Today's Paultard Video

Seems like as good a way as any to start the posting again.

Here's our favorite tiny hobbit rambling about how librul schools are giving vaccines for the Mexican Pig Aids just so they can contaminate children's blood with NAFTA NWO brain leeches or something.

Enjoy.


via Middle-earth

brickbat Returns From Longest Vacation In Recorded History

Jingle jangle and salutations!

We have made it back to this series of tubes after an extended sabbatical to clear our minds of nonsense, such as healthcare, recessions, racist wingnuts, paultards, truthers, and other various types of nonsense.

Now, it's back to the usual. Enjoy (or not) our triumphant return.

It's 3am And Hillary Can't Answer The Phone

Well, Librul Socialist America. Looks like you may have made the right choice.

SOS Clinton's fragile lady bones are preventing her from doing President Unicorn's busy work:


Secretary of State Hillary Clinton canceled a planned trip to Greece and Italy this week because she is still recovering from surgery to repair her fractured elbow.

In Trieste, Italy, Clinton planned to attend meetings with her Group ofEight counterparts on Iran, the Middle East peace process and the War inAfghanistan. She also planned to take part in a gathering of the Organizationfor Security and Cooperation in Europe in Corfu, Greece, which was expected to focus on the tensions between Russia and Georgia.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

S E X. Space the letters out and tangle will allow you to post a video about carnal indulgence.

Let's find out what Jesus people have to say about eating out or eating someone or eating someone out.

via tangle

GHWB Bday Sodomist Furry Orgy Spectacular

Who knew?

From Tabloid Prodigy:


So you may be asking yourself: What are these two whores doing next to these two beautiful strippers?

Well, the explanation is quite simple, really. See, to celebrate Barbara Bush’s 84th birthday, actors from a local production of A Chorus Line were invited to join George H.W. Bush and the bday gal in Maine at the Bush family vacation home to celebrate.

The bikini-clad hot chick parked in the former President’s lap is actress Katie Cameron, and the hottie standing next to former first lady Barbara is Justin Clynes (at right). And yes, he’s a dick smoker. He has graced the cover of Genre magazine, and also had a turn in nothing-but-a-towel on Broadway’s The Ritz. And curiously, he was also the subject of a blind item on Kennethinthe212, in which a “famous gossip columnist” (Musto, perhaps?) tipped that Clynes claimed he was closeted actor Jake G’s (Gyllenhaal, perhaps?) alleged former lover.

The Only Iranian Election Post You Need To Read

Myspace Glitter Graphics



From Reza Aslan:


On Friday, Iranians go to the polls to choose a new president in an election that will have profound consequences throughout the globe, not least in the United States, where President Obama has expressed a desire for a thaw in relations with Iran.

Although some 400 candidates signed up to run for the office, the election has become a four-way race, with the incumbent, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, facing off against the even more conservative former commander of Iran’s dreaded Revolutionary Guard, Mohsen Rezaie; the popular reformist and former prime minister Mir Hossein Mousavi; and the perennial populist and leftist candidate—Iran’s very own Ralph Nader—Mehdi Karroubi. With only a few days to go, however, the contest is shaping up into a two-man contest—and an unusually bitter, increasingly raucous, and utterly absorbing one at that—between Ahmadinejad and Mousavi.

Four years ago Ahmadinejad burst onto the political scene in Iran as a relatively unknown figure who shocked Iranians, and the world, by beating the powerful cleric and absurdly wealthy businessman Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani—whose net worth Forbes estimates at $1 billion—to become Iran’s first non-cleric president. Back then, Ahmadinejad ran on a platform of reforming the economy and rooting out corruption in the government.

Four years later, thanks both to a precipitous drop in oil prices and his administration’s reckless financial policies, Iran’s economy is on the verge of total collapse. As a result, Ahmadinejad has reinvented himself as the one candidate who could most effectively reach out to Barack Obama and responsibly open up the country to the international community—something all candidates agree must be done but with vastly different ideas about how to do so. In fact, Ahmadinejad’s campaign slogan is Ma Mitavanim…Farsi for “Yes, we can!”

...Perhaps the biggest surprise of these elections is the role the Internet is playing in the campaigns. Taking a page from the Obama playbook, all four candidates are on Facebook and Twitter (Mousavi’s Facebook page boasts more than 30,000 supporters). Huge, spontaneous rallies have been coordinate by text message.

It seems that, as with the previous elections, large urban centers, including conservative cities like Isfahan and Mashad, will go to Mousavi (it is difficult to find an Ahmadinejad supporter in Tehran!), while poorer and more rural voters are overwhelmingly supporting Ahmadinejad.


The article goes on, with insight from Iranian citizens. Must read.

via The Daily Beast

Crazy Racist Aunt Up To Her Old Tricks Again

Everyone has a crazy racist aunt, right?

Lately, I've been concerned for her well-being, as I have not received one of her Forward To All masterpieces in quite some time.

And lo, another awkward email is sent:


Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow ', this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him... I know I have.



LOLZ @ MUJIBARZ STOOPID FACE!!!!!!!

via my crazy racist aunt

BREAKING NEWS: Pat Robertson Still Has A Show

Much to our shock and dismay.

So, how do you fill airtime after 43 years? Pray for people to poop!

This is a disgusting, yet necessary tool to help us through Hump Day.

via the Youtubes

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Ever been minding your own business, drinking or drinking and driving and whatnot, and some buzzkill comes along to talk about their boyfriend Jesus?

Well, The Rapture will solve that for you. Armageddon is just another term for "more booze and sexy time left for the rest of us".

via tangle

Jesus-double-dutching-Christ: Today's Paultard Video

Dear parents of this hobbit,

Smack him.

Sneak up in his room while he's distracted, like say when he's whacking it to Alex Jones' internets show......then just smack the shit out him.

It's for his own good


Yours in Christ,

brickbat

CNN Says Barack Obama Is A Big Dumb Dumb Dummy Monster Tard

Pretty much.

CNN is concerned that President Unicorn isn't reading enough:


It appears President Obama has to step up his reading pace if he wants to beat his predecessor in one particular measure: how many books a president can polish off a year.

