Mexican Child King To Set Sights On Mooslim, Not Diapered Whoremonger

Glitter Graphics



Over the weekend, there was some buzz about Bobby Jindal (a famed Republican exorcist/date rapist) running for David Vitter's Senate seat in 2010.

Not so, says someone:


No, Gov. Bobby Jindal is not going to run for a U.S. senate seat next year, the governor's office said Saturday in response to a television news report.

New York Magazine journalist John Heilemann mentions the rumor about Jindal during an appearance as a panelist this weekend on The Chris Matthews Show, according to the media industry blog TVNewser, which obtained a transcript of the recorded program in advance of the broadcast.

"I was down in New Orleans, and I heard a great rumor that Bobby Jindal, who we were just talking about as a potential presidential candidate for the Republican party, is thinking about giving up the governorship and running for Senate against David Vitter, or for Vitter's seat if Vitter doesn't run," Heilemann said, according to the blog site.

...Jindal spokeswoman Melissa Sellers said there is "no truth" to the rumor and that Jindal is running for re-election as governor in 2011.


Which means, given the fact he is writing a fancy diary about his childhood spent appearing on Indian game shows, Jindal will run for the 2012 Republican presidential candidate slot against various angry white men and one very retarded redneck slut.

Conservative Hobbit GOP's New Hope™

The NY Times has profiled Jonathan Krohn, the scary tween who gave a rousing speech at CPAC to a room full of drooling pedos and deep-fried Twinkie enthusiasts.

Krohn is your average home-schooled kid from Georgia who learns Latin from a Christian school on Fridays and studies Arabic with a tutor:

SITTING in the back seat of his mother’s van as she drives through Atlanta suburbs, Jonathan Krohn is about to sign off with a conservative radio talk show host in Florida. In the 40 minutes he’s been on the air, with the help of his mother’s cellphone, this hyper-articulate Georgia eighth grader has attacked the stimulus bill, identified leaders he thinks will salvage the Republican Party’s image, and assessed the legitimacy of Barack Obama’s birth certificate.

The show’s host chuckles and asks whether President Obama has called Jonathan “a little fascist.”

“The president hasn’t come after me yet,” Jonathan says chummily, “but we’ve had other people come after me!”

“Jonathan!” his mother hisses from the driver’s seat.


Guess mom is still touchy after screening phone calls from Mark Foley.

Even Bill Bennett has a not-so-secret crush on Krohn:

Jonathan would wake up at 6 a.m. to listen to Bill Bennett’s “Morning in America” show and became riveted by politics and American history. Soon, Mr. Bennett, whom Jonathan now describes as, “my mentor and very good friend,” was taking Jonathan’s calls.

“Jonathan was an extraordinary boy, very special,” Mr. Bennett said, in a phone interview. “He wowed my audience, he wowed me. He’s very engaging and learned. He’s got staying power.”


Gross.

This species of hobbit is more complicated than you'd imagine. For one, he is an anti-semitic Jew:

...He received a computer from his maternal grandfather for his 13th birthday. “In the Jewish culture in which my mom was raised, 13 is a big deal,” he said. “But since I’m a Jewish Christian, I don’t do a bar mitzvah.” (Decades ago, his mother became a Baptist.)


Shame on you, Mr. Krohn.

And shame on you, Rush and Michael Steele, for allowing this kid to appear more relevant than both of you, the Mexican Child King, and Bible Spice combined.

President Unicorn will handily win all 50 states in 2012.

Mittens Wins GOP Black Panther Straw Poll

Hoorayz!!! Mitt Romney has been crowned Grand Dragon of Michael Steele's conservative hip-hop movement at CPAC's drunken Carnival, also known as the Players Ball.

Mittens garnered 20 percent of the vote, edging out Mexican Child King Bobby Jindal, who pulled in 14 percent...because he is brown.

As if this weren't funny enough, Sarah Palin tied for third place with Ron Paul.

We repeat: Sarah Palin tied for third with RON PAUL.

LONG LIVE BLIMPS AND HOBBITS!!!

via Politico

Bobby Jindal To Deliver SOTU Response...In Tongues

Tonight, President Unicorn will be accompanied on the airwaves by fellow Mooslim and known date rapist Piyush "Bobby" Jindal:

Jindal, the 37-year-old governor of Louisiana and the Republican party's new hope, needs to demonstrate confidence and competence - and show a little sparkle - to boost his hopes of being chosen to take on Obama in 2012.

...Being chosen by the Republicans to respond to Obama gives Jindal a significant leg-up over his rivals, offering millions of viewers their first opportunity to see Jindal, who is conservative on both social and economic policy. The high-profile slot in the past has boosted careers but also destroyed them.


So, good luck, our fair Mexican Child King. Fuck this up, and the GOP is stuck with Bible Spice.