Um, Time For Your Meds Again, Pawpaw

Also, WALNUTS! Is Senile

Someone get Pawpaw a map.

via Ben Smith

B.A. Barackus: Blood or Crypt?

Obama has a brilliant new strategy: Scare the shit out of the elderly John McCain.

From HuffPo:

At a Friday night fundraiser, Barack Obama warned supporters that Republicans "are going to try to scare people. They're going to try to say that 'that Obama is a scary guy.'" Someone in the crowd shouted, "Don't give in." Obama shot back: "If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun."

This upset Pawpaw and he shot back:

"Barack Obama's call for 'new politics' is officially over. In just 24 hours, Barack Obama attacked one of America's pioneering women CEOs [McCain supporter Carly Fiorina], rejected a series of joint bipartisan town halls, and said that if there's a political knife fight, he'd bring a gun."

Then he mumbled something about Mexicans and ran back to the Straight Talk Express and huddled under his seat for the next 8 hours.

Barack Obama Is A Terrorist Agist

Not only does he sit on the board of Hamas, but Hopey hates the elderly as well:

At the root of the dispute is McCain's decision to call attention to a Hamas adviser's apparent affinity for Obama. The adviser, Ahmed Yousef, said in a recent interview: "We like Obama and hope that he will win the election."

McCain used those comments in a fundraising appeal and has cited them in interviews.

Asked about the matter Wednesday during a taping of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," McCain said: "It's indicative of how some of our enemies view America. And I guarantee you, they're not going to endorse me."

In an interview Thursday with CNN, Obama accused McCain of trying to smear him by repeating the comments.

"This is offensive, and I think it's disappointing, because John McCain always says, 'Well, I'm not going to run that kind of politics,'" Obama said. "And then to engage in that kind of smear, I think, is unfortunate, particularly since my policy toward Hamas has been no different than his."

The Illinois senator added: "For him to toss out comments like that, I think, is an example of him losing his bearings as he pursues this nomination. We don't need name-calling in this debate."

This hurt the aged man's feelings:

McCain's campaign issued an angry response that accused Obama of trying to divert attention from a legitimate question by raising McCain's age.

"He used the words 'losing his bearings' intentionally, a not-particularly-clever way of raising John McCain's age as an issue," McCain adviser Mark Salter said. "It is more than fair to raise this quote about Senator Obama, because it speaks to the policy implications of his judgment."

Then Joe Lieberman totally fessed up to the disgusting truth we dare not speak of:

More On Pawpaw's Spiritual Adviser

This may be breaking news, but black Mooslimy preachers aren't the only ones who say things that fall under the category of "retarded".

From BraveNewFilms:

You may have heard of Rev. John Hagee, the McCain supporter who said God created Hurricane Katrina to punish New Orleans for its homosexual "sins." Well now meet Rev. Rod Parsley, the televangelist megachurch pastor from Ohio who hates Islam. According to David Corn of Mother Jones, Parsley has called on Christians to wage war against Islam, which he considers to be a "false religion." In the past, Parsley has also railed against the separation of church and state, homosexuals, and abortion rights, comparing Planned Parenthood to Nazis.

Rev. Hagee: Goddamn Poor People

via Young Turks

Pawpaw McCain Appaled By Man Repeating Word He Used

The elderly Republican Condo Association President held a town hall meeting yesterday and took questions from the audience. One brave man asked WALNUTS! if he really called his wife a cunt.

People in the audince groaned and McCain was offended. After the meeting WALNUTS! killed the man and fashioned his ears into a necklace.

Pawpaw McCain's BFF Hagee On Katrina

Butt sex. It was all because of butt sex.

Imaginary Leak Of Tomorrow's This Week Interview With Pawpaw McCain

Sadly, we all know the actual interview ends with Stephanopoulos rimming Juan McCain while he's napping. Then, the Republican Condo Association President violently awakes and snaps George's neck thinking he is a "gook."

via BraveNewFilms

Juan McCain Has Another Senior Moment At Iraq Hearing

Poor Pawpaw. He just can't seem to get his A-rabs right.

"You Can Have Your Tiger Woods..."

Pawpaw McCain has some pretty racist friends that say pretty fucking racist things on the campaign trail. But, that's okay.

He's a war hero.

Like Pawpaw.

From HuffPo:

At a campaign stop today, Sen. John McCain's introductory speaker took a sharp and potentially sensitive swipe at Sen. Barack Obama, saying that McCain was "the real audacity of hope" and not just a political "Tiger Woods."

Former Army Staff Sergeant David Bellavia, who introduced the Arizona senator at a Vets For Freedom rally, sought to contrast McCain's "lifetime of service to our nation" against the lack of resolve of his political opponents. And while he never addressed Obama by name, he did offer this nugget.

"Rest assured," he told the crowd, "that men like Senator McCain will be the goal and the men that my two young boys will emulate and admire. You can have your Tiger Woods, we've got Senator McCain."

You're Welcome, Bitches

Everyone's favorite McCaintard speaks out:

McCaintards

It had to happen

Meet Pawpaw's Spiritual Guide

If you liked John Hagee, you're gonna luuuuuuuuuuuv Rod Parsley.

The Rod of God, a televangelist from Ohio, is John McCain's spiritual adviser. I guess that means that Rod's the guy who burns sage in a pentagram drawn around WALNUTS! while bathing him in the blood of young children so he can live another 1000 years.