In an interview with the BBC Tuesday, Obama said he is currently reading Joseph O'Neill's 270-page novel "Netherland," a book Obama first said he began back in April.

If Obama is close to finishing the novel, that puts him on less than a 10 book-a-year pace, far less than the close to 100 books President Bush was reportedly able to finish in the same amount of time.

According to former top Bush aide Karl Rove, he and the former president engaged in a friendly wager every year to see who could read more books.

In 2006, Bush read 95 books to Roves 110: a Herculean pace of nearly two books a week — in an election year to boot — for the ex-president. But, according to Rove, Bush's reading slowed a bit in the final years of his presidency, finishing a not-too-shabby 51 books in 2007 and at least 40 in 2008.

And if that's not impressive enough, Rove also said Bush found time to read the Bible "from cover to cover" every year.



Never mind that we will all be hobos in about 3 weeks and that crazy Chinaman who wears platform shoes has missles and stuff.

via CNN

When Majorities Rule

Jesus' General gives us a little history lesson.


(Photo via LA Times)

The Only Piece On Lambo Cockrissian You Need To Read

Glitter Graphics



So.....

We were really gonna let this whole Lambo thing go. He lost, yet yll over the intertubes you can read and view statements of his coyness (is that word?) about his involvement in the acts of buttfuckery.

Yet, Richard at Gawker has summed up our feelings. So here it is:



You know what, Adam Lambert? Just can it with the coy shit. Everyone knows the American Idol second-placer is a big ol' homo from Fruitington Corners, but in every goddamn interview the lurching behemoth always says things like "keep speculating..." And I wish he'd just man up and step out.

Not that people should be forced to come out of the closet, but fool keeps calling himself a role model, and then won't acknowledge the fact that he's the gayest thing since Jody Watley got lost in the Tenderloin that one time. You can't really call yourself a role model, I don't think in this post-Prop 8 bullshit era of codified homophobia, while completely playing "tee heeeeee" with the press about something as fundamental and unchangeable as who you like to put your junk into. Is it anyone's business? Of course it's not. But would it be nice, just for fucking once, for a clearly gay, currently popular (and that's fleeting, Mary. Don't think it isn't. You're gonna be whistling the national anthem at state fairs come this time next year) to step up to the plate and say "You know what? Forget my own career, I'm gay. I'm well-liked (currently) and visible and I'm a proud gay American"? Yes that would be really nice. Because it would be honest and brave and true and exactly what (in some small part) the struggling gay youth of America needs. A person who everyone loved who also just happens to be gay.

So, Mr. Lambert, I know the coy shit is fun and cutesy and oohhh hoo hoo don't you chuckle to yourself between gulps, but it's all starting to come off a bit latent and scaredy-cat and lame. And the more you're teasing and "Maybe I'll come out in Rolling Stone, maybe I won't..." the more it becomes something that should be teased about, something that should be hinted and whispered. And it's not. It's a fact like any other fact. So please, either be honest and forthcoming about yourself, or just shut the hell up, make way for the real men, and stop calling yourself a role model. Because right now the only person you're a role model to is the kids who want to be what they want to be, but also don't want anyone to know about it. And that's sad.

Update! Yes, I know he's supposedly coming out on the cover of Rolling Stone next week. So, good for him! And good for Rolling Stone! How wonderfully this whole thing has been parlayed into a money-making endeavor. The gay community is so grateful to you, Adam.



Richard Lawson is our new hero.

via Gawker

Conservatives To Republicans: STFU

Build your own Blingee




Holy bejesus. People really don't like this Sotomayor lady.

Take Rush Limbaugh and Tom Tancredo:





Yet, the winner in this crazery has to be G. Gordon Liddy, the douche with the molestache that helped plan the whole Watergate deal.

Here's his thoughts on B.A. Barackus' Mexican girlfriend:

Yesterday on his radio show, conservative host G. Gordon Liddy continued the right wing’s all-out assault on Judge Sonia Sotomayor. First, just like Tom Tancredo, Liddy slammed Sotomayor’s affiliation with the civil rights group La Raza — and referred to the Spanish language as “illegal alien“:

LIDDY: I understand that they found out today that Miss Sotomayor is a member of La Raza, which means in illegal alien, “the race.” And that should not surprise anyone because she’s already on record with a number of racist comments.

Finished with the race-based attack, Liddy moved on to denigrate Sotomayor’s gender:

LIDDY: Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then.

Finally, Liddy disputed the entire idea that there’s anything wrong with the paucity of women and total lack of Hispanics on the Court:

LIDDY: And everybody is cheering because Hispanics and females have been, quote, underrepresented, unquote. And as you pointed out, which I thought was quite insightful, the Supreme Court is not designed to be and should not be a representative body.





In all this madness, the few conservative minds that haven't been warped by Jesus, Xenophobia, and airplane glue have some advice for their peers.

From Ben Smith:


The memo has clearly gone around, and leading conservative voices this morning urged, with unusual harmony, their fellow partisans to be very, very careful in their attacks on Sotomayor.

Peggy Noonan, inimitably, urges the GOP to "play grown-up":

She is of course a brilliant political pick—Hispanic when Republicans have trouble with Hispanics, a woman when they've had trouble with women. Her background (public housing, Newyorican, Catholic school, Princeton, prominence) is as moving as Clarence Thomas's, and that is moving indeed. Politically she's like a beautiful doll containing a canister of poison gas: Break her and you die.

Steele wants an end to the "slammin' and rammin'" of Sotomayor.

Krauthammer: thinks it's a "teachable moment" on justice and race:

What should a principled conservative do? Use the upcoming hearings not to deny her the seat, but to illuminate her views. No magazine gossip from anonymous court clerks. No "temperament" insinuations. Nothing ad hominem. The argument should be elevated, respectful and entirely about judicial philosophy.

Levi Has More Stuff To Say.....Shirtless

GQ, the closeted man's Undergear, hung out with snowbilly hottie Levi Johnston to talk about trucks, hunting, sluts, and those crazy crackers that almost resided at Number One Observatory Circle.

