No One Wants To Play Doctor With America

That's right. No universal health care and no sexy surgeon general for you.

CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta officially withdrew his name for the post Thursday, citing family reasons or some other shit that's just an excuse for not wanting to make less money:

This is more about my family and my surgical career," Gupta told CNN's "Larry King Live."

The neurosurgeon said he would likely have had to give up practicing had he taken the job as the nation's top doctor.

In addition, the 39-year-old and his wife are expecting their third daughter any time, and the government job would have meant long periods away from his family, he said.

"I think, for me, it really came down to a sense of timing more than anything else," he said. "I just didn't feel I should do that now."


Further, it seems that Vermont anger bear Howard Dean has no interest in the post either:

The news that Sanjay Gupta has decided not to go for the gig of surgeon general has already fired up supporters of Howard Dean, who are now touting him for the post.

But a close Dean ally familiar with his thinking tells me that it’s not really a gig that would work for him. “It’s not a good fit for him,” this ally tells me.

A few months back there was a round of chatter about Dean getting tapped as surgeon general, but at the time Dean aides shot down the speculation. “Even then we didn’t think it was right for him,” the Dean ally says.


Basically, the only candidates left are Dr. Nick and that guy who fertilized the freak in California with her own mini-cult.

Enjoy your diseases and lack of condoms, America!

The Goaterrorist Project

There's a new lead on the Goaterrorist.

From NWF Daily News:

In a noisy farm at the end of a long dirt road on Draggin' Acres, a bleating Louis L'Amour is one of the lucky goats.

He still has his head.

So do the others - Aunt Jemima, Custer and the young Geronimo. In fact, all 75 of the pygmy and Nubian goats milling around on Brooke Broderick's farm appear safe because their owner keeps close watch.

Besides being the most awesome racist goat farmer around, Louis has something else special to her story:

...She may have a clue, though: A strange phone call she reported to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office last March, about six months before the first decapitated goat was found.

A call history record from the Sheriff's Office lists a report from Broderick just before 7 a.m. March 2, 2007 describing a bizarre call about an ad she placed.

Broderick sells her animals through word-of-mouth and by postings on the Internet classifieds site craigslist.org - which is how the Daily News found her after a cursory search. She describes the March phone call as "really weird."

"A man left a voice mail to me with an extremely eerie soundtrack - like jungle sounds," she says. "He wanted some of my little goats."

Broderick says she called the man back and claims he had a heavy accent, perhaps Haitian.

"He said, ‘I've never owned goats, but my father owned goats - but he's in jail because he had sex with goats.

"That's why I called the deputy sheriff. It was probably a prankster, but you don't play with me with my goats."

Thanks alot, Craigslist. Whatever happened to fun stuff, like Cashfan?

This mystery will never be solved, because of Barack Obama's grandmother being the guilty party and extradition bullshit and all.

BONUS FUN:

Pictures of dead goats here.

I love this town.