Showing posts with label Baby Jeebus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby Jeebus. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Today's Godtube/tangle Moment
If you think Baby Jeebus gives a shit if you're left in an unmanned car when the Rapture occurs, think again.
via God's Wrath
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Barry Hussein Holds Slim Lead In IN
And the bitters in Kentucky are giving WALNUTS! a slim lead in KY...while clinging to their glocks and Baby Jeebus buttplugs.
via MSNBC
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Today's Godtube Moment
Would Baby Jesus approve of Cindy McCain's candy bowl, which consists of Vicodin and Lithium?
Short answer: Yes
Dr. Frank Minirth says that because Jesus was a wizard witch doctor himself, it's totes cool to chase painkillers with delicious Belgian Budweiser.
It's in the Bible.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
A Tale Of Two Fundies
Those zombie who smile too much and pollute your door knob with prayer mailers/VBS coupons? Here's further evidence you should avoid eye contact with them.
Burning flaming crosses in children's arms.
and
Tying your son to a tree and leaving him for dead.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Fort Walton Beach Throws Wizard Carpenter Under The Bus
The FWB City Council took a huge steaming dump on Jim Hartwell's What Would Jesus Zone? ordinance:
The Fort Walton Beach City Council voted Tuesday against writing an ordinance to require each city board to begin all meetings with an invocation.
“To me, freedom means freedom,” said Councilman Mike Minich, who voted against requiring prayers at meetings. “I’m not going to tell someone they have to participate in prayer. I think it’s something they should decide on their own."
The City Council voted 3-3 on the prayer ordinance. Minich, Dennis Reeves and Bill Garvie voting against it while Jim Hartwell, Wayne Pullen and Mike Holmes supported it. Mayor Mike Anderson voted against the ordinance to break the tie.
via NWF Daily News
Friday, May 23, 2008
Jesus To Be Elected Chairman Of Fort Walton Beach
Wanna get elected in FWB? Then you better start loving some Baby Jeebus, because you're gonna have to pray to his tiny infant ears.
City Councilman Jim Hartwell wants an ordinance demanding:
1) City business must start with asking the famous wizard carpenter to bless and guide important city proceedings, such as zoning permits for tool sheds.
2) Once they have said wizard carpenter on conference call, everyone must stand and say the Pledge of Allegiance; thus ensuring that the terrorists will not win.
From NWF Daily News:
Like many other local government boards, the City Council opens its meetings with an invocation and the Pledge of Allegiance before taking up business.
On Tuesday, the prayer and pledge will become Fort Walton Beach’s business.
City Councilman Jim Hartwell has asked that an ordinance be considered that would require every city board or council to start their meeting with an invocation or moment of silence and the Pledge of Allegiance.
The request comes after the city’s Community Redevelopment Agency this month decided to stop saying a prayer and discussed doing away with the pledge because it offended one of its members.
“I think it’s important that we start our meetings with a prayer and I find it unbelievable that some people would be offended to say the Pledge of Allegiance,” Hartwell said. “If we take God out, we start thinking we can do it all on our own and the city will go downhill.”
...Learning the CRA board had eliminated the invocations from their meetings was a surprise to Charles Sansom Sr., an associate pastor at Family of Faith Community Church on Racetrack Road. Since learning of Tuesday’s council meeting, Sansom has contacted other pastors and residents to ask them to attend in support of Hartwell’s request.
“We live in a tremendous community. A Christian community where people work together and blend together,” Sansom said.
“We need to pray for our city,” Sansom added. “Our city has a lot of needs. One of the most powerful weapons we have against our enemies as Christians is prayer.”
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The General's War On Wizardofascism
From Jesus' General:
Heather Fiorentino
Superintendent, Pasco County School District
Land O' Lakes, FL
cc: David Estabrook .
Principal, Rushe Middle School
Dear Superintendent Fiorentino ,
I never thought I'd write a letter asking you to fire Principal Dave Estabrook. His work at Rushe Middle School has been exemplary until now. Indeed, I thought he was the only living principal who truly understood the threat wizardofascism poses to America's children. His actions certainly supported my conclusion. He had, after all, prompted the firing of a teacher for engaging in wizardry by performing a "magic trick" in class.
