The Election Has Gone Too Far

Fucking extended primaries are destroying America:

Douchebag of the Day: Nick Snider

Once again, this glorious series of tubes has outed another DOTD.

From Gawker:

Nick Snider is very young and oddly gorgeous — that's probably why at 19, he's already a top model, posing for Prada and others! Unfortunately, he ruins it with his nasty attitude, showcased on YouTube and aimed towards that scourge of modern society, "haters." Example: "Maybe you're just like, old and ugly... or, maybe you just don't have the body for [modeling.]" Also? "Seriously, who uses LiveJournal anymore? Nooobody fuckin' 'uses Livejournal." Update: Damn! Video deleted in record time. We found a way better one: it involves lip-synching to Miley Cyrus!




via Gawker

Straight To Guantanamo. Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

I was looking for today's Hilltard video, but came across this.

Way better.

Take a really lame gay kid that looks and talks like Quentin Tarantino, give him a webcam and too many Red Bulls, and you get this:

Legalize Abortion for the 64th Trimester

Since 1995, 82 youths have died from the "choking game", reports the CDC:

An unknown number of youths, mostly boys, are taking part in the practice in which they strangle themselves with their hands or a noose or have someone else strangle them, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a report.

"They hope to get a cool and dreamy feeling, as they've described it," said Robin Toblin of the CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, who led the report.

The report, the first effort to track this nationwide, identified the deaths of 82 people ages 6 to 19 from 1995 to 2007 that appear to have been caused by the choking game. The CDC said the report likely underestimates the toll.

This blows my mind. I don't understand the fact that in the year 2008, when doucheteens have Playstation 3, Xbox, iPods, and the intertubes, kids find entertainment by choking themselves to get a buzz.

Jesus. I would come home from school, spark one up, and either read a book or play Galaga. WTF?

Earth to douchteens!!! This shit is ridiculous.

Stop choking yourself to get "high". Stop painting your fingernails black. Stop using the word gay in every other fucking sentence. And please, for the love of Christ, stop telling me I should vote for L. Ron Paultard when you don't even know what the Federal fucking Reserve is.

kthxbi.

via Reuters

Intertubes Starting To Scare Me

I love Youtube. It's an endless treasure chest of assholes, wierdos, agoraphobes, paultards, and WoW losers plugging away on the interwebs with cheeto stained fingers.

But these webtards are getting a little out of control.

From Gawker:

Guess what, you're losing your bashing privileges!" A boy using the name broncfn90 yells at the YouTube commenters who ripped him apart. All he did was come on this site to give his opinions on the Denver Broncos! And they all disrespected him! But seriously, this poor kid had explained on video that his face has been half-paralyzed since birth, and the commenters still came at him. Now his videos (which were reposted by his detractors after he deleted his account) are making the rounds at 4chan, that pit at the bottom of the Internet, and broncfn90 might become a mini-Chris Crocker. Come see a boy gone mad. Plus a bonus video from the vaults, of a teen girl crying over YouTube comments. The takeaway, as if you didn't know: YouTube users are scum and reading their comments will turn you into a whiny pile of impotent rage.

Here's the videos. Worth the watch, trust:







As soon as this is posted, I'm running to get a vasectomy.

My advice is that we all just stick to XTube.

via Gawker

Speaking of People Who Should Be Waterboarded in Hell

Local Myspace Doucheteen Arrested

Some 14-year-old doucheteen from Crestview was charged Tuesday for sending a threat through Teh Myspace:

“So why don’t you take your ‘gangster’ (expletive) and get the (expletive) out of my family! Also if I see or hear about you touching or even looking at her your (expletive) is mine boy,” the message continued.

Hmm. When I was in school, we said that shit to each others' faces.

*pssst* ......no paper trail that way, asshole.

via NWF Daily News