The Internets Just Got Significantly Wierder

Glitter Graphics



Whoa there! This little masterpiece just took Lambo Cockrissian obsessions to the next level.

Someone on LIVEJOURNAL took the time to write an Adam Lambert/Kris Allen fantasy buttseks mini-series, which turns out to be 100 million words long or so.

As interesting as the fleeting concept may be, this is just regoddamndiculously uncomfortable (NSFW):

He tilts his head down, runs his hand up Kris' back, soothing pressure and guidance, and Kris stands up straighter, pressing against Adam, and Adam licks at his lip because can, and Kris' hand is smoothing along his cheek and neck, tentative, thumb finding the pulse point and Adam laughs against Kris' mouth.

...He kissed him, firmly, then stood to slid his own pants down. He poked at Kris' hip. "Hips, up, lover." And he knows his smile is dark.


We recommend both Lambo and Kris Allen seek a restraining order.

via Part 1 and Part 2

We Still Don't Know If This Is A Joke

The Passion for Christ Movement (not to be confused with the Mel Gibson snuff film) has a new kind of message to spread...on T-shirts.

Stop masturbating:

Yeah we said it….Nobody talks about it, but most people have done it or are still doing it. It's seems to be a rite of passage for both girls and guys into the world of sex. Some say masturbation is not a sin, some say that it is. But is it really okay in the eyes of God?

...When God wants to take His message of deliverance across the globe, there is NO stopping Him. Check out this feature of the EX Shirts on one of the fastest growing Christian Hip Hop magazines in the US: www.DaSouth.com. Also, hit up their new article, "Masturbation" It breaks down the lies behind masturbation, explains how this is actually a sin, and how we can be freed through Christ.

And if you need even more encouragement, check out ya girl Dameco's latest blog entry, in which she fearlessly testifies to her struggle and victory over masturbation!


Well, do tell, Tampico:

Masturbation. This is the thing that many people do but don't really talk about, especially women. It's looked on as not ladylike and not pure. It's a shameful thing for many women and men alike. I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn't the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience I wasn't the same and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from "humping" the floors, to sexually stimulate myself, to full on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret. The frequency to which I masturbated and the degree to which I did it was so bad that I actually ended up tearing the tissue on my clitoris. This sent me into depression for months because I thought I had mutilated myself. I had contemplated suicide because of it but I still didn't stop. The real battle began for me when I desired freedom.

...If your dealing with this, you need to confess it to God, confess everything. God is so serious about this sin . He said " if your eye—even your good eye —causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. "


Gross.

via OMG

Today's Godtube Moment

Words can't describe.

Here's the description from Godtube:

Sarah Palin tries to make a difference by throwing starfish that are stranded on the shore back into the sea while Obama and Biden stand by and watch.

Sarah Palin's Greatest Presser Of All Time

Somali Pirates Catch Some Kind Of Iranian Scurvy

No shit.

From boingboing:

Somali pirates who hijacked an Iranian shipping vessel said to be carrying either "minerals" or "small arms and chemical weapons" have, en masse, fallen ill with a mysterious disease. The head of the East African Seafarers' Assistance Programme has been threatened with a lawsuit by the Iranian government for issuing spooky statements to the press to the effect that there was some kind of evil "chemicals" on the ship.

For No Reason

Today's Godtube Moment

Yeh, maybe this is mean and in bad taste.......but skip to 4:30 for the money shot.

Holocaust Porn

From Gawker:

Opening today at New York's Film Forum: Stalags, a new documentary about pornographic paperbacks that were quite popular in Israel in the 1960s. They took place in Nazi concentration camps. They were full of pervy sado-masochism. They made the Holocaust sound like kinky fun. They were written by, and for, Israeli Jews, under American-sounding pseudonyms. The books were all about male prisoners being raped and tortured by "curvaceous female Nazi guards." The film argues that they perhaps helped Israeli Jews "discuss" the Holocaust for the first time since the war ended. So: Holocaust porn, for Holocaust survivors. Surely this beats cancer jokes for uncomfortable discussion topics. How does it stand up against American Marines killing puppies? What does it mean that as a culture it took us almost a decade longer to laugh about the Holocaust than to jerk off to it?

via Gawker

Yakov Hates Thundercunt Too

Creepy belly-kissing Russian President for Life Vladimir Putin fired a shot back at Emo-Hillary in an almost 5 hour long press conference:

When Hillary Clinton said, way back in New Hampshire, that Vladimir Putin "doesn't have a soul," I figured that would be the sort of thing the Russian wouldn't be pleased about. But when I called the foreign ministry the next day for comment, it was Orthodox Christmas, and I let it slide.

He was asked about the remark at his press conference yesterday, however, and indeed wasn't pleased.

The former KGB lieutenant colonel appeared to lash out at U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton — a leading Democratic candidate for president — when one reporter quoted her as saying that former KGB officers have no soul:

"At a minimum, a head of state should have a head," Putin said.



via Ben Smith

Jailhouse Seks Via Intertubes

There's actually a sight called Conjugal Harmony that hooks lonely people up with even lonelier inmates looking for marks companions:

The Conjugal Harmony Difference Imagine having a wife who is always glad to see you, never cheats or stays out all night, and who rocks your ever-loving world twice a month with a pent-up vengeance you haven’t felt since college. Now imagine she never takes your credit cards, doesn’t spend all day talking to her mother, and never knows if you’re out with friends or sleeping around. Now stop imagining and open your eyes to the world of Conjugal Harmony. For almost a decade we’ve connected honest, background cleared, non-prisoners with exciting, passionate, loyal mates on the inside, and with rates so low you might think you’re the crook!

Take this one for example:



via The Stranger