Lovely

There's been a rumor that the GOP is holding onto a tape of Michelle Obama using the word "whitey".

I was clicking through Hillary Clinton Forum to laugh at Hilltards freaking the fuck out over the RBC decision and found this nugget:

Larry Johnson at noquarterusa.com has just announced that he will break the news about Michelle Obama Monday AM. This is LEGITIMATE unlike that other supposed news about BO. Check out noquarterusa for details!

Here's what Larry says:

New and dramatic developments. This is a heads up. I’ll post the news Monday morning by 0900 hours. Now I know why people who have seen the videotape say it is stunning. Barack’s headaches are only starting.

This Is Awesome

via Firedoglake

Now.....STFU or Howard Dean Will Rip Your Throat Out

Ahhh, the sounds of angry white women screaming their protests. That must mean the RBC meeting is over.

The liberal overlords took a 2 hour lunch break, which was spent having crazy sex with prostitutes while shouting passages from the Necronomicon. After cleaning up (by using pages ripped from a Bible) they made a backroom deal and came back to the floor for about another hour to explain in detail how each of the voters in Michigan and Florida can go fuck thelselves.

Both states get a full delegation with 1/2 votes.

Then, ominous words from Harold Ickes:

"Mrs. Clinton has reserved her right to take this to the credentials committee."

The meeting adjourned when Hillary's crazy Aryan She-army started a race riot.

Exploring Our Series Of Tubes

Here's a couple of hilarious sites. One intentional. One, not so much.

First, there's HILLARY IS MOM JEANS. Rather than explain, here's a few examples:

HILLARY REVEALED YOUR IDENTITY TO ROBERT NOVAK

HILLARY HAS A BUNCH OF UNICORN STUFF IN HER BEDROOM

HILLARY THINKS KATHY GRIFFIN IS HILARIOUS

HILLARY CLIPS HER CELL PHONE TO HER BELT

HILLARY POPS HER COLLAR

Best part is, you can submit your own.


Then, there's i am neurotic. People write in about how fucked up they are. Take this:

knock knock knock

When falling asleep, if I have a bad thought about someone I love being murdered or getting raped or something else dreadful, I have to knock at least three times on wood. The knock must be audible.

Again, you can submit your own.

Fucking Suffrage

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home

The Messiah has resigned from his bitter Mooslim mosque.

From Monroe Anderson:

In the wake of the Father Michael Pfleger controversial sermon last Sunday at Trinity United Church of Christ, Barack Obama sent a letter yesterday resigning from his place of worship for the past 20 years.

...So in an attempt to turn manufactured right-wing ammo into blanks, Obama has completely separated himself from his minister and his church. What worries me is this: Can we expect a President Obama to cave in to the whims and will of the right on policies and issues he knows are important, if this nation is to move forward in a progressive and compassionate manner? Can we expect him to genuflect to negative reports by an uninformed, misinformed or ill-willed media? Is the candidate of change willing to go-along in a willy-nilly get-along fashion?

I hope not, but I’m not sure.

Obama knows what Trinity is about. I’ve only set foot in the church twice in my life and I know what it’s about. It’s nothing like it’s being portrayed in the national media. Nor is Rev. Wright.

Dem RBC Meeting Happening Now

What an awesome Saturday. The Democratic Rules and Bylaws Committee is meeting to decide what to do with their bastard Michigan and Florida babies.

Obama would like to abort both, because he is a godless liberal elitist.

Hillary would like to adopt both into her hardworking non-bitter home.

Either way, this is gonna take a real long time. It's already been an excruciating day of passive-aggressive jokes and stupid stories no one wants to hear. Plus, we haven't even gotten around to cashing in Hillary's frequent flier miles, tin cans, and collection of state quarters.

Anywho, as usual, Ben Smith brings the best moment so far:

Donna Brazile -- the only RBC member who gets an ovation whenever she speaks -- says to Jim Blanchard, "you mentioned your momma." (Blanchard had mentioned it was his mother's birthday.)

“My momma always told me to play by the rules,” she says. And if you try to change the rules in the middle of the game, "it's cheating."

Brazile's nominally uncommitted, but it's pretty clear what her sentiments lie.

"Hillary Clinton played by the rules," responds Blanchard.

How To Tell The Argument Is Getting Weaker

Beware Of Ballon People

Just like furries or people that are really into "clowning", they're fucking creepy.

via Sully

Today's Hilltard Video

Lost Footage Of Young Hillary Found

Gold

GAy Marriage

Moblogic interviewed Georgians to get their views on teh gayz getting married.

via BraveNewFilms

Alien Drive-by Video To Be Released Tomorrow

From Rocky Mountain News:

A video that purportedly shows a living, breathing space alien will be shown to the news media Friday in Denver.

Jeff Peckman, who is pushing a ballot initiative to create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission in Denver to prepare the city for close encounters of the alien kind, said the video is authentic and convinced him that aliens exist.

"As impressive as it is, it's still one tiny portion in the context of a vast amount of peripheral evidence," he said Wednesday. "It's really the final visual confirmation of what you already know to be true having seen all the other evidence."

...An instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video "very carefully" and determined it was authentic, Peckman said.

Peckman, 54, said the video was among the reasons he was "compelled" to launch the proposed ballot initiative, which has generated news as far as South Africa.

"It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera," he said. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking, Peckman said earlier this month.


A confused Lou Dobbs will attend the event, armed with a shotgun.