The whole piece is a great read, but here's just a taste:

In Alaska you heard two competing takes on the Bristol-Levi affair. One was the “under the bus” narrative, held to by the Levi camp. In this story, Levi loves a girl, she gets pregnant, he gives up high school and hockey so he can provide for her and the baby. When it suits their political purposes, the family embraces him and essentially puts him forward as a son-in-law. When his meager political value is spent, they do what most normal parents would do and discourage the daughter from marrying him, in hopes that she can get back on with her future. He’s frozen out of the family. They won’t let him see the baby except for a few hours at a time. They won’t let the baby sleep at his house. His visits at the Palins’ are awkward. He can’t bond with the baby. He’d said to me,

Just going over there makes me pretty damn uncomfortable. I would call and say, “Can I pick him up?” It was, “No, you can’t have him, but you can come see him.” Just going over there, and Todd and Sarah sitting there staring at me, doesn’t do it for me. Todd never says anything, really. Sarah, I don’t know. She’s a politician. She knows how to throw in a fake smile and look happy. They’re pretty good at that.



via GQ

This Girl Made Us Cry Last Night

Not because of the story, but the talent.

So You Think You Can Dance is one our guiltiest pleasures, and we usually root for a dude (Travis , Nick , etc.)

But Caitlin Kinney's got it.

NOM Afraid Of Books And Field Trips

Here is the National Organization for Marriage's latest ad.

It features a voice-over by Foghorn Leghorn warning New York residents about the dangers of gay marriage, such as books in Massachusetts and school outings in California. Gasp!

Also, it seems that gay people will steal your wedding photos.

All that's missing is Foghorn saying "There's something kind of 'eee-yew' about a boy who doesn't like baseball." (skip to about the :40 mark)

via Towleroad

Fun With The Internets

We chanced upon this site and it ranks right up there with Cake Wrecks, The "Blog of "Unnecessary" quotation marks, and Awkward Family Photos.

Ladies and Gents....we bring you Awkward Boners.

This gem is entitles "Bedboner".

Today's Paultard Video

Meet the tiniest hobbit's new bff....this guy. He was held back in high school, but no matter.

Let him teach us all about the Free Speech and so forth.

via Middle-earth

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Gospel Dance Aerobics.

The rest of Paul Eugene Green's videos are priceless.

via tangle

Barack Obama's New Mexican Girlfriend Has An Infomercial Now

Now that President Unicorn has announced Sonia Sotomayor has his SCOUTS pick, let the ad wars begin!!!!

The above one is a nice biography of how Sonia from the Block went to many fancy schools and is way smarter than you.

In return, the Judicial Confirmation Network released this ad about how Sotomayor is part of Barack Hussein's librul Islamo Mexican Revolution, which will abort all your white children, replacing them with Spanish-speaking Muslin androids... much like the movie AI:




Also of note: Did you know that Catholics will now comprise 2/3's of the SCOTUS? I know, exciting!!!

And then there's this crazery.

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Merry Memorial Day And All

Westboro Not Going Anywhere According To Crazy Rant On Site

Make custom Glitter Graphics





About a month ago, Towleroad speculated about a Westboro Baptist Church mass suicide because of a cryptic blog entry that went a little something like this:

We are particularly urgent about it, because the time is shortly to come when we will grant you your wicked wish, Doomed america! Your smart-assed pundits and foul-mouthed politicians have for years told us to pack up and leave if we don’t like this filthy little cancerous boil on the butt of the earth. You all think you’re so clever that you can come up with such cutesy little quips. You’re collectively so Bible dumb that you don’t know what you’re saying. So let me help you out.

...We gotta go, peeps! We gotta go! And when we do, it’s time for this filthy nation to receive of all the plagues that your Creator has promised. The reason there is such urgency in those words … such passion in the irresistible call from our Saviour, Husband, and Friend … is because when that time comes for this rebellious nation – which is spiritually called Babylon and has become literally Babylon by the inexplicable and forcible snatching of that Mesopotamian land where ancient Babylon sat – it is going to be very fast and very violent, such that all mankind is utterly and simply amazed.


Alas, this is not the case. Atleast according to Westboro's blog section in an email answering session:

A few web sites are claiming you guys are going to do a mass suicide because of the April 4 field report. What do you think about waht they’re saying? Here are some excerpts:

From Gossip Boy:
A cryptic blog post on the Westboro Baptist Churchs website hints that their mission is coming to an end, as full darkness invades America, and they are ready to end their fight and depart. Generally, when cults start talking this way, someone is in the kitchen mixing up Kool Aid.

From Towleroad:
Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church recently left a blog post that has some wondering if the extremist group is planning a mass suicide (a la Jonestown). A little excerpt from the post (link goes to WBC blog) written in their typical hag-alect:

Kansas Watch:
But in today’s posting on Fred Phelps’ and family’s blog, they kind of sound like they are planning to leave this mortal coil.

Justin


And the answer:


I say first: This is wishful thinking and standard slander. It means nothing.

I say second: I am late in responding because I was at K-State picketing General David Patraeus. If you check out our schedule of coming pickets (in less than 12 hours I hit the road for Hartford, CT and Cambridge/Boston, MA) - that schedule is almost enough to make me tired just looking at it. My point being - WHY NOW would anyone think that we would do anything as disobedient and lawless as murder?

I say third: That excellent field report says nothing different than we have been telling you for a long time. Today our exit out of this country feels closer than it has in the past. The truth of the matter is that GOD, IN HIS WORD, says he gave those examples in the scriptures FOR OUR EXAMPLE and FOR OUR LEARNING and FOR OUR COMFORT, it says, upon whom the ends of the world have come. There is a VAST body of scripture that speaks to these last hours of the last days of all. So even as Noah preached to the world and THEN GOT ON THE ARK JUST BEFORE THEIR DESTRUCTION CAME, the Doomed Ante-diluvium world and even as LOT preached to and then LEFT Doomed Sodom et al, and their destruction came and likewise when Moses and the Children of Israel PREACHED TO and then LEFT Egypt at which point God destroyed the MOST POWERFUL ARMY in the world in that day (from which Egypt NEVER recovered), etc. etc., we preach to Doomed america. Now, there are three things we hear from brutish Doomed americans, and in this order, to wit: 1. God loves everyone; 2. There is NO God and 3. If you don’t like america . . . if america is Doomed . . . if you think we are this or that, etc. . . . THAN GET THE F#@& OUT!!

