Best. Obama. Impersonation. Ever.

Barry Hussein Holds Slim Lead In IN

And the bitters in Kentucky are giving WALNUTS! a slim lead in KY...while clinging to their glocks and Baby Jeebus buttplugs.

via MSNBC

Election Night Liveblogging

Myspace Glitter Graphics



Later tonight.

We Voted

Hoorayz!!!

This election clusterfuck is finally over.

After standing in line forever (15 mins) we finally got to vote for that black Mooslim guy...which in Florida translates into 3 votes for WALNUTS!. Also, the only person who was given a hard time at our station was...wait for it...wait for it...a black guy.

After voting, we passed by the local Dem HQ and turned in to the rundown gas station/bait shop, hoping to get a chance to abort a few babies and sodomize a cardboard cutout of Sen. Unicorn. Unfortunately, we only got to do one of those.

The liberal witches axed us to canvass a neighborhood if we had the time...which we did because we try to hold off drinking until atleast noon. (Gin doesn't settle well with cappuccino after only an hour.)

They gave us the blackest neighboorhood that was left...because apparently everyone who volunteered before us was smarter than that. After hitting 4 streets and being threatened by one elderly negress to get the hell off her property, we gave up, turned in our sheets and hit the bar.

Fun times.

Moral of the story:

Going here may be admirable...



But this is much more rewarding...

Matt Drudge In The Tank For Satan

This is what is screaming on Drudge 3 days before the election:

'I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD'

Of course, the actual article has no such quote.

Happy Belated Halloween

Powell In The Tank For Sen. Unicorn

Check out the conservative backlash at the Free Republic.

Will you fist bump me? Check "Yes" or "No"

Colin Powell appears on MTP tomorrow, interviewed by........who the fuck hosts MTP now? Brokaw? Really?

The NY Daily News thinks Powell will endorse Superman.

Their argument:

After months of playing political Hamlet, Colin Powell is finally ready to tell America who he likes for President - and the smart money says Barack Obama is Powell's choice.

..."After Sunday people aren't going to have any doubt who he's voting for."


Also, there seems to be no love loss between Cliff and WALNUTS!:

Two other colleagues Powell has consulted in recent weeks told The News that while Powell admires McCain, he's roubled that the GOP candidate has surrounded himself with hardline national security advisers.

"McCain has too many neocons working for him," said one Republican source familiar with Powell's thinking.
Powell is also irked that McCain's political handlers orchestrated disingenuous leaks to reporters during the Democratic convention that Powell was a leading candidate to be McCain's running mate.

The News reported in August that when McCain met with Powell in early summer to lobby for his endorsement, Powell told the Arizona senator he wouldn't join the ticket under any circumstances.

Obama also privately lobbied Powell after the primaries and has called the general frequently since in hopes of making the sale. McCain, by contrast, has been AWOL; Powell hasn't heard from him in months.

"He wishes McCain could give him a reason to vote for him, but he hasn't yet," a Powell associate told The News.
Powell told both suitors their politics were a bit too off-center for his tastes: Obama too liberal, McCain too conservative.

...Powell knows McCain far better than Obama and gave $2,300 to his then-struggling primary campaign in August 2007. At the time, however, he told McCain the contribution was because of their long friendship and wasn't an endorsement.


And what of Barry?:

At the same time, Powell is known to admire Obama's swift rise to national prominence and recognizes the Democrat's symbolic importance to African-American aspirations and racial progress.

In April, Powell praised Obama's skill in assembling a first-rate campaign operation. "That gives me some indication that [despite] his inexperience in foreign affairs or domestic affairs, he may also be somebody who can learn quickly," he said.

Inexperience.

Learning quickly.

A Final Word From Sarah Palin

"God has made us this promise: If we will commit our works to Him, we will succeed. Our lives can be enhanced by applying this, and by thinking optimistically. In Alaska we have mosquitoes; we also have the most beautiful mountains in the world. The choice is ours as to which we'll focus on."



via Hotties in the News

UPDATE:: Sarah Palin ate some pizza:

Aboard her campaign plane, after taking questions for the first time from the reporters who follow her every move, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told the assembled press and two senior aides standing near her that she didn't want to watch the presidential debate "in my hotel room with just campaign staffers."

