Also, WALNUTS! Is Senile

Someone get Pawpaw a map.

via Ben Smith

John McCain Will Give America Some Kind Of Elderly AIDS

Hey, did you know that WALNUTS! is like 100 million years old?

Brave New Pac and Democracy for America released this ad, pointing out that John McCain is older than all previous presidents......combined and has had every type of cancers ever since he was 12:

Brave New Pac and Democracy for America, a group the Times points out today is lead by Howard Dean's brother, are up with a spot questioning John McCain's health and demanding he release his medical records.

Though it's a tiny ad buy on MSNBC, the images are striking, and readers have reported seeing it this morning.

McCain did, in fact, allow reporters to look over more than a thousand pages of his health records, though he hasn't released them more broadly.

Republican National Committee spokesman Alex Conant responds:

“Barack Obama’s liberal allies are launching a partisan attack at the precise moment we should be putting politics aside and working to solve the problem. These sorts of false attacks by special interest groups are part of what’s wrong with Washington.”

My Friends.....

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McCain May Announce Life Partner This Week

Rumors in the internets say that the elderly GOP Condo Association President will unveil the next POTUS (after McCain breaks his hip and cannot complete his term) sometime this week.

Will it be that gay dude?

The young brown childking?

Lord Xenu? (crosses fingers)

This may be telling.

9udy Is More 9/11 Than WALNUTS!

9udy 11uliani did an interview with CNN (presumably while wearing heels) and had this to say about the current elderly GOP Condo Association President:

"I thought I was best qualified, but I thought John was No. 2," Giuliani told CNN, his ego apparently overruling the message Team McCain wanted him to deliver in an escalating flap with Barack Obama's camp over comments from Bam-backer Wesley Clark, a retired Army general.

Hmm. Seems like something's missing from that quote. Let's try again:

"9/11 thought I was best 9/11, but 9/11 thought John was No. 9/10,"

Better.

Pawpaw McCain Throws Secret Service Under The Bus

McCain Declines Secret Service, Dares Assassins To Try Something

via The Onion

Elderly Republican Condo Association Preznit Thinks It's 1919

The senile Panamanian candidate would like a "League of Nations" to deal with Barack Obama's homeland of Iran.

From Americablog:

Too bad the League of Nations was disbanded in 1946 when John McCain was ten years old. Oh, and one of our commenters added this:
Reminds me of Mr. Burns at the Post Office:

"Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"



McCain then announced that he supported "freeing the negro slaves" by the year 2020.

WALNUTS! has also weighed in on what kind of Supreme Court judges he would appoint:

Republican John McCain is castigating Democrat Barack Obama for voting against John Roberts as Supreme Court chief justice.

McCain offered an olive branch to the Christian right in a speech about the kind of judges he would nominate planned for Tuesday at Wake Forest University. The far right has been deeply suspicious of McCain, the expected GOP presidential nominee, because he has clashed with its leaders and worked against them on issues like campaign finance reform.

McCain promised to appoint judges who, in the mold of Roberts and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, are likely to limit the reach of the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion.

"They would serve as the model for my own nominees if that responsibility falls to me," McCain said in his prepared speech.

via Americablog and HuffPo

Pawpaw McCain Appaled By Man Repeating Word He Used

The elderly Republican Condo Association President held a town hall meeting yesterday and took questions from the audience. One brave man asked WALNUTS! if he really called his wife a cunt.

People in the audince groaned and McCain was offended. After the meeting WALNUTS! killed the man and fashioned his ears into a necklace.

Imaginary Leak Of Tomorrow's This Week Interview With Pawpaw McCain

Sadly, we all know the actual interview ends with Stephanopoulos rimming Juan McCain while he's napping. Then, the Republican Condo Association President violently awakes and snaps George's neck thinking he is a "gook."

via BraveNewFilms

Volatile Juan McCain Calls Wife Cunt

While it's no secret that the elderly John McCain has quite a temper, we've mostly heard stories of his ire being directed at colleagues. Until now.

Here's a gem from the new McNasty biography, The Real McCain:

Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days.

Not to worry. Cougar McCain was so hopped up on Vicodin at the time she had no idea what was going on.

via The Raw Story

W Gives WALNUTS! Endorsement

"This is my friend. Call him shorty. heh heh. Went to Vietnamistan. Got hurt. Can't raise his arms above his head. Real easy to play keep away. heh heh. A true American hero. Won't back down to our enemies. He's old. Got a black baby. He's a senator, from Ar-i-zona. Smells like my mom. heh heh."

I'm Voting for George W Bush

These election thingys are really not my bag. I wanna see W dance for eight more years.

Below is a video of the Decider tap dancing while waiting for elderly Condo Association President John McCain to arrive at the White House / Future Nursing Home.....House for a meeting/endorsement, of which I'll post later.

George W Bush has danced his way in to my heart and I really wish I knew how to quit him.

John McCain Elected President of Condo Association

WALNUTS! has won the GOP nomination! Black babies and all.

Shhhh. Not too loud.

He's sleeping.

via MSNBC