SWEET!

...That 144,000 Jews are going to put away the lies of the house of Israel about Christ and who he is and so forth, and they are going to serve God in truth, and WE are going to help them! YAY!! Stay tuned Justin! The day is coming when you will see the flip of what Paul did. He told those stiff-necked and rebellious Jews that he was DONE with them, that God had sent him now to the Gentiles to call out a people for his name, and at Romans 11, Paul makes it CRYSTAL clear that when the fullness of the Gentiles be come in, that God is going to return to the Jews and save a remnant of them and that day is fast approaching! I cannot tell you how thankful I will be when we are through talking to this nation of truly STUPID rebels against God (and you have NO cause!).

We have a most glorious new task, and it is going to be amazing. There are going to be two things that those Jews are going to do in response to this call that we are going to put forth now, WITH a vengeance (you know we will ) and so we must look to the scriptures to see it. Because those Jews are likened by the prophet Jeremiah to Figs - REALLY GOOD figs or REALLY, REALLY BAD or EVIL figs - SO BAD AND EVIL that you cannot eat them or you will die! Plus - the beat the crap out of Paul and at one point they left him for dead and HELLO, THEY KILLED CHRIST!! Our personal experience with them is that they are mean and vicious and violent!!

...Now I must ask you - WHY IN THIS WORLD would we consider anything short of running to this battle as FAST as our little legs will carry us!!

As for that cryptic lie - YIKES!! We are about as plain spoken as words can be - GOD HATES FAGS AND THEIR ENABLERS . . . . . . . . . . . . .THEREFORE . . . . . . . . . . . . . america IS DOOMED!!! YAY!!!

Thanks!


Wow. Just.....wow.

We Assume The History Books In The District Need Updating

Ah, prom season.

It's the time of year when doucheteens across the country max out their parents' credit cards to rent snazzy outfits and fancy limousines to attend an overpriced party in their HS gym to bump and grind to the rap music, followed by bumping and grinding in a cheap motel. That is America.

Montgomery County, GA has a very special kind of prom. The kind where white and black folk are segregated. Hoorayz for 2009!!!

From NY Times:


Waiting out the final weeks of the school year, they begin rightfully to revel in the shared thrill of moving on. It is no different in south-central Georgia’s Montgomery County, made up of a few small towns set between fields of wire grass and sweet onion. The music is turned up. Homework languishes. The future looms large. But for the 54 students in the class of 2009 at Montgomery County High School, so, too, does the past. On May 1 — a balmy Friday evening — the white students held their senior prom. And the following night — a balmy Saturday — the black students had theirs.

...Racially segregated proms have been held in Montgomery County — where about two-thirds of the population is white — almost every year since its schools were integrated in 1971. Such proms are, by many accounts, longstanding traditions in towns across the rural South, though in recent years a number of communities have successfully pushed for change.

...Students of both races say that interracial friendships are common at Montgomery County High School. Black and white students also date one another, though often out of sight of judgmental parents. “Most of the students do want to have a prom together,” says Terra Fountain, a white 18-year-old who graduated from Montgomery County High School last year and is now living with her black boyfriend. “But it’s the white parents who say no. … They’re like, if you’re going with the black people, I’m not going to pay for it.”

“It’s awkward,” acknowledges JonPaul Edge, a senior who is white. “I have as many black friends as I do white friends. We do everything else together. We hang out. We play sports together. We go to class together. I don’t think anybody at our school is racist.” Trying to explain the continued existence of segregated proms, Edge falls back on the same reasoning offered by a number of white students and their parents. “It’s how it’s always been,” he says. “It’s just a tradition.”


The whole piece is a great read, but these few lines really stand out:


Earlier this month, on the Friday night of the white prom, Kera Nobles, a senior who is black, and six of her black classmates drove over to the local community center where it was being held. Standing amid a crowd of about 80 parents, siblings and grandparents, they snapped pictures and whooped appreciatively as their white friends — blow-dried, boutonniered and glittering in a way that only high-school seniors can — did their “senior walk,” parading in elegant pairs into the prom. “We got stared at a little, being there,” said one black student, “but it wasn’t too bad.”

After the last couple were announced, after they watched the white people’s father-daughter dance and then, along with the other bystanders, were ushered by chaperones out the door, Kera and her friends piled into a nearby KFC to eat. Whatever elation they felt for their dressed-up classmates was quickly wearing off.


We immediately thought of this:




Story via Jesus' General (MUST read piece here as well)

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSNAP!

Blech.

We sooo wish this were from another source, but it's too good not to put out right the fuck now:


Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will soon announce that gay American diplomats will be given benefits similar to those that their heterosexual counterparts enjoy, U.S. officials said Saturday.

In a notice to be sent soon to State Department employees, Clinton says regulations that denied same-sex couples and their families the same rights and privileges that straight diplomats enjoyed are "unfair and must end," as they harm U.S. diplomacy.

"Providing training, medical care and other benefits to domestic partners promote the cohesiveness, safety and effectiveness of our posts abroad," she says in the message, a copy of which was obtained by The Associated Press.

"It will also help the department attract and retain personnel in a competitive environment where domestic partner benefits and allowances are increasingly the norm for world-class employers," she says.

"At bottom, the department will provide these benefits for both opposite-sex and same-sex domestic partners because it is the right thing to do," Clinton says.



Barack says what?



via HuffBlow

Just Go Here

Seriously.

Saturday Night Randomry

via here.

Rand Paul Tells Really Boring Story About His Name That Is Probably A Lie

Here is Kentucky's own Senate hopeful Rand Paul, shown above in his asylum-issued duds, talking about the origin of his name.

Paultards are cumming on themselves at the thought of L. Ron Paultard's son being named after that lady who wrote some shitty book.

