Today's Godtube Moment

The truth about Santa.

BREAKING NEWS: Group Lamer Than Cutters Exists!!!

Teenage girls that embed foreign objects in their skin:

Those unfortunate souls who find cutting insufficiently harmful have taken mutilation to the next level with something doctors call "self-embedding disorder." According to the Chicago Tribune, embedding is when people deliberately insert objects into their flesh, either by forcing them through wounds or by puncturing the flesh with those objects.

"Personnel at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon. One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long."

via Jezebel

Satanic Goaterrorist's Bloodlust Knows No Bounds

The latest in the ongoing Save Teh Goatz saga:

A Fort Walton Beach police officer found a sixth decapitated pygmy goat early Wednesday at the intersection of Holmes Boulevard and Memorial Drive.

...The six decapitated goats were killed in similar ways and five were tossed on or near city streets not far from each other. The goats were killed at another location. The beheadings were almost surgical and the carcasses were significantly lacking blood, Thompson said. At least three of the five goats found had carefully cut leaves and twigs arranged in their mouths.

Satanic Goaterrorist Strikes Again

brickbat, in solidifying our long proven allegience to the Save Teh Goatz project, brings you the latest in an ongoing story that involves headless goats and using rape kits on headless goats:

After more than four months, a fifth decapitated has been found.

This time, it appears as if the body and head might have been thrown from a moving vehicle. That caused the signature leaves and twigs placed in the goat’s mouth to become dislodged and partially scattered, said Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services with the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society.

The body and head of a black and white pygmy goat were discarded separately at the intersection of Memorial Parkway and Holmes Boulevard late Tuesday or early Wednesday. While it is strikingly similar to the other decapitated goats that have been found, Thompson-Poirrier said it appeared as if the head was almost surgically removed.

Investigators will send the goat off for a complete necropsy, including a toxicology screening and tests to see if the animal was sexually assaulted.

If you can track down the demonic goat fornicator, there's a $500 reeeeward in it fer ya.

via NWF Daily News

The General's War On Wizardofascism

From Jesus' General:


Heather Fiorentino
Superintendent, Pasco County School District
Land O' Lakes, FL

cc: David Estabrook .
Principal, Rushe Middle School

Dear Superintendent Fiorentino ,

I never thought I'd write a letter asking you to fire Principal Dave Estabrook. His work at Rushe Middle School has been exemplary until now. Indeed, I thought he was the only living principal who truly understood the threat wizardofascism poses to America's children. His actions certainly supported my conclusion. He had, after all, prompted the firing of a teacher for engaging in wizardry by performing a "magic trick" in class.

But today, I learned that perhaps the firing was merely a ruse he employed to draw attention away from his own satanic activity, an annual event he calls "picture day." Every Spring, Mr. Estabrook invites witches and sorcerers into his school where they use strange devices of demonic origin to capture children's souls and imprison them on pieces of paper. He then ransoms off the imprisoned souls in glossy 8x10 and wallet-sized purgatorial dungeons to the desperate parents of his soulless victims.

This soul thievery must end now. You have no choice. You must fire Mr. Estabrook, immediately.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Selected Reading From Ron Paul Forum

Time once again to see what Paultards are chattering about, even though they know that Dr. Congressman L. Ron Paultard has no chance of becoming Preznit of Ameros.

This from a genius piece of work entitled Ignoring Dr. Paul:

Reality will show soon enough that Ron Paul was right when he was saying that keeping on printing money out of thin air and not taking counter messures would make the recession become worse. No other presidential candidate mentioned this unpopular message in the debates then Dr. RON PAUL. All others seem to have no idea most probebly....totaly blind deaf and dumb. Reality will come soon enough though. Wonder if this comming resession is going to help Dr. Ron Paul to get the attention he needs to get known by those who never even heared from him before...thanks to the criminal MSM.

And, of course, some replies:

They were ignoring Ron Paul when he was talking about the North American highway. Now, the MSM are all talking about it. Ron Paul is not a liar, so why do americans turn a blinds eye and a deaf ear?

I am proud to have taken the proverbial red pill and asking questions. I am no longer blind nor deaf. I am especially not afraid of terrorists. I have more fear of the IRS and dictatorships.

After talking about what happened to me back in 1993 with police officers in a small town in Ga. to a Black man, the Black man said to me, "Now you know how we feel." That was the day I woke up. Even though I didn't see it when the police officers violated my 4th. amendment, it took a non-bias Black man to wake me up. I have never been back to sleep and that has put me on a few list in Florida. I don't really care about being on a list, cause I do no wrong.

i believe anything now after what they`re doing to me.

If we go threw with the whole North American highway, whats the point in borders between US/Canada and US/Mexico.

Lemmings are absolutely terrified at the thought of being labeled as an "extremist" or a "conspiracy theorist". Ironically, the very same lemmings who instinctively ridicule all "conspiracy theories", are always the first ones to blindly swallow the most ridiculous conspiracy theories imaginable when the government and media present them!

Message to the producers of The Hobbit Movie: HURRY THE FUCK UP, MOVE THE RELEASE DATE TO THIS YEAR AND GIVE THESE RETARDS SOMETHING TO DO!!!

via Ron Paul Forum

Fucking Hippies

Yesterday, a bunch of stinky whiney hippies decided to protest the Iraq war. Wonkette was on the case:

Simple and subtle. Best of the day. Thank you for drawing this masterpiece of crayon for us, Senator David Vitter. We'll change your diaper shortly.

They also had great coverage of the D.C. clusterfuck here, here, and here.

via Wonkette

Intertubes Just Got A Little Paultardier

Did you know there is a 3-D movie in the works about L. Ron Paultard called The High Tide? Neither did I.

It looks like a video game, which should make WoW addicted Paultards squeal with glee.

So, combine The Matrix, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, The Day After Tomorrow, and a bunch of crazy talk about gold standards and Liberty Dollars and you get this:



via Wonkette

Satanists Invade Navarre

Psychic Wiccan crazies take time out from marching for L. Ron Paultard in WoW to hold a good old fashioned Jeebus-hating jamboree.



via NWF Daily News

Betty Butterfield Break

Ha

Won't Someone Save this Manimal???

It's been confirmed. The 4 dead goats are connected.

The story gets wierder:

The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office has verified that leaves and twigs were found arranged from one side of the pygmy goats’ mouths to the other.
Dee Thompson-Poirrier, director of animal services for the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society, said that was something at least two of the four goat heads had in common.
“There were carefully cut and placed branches in the animals’ mouths,” Thompson-Poirrier said.

But now, someone is trying to shoot my Satanist theory down:

“All religions have done it,” said Dr. Dirk Dunbar, a humanities professor at Okaloosa-Walton College and the University of West Florida.
Dunbar cited that Joseph and Mary sacrificed doves, according to Christian history. He also called animal sacrifice an “antiquated practice.”
He said he doesn’t feel the act is a pagan ritual. Dunbar said most neo-pagans are animal rights activists.

Dr. Dunbar, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about. This has the stench of demonic/pagan/wiccan forces all over it. I haven't decided which yet, but it's one of those.

All the more reason to mobilize the Save Teh Goatz army, which will now start hoarding a cache of crucifixes, holy water, gypsy tears, and anything else that might stave off this hippie freak/s.

I'm also thinking of using free Ron Paul blimp ride tickets inside a wire cage as the bait for traps set up around town. Maybe those and some bundles of sage.

via NWF Daily News