Today's Paultard Video

Hey everbody. Ron Paul has a brother. We did not know this.

Listen as he too rails against the Federal Reserve. This is funny to us because Wayne Paul is so old that when he speaks, it sounds like he is crying.

via the Youtubes

Today In Palin News

1) A hilarious memo from a Palin 2012 adviser obtained by Gawker:

John Coale, currently advising Sarah Palin on running for president in 2012, is a Scientologist. And according to a memo obtained by Gawker, Coale once plotted to use friendly politicians to advance the power-hungry cult's agenda.

Coale is a prominent Washington power broker and husband to Fox News' Greta Van Susteren. According to the Washington Post, he is running Palin's political action committee behind the scenes and "guiding [her] political image in Washington."

In 1986, he masterminded a plan—which was never executed—for Scientology to get into the "MONEY and VOTES game" in order to "create power" for Scientology and win influence Washington, D.C



and 2) Kay Bailey Hutchison just scored some major points with us:

Sarah Palin now seems to be fair game for Republicans too.

She endorsed Rick Perry, who faces a primary for governor of Texas against Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, and Hutchison's political director, KC Jones, is promoting a mocking editorial about Perry and Palin.

"Better late than never! The Texarkana Gazette may have published this editorial last month, but we thought it was still worth bringing to your attention. Enjoy!" Jones writes of an editorial titled, "Alaska’s governor could be more hindrance than help."

"When it comes down to it, Palin doesn’t know Eskimo from Alamo about Texas government and politics. What’s more, she is unlikely to care," said the editorial. "If Perry relies too heavily on Palin, he may find himself with a lot of time to watch Russians from her front porch come January 2011."

Checkin' In With Chuck

Here's a doozy on Mexico, Mexicans, drugs, and whatnot:

More than 7,000 lives have been lost in Mexico's drug war in just the last 14 months, in which nine out of 10 guns recovered from crime scenes came from the U.S. Border towns are experiencing outrageous escalations in crime, including more than 300 drug-related kidnappings in Phoenix alone in 2008 (most involved Mexican immigrants with ties to drug cartels).

Isn't it finally time we built a wall that works? Isn't it time we quit restricting our border agents by granting illegals more rights than our citizens? Isn't it time we post military personnel at particularly hot illegal crossings?

...Now more than ever, we must protect our borders and sovereignty. So far, our government has failed to produce suitable solutions to securing our borders and stopping illegal immigration. Amnesty is not the answer. And immigration laws aren't effective if we continue to allow them to be dodged or ignored. Furthermore, globalization efforts have only confused security matters, further endangering our borders as well as our national identity – our sovereignty.

And the question that keeps coming back to my mind is: How is it that we can militarily overthrow a tyrant like Saddam Hussein in Iraq, yet we can't keep illegals from crossing our borders? As Mike Huckabee says, "If the government can't track illegals, then let's outsource the job to UPS or Fed Ex." It's true. If they can track a lost package anywhere in the world within minutes, they can certainly track down and keep track of illegals.

Sarah Palin Can't Wait Until WALNUTS! Dies And Goes To Hell

The endangered Alaskan Snowcunt gave a speech before fellow Republicans and had this interesting byte:

"Some in the media actually participated in not so much the 'who-what-where-when-why' objective reporting on candidates and positions, those five W's that I learned when I had a journalism degree so many years ago in college, when the world of journalism was quite different than it is today," she said.

"No, things have changed," she continued. "But complaining? Or whining? Absolutely not. But I am going to call it like I see it. It doesn't do any good to whine about any of this. But I can call it like I see it. Sometimes it gets me in a lot of trouble when I speak candidly, and I speak from the heart and I do such a thing. But I am going to."

"And there was that media slant this go round," she said. "And unless things change, the GOP had really better can stand together, 'cause we got that on the battlefield also. I call it like I see it and like I lived it on the campaign trail. Not complaining, but dealing with reality."

"Those are the cards that are dealt us," she said, "and we had better learn to play that hand and do things right and do things better."

Later in the speech, she told a story about praying for strength before last October's Vice Presidential debate with Joe Biden in St. Louis.

"So I'm looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra," she said. "And the McCain campaign, love 'em, you know, they're a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray." As the crowd laughed, Palin grinned and said she meant no disrespect to the McCain campaign. She said she ultimately prayed with her daughter Piper.

Obama Harshes America's Buzz

Good crikey Jiminy Christmas fuck. This guy again.

President Unicorn has not been told that the election is over and he won. Because of this, he still travels around the country while Tim Geithner & Co. are left in charge to plot new horrible ways to force us in to unemployment office lines.

Today, Obama held a virtual Town Hall meeting, taking questions from various robots of the future.

The question that has gotten the most attention came from an android named "Jared" who was just laid off by the fat cats at Skynet. Jared v.1.3 asked if it would be cool to grow a marijuana garden, just like the POTUS already has.

The response:

"No, I don’t think that is a good strategy to grow our economy," he said.




Guess pot won't be legal until we can come up with real patriotic slogans for it like Freedom Fried or Liberty Leaves.

Lambo's Back

After last week's uncomfortable performance, Lambo "straightened it up" (in the words of the black Subway dude) for Mowtown week by singing Smokey Robinson's The Tracks of My Tears.

Stupid Flanders is looking less and less of a threat as Matt Giraud has proven to be the panty creamer for 2 weeks in a row:



As far as who's leaving, we'd bet on Blindy or Michael Sarver.

This Phone Sex Operator Is Straight Genius, Son

From videogum:

New York-based comedian Gil Ozeri has a series of prank phone calls in which he calls phone sex operators and tells them that he has a weird fetish, like "Old Timey Barbers," or "Jewish Mother Stereotypes." That's a funny premise. Someone should turn it into a coffee table audio book. But his latest call in which he tells the phone sex operator that he is into "really bad comedians, like hack comedians," is particularly inspired. Because he happened to get a phone sex operator who is a comedic genius.


Check this one out, too.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

via tangle

In Case You Were Smoking

just go here.

Dick Warz

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From The Hill:

Congressional Republicans are telling Dick Cheney to go back to his undisclosed location and leave them alone to rebuild the Republican Party without his input.

Displeased with the former vice-president's recent media appearances, Republican lawmakers say he's hurting GOP efforts to reinvent itself after back-to-back electoral drubbings.

The veep, who showed a penchant for secrecy during eight years in the White House,has popped up in media interviews to defend the Bush-Cheney record while suggesting that the country is not as safe under President Obama.

Rep. John Duncan Jr. (R-Tenn.) said, “He became so unpopular while he was in the White House that it would probably be better for us politically if he wouldn’t be so public...But he has the right to speak out since he’s a private citizen.”

Another House Republican lawmaker who requested anonymity said he wasn’t surprised that Cheney has strongly criticized Obama early in his term, but argued that it’s not helping the GOP cause.

The legislator said Cheney, whose approval ratings were lower than President Bush’s during the last Congress, didn’t think through the political implications of going after Obama.

Cheney did “House Republicans no favors,” the lawmaker said, adding, “I could never understand him anyway.”

Morning Dump

The Ayatollah did not care for Barack's sexy rap music video. Guess he's more of a traditional "flowers and chocolates" kind of girl.

Someone should tell the president it's not a good idea to hire a Treasury Secretary that spends money like a soccer mom at an outlet store all hopped up on goofballs.

VP Biden finally finds an appropriate place to say inappropriate things.

There is no such thing as shutting up Barney Frank.

Having a hard time jump-starting your career? Have you tried the Afghan job market?

Or try applying at the Washington Post. Seems like they'll hire anyone.