Well, they are wrong.


via the Youtubes

Florida Pays For Very Expensive Beard

The St. Petersburg Times ran an interesting piece yesterday about the cost of protecting fancy Charlie Crist's wife, Carole, and her two kids.....who do not live with Crist.

From The Juice:


In the past six months, it cost the Florida Department of Law Enforcement $57,000 to protect Carole Crist and her two kids. This is hardly an eye-popping figure, when compared to the $208,000 once spent to protect former first lady Columba Bush.

But the story also points out that Carole Crist's daughters live in New York, while she has a house in Fisher Island, and has only made rare public appearances since marrying Crist last December. Which calls into question whether Crist's new family is much of a family at all.

Rumors have swirled for years that Crist is gay, but mainstream media outlets such as the St. Petersburg Times have largely ignored them. Then along came the documentary Outrage, which exposes closeted Republican politicians who champion anti-gay legislation while secretly trolling for lovers in bars and men's bathrooms.

The film debuted in Florida this month, and Crist plays a prominent role in it. Two sources are interviewed on camera saying they had been at parties where a GOP staffer told friends that he had a physical relationship with Crist. ( New Times' Bob Norman first reported these allegations and more about Crist's mysterious personal life in 2006). Outrage also points out that Crist, a longtime bachelor, only seems to find a girlfriend--or wife--at politically expedient moments.

Crist, of course, has repeately denied having sex with men. But if everyone in the mainstream media believes him, why does one of the most venerable papers in the state need to make a stink about his new wife being MIA?

A Children's Treasury Of Lambo Loss Reax Youtube Videos

AND FOR THE WIN!!!!

The One Minute Man

President Unicorn found it in his heart and schedule to allow Judy Shepard 60 seconds of his time.

From The Advocate:

Shepard told The Advocate that she received the Obamas’ invitation on Monday, the same day White House press secretary Robert Gibbs told Advocate Washington correspondent Kerry Eleveld during a press briefing that he “didn’t have the answer” to her question about repealing the antigay Defense of Marriage Act.

Upon arriving at the White House on Wednesday, Shepard first met with the president in the Oval Office. The meeting was short -- “It was supposed to be 10 minutes, but his meeting beforehand ran long and I only had a minute or so with him,” Shepard said. But it was long enough for Obama to assure Shepard that he was still a supporter of the hate-crimes bill named in honor of her son, a gay man who was murdered in Laramie, Wyo., in 1998 at age 21.

She was then ushered to a luncheon hosted by Michelle Obama. “It was me and about 80 other people,” she said, adding that she wasn't able to speak one-on-one with the first lady.

Although she understands that many activists, like Mixner, are becoming increasingly frustrated with the White House, Shepard encourages people to be patient when it comes to LGBT legislation.

“We are victims of our own hope,” she says. “These bills are going to get passed, it’s just going to take time and work.”

It's Over

Create cool Profile Comments




And our Faerie King, Lambo Cockrissian, lost.

A few reax worth reading here and here.

THIS one from Jim David @ HuffBlow (of course) takes the cake:


The best singer didn't win a freaking singing contest.

When Kris Allen defeated Adam Lambert as the Season 8 "American Idol," it was, as predicted, a seismic upset. The Chicago Sun-Times said, "David slayed Goliath." Endless bloggers posted reactions like "The biggest robbery since Bush stole the election" and "The end of American Idol's last hope at relevance."

Everyone, from the judges to Google to Yahoo to the Vegas odds makers, predicted a Lambert victory. They were right, and everyone knows it. In the end homophobia won, and everyone knows it.

Yes, homophobia is alive and well, which is why Lambert lost the ultimate title. Go ahead -- give me another reason. Yes, Lambert is over the top and screams a lot and is campier than Liberace at Radio City. Sure, Kris Allen is a cutie, and has pleasant enough vocals, and he's nice. But a better singer, or performer, than Lambert? Please.


Ohhhhh just wait. It gets even more maudlin:


If the contestants had zero backstory, Lambert would have decimated the competition. Instead, Allen's Christianity, church roots and corn-fed wife were exploited, as were Lambert's musical theatre roots (i.e. his 'theatre fag' history). He didn't say a word about his sexuality, but didn't need to. For that we had the Internet, zapping anyone's private photo library to the world, so photos of Lambert swapping saliva with a guy went viral, as well as a lot of his very strange yet riveting LA cabaret performances, turning off the homophobic majority.

Yes, a majority of the country is homophobic. If it weren't, gays would have had their rights back in the 90s when the Europeans got them. We wouldn't have a majority of states with a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. We wouldn't be fighting for even rudimentary domestic partnership laws in some cities and states. We wouldn't have anti-gay imbeciles like Maggie Gallagher, Peter LaBarbera, Matt Barber or the "God Hates Fags" morons getting publicity. Yep, if American weren't homophobic, Lambert would be waving to the crowds from a convertible.

...And he made, without really trying, a great leap for gays in America. The American public learned his sexuality early on and still voted for him into the finals, even if they were too scared to give him the ultimate prize. But they obviously had their limits. Perhaps if he hadn't sung his finale "Mad World" performance in that 'Basketball Diaries' cloak, which made us fear he was a misunderstood youth about to pull out a semiautomatic and open fire on the tweens in the mosh pit, he would have won.


Jim David, shut the fuck up.

Adam Lambert was never a gay contestant. He was a contestant everyone surmised to be a sodomist based on an arsenal of evidence. He never admitted to anything. He was never a gay hero, because he never said he was gay.

EW had a post-finale interview with Lambo and the following exchange occurred:

I want to just get this question out of the way first, something that's been dangling a bit over you for the whole season: Would you like to put to rest all the speculation about your sexuality?
It's not dangling over my head. [Laughing] It may be dangling over yours, but it's not over mine. Yeah, I think speculation keeps things really interesting.

So you don't want to say anything one way or the other?
Like I said, I think speculation keeps things very, very interesting. [Laughs]


See? No homophobia involved. He's not a gay.

Atleast, not an out gay. Maybe a pansexual opportunist who used a nationwide platform to promote his career rather than promote understanding and acceptance.

