Today's Paultard Video

Sure, we pick on this kid alot...but he's a flaming paultard.

This story is about a tiny hobbit who used the gold he stole from a troll's cave to purchase a 9/11 truth shirt and wear it for his school's picture day.

There was drama.

Not to worry, though. By Gandolf's staff, he won!!!



And America lost.

Oh, and so did Ron Paul. Get rid of the signs, freak.

Life is Not Fair

Heath Ledger dead, but Chris Crocker alive and doing this????????????????????




Dearest Jeebus:

We've all heard you work in mysterious ways, but this is a little much.

Put your thing down, flip it and reverse it.

Thanks,

brickbat

SATANIC GOAT KILLER RETURNS!!!

4 months passed and 4 decapitated goats on the streets of Fort Walton Beach. The Goat Killer has returned:

“Now we’re wondering,” said Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services for the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society. “Some people find some sort of sexual gratification watching animals die,” and such people could prove a menace, she added.

So, when 3 goat heads were found, meh, that's par for the course. But 4? That's the number when you start worrying?

Listen guys, if this is some fucked up contest to see who is more twisted, FWB or Panama Shitty, then there is no contest. It's Panama Shitty. Stop trying.

Stay tuned for more info on my Save Teh Goatz task force. Email me with suggestions for a logo (because every task force must have shirts and hats) and we as a community will bring this freak to his knees!!!

via NWF Daily News

WTF is Up with Goats Down Here?!?!

I'm getting really worried about my adopted motherland of NW Florida.

First, goat killers are on the loose.

Now, some freak is kidnapping (heh) them.

Oh wait. I almost forgot that back in March some goat fucker caused the Walton County Sheriff's office to USE A RAPE KIT ON A DEAD GOAT.

Dear Wierd Goat Freaks,

Stop this bullshit. I'm super serial about this. My mom is coming down in a little over a week. The last thing she needs to see are half goat/half redneck hybrids scurrying around our beaches. I'm thinking about forming some kinda Save Teh Goatz task force or something just to preserve what little dignity the Panhandle of Florida has left. Go back to playing World of Warcraft or blogging about how awsome Ron Paul's blimp is or something. I don't care what you do. Just lay off the kids.

via NWF Daily News

Goat Busters

Look out Fort Walton Beach. There's a goat killer on the loose.

Over the last 3 months, 3 headless goats have turned up on our streets. The Animal Defense Council is mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore.

Wait, they're based out of Arizona. WTF? If we don't care, why should they?

Anyways, the ADC is offering a whopping $500 dollars on any info on these Pagan criminals. So, mysterious goat boy, whoever you are, stop it. Or else......they'll force you to attend an Arizona Rattlers game. Consider yourself warned.

[Reward offered for headless goat info]