Trinity Throws Hillary Under The Bus

From Ben Smith:

In this clip from Obama's church, another Chicago minister, Father Michael Pfleger, mocks Hillary's tears at some length.

"I’m white! I’m entitled! There’s a black man stealing my show!" Pfleger says in falsetto.

He's introduced by the new pastor, who when he's done thanks God for the message and the messenger.

UPDATE: Pfleger appeared at Trinity last Sunday.

Memorial For Gay Holocaust Victims

From Towleroad:

Just a bit more on the memorial that was unveiled yesterday in memory of gay victims of the Holocaust in Berlin. One of the clips below is the actual unveiling.In the other clip, the artists who created the monument, Berlin-based Norwegian-Danish artist duo Ingar Dragset and Michael Elmgreen, talk about the idea behind their design, and why featuring an endless loop video of a male couple kissing which is viewed as you peer through the tiny window, was important to them. Makes perfect sense.






Here's what you see when you peer through the window:

Today's Godtube Moment

Local Coach Arrested For Kid Touching

From NWF Daily News:

Fort Walton Beach High School tennis and golf coach Ray Totten was arrested Tuesday after police officers watched him attempt to destroy flash drives containing evidence of sexual encounters with a student.

...A male student at Fort Walton Beach High School told his parents he’d been sexually abused by Totten, and they took him to the Children’s Advocacy Center in Niceville on May 27, according to an arrest report. The student said Totten began molesting him in December 2007 and the abuse continued until May 25.

The teen reported the molestation was “limited to the defendant masturbating the victim” an estimated 50 times, according to Totten's arrest report. He said the acts happened at Totten’s office and the school library. Some of the molestation happened in Totten’s vehicle in the school parking lot, according to the arrest report.



The acts happened at least every third day, the victim told investigators.
According to the arrest report, police met Totten at Fort Walton Beach High School Tuesday afternoon and asked him to go to the police department with them. He was directed to an interview room and left alone. That’s when officers watching a security monitor observed him begin to destroy two white flash drives.

Between 30 and 40 images of the victim’s private area were recovered from the devices.

What's interesting is that there are several questionable pics on the official FWB HS Tennis homepage that apparently noone thought were sketchy. After sifting through the pics in the gallery section, you'll want to take a Hazmat shower.

Or four.

The internets are one twisted series of tubes.

Fort Walton Beach Throws Wizard Carpenter Under The Bus

The FWB City Council took a huge steaming dump on Jim Hartwell's What Would Jesus Zone? ordinance:

The Fort Walton Beach City Council voted Tuesday against writing an ordinance to require each city board to begin all meetings with an invocation.

“To me, freedom means freedom,” said Councilman Mike Minich, who voted against requiring prayers at meetings. “I’m not going to tell someone they have to participate in prayer. I think it’s something they should decide on their own."

The City Council voted 3-3 on the prayer ordinance. Minich, Dennis Reeves and Bill Garvie voting against it while Jim Hartwell, Wayne Pullen and Mike Holmes supported it. Mayor Mike Anderson voted against the ordinance to break the tie.


via NWF Daily News

Today's Paultard Video

The tiniest hobbit is back on the march for Middle-earth's freedoms, this time almost getting arrested for assisting an injured student (who we assume attempted to commit suicide because he was tired of hearing this Paultard talk about the police state and gold standards).

The hobbit tried to talk to his sheeple teachers about the Constitutional right to be a loudmouth doucheteen, but they were having none of it and......horror......they told him to shut up.

This obviously means that Breckenridge Public Schools hates America and probably carried out 9/11.

XXX: Charlie Crist's Elevator Makeout Party

What does Gov. Charlie Crist do in his free time, when he's not fellating microphones or the elderly Juan McCain?

Make out with hot chicks in elevators, of course. Like any very straight heterosexual Republican would do:

How interested is Florida Governor Charlie Crist in being John McCain's VP runningmate? So much so that veteran GOP dirty trickster Roger Stone -- who coordinated a few dirty stunts in support of Crist during the 2006 gubernatorial campaign -- is quietly peddling a so-called "Charlie Crist sex tape." That's what Stone called it during a telephone conversation. And no, it is not a tape of Crist having sex with a guy. In fact, it isn't even X-rated. The video was seemingly staged to kill the rumors that Crist is gay. Stone claims the tape -- which he discussed recently with Politics1, but didn't show to us ("I'm saving it for the national shows") -- "shows Charlie fooling around in a hotel elevator with his girlfriend ... They're making out." Adds Stone: "It was captured on a security camera in the elevator" last month. And Stone just conveniently happens to have a copy of the hotel's elevator surveillance tape, just when Crist's name is in play for the VP spot. Hmm. As for Crist's purported girlfriend -- presuming it is the same one he took as his date to the White House Correspondents Dinner in DC a few weeks ago -- she's still married (and not to Crist). Disclaimer: Always be skeptical of anything from Stone.

If Charlie gets the veep nod, expect the DNC to have a surveillance tape of their own.

via Politics1

Alice Remix

The Long Weekend

While we were all drinking and getting high on airplane glue over the weekend, some stuff happened:

The Hillbot 2000 was updated with a dancing chip...



A Indian-American, a Space Christian, and a gay dude walk into a ranch...

Bill Clinton once again proved that he hates his wife and her campaign...



St. Barack filled in for Ted Kennedy, who was dicking off on his elitist boat.