But Mr. David, you can't call homophobia against a guy who denies being gay.

Hilarious Yet Gross Pregnancy Ad Needs More Alan Keyes

From The Sun:

Leicester NHS Trust placed the graphic video, which used actors, online in a bid to shock youngsters and raise awareness of teen pregnancies.

But the footage was initially too much for YouTube censors who took it down after less than 24 hours.

After protests that it was an educational video, it was put back online.

The film appears to have been shot using a mobile phone camera to give an air of authenticity.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

WTF?


via tangle

DNC Hires Perez Hilton For Campaign Ad

Is this really the best they can do?

From CNN:

Eager to keep Dick Cheney in the spotlight, the Democratic National Committee released a Web video Wednesday highlighting recent GOP praise for the former vice president's series of television appearances.

Set to Caleb Delamont's Let Me Know That You Love Me, the video shows clips of House Minority Leader John Boehner and Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele praising Cheney's newfound media visibility, even as officials in the Republican party have sought to spotlight a new generation of leadership.

"The Republican Party [hearts] Dick Cheney," the video declares.

Corrections: THIS Is Lambo's Boyfriend

We've spent months speculating about the wrong guy. (It was still fun)

From Towleroad:

Perez Hilton claims that this man, allegedly named Drake, is Adam Lambert's love interest and Lambert was affectionately referring to him as "my boy" at a recent party. Over the weekend, the New York Daily News floated a rumor that Lambert was spotted with someone he referred to as "his boyfriend" while dining out with fellow Idol contestants over the weekend.



No word yet from you know who.


Also, Ted Haggard wants to buy meth and get fisted (in no certain order) by Kris Allen.

Some Blind People Take Pictures....Some Blind People Should Not Take Pictures

From TIME:

Evgen Bavcar, The Flow of Time
Renowned in Europe but little known in the United States, Bavcar lost his eyes in two separate childhood accidents. Of his work, he says, "I have a private gallery, but, unfortunately, I am the only one who can visit it. Others can enter by means of my photographs, but they do not see the originals, just the reproductions."


via Inspired by Light

Good Luck, Lambo Cockrissian

Myspace Glitter Graphics

Angry Kid Touchers Angered At President Who Kills/Eats Babies Before They Reach Ripe Age Of 8

As was expected:

It's telling that the pro-life guys doing the protesting are both men who clearly didn't graduate recently. I'm all for public protests, but there's an astroturf quality to some of these religious right protests, and conservative protests overall. You'd think, if the students were truly upset that Obama was coming to their school, that some - uh - students themselves might protest?


Def lacks the subtlety of dead baby dolls in Spongebob strollers.


via AMERICAblog

Meghan McCain Lurves Guns, Does Not Own One

Make your own Glitter Graphics




My, quite the gangster, this one.

Meghan wrote a piece about how much she enjoys firing guns and why everyone should own one to protect themselves from Barack Obama, the poors, Mexicans, and whatnot.

The beginning is priceless:

As an NRA member—their annual convention kicks off today in my hometown—the shooting range is one place I'm Republican through-and-through. I find it empowering, especially as a woman, to fire off a few rounds.

In the days after my dad lost the election, my brothers and I went to shoot rounds at the local shooting range. Partly because—as anyone who knows how to use a rifle and can do so safely understands—doing so is hugely stress-relieving, and partly because, we half-joked, it might mark the beginning of the end of our Second Amendment rights under the Obama administration. Now I admit we probably thought as much because our emotions were running so high following the election, but the fact remains: The right to bear arms, and specifically the idea of it being taken away from me, is one of my biggest concerns.


Whaaaa?!?!?!?

I digress:

Putting it bluntly, we’ve done a disservice to our violence problems by making the political argument about guns instead of whatever causes people to be violent in the first place. Anger, alcohol, drugs, economic hopelessness, reckless driving—they can all precipitate tragedy. Simply removing guns from the equation does not solve the larger problem. Worse, it gives the wrong impression about what can and should be done to help those who are troubled. The real solution to preventing gun violence is not taking away the tools, but tackling its causes: poverty, inadequate health care, mental illness, joblessness, inadequate housing, and poor education. Desperate people will make anything a weapon. We need to eliminate desperation, not guns.

...So, yes, the girl who wants to legalize gay marriage and thinks the GOP is out of touch with progressive-minded Republicans is fiercely protective of her Second Amendment rights and finds it empowering, especially as a woman, to fire off a few rounds and get closer and closer to the desired target. This is one issue where I’m red through-and-through. Last year, I heard Marcus Luttrell, author of Lone Survivor, speak at the NRA Convention in Louisville, Kentucky. His story—Luttrell was awarded the Navy Cross for his courage during a devastating firefight in 2005 that left him the only survivor of his SEAL team in eastern Afghanistan—was moving and inspiring beyond words. Besides, you can’t miss the NRA billboards as you drive around Phoenix these days. How could I not be pumped?

...The sooner we concentrate on the real problems that lead to gun violence and not the guns, we'll get closer to saving lives and keeping our nation safer. Do I own a gun? No. I don't feel I'm skilled enough yet to keep one safely in my possession. But that doesn't mean someday I won't own one. Or several.


via The Daily Beast

Subway Dude Writes Fancy Poem About Some Transvestite

Failed POTUS candidate and Jester for Jesus, Mike Huckabee, has used his website (it's still up?) to write a poem for Nancy Pelosi.

It fun!!!:


Here's a story about a lady named Nancy
A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a "leaker."

She flies on government planes coast to coast
And doesn't mind that our economy is toast
She makes the Air Force squire her in their military jets
There's room for her family, her staff, and even her pets.

Until now, she annoyed us, but her gaffes were mostly funny;
Even though it was painful to watch her waste our tax money.
But now her wacky comments are no laughing matter;
She's either unwilling to tell the truth, or she's mad as a hatter!

She sat in briefings and knew about enhanced interrogation;
But claims she wasn't there, and can't give an explanation.
She disparages the CIA and says they are a bunch of liars;
Even the press aren't buying it and they're stoking their fires.

