brickbat Returns From Longest Vacation In Recorded History

Jingle jangle and salutations!

We have made it back to this series of tubes after an extended sabbatical to clear our minds of nonsense, such as healthcare, recessions, racist wingnuts, paultards, truthers, and other various types of nonsense.

Now, it's back to the usual. Enjoy (or not) our triumphant return.

Obama Admin Anger Bear Quoted On Church Sign

The few words COS Rahm Emanuel knows that do not include profanity were placed on the message board of Judson Memorial Church, a temple for liberal satanists.

From NYT:

Rahm Emanuel, President Obama’s top lieutenant, will probably never be confused with Mother Teresa. So it was a surprise to see a quotation from him, with his name attached, printed on the message board outside a church in Manhattan, facing the street for passers-by to contemplate.

Never waste a crisis,” the sign says. “It can be turned to joyful transformation. — Rahm Emanuel.

The message hangs at the entryway of the Judson Memorial Church, a liberal, social-activist church in Greenwich Village. It’s the kind of “reader board” that other churches reserve for the title of a sermon or a quotation from the Prophets — an exceedingly unlikely place for the words of a profane Chicago pol, known more for his knee capping than knee bending. Moreover, the church defines itself as “in the Christian tradition” and is affiliated with the American Baptist Churches and United Church of Christ; Mr. Emanuel is Jewish.


via Ben Smith

Today's Godtube Moment

The truth about Santa.

BREAKING NEWS: Group Lamer Than Cutters Exists!!!

Teenage girls that embed foreign objects in their skin:

Those unfortunate souls who find cutting insufficiently harmful have taken mutilation to the next level with something doctors call "self-embedding disorder." According to the Chicago Tribune, embedding is when people deliberately insert objects into their flesh, either by forcing them through wounds or by puncturing the flesh with those objects.

"Personnel at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon. One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long."

via Jezebel

Why I Watch Paranormal State

For the Coffey.

The Goaterrorist Project

There's a new lead on the Goaterrorist.

From NWF Daily News:

In a noisy farm at the end of a long dirt road on Draggin' Acres, a bleating Louis L'Amour is one of the lucky goats.

He still has his head.

So do the others - Aunt Jemima, Custer and the young Geronimo. In fact, all 75 of the pygmy and Nubian goats milling around on Brooke Broderick's farm appear safe because their owner keeps close watch.

Besides being the most awesome racist goat farmer around, Louis has something else special to her story:

...She may have a clue, though: A strange phone call she reported to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office last March, about six months before the first decapitated goat was found.

A call history record from the Sheriff's Office lists a report from Broderick just before 7 a.m. March 2, 2007 describing a bizarre call about an ad she placed.

Broderick sells her animals through word-of-mouth and by postings on the Internet classifieds site craigslist.org - which is how the Daily News found her after a cursory search. She describes the March phone call as "really weird."

"A man left a voice mail to me with an extremely eerie soundtrack - like jungle sounds," she says. "He wanted some of my little goats."

Broderick says she called the man back and claims he had a heavy accent, perhaps Haitian.

"He said, ‘I've never owned goats, but my father owned goats - but he's in jail because he had sex with goats.

"That's why I called the deputy sheriff. It was probably a prankster, but you don't play with me with my goats."

Thanks alot, Craigslist. Whatever happened to fun stuff, like Cashfan?

This mystery will never be solved, because of Barack Obama's grandmother being the guilty party and extradition bullshit and all.

BONUS FUN:

Pictures of dead goats here.

I love this town.

There Is No Stopping The Goaterrorist

One yesterday.

Two today:

Two more decapitated goats were found overnight.

A pygmy goat was found at the intersection of Holmes Boulevard and Wright Parkway at a scene that matches the other seven headless goats found. A second goat was discovered on Lowrey Drive, but Director of Animal Services at PAWS, Dee Thompson, said she isn't sure she can link that find to the others.

"It's a very bloody scene," Thompson said. "The animal was extremely bloated."

Is it too much to ask to open a fucking Dave & Buster's down here?

Save Teh Goatz Needs Your Help More Than Ever

Another day, another decapitated goat.