The campaign hadn't scheduled a debating watching party for her, but that plan quickly changed. After Palin spoke at a rally here, her campaign entourage of aides and reporters drove to a local pizzeria called Boli's on the Boulevard. Palin went casual, appearing in blue jeans and a purple windbreaker she had been given after her speech at the East Carolina University a few minutes earlier.

As she greeted the surprised crowd of more than 50 at the small pizza place, she posed for several cell phone pictures. When Dana Corey, who was about to start eating, realized Palin was there, he was on the phone with wife. He asked if Palin would say hello and the governor did, joking, "Libby, why is your husband here drinking beer without you?"

The Corey family lives in Wilmington, N.C., and Mrs. Corey explained to the governor that her husband was there because he was working on a construction project in Greenville.

...Asked how the debate went, she was enthusiastic as usual.

"Great. Great. It was a great night for America. He's proposing real plans that will work for economic recovery and energy independence," she said of her running mate.

..."I've been an underdog quite often in my life -- and so has John McCain. And we both have come out victorious," she said. "I anticipate that's what going to what we see at the end of the day on Nov. 4."


Our live blog here.

Senator Unicorn, You're No Jonas Brothers

It may be Barack's party, but his daughters really could care less......like most of us are starting to do.

After Michelle spoke Monday, she told Malia and Sasha there was a surprise waiting for them. But not the one they wanted:

When Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, took the stage at the Democratic National Convention in Denver on Monday night after their mom Michelle's speech, they had no idea their dad was going to be beamed in live via satellite. When Mrs. Obama told the girls she had a surprise for them, the potential first lady was pretty surprised at the response, according to CNN.

"Is it the Jonas Brothers?" Malia asked.

The girls were pretty upset when they found out they would have to be in Denver during the same weekend Kevin, Nick and Joe would be in their hometown of Chicago — the girls' love for the Jonas boys is well-documented. The senator spent his birthday lounging around and drinking beer while his daughters danced around to the superstars' music on their iPods. And while he finds their music "wholesome enough," he doesn't entirely get it.

"Who are these guys?" he recalled asking his daughters while visiting "Kidd Kraddick in the Morning" last February. "And how many pictures of them do you need on your wall?"

As many as it takes, Barry.

Eat It, Cankles

Besides not being chosen as Sen. Unicorn's bottom, Hillary was also slighted by the timing of the text messages sent out this morning. At 3am.

Another explanation for this could be that 3am is dead time and BO really is the Antichrist.

Either way: LOLZ@HILLTARDZBITTERZ&SLUTZ

Joe Biden May Or May Not Appear With Clean Articulate Black Man Saturday

Rumors on the internets say that Barry Hussein will appear in Springfield, IL. Saturday astride a magical flaming unicorn with his bottom veep riding bitch.

Meanwhile, Biden says that he's "not the guy." This is because his cat has been threatened by Hillary Clinton.

On Barack Obama's Affinity For Fictional Sodomists

Towleroad is on to something:

Back in January, Obama got some attention when he revealed how much he loved HBO's The Wire, and that his favorite character was Omar:

"I gotta say Omar’s a great character. That’s not an endorsement. That is not an endorsement. He is not my favorite person. But he’s a fascinating character. He’s this gay gangster who only robs drug dealers, and then gives back. You know, he’s sort of a Robin Hood. And he’s the toughest, baddest guy on this show, but he’s gay, you know. And it’s really interesting. It’s a fascinating character."

Now, in a new interview about his kids, Obama reveals his fondness for another gay character, though this time around he's not so open to talking about the character's sexuality:

"His favorite Harry Potter character may be Dumbledore (he won’t comment when it’s mentioned that the headmaster of Hogwarts may be gay.)"

When Barack Obama is elected as the 2nd black POTUS, there will be a library of Tom of Finland books in the Lincoln Bedroom and the Oval Office will have a sling.

Hillary Will Keynote

She's agreed to speak at Sen. Unicorn's Denver block party bbq:

Hillary Clinton has agreed to speak on Day 2 of the Democratic convention to commemorate the 88th anniversary of women's right to vote - a move seen by delegates as another sign she won't be on Barack Obama's ticket, the Daily News learned.

