What's Up With Chuck?

As previously reported, Chuck Norris is a christian ninja blogger over at Townhall.

Here's Tuesday's post, entitled If I Am Elected Vice President:

It really doesn't matter whose presidential ticket I ride on as vice president because America will be a Chucktatorship when I step into office. If I am elected vice president, I promise to fulfill these pledges unilaterally within my first 30 days in office:

-- If I win on McCain's ticket, consider the Middle Eastern wars over. Our enemies are toast.

-- If I win on Hillary's ticket, I promise you that Bill will stay out of the Oval Office and on his Total Gym. If he argues with me, I will put him on latrine duty throughout the whole White House.

-- If I win on Obama's ticket, I will appoint Barack to be co-editor (with Oprah) of my new political magazine, "Uh-O!"

...-- I personally will secure all of our borders by running my new reality television program, "Walker, Texas Robocop."

-- For some humor and entertainment, the Supreme Court justices will be among the competitors in the championship of my World Combat League. The final match will be conservative Alito against liberal Breyer. May the best man … or justice … win! That should be hilarious!

-- During the next four World Series and Super Bowls, "The