From NWF Daily News:

Another decapitated goat was found early Saturday morning on Cristobal Road, across the street from the Mary Esther Library.

It is the fourth goat decapitated and left in a public place this year, and the seventh since September 2007.

Officials arrived at the intersection of Cristobal Road and Hollywood Avenue just before 7 a.m. and discovered the body of a male pygmy goat on the southeast side of Cristobal Road, said Michele Nicholson, public information officer for the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office.

She added that no blood was at the scene, leading officials to believe the animal was killed elsewhere and transported to the site.

...Thompson said those involved in the investigation have discovered a possible link between the killings and Palo Mayombe, a dark branch of the Afro-Cuban religion Santeria, whose rituals call for animal sacrifice.

"It's the closest thing that I've been able to find to what's been going on," she said. For example, separating the animal's head from its body is in line with the Palo Mayombe belief that the body is not sacred.

Why is Barack Obama's grandmother killing our goats with her black hoodoo?

Further Proof The World Is Ending

Scary stuff:

I am performing an experiment: for one year, I will live as Oprah advises on her television show, on her website, and in the pages of her magazines. The tagline to her website is “Live Your Best Life” and I wonder, will I truly find bliss if I commit wholeheartedly to her lifestyle suggestions?

via The Stranger

Satanic Goaterrorist's Bloodlust Knows No Bounds

The latest in the ongoing Save Teh Goatz saga:

A Fort Walton Beach police officer found a sixth decapitated pygmy goat early Wednesday at the intersection of Holmes Boulevard and Memorial Drive.

...The six decapitated goats were killed in similar ways and five were tossed on or near city streets not far from each other. The goats were killed at another location. The beheadings were almost surgical and the carcasses were significantly lacking blood, Thompson said. At least three of the five goats found had carefully cut leaves and twigs arranged in their mouths.

Today's Godtube Moment

Satanic Goaterrorist Strikes Again

brickbat, in solidifying our long proven allegience to the Save Teh Goatz project, brings you the latest in an ongoing story that involves headless goats and using rape kits on headless goats:

After more than four months, a fifth decapitated has been found.

This time, it appears as if the body and head might have been thrown from a moving vehicle. That caused the signature leaves and twigs placed in the goat’s mouth to become dislodged and partially scattered, said Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services with the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society.

The body and head of a black and white pygmy goat were discarded separately at the intersection of Memorial Parkway and Holmes Boulevard late Tuesday or early Wednesday. While it is strikingly similar to the other decapitated goats that have been found, Thompson-Poirrier said it appeared as if the head was almost surgically removed.

Investigators will send the goat off for a complete necropsy, including a toxicology screening and tests to see if the animal was sexually assaulted.

If you can track down the demonic goat fornicator, there's a $500 reeeeward in it fer ya.

via NWF Daily News

The General's War On Wizardofascism

From Jesus' General:


Heather Fiorentino
Superintendent, Pasco County School District
Land O' Lakes, FL

cc: David Estabrook .
Principal, Rushe Middle School

Dear Superintendent Fiorentino ,

I never thought I'd write a letter asking you to fire Principal Dave Estabrook. His work at Rushe Middle School has been exemplary until now. Indeed, I thought he was the only living principal who truly understood the threat wizardofascism poses to America's children. His actions certainly supported my conclusion. He had, after all, prompted the firing of a teacher for engaging in wizardry by performing a "magic trick" in class.

But today, I learned that perhaps the firing was merely a ruse he employed to draw attention away from his own satanic activity, an annual event he calls "picture day." Every Spring, Mr. Estabrook invites witches and sorcerers into his school where they use strange devices of demonic origin to capture children's souls and imprison them on pieces of paper. He then ransoms off the imprisoned souls in glossy 8x10 and wallet-sized purgatorial dungeons to the desperate parents of his soulless victims.

This soul thievery must end now. You have no choice. You must fire Mr. Estabrook, immediately.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Penis Shrinkers Arrested

From sexblo.gs:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Today's Godtube Moment

Satan Bite The Dust

Is there nothing Carman can't do?

