The Goaterrorist Project

There's a new lead on the Goaterrorist.

From NWF Daily News:

In a noisy farm at the end of a long dirt road on Draggin' Acres, a bleating Louis L'Amour is one of the lucky goats.

He still has his head.

So do the others - Aunt Jemima, Custer and the young Geronimo. In fact, all 75 of the pygmy and Nubian goats milling around on Brooke Broderick's farm appear safe because their owner keeps close watch.

Besides being the most awesome racist goat farmer around, Louis has something else special to her story:

...She may have a clue, though: A strange phone call she reported to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office last March, about six months before the first decapitated goat was found.

A call history record from the Sheriff's Office lists a report from Broderick just before 7 a.m. March 2, 2007 describing a bizarre call about an ad she placed.

Broderick sells her animals through word-of-mouth and by postings on the Internet classifieds site craigslist.org - which is how the Daily News found her after a cursory search. She describes the March phone call as "really weird."

"A man left a voice mail to me with an extremely eerie soundtrack - like jungle sounds," she says. "He wanted some of my little goats."

Broderick says she called the man back and claims he had a heavy accent, perhaps Haitian.

"He said, ‘I've never owned goats, but my father owned goats - but he's in jail because he had sex with goats.

"That's why I called the deputy sheriff. It was probably a prankster, but you don't play with me with my goats."

Thanks alot, Craigslist. Whatever happened to fun stuff, like Cashfan?

This mystery will never be solved, because of Barack Obama's grandmother being the guilty party and extradition bullshit and all.

BONUS FUN:

Pictures of dead goats here.

I love this town.

There Is No Stopping The Goaterrorist

One yesterday.

Two today:

Two more decapitated goats were found overnight.

A pygmy goat was found at the intersection of Holmes Boulevard and Wright Parkway at a scene that matches the other seven headless goats found. A second goat was discovered on Lowrey Drive, but Director of Animal Services at PAWS, Dee Thompson, said she isn't sure she can link that find to the others.

"It's a very bloody scene," Thompson said. "The animal was extremely bloated."

Is it too much to ask to open a fucking Dave & Buster's down here?

Save Teh Goatz Needs Your Help More Than Ever

Another day, another decapitated goat.

From NWF Daily News:

Another decapitated goat was found early Saturday morning on Cristobal Road, across the street from the Mary Esther Library.

It is the fourth goat decapitated and left in a public place this year, and the seventh since September 2007.

Officials arrived at the intersection of Cristobal Road and Hollywood Avenue just before 7 a.m. and discovered the body of a male pygmy goat on the southeast side of Cristobal Road, said Michele Nicholson, public information officer for the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office.

She added that no blood was at the scene, leading officials to believe the animal was killed elsewhere and transported to the site.

...Thompson said those involved in the investigation have discovered a possible link between the killings and Palo Mayombe, a dark branch of the Afro-Cuban religion Santeria, whose rituals call for animal sacrifice.

"It's the closest thing that I've been able to find to what's been going on," she said. For example, separating the animal's head from its body is in line with the Palo Mayombe belief that the body is not sacred.

Why is Barack Obama's grandmother killing our goats with her black hoodoo?

Satanic Goaterrorist's Bloodlust Knows No Bounds

The latest in the ongoing Save Teh Goatz saga:

A Fort Walton Beach police officer found a sixth decapitated pygmy goat early Wednesday at the intersection of Holmes Boulevard and Memorial Drive.

...The six decapitated goats were killed in similar ways and five were tossed on or near city streets not far from each other. The goats were killed at another location. The beheadings were almost surgical and the carcasses were significantly lacking blood, Thompson said. At least three of the five goats found had carefully cut leaves and twigs arranged in their mouths.

Satanic Goaterrorist Strikes Again

brickbat, in solidifying our long proven allegience to the Save Teh Goatz project, brings you the latest in an ongoing story that involves headless goats and using rape kits on headless goats:

After more than four months, a fifth decapitated has been found.