I think Speaker Pelosi has done too much speaking;
And instead of her trashing our intelligence officials, it's her nose that needs tweaking.

If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it's Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.

I say it here and I say it rather clear-
It's time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here.


Wait. Isn't poetry for the fags?

via CNN

Geno's World Full Of Shit; Lambo Brings A Date; Etc.

Add Glitter to Pictures



Hoorayz!!! More Blog Warz™!!!!

Geno's World, TMZ's mongoloid sister, has just done dug themselves a hole.

This past week, they had a post entitled "Exclusive: Adam Lambert's friend and former boyfriend "Cheeks" turns down Star Magazine's offer for revealing interview!":

As revealed on Geno's World exclusively on 3/4/09 , the man pictured kissing Adam Lambert in the photos that swept the Internet is "Cheeks", a rising music star in his own right. A loyal friend, "Cheeks" has turned down interviews and money making opportunities to reveal stories about his relationship with Lambert. "Cheeks" has repeatedly told friends of "Geno's World" that he does not want to interfere with Adam's race to the finals on Idol. He is content to stay in the background and root his friend on quietly.

Today, word came to Geno's World that "Cheeks" was offered a measly $2,000 and promotion for his projects from Star magazine to "tell all" about his relationship with Adam. A source close to "Cheeks" told me "2 Grand? Please! "Cheeks" has turned down offers that have dwarfed that one to talk about Adam. The only way he'd ever open up is to do so in a friendly and safe environment. The price would have to be out of this world and with the understanding that "Cheeks" would never ever say anything disrespectful or mean about Adam" Good for "Cheeks"! It's good to know that someone has integrity out there!


Besides the ironically hilarious last line of the post about "integrity", again the title of the post is Exclusive: Adam Lambert's friend and former boyfriend "Cheeks" turns down Star Magazine's offer for revealing interview!.

Former.

Which proves my point from a week or so ago.....about Geno's World being full of shit:

"Radar Online has reported on Geno's World's exclusive revealing of American Idol's Adam Lambert's boyfriend's identity. "Cheeks" had no comment to Radar's request for a quote......But Geno's World is hard at work talking to "Cheeks" friends convinving him to tell his story exclusively here at Geno's World. And Geno's World has an exclusive response to an Access Hollywood report from 1 hour ago. Adam had talked to AH about his kissing photos that hit the web of him and "Cheeks". The report says Adam is currently single.....NOT SO says a close associate of "Cheeks". "Oh no, they still see each other.".....Stay tuned......."


So......suck it.

Moving on, The NY Daily News reported that Lambo took his "boyfriend" to Outback with other Idol contestants:

American Idol" finalist Adam Lambert wasn't coy about his love life when he and other "AI" contestants got together the other night at Burbank's Outback Steakhouse. Lambert called the dude with him "my boyfriend," says a spy. Also looking cozy at the dinner: Anoop Desai and Megan Joy Corkrey, who sources say are an item.


Again, this probably bullshit. According to Matt Giraud and Jackie Tohn's Twitter page, the group went out to the Olive Garden.

What can we gain from all of this?

None of this is true.

Adam Lambert is neither straight nor gay. He is a pansexual Adlet sent to our Earths to drink the blood of children who are not baptized.

Three more days and this shit will be over, folks.

Now it's time to go, because the 4th hour of the Today Show is on and.......yeh.


UPDATE: As much as it pains me, go here. This is Jesusery/douchebaggery at it's finest:



Sarver took down the video from his MySpace and issued this “apology”:

May 18, 2009 11:49 AM
Just want to say to those offended by this video that I am sorry you were offended. I did not intend that. In a world where I love u between guys can mean more then one thing we just wanted to clarify the status of our relationship. It had nothing to do with passing judgement. “

Celeb Jeopardy Is Back; All Is Right With The World

These made us snort too:

Saturday Night Randomry

Pat Metheny at the North Sea Jazz Festival in 2003 together with the Metropool Orchestra.

Jesus Christ There's Another One

Thanks alot, CNN. The day was going along just fine so far.

Meet Rand (Hmmm?) Paul, son of Dr. Congressman Ron Paul and heir to the kingdom of Middle-earth.

He's running for a U.S. Senate seat in Kentucky!!!

Paultards have raised 12k since the announcement.

Here we go again:

Dr. Rand Paul, the son of former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul, announced Thursday night that he is forming an exploratory committee to to challenge Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning in a Republican primary.

Paul made the announcement Thursday night on MSNBC's Rachel Maddow Show.

Paul had said previously that he would not throw his hat in the ring if Bunning decided to run for reelection. Bunning — seen as one of the weakest Republicans in the 2010 race — has said that he will run again, but Paul said he doesn't necessarily trust that the two-term Kentucky senator will follow through.

"I think the problem is that every time a reporter asks Jim Bunning, are you running, their follow up question is, Jim, are you really running," Paul said. He said Bunning has done some "unusual things" and said, "What I hate to see is a politician who might go all the way up to the deadline and pull their papers out an hour before and then you have one candidate and there's no real primary."

Since his announcement, Paul said he has raised over $12,000, according to his campaign Web site. Paul's conservative views are very similar to those of his father, who garnered a major grassroots following during his run for president last year.


Hobbit HQ can be found here.

Alan Keyes Regrets His Abortion

Whoa! Guess who showed up to Notre Dame, as promised?


via NY Times

Paultards Ambush Scientology Treehouse In Nashville

Again, what happens when you think they're ALL douchebags?

Further details here.

Do read.

Bill Clinton Made A Funny Yesterday

Just watch the whole thing, for context and all.

Good News, Hobos!!! Here's Some Free Drugs For Your Penis!!!

The poors may not be able to get their hands on Chantix or Combivir, but now they can sex some sluts real good, gratis:


Pfizer Inc. is unveiling a new program Thursday that will let people who have lost their jobs and health insurance keep taking some widely prescribed Pfizer medications — including Lipitor and Viagra — for free for up to a year.