But today, I learned that perhaps the firing was merely a ruse he employed to draw attention away from his own satanic activity, an annual event he calls "picture day." Every Spring, Mr. Estabrook invites witches and sorcerers into his school where they use strange devices of demonic origin to capture children's souls and imprison them on pieces of paper. He then ransoms off the imprisoned souls in glossy 8x10 and wallet-sized purgatorial dungeons to the desperate parents of his soulless victims.
This soul thievery must end now. You have no choice. You must fire Mr. Estabrook, immediately.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Today's Godtube Moment
What better way to tell the story of Baby Jeebus than to mold a pile of clay into what eventually looks like a bloody John Kerry with a crown of thorns?
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Florida To Prove Holiness With License Plate
What's more awesomer than a Save teh Babies license plate?
An I love Baby Jesus more than you license plate.
With over 100 plate styles to choose from, Florida lawmakers think we're missing that certain "J" factor:
The Florida Legislature is considering a specialty plate with a design that includes a Christian cross, a stained-glass window and the words "I Believe."
Rep. Edward Bullard, the plate's sponsor, said people who "believe in their college or university" or "believe in their football team" already have license plates they can buy. The new design is a chance for others to put a tag on their cars with "something they believe in," he said.
I'm submitting my suggestion for a license plate: The Piss Christ on a plain white background stating "I ate a baby for breakfast this morning and all I got was this lousy dysentery.
via Breitbart
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Fundies Freak Over French Fries
McDonald's has joined the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Among the NGLCC's agenda are the promotion of hate crimes legislation and the ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act.)
Jesus huggers are freaking the fuck out.
Take this one:
In exchange for the donation, a McDonald's senior executive has been placed on the board of the pro-homosexual group. Wildmon says the chain's decision is baffling. "And this is so strange, because it's the family that McDonald's appeals to -- children's playland, you know, all the little toys, all of that," Wildmon shares. "And they are promoting a lifestyle that would utterly destroy the traditional family."
..."If a person really wants to make an impact," Wildmon encourages, "call your local McDonald's and say, 'As long as you are members of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, I'm going to have to seriously consider whether or not I'm going to continue to come to your restaurant and bring my family to your restaurant.'"
Or this one:
Not today, in light of reports that McDonald's has decided, apparently, to declare war on my family. And to declare war on the civilization of liberty, independence, creativity, and humanity under God that my Dad fought for in World War II.
...A hamburger's worth giving up and giving in to all that?
Hardly.
McDonald's is now on trial.
The fries are good. Even great. But the worldview they support isn't fit for human consumption.
Maybe we'll stop by Chick-Fil-A instead. It's a little out of the way, but I hear they like families.
See, gays?
Why do you hate America?
via Sully
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Chuck Norris Wants To Cut Lesbians' Noses
Famous literary figure and friend of Baby Jeebus, Chuck Norris, writes a blog for Townhall. Today's installment did not disappoint:
Is encouraging or teaching about homosexuality what our Founders expected for the public education system they started? Even the most liberal among them opposed it. For example, Thomas Jefferson drafted a bill concerning the criminal laws of Virginia, in which he proposed that the penalty for sexual deviance should be unique corporal punishment. Jefferson's views were indeed representative of early America:
"Whosoever shall be guilty of Rape, Polygamy, or Sodomy with man or woman shall be punished, if a man, by castration, if a woman, by cutting thro' the cartilage of her nose a hole of one half inch diameter at the least." Can you imagine a statesman proposing such a law today?
No Chuck, I can't. That was over 200 years ago, when Juan McCain first ran for the Continental Congress.
That and the fact you probably just made it up.
Next week's post should be great. I heard it's about the time that Chuck, Hillary Clinton, and Thomas Jefferson made a daring visit to Middle-Earth while ducking sniper fire.
via Townhall
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