baby at home doesn't mean that your partying days must come to an end. Fortunately, mothers that like to go out on Saturday nights and have a few drinks can prevent passing boob booze onto their kid using a system called Milkscreen. Basically, Milkscreen is a litmus test that screens breast milk for alcohol that could have a negative impact on a baby's health. The whole thing seems a little weird in a contentiously irresponsible sort of way, but I suppose it is better to be safe than have a drunken baby on your hands. Available for $20 for a large pack.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

What To Expect From "W"



Oliver Stone is filming his new crazy movie about the life of W. Unfortunately, W will not be played by Fred Thompson.

However, the movie will touch on these nuggets:

Rumors that his father pulled strings to get him into Harvard Business School.

His arrest during college for tearing down the goalposts at a football game.

Almost getting into a fistfight with his father when he comes home drunk one night in the 1970s.

His vow to quit drinking when he wakes up with a wicked hangover soon after his 40th birthday.

The first scene, in which Bush and his advisers brainstorm different terms to describe their global enemies, from "Axis of Hatred" to "Axis of Unbearably Odious," is followed by an early glimpse of the hard-drinking young man when he was a college student at Yale.

Drinking vodka mixed with orange juice out of a trash can at the DKE frat house, Bush impresses the fraternity leader with his ability to memorize the names of his fellow pledges.

Asked whether he'll follow in the steps of his politician father and grandfather, Dubya quips, "Hell no, that's the last thing in the world I'd want to do."

Years later, after Dubya drains a pint of Wild Turkey and runs over a pile of trash cans while driving home, his angry father tells him to call Alcoholics Anonymous, prompting Dubya to sarcastically deride his dad as "Mr. Perfect. Mr. War Hero. Mr F-- God Almighty."


The movie is scheduled for release in 2009. Shortly after the premier, expect Stone to disappear to Guantanamo where he will be waterboarded by President WALNUTS!

via ABC

Monday, March 17, 2008

Planned Parenthood Satanists Encourage Spring Break Immorality



This is the time of year when nice young ladies and gentlemen flock to Panama Shitty to help feed the homeless and hold beachside bible studies. The fine Christian tradition known Spring Break is now under assault by the baby-eating pagans at Planned Parenthood:

College-age members of Planned Parenthood were not shy last week as they handed out free condoms and showed spring breakers how to use them.

The students combed beaches, worked clubs and bars encouraging their counterparts to practice safe sex. On a recent outing, as earsplitting music played in the background, Natalie Muniz, the education director of Planned Parenthood of North Central Florida, demonstrated the correct way to open a condom package — look for the air bubble and don’t use your teeth — and what condom users should immediately look for, the expiration date.

...The brand of condom Muniz and her University of Florida students were offering is called “Proper Attire.” The new brand is designed to appeal to women as a fashion accessory, Muniz said. The brand uses the tag line “Required for entry.”

“We don’t think guys should have all the fun,” said Becca Guerra, a student and a member of Planned Parenthood. “We should be in charge of our own sexual health.”


Jesus. Couldn't they have atleast handed out brand name condoms? The last thing I want between me and a host of STD's is Uncle Roscoe's Discount Dickbags™.

Here, let that kid from Malcolm in the Middle explain:



via Panama Shitty News Herald

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Self-Esteem Boost for the New Year

Photobucket
photo via Daily Mail

Yeh, btw, Happy New Year.

We all drank, I'm sure. Okay, I drank for sure.

But this? Meh.

Apparently in London, an ambulance was called every eight seconds because of binge drinking.

Now I don't feel so bad.


via Daily Mail