A top Obama aide told party leaders in a conference call last night that Clinton has accepted the offer to be the featured prime-time Tuesday night speaker, a high-profile slot that some of Clinton's own people have floated in recent days.

Aug. 26 is the anniversary of the ratification of the 19th Amendment, which granted women the right to vote in 1920.

Everyone Loves Unicorns

Bitters Refuse To Give Black Man A Dolla

Hilltards just aren't feeling Sen. Unicorn and raised only about $20,000 out of his $52 million June haul. Why does Hillary Clinton hate black people and HOPE™?

From HuffPo:

When comparing Obama's full FEC filing for June with a list of 311 "Hillraisers" -- or supporters who bundled more than $100,000 in contributions for Sen. Clinton -- the Huffington Post found only eight names in common between the two lists. Not all of those donors maxed out, either, making for a relatively paltry figure of $19,250 in direct, hard-money contributions from Hillraisers for the month.

That does not mean that only eight of Clinton's top donors have contributed to Obama since Clinton dropped out. Several dozen more Hillraisers are rumored to have donated in July, but those details will not be available until late August. Some other prominent Hillraisers, like Barbaralee Diamonstein-Spielvogel, have hosted high-dollar events at their homes, drawing many more times the $4600 limit they each could have given individually by law.

He Made It!!!!

No thanks to Cotton McCain, Sen. Unicorn and his muscular buttocks made it safe and sound to that shithole east of us the Middle East to start his International HOPE™ Tour.

He visited with the troops (while silently hating them and flipping them the bird behind their backs) and even met some generals or something:

On Saturday, the senator from Illinois traveled to eastern Afghanistan to visit Americans forces under NATO's Regional Command East. Obama is accompanied by Sen. Charles Hagel, R-Nebraska, and Sen. Jack Reed, D-Rhode Island.

The senators met service members at Jalalabad airfield in Nangarhar province.

The governor of Nangarhar province, Gul Agha Shirzai -- formerly the governor of Kandahar province -- also met the senators at the air base. Shirzai and Obama embraced briefly at the end of the meeting.

After this, Barack will head to Europe where he will feel much more comfortable drinking bitter white wines with various elitist communist leaders.

McCain's Senior Moment May Endanger Unicorns

Funny story. Barack is starting the first leg of his international HOPE™ tour and WALNUTS! decided to tell anyone with a television or internets that Sen. Unicorn would land in Iraq in a couple of days:

Republican presidential candidate John McCain said on Friday that his Democratic opponent, Barack Obama, is likely to be in Iraq over the weekend.
The Obama campaign has tried to cloak the Illinois senator's trip in some measure of secrecy for security reasons. The White House, State Department and Pentagon do not announce senior officials' visits to Iraq in advance.

"I believe that either today or tomorrow -- and I'm not privy to his schedule -- Sen. Obama will be landing in Iraq with some other senators" who make up a congressional delegation, McCain told a campaign fund-raising luncheon.

...The Reuters piece hints at it. But if Obama is going to be in Iraq this weekend, this is a major breach on McCain's part. As a knowledgeable insider notes ...

If it is true that Obama is going to Iraq this weekend, it is a very serious mistake for McCain to have disclosed it publically. Even for run-of-the-mill CODELs the military gives guidance like, "Please strongly discourage Congressional offices from issuing press releases prior to their trips which mention their intent to travel to the AOR and/or the dates of that travel or their scheduled meetings. Such releases are a serious compromise to OPSEC." If Obama is going to Iraq this weekend, I can not begin to imagine how much this is complicating the security planning for the trip.

Barack Obama: Soccer Mom

Above is some footage from a totally normal soccer game. A totally normal soccer game attended by the Sercret Service where you can't hear the kids over camera shutters OH MY GOD IT'S BARACK OBAMA AT HIS KID'S SOCCER GAME GRAB YOUR CAMERA AND TAKE ONE ZILLION PICTURES AND SEND THIS TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Spoiler Alert: The terrorists win.


via Slate / du

Obama The Lightworker

You may have heard that Sen. Unicorn is The Messiah, but did you know that he is also a Lightworker who can heal the planet?

From SF Gate:

Here's where it gets gooey. Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.