The world's biggest drugmaker will provide more than 70 of its prescription drugs at no cost to unemployed, uninsured Americans, regardless of their prior income, who lost jobs since Jan. 1 and have been on the Pfizer drug for three months or more.

The announcement comes amid massive job losses caused by the recession and a campaign in Washington to rein in health care costs and extend coverage. The move could earn Pfizer some goodwill in that debate after long being a target of critics of drug industry prices and sales practices.

..."There's a long-term benefit there, beyond the goodwill and the publicity," said David Heupel, health care portfolio manager at Thrivent Large Cap Growth Fund. "Pfizer is trying to maintain their (market) share, if not grow their share" by keeping people from switching to generic versions of its drugs to save money.

"If you're already taking medication that's working, typically doctors don't push to change it," Heupel said.

Pfizer's program comes at a time when many drugmakers, including Pfizer, have been raising prices on their drugs, partly to offset declines in revenue as the global recession reduces the number of prescriptions people can afford to fill.

The idea for the program came just five weeks ago, at a leadership training meeting, as the workers discussed how many patients are struggling, Puente said.

"It was my idea," he said. "I floated it, and the reception it got was so dramatic that it very quickly became our idea."


via MSNBC

Bible Spice Defends That Lady Bigot With The Fake Boobs

Like we didn't know this was coming:


In a strongly worded statement relased late Wednesday, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin defended Miss California Carrie Prejean and ripped into "the liberal onslaught of malicious attacks" against Prejean for her response to a question about gay marriage.

"I can relate as a liberal target myself," Palin said. "What I find so remarkable is that these politically-motivated attacks fail to show that what Carrie and I believe is also what President Obama and Secretary Clinton believe — marriage is between a man and a woman."

Prejean created a stir with her response to a question about gay marriage at last month's Miss USA pageant, questions about her work with gay marriage opponents and nearly nude photos taken of her when she was a teenager put her title in jeopardy.

"I applaud Donald Trump for standing with Carrie during this time. And I respect Carrie for standing strong and staying true to herself, and for not letting those who disagree with her deny her protection under the nation's First Amendment Rights," the former vice presidential candidate said.

"Our Constitution protects us all — not just those who agree with the far left," Palin said.

Here Is Your President Obama, Ctd.

Picking up from our previous post.

Here's a piece from Sully:

I lived through eight years of the Clintons and then eight years of Bush. Through it all, gay people were treated at the federal level like embarrassments or impediments. With Clinton, we were the means to raise money. With Bush, we were the means to leverage votes by exploiting bigotry. Obama seemed in the campaign to promise something else. I listened to him in the early days and found him sincere about ending discrimination by the government; and I came to respect, while vehemently disagreeing with, his position on federal civil unions. He seemed genuinely distressed that gay servicemembers should be treated with contempt and persecution by their commander-in-chief, that gay couples should have to fight for basic human treatment - like entry to hospital rooms, or being able to stay in the same apartment as their late spouse, or forced into cruel separation by immigration laws that treat gay couples as threats, rather than assets, or if you had the temerity to survive HIV, being treated at the US border the way Jesse Helms always wanted people with HIV to be treated - like perverts and pariahs and threats.

...it's tedious to whine and jump up and down and complain when a wand isn't waved and everything is made right by the first candidate who really seemed to get it, who was even able to address black church congregations about homophobia. And obviously patience is necessary; and legislative work takes time; and there are real challenges on so many fronts, especially the economy and the legacy of war crimes and the permanently restive Iraqi and Afghan regions we are constantly in the process of liberating from themselves. No one expects a president to be grappling with all this early on, or, God help us, actually leading on civil rights. That's our job, not his.

But I have a sickeningly familiar feeling in my stomach, and the feeling deepens with every interaction with the Obama team on these issues. They want them to go away. They want us to go away.


Here we are, in the summer of 2009, with gay servicemembers still being fired for the fact of their orientation. Here we are, with marriage rights spreading through the country and world and a president who cannot bring himself even to acknowledge these breakthroughs in civil rights, and having no plan in any distant future to do anything about it at a federal level. Here I am, facing a looming deadline to be forced to leave my American husband for good, and relocate abroad because the HIV travel and immigration ban remains in force and I have slowly run out of options (unlike most non-Americans with HIV who have no options at all).

And what is Obama doing about any of these things? What is he even intending at some point to do about these things? So far as I can read the administration, the answer is: nada. We're firing Arab linguists? So sorry. We won't recognize in any way a tiny minority of legally married couples in several states because they're, ugh, gay? We had no idea. There's a ban on HIV-positive tourists and immigrants? Really? Thanks for letting us know. Would you like to join Joe Solmonese and John Berry for cocktails? The inside of the White House is fabulous these days.


Then Dan Savage replies:

Fact is, Obama has "acknowledge [the] breakthroughs in civil rights" that we've seen in Iowa and other states. And here it is:



See? Obama has acknowledged the breakthroughs in civil rights for gay Americans! He told a joke about it at the White House Correspondents' Dinner this weekend. (You were there, Andrew, didn't you catch it?) Barack Obama condescended to use marriage equality as a punch line; he made, essentially, a Chuck & Larry joke about two straight dudes—Obama and Axelrod—running off to Iowa to "make it official" with the queers and their "partners." And that's hilarious, you see, because Obama and Axelrod aren't actually homos! So they don't need to go to Iowa to make it official! They can get married—to women—in all fifty states! HA!

The more I think about the joke Obama told at the WHCD the more ticked off I get. We're witnessing rapid and historic progress in the fight for gay equality and Barack Obama, who campaigned on our issues and described himself as a "fierce advocate" of gay and lesbian equality, hasn't acknowledged the breakthroughs in Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine in a setting or a with comments that are in any way equal to the significance of this historic moment. The best he can do—all he's willing to do—is toss off an Adam-Sandler-level joke.

So here's what I would've said if I'd been prepared for the question: Our lives, our families, and our rights are not a joke, Mr. President. The discrimination faced by gay people—whether coupled and single—is distressingly real and persists even for same-sex couples in Iowa and other states where gay marriage is legal. Stop fucking around and start delivering on your campaign promises to us, to our families, and to our children.