Kos to Hilltards: STFU

Hilltard bloggers at the Daily Kos (a site you will never find me reading) are going on a strike. They're claiming bias and abuse at the site just because of their support the evil Lesbot Thundercunt.

Kos fires back:


Meanwhile, Clinton and her shrinking band of paranoid holdouts wail and scream about all those evil people who have "turned" on Clinton and are no longer "honest power brokers" or "respectable voices" or whatnot, wearing blinders to reality, talking about silly little "strikes" when in reality, Clinton is planning a far more drastic, destructive and dehabilitating civil war.

People like me have two choices -- look the other way while Clinton attempts to ignite her civil war, or fight back now, before we cross that dangerous line. Honestly, it wasn't a difficult choice. And it's clear, looking at where the super delegates, most bloggers, and people like Olbermann are lining up, that the mainstream of the progressive movement is making the same choice.

And the more super delegates see what is happening, and what Clinton has in store, the more imperative it is that they line up behind Obama and put an end to it before it's too late.

via Daily Kos

Saudis to Execute Woman for Witchcraft

Saudi Arabia, the kingdom that makes the Deep South look like Amsterdam, has sentenced a woman to death for witchcraft and performing supernatural acts. You know, the shit that our country did away with back in 1693:

The most frequent victims are women, who already suffer severe restrictions on daily life in Saudi Arabia: They cannot drive, appear before a judge without a male representative, or travel abroad without a male guardian's permission.

Witchcraft is considered an offense against Islam in the conservative kingdom.

In Falih's case, the judges relied on a coerced confession and on the statements of witnesses who said she had "bewitched" them to convict her in April 2006, according to the group.

Falih later retracted her confession in court, claiming it was extracted under duress, and said that as an illiterate woman, she did not understand the document she was forced to fingerprint.

"The fact that Saudi judges still conduct trials for unprovable crimes like 'witchcraft' underscores their inability to carry out objective criminal investigations," said Joe Stork, Middle East director at Human Rights Watch.

But that's okay. I'm sure our administration, as always, will take a strong stand against brute regimes.....



Oh.

via HuffPo

SATANIC GOAT KILLER RETURNS!!!

4 months passed and 4 decapitated goats on the streets of Fort Walton Beach. The Goat Killer has returned:

“Now we’re wondering,” said Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services for the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society. “Some people find some sort of sexual gratification watching animals die,” and such people could prove a menace, she added.

So, when 3 goat heads were found, meh, that's par for the course. But 4? That's the number when you start worrying?

Listen guys, if this is some fucked up contest to see who is more twisted, FWB or Panama Shitty, then there is no contest. It's Panama Shitty. Stop trying.

Stay tuned for more info on my Save Teh Goatz task force. Email me with suggestions for a logo (because every task force must have shirts and hats) and we as a community will bring this freak to his knees!!!

via NWF Daily News

WTF is Up with Goats Down Here?!?!

I'm getting really worried about my adopted motherland of NW Florida.

First, goat killers are on the loose.

Now, some freak is kidnapping (heh) them.

Oh wait. I almost forgot that back in March some goat fucker caused the Walton County Sheriff's office to USE A RAPE KIT ON A DEAD GOAT.

Dear Wierd Goat Freaks,

Stop this bullshit. I'm super serial about this. My mom is coming down in a little over a week. The last thing she needs to see are half goat/half redneck hybrids scurrying around our beaches. I'm thinking about forming some kinda Save Teh Goatz task force or something just to preserve what little dignity the Panhandle of Florida has left. Go back to playing World of Warcraft or blogging about how awsome Ron Paul's blimp is or something. I don't care what you do. Just lay off the kids.

via NWF Daily News

Goat Busters

Look out Fort Walton Beach. There's a goat killer on the loose.

Over the last 3 months, 3 headless goats have turned up on our streets. The Animal Defense Council is mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore.

Wait, they're based out of Arizona. WTF? If we don't care, why should they?

Anyways, the ADC is offering a whopping $500 dollars on any info on these Pagan criminals. So, mysterious goat boy, whoever you are, stop it. Or else......they'll force you to attend an Arizona Rattlers game. Consider yourself warned.

[Reward offered for headless goat info]