Parsley has called on Christians to wage a war against Mooslims:

The leader of a 12,000-member congregation, Parsley has written several books outlining his fundamentalist religious outlook, including the 2005 Silent No More. In this work, Parsley decries the "spiritual desperation" of the United States, and he blasts away at the usual suspects: activist judges, civil libertarians who advocate the separation of church and state, the homosexual "culture" ("homosexuals are anything but happy and carefree"), the "abortion industry," and the crass and profane entertainment industry. And Parsley targets another profound threat to the United States: the religion of Islam.

In a chapter titled "Islam: The Deception of Allah," Parsley warns there is a "war between Islam and Christian civilization." He continues:

I cannot tell you how important it is that we understand the true nature of Islam, that we see it for what it really is. In fact, I will tell you this: I do not believe our country can truly fulfill its divine purpose until we understand our historical conflict with Islam. I know that this statement sounds extreme, but I do not shrink from its implications. The fact is that America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed, and I believe September 11, 2001, was a generational call to arms that we can no longer ignore.

Awsome! Who doesn't love a good crusade? I'm in, just as long as I get to ride that talking lion.

Let's not get our hopes up quite yet. I'm sure he'll be smoking meth and fucking gay prostitutes in no time. Seems to be the pattern.


via Mother Jones

Oh Please Oh Please Oh Please

There's rumblings of a McCain/Romney ticket:

The Arizona senator joked Wednesday he got the impression Romney is interested in the No. 2 spot on the Republican presidential ticket after watching a recent interview with the former Massachusetts governor.

"I got that impression from him watching his interview last night, I got that impression," McCain said laughing on his campaign plane in New Hampshire. (Watch McCain's comments on Romney)

The comments follow Romney's interview with Fox News Tuesday night, during which the former presidential candidate said he'd be honored to serve alongside McCain.

“I think any Republican leader in this country would be honored to be asked to serve as the vice presidential nominee, myself included," Romney said. "Of course this is a nation which needs strong leadership. And if the nominee of our party asked you to serve with him, anybody would be honored to receive that call … and to accept it, of course.”


I for one welcome Mittens back in the race.

I miss his Super Space Jeebus, magic pajamas, and those funny Mormo cuss word alternatives like "Golly" or "Gee Whiz."

Pawpaw McCain, please let Mittens be your inWhite House caretaker. Sure, the real Jeebus hates both your guts, but that's what Secretary of Jesusery & Heavenly Affairs Mike Huckabee is for.

via CNN

Elderly Condo Association President Needs Nap

Now that Pawpaw McCain has locked up the GOP nomination, he no longer feels the need to pretend that he's the kindly older gent who will offer you a 10yo Worthers' Original or play got your nose.

Below is a video where he tells some NYT reporter to get the hell off his lawn and then shuffles to the back of the plane to gum his lemon Jell-O.

Getting To Know Pawpaw McCain's New Friend

I know we touched on this earlier, but John Hagee is a really interesting guy.

Here's to hoping the next nine months find Hagee on the frontlines of Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™.

WALNUTS!' New BFF

Elderly Juan McCain has a new friend. And it's someone who loves Baby Jeebus. Not like one of his many other Pagan liberal baby-eating gay Messican friends.

Pastor John Hagee has endorsed Pawpaw McCain!!!

Let's get to know him:




Um, okay. But what does he think about when he's not busy hating Nazi/Anti-Nazi Popes?

From the DNC:

Hagee on Hurricane Katrina
"All hurricanes are acts of God because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God and they were recipients of the judgment of God for that." [NPR Fresh Air, 9/18/06]

Hagee on Islamic Beliefs
Fresh Air host Terry Gross asked if Hagee believed that "all Muslims have a mandate to kill Christians and Jews," to which Hagee replied, "Well, the Quran teaches that. Yes, it teaches that very clearly." [NPR Fresh Air, 9/18/06]

Hagee on African-Americans
The San Antonio Express-News reported that Hagee was going to "meet with black religious leaders privately at an unspecified future date to discuss comments he made in his newsletter about a 'slave sale,' an East Side minister said Wednesday." The Express-News reported:

"Hagee, pastor of the 16,000-member Cornerstone Church, last week had announced a 'slave sale' to raise funds for high school seniors in his church bulletin, 'The Cluster.'

"The item was introduced with the sentence 'Slavery in America is returning to Cornerstone" and ended with "Make plans to come and go home with a slave." [San Antonio Express-News 3/7/96]

Hagee on Catholicism
"Most readers will be shocked by the clear record of history linking Adolf Hitler and the Roman Catholic Church in a conspiracy to exterminate the Jews." [Jerusalem Countdown by John Hagee]

Hagee on Women
"Do you know the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling Doberman pinscher? The answer is lipstick. Do you know the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can negotiate with a terrorist." [God's Profits: Faith, Fraud and the Republican Crusade for Values Voters, Sarah Posner]

"[T]he feminist movement today is throwing off authority in rebellion against God's pattern for the family." ["Bible Positions on Political Issues," John Hagee]

Hagee on LGBT Americans
"The newspaper carried the story in our local area that was not carried nationally that there was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came. And the promise of that parade was that it was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other Gay Pride parades. So I believe that the judgment of God is a very real thing. I know that there are people who demur from that, but I believe that the Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment." [NPR Fresh Air, 9/18/06]

Hagee on Iran
"The coming nuclear showdown with Iran is a certainty," Hagee wrote [in 2006] in the Pentecostal magazine Charisma. "Israel and America must confront Iran's nuclear ability and willingness to destroy Israel with nuclear weapons. For Israel to wait is to risk committing national suicide." [The Nation, 8/8/2006, http://www.thenation.com/doc/20060814/new_christian_zionism]

WALNUTS! needs new friends. What about that nice mocha man, what's his name, Powell?

No?

Well, Hagee can't be that bad........



Oh.

via ABC
DNC
BraveNewFilms