This time, it appears as if the body and head might have been thrown from a moving vehicle. That caused the signature leaves and twigs placed in the goat’s mouth to become dislodged and partially scattered, said Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services with the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society.

The body and head of a black and white pygmy goat were discarded separately at the intersection of Memorial Parkway and Holmes Boulevard late Tuesday or early Wednesday. While it is strikingly similar to the other decapitated goats that have been found, Thompson-Poirrier said it appeared as if the head was almost surgically removed.

Investigators will send the goat off for a complete necropsy, including a toxicology screening and tests to see if the animal was sexually assaulted.

If you can track down the demonic goat fornicator, there's a $500 reeeeward in it fer ya.

via NWF Daily News

Won't Someone Save this Manimal???

It's been confirmed. The 4 dead goats are connected.

The story gets wierder:

The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office has verified that leaves and twigs were found arranged from one side of the pygmy goats’ mouths to the other.
Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services for the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society, said that was something at least two of the four goat heads had in common.
“There were carefully cut and placed branches in the animals’ mouths,” Thompson-Poirrier said.

But now, someone is trying to shoot my Satanist theory down:

“All religions have done it,” said Dr. Dirk Dunbar, a humanities professor at Okaloosa-Walton College and the University of West Florida.
Dunbar cited that Joseph and Mary sacrificed doves, according to Christian history. He also called animal sacrifice an “antiquated practice.”
He said he doesn’t feel the act is a pagan ritual. Dunbar said most neo-pagans are animal rights activists.

Dr. Dunbar, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about. This has the stench of demonic/pagan/wiccan forces all over it. I haven't decided which yet, but it's one of those.

All the more reason to mobilize the Save Teh Goatz army, which will now start hoarding a cache of crucifixes, holy water, gypsy tears, and anything else that might stave off this hippie freak/s.

I'm also thinking of using free Ron Paul blimp ride tickets inside a wire cage as the bait for traps set up around town. Maybe those and some bundles of sage.

via NWF Daily News

SATANIC GOAT KILLER RETURNS!!!

4 months passed and 4 decapitated goats on the streets of Fort Walton Beach. The Goat Killer has returned:

“Now we’re wondering,” said Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services for the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society. “Some people find some sort of sexual gratification watching animals die,” and such people could prove a menace, she added.

So, when 3 goat heads were found, meh, that's par for the course. But 4? That's the number when you start worrying?

Listen guys, if this is some fucked up contest to see who is more twisted, FWB or Panama Shitty, then there is no contest. It's Panama Shitty. Stop trying.

Stay tuned for more info on my Save Teh Goatz task force. Email me with suggestions for a logo (because every task force must have shirts and hats) and we as a community will bring this freak to his knees!!!

via NWF Daily News

WTF is Up with Goats Down Here?!?!

I'm getting really worried about my adopted motherland of NW Florida.

First, goat killers are on the loose.

Now, some freak is kidnapping (heh) them.

Oh wait. I almost forgot that back in March some goat fucker caused the Walton County Sheriff's office to USE A RAPE KIT ON A DEAD GOAT.

Dear Wierd Goat Freaks,

Stop this bullshit. I'm super serial about this. My mom is coming down in a little over a week. The last thing she needs to see are half goat/half redneck hybrids scurrying around our beaches. I'm thinking about forming some kinda Save Teh Goatz task force or something just to preserve what little dignity the Panhandle of Florida has left. Go back to playing World of Warcraft or blogging about how awsome Ron Paul's blimp is or something. I don't care what you do. Just lay off the kids.

via NWF Daily News

Goat Busters

Look out Fort Walton Beach. There's a goat killer on the loose.

Over the last 3 months, 3 headless goats have turned up on our streets. The Animal Defense Council is mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore.

Wait, they're based out of Arizona. WTF? If we don't care, why should they?

Anyways, the ADC is offering a whopping $500 dollars on any info on these Pagan criminals. So, mysterious goat boy, whoever you are, stop it. Or else......they'll force you to attend an Arizona Rattlers game. Consider yourself warned.

[Reward offered for headless goat info]