The Only Guy Who Tried To Keep Some Class

Awww Shucks

Mike Huckabee was also on MTP and apologized for that joke.

Subway dude later warned us that he's got plenty more where that came from, as part of Juan McCain's veep application includes a 500 word essay on memorable quotes from Blazing Saddles.

Guess That Settles That

Huck sends his apologies to Sen. Unicorn for that shitty "joke":

"During my speech at the N.R.A., a loud noise backstage, that sounded like a chair falling, distracted the crowd and interrupted my speech. I made an off hand remark that was in no way intended to offend or disparage Sen. Obama.
I apologize that my comments were offensive. That was never my intention.”

Subway Dude's Tar Baby

Only Huck would work in a joke about the possible first black POTUS being shot at an NRA speech.

This should come as no surprise. We've seen what the family wouldl do to a dog.

Subway Dude Is Back

Who better to ask questions concerning Jesusery than the King of Christian Iowa and West Viriginia, Mike Huckabee:

An assist from an unexpected quarter:
"[Y]ou can't hold the candidate responsible for everything that people around him may say or do," Huckabee says. "It's interesting to me that there are some people on the left who are having to be very uncomfortable with what ... Wright said, when they all were all over a Jerry Falwell, or anyone on the right who said things that they found very awkward and uncomfortable, years ago. Many times those were statements lifted out of the context of a larger sermon. Sermons, after all, are rarely written word for word by pastors like Rev. Wright, who are delivering them extemporaneously, and caught up in the emotion of the moment. There are things that sometimes get said, that if you put them on paper and looked at them in print, you'd say 'Well, I didn't mean to say it quite like that.'"

Later, he defended Wright's anger, too:

"As easy as it is for those of us who are white to look back and say 'That's a terrible statement!' ... I grew up in a very segregated South. And I think that you have to cut some slack -- and I'm gonna be probably the only conservative in America who's gonna say something like this, but I'm just tellin' you -- we've gotta cut some slack to people who grew up being called names..."


Here's the video:



via Ben Smith

teh Huckabeez Raptured to Arkansas

Out of all the losers in this election cycle, my heart is heaviest in dealing with the exit of Mike Huckabee :(



Oh, Huck. Baseball, Apostle Paul, truck drivers, selling wedding rings on ebay, and finally endorsing Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™.

I'm gonna miss Subway dude. Who will save us from roving gangs of AIDS dogs? Or teach us how to have a healthy diet? What will happen to Chuck Norris? How much does Baby Jeebus now hate elderly Juan McCain???

These are the questions I want answered.

Rumors are swirling about a possible television show. I'm not really sold on that idea.

I'd rather see the enitire Huckabee family travelling around the country as a Christian folk band. Or maybe even a television ministry on CBN.

I'm started to get choked up, so let's just end it at this.

The Incredible Inedible Egg

King-elect of American Christians/thorn in Juan McCain's side Mike Huckabee has endorsed an amendment in Colorado that defines personhood beginning at a fertilized egg:

"This proposed constitutional amendment will define a person as a human being from the moment life begins at conception," Huckabee said in a statement.

"With this amendment, Colorado has an opportunity to send a clear message that every human life has value," Huckabee said. "Passing this amendment will mean the people of Colorado will protect the sanctity of life from conception until natural death occurs."

Huckabee also proposed another piece of legislation: the Save teh Sea Monkeys Amendment. This bill would require cities to set up depositories at wastewater plants to collect and preserve the trillions of unborn babies produced by skeet.

via denverpost

Yeh, Another One

This one's pretty good though.

Subway Dude's Diet Secrets

or

What not to say when running for President 101

Huckabee/Hinn 08

Remember that story about the Jeebus-hating Senate Finance Committee investigating Kenneth Copeland and all his friends for siphoning money from blue hairs, but Copeland refused to cooperate?

Well that didn't stop the Subway dude from holding a fundraiser at Kenneth Copeland Ministries' campus:

A Christian nonprofit says a Texas televangelist turned a national ministers' gathering last week into a fundraising opportunity for Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, a newspaper reports.

The Trinity Foundation, a charity that monitors televangelists and viewed a live Internet broadcast of the event, said the fundraiser took in $111,000 and generated pledges nearing $1 million, the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reported in a copyrighted article Tuesday.

And what did Huck have to say on MTP?



Makes you really long for the days of Mittens' Space Jeebus.

via Tulsa World

Teh Huckabeez Win Kansas

Even though Juan McCain has pretty much wrapped things up on the GOP side, Subway dude pulls off a win in Kansas.

via NY Times

Mittens' Sour Grapes

Press Release from the magic pajama ninja:

Today, Romney for President Campaign Manager Beth Myers issued the following statement regarding the outcome of West Virginia's Republican Party convention:

"Unfortunately, this is what Senator McCain's inside Washington ways look like: he cut a backroom deal with the tax-and-spend candidate he thought could best stop Governor Romney's campaign of conservative change.

"Governor Romney had enough respect for the Republican voters of West Virginia to make an appeal to them about the future of the party based on issues. This is why he led on today's first ballot. Sadly, Senator McCain cut a Washington backroom deal in a way that once again underscores his legacy of working against Republicans who are interested in championing conservative policies and rebuilding the party."

via MittRomney.com

Huckabee and Baby Jeebus Also Elected Kings of West Virginia

Mike Huckabee is now the projected winner for West Virginia, the first race called for Super Tuesday.

Voters felt they had more in common with a banjo plucking governor than a space christian or an elderly gay liberal.

via CBN

Suckabee Gurl

Rambo to Kick Ranger Walker's Ass

Chuck Norris Kind of a Douchebag

68 yo Chuck thinks it's a bad idea to elect the 72 yo McCain.

New WALNUTS! Ad

Awsomeness Overload

via Wonkette

US Constitution Just Not Jesusy Enough

You know those pieces of paper W's been wiping his ass with for 7 years? The King of Iowa Christians thinks they could use a healthy dose of vitamin Jeebus.

Jeebus to Kick Muhammad's Ass

One interesting aspect of the GOP nomination race is the tough guy competition (which thank Gawd replaces the swimsuit competition).

Mccain will follow UBL to "the gates of hell."




But look out WALNUTS! King of Iowa Christians and Subway enthusiast Mike Huckabee wants to be a little more inclusive in his useless rhetoric:

Asked whether the American commanders on the scene were right in not attacking the Iranian boats, Mr Huckabee said he backed their decisions, before warning Iran: "Be prepared, first, to put your sights on the American vessel. And then be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of Hell, because that is exactly what you will see after that."


Huck also added that his son David will be sent to Iran to hang every canine.

via Times Online