BREAKINGS NEWS: Exclusive Footage From G-20 Summit

World Leaders Meet To Plot Horrible New Ways To Ruin Our Ekonumeez

Geez, is it that time already?

President Unicorn has landed in London for the G-20 Summit, which is a fancy title for a multi-cultural rainbow party.

Some citizens of London do not care for this elitist orgy. Nope, not at all:




In more important news, the Telegraph is still being pissy about Obama's horrible gift-giving abilities. The Queen received an iPod from the First Couple, which is a crime against humanity because the old bag already has one:

Barack Obama met the Queen at Buckingham Palace today and gave her a gift of an iPod loaded with video footage and photographs of her 2007 United States visit to Richmond, Jamestown and Williamsburg in Virginia. In return, the Queen gave the President a silver framed signed photograph of herself and the Duke of Edinburgh - apparently a standard present for visiting dignitaries.

It is believed the Queen already has an iPod, a 6GB silver Mini version she is said to have bought in 2005 at the suggestion of Prince Andrew.


Also on the agenda: Michelle Obama will fight Carla Bruni-Sarkozy to the death. Michelle will emerge the victor and celebrate her by dining in the company of various Satanist cult leaders the end.

Congrats, Britain. You Really Outdid Yourself

Instead of emergency services being called every 8 seconds, this New Year's eve, you shaved it down to 7:

Violence scarred celebrations and led to a bloody New Year across the country as emergency services endured a chaotic end to 2008.

Ambulance control centres reported receiving 999 calls as often as once every seven seconds - the second highest volume of calls since the Millennium - as binge drinkers turned nasty in the freezing temperatures.

Many of the calls related either to alcohol-fuelled assaults or excessive drunkenness.


Included are images of our favorite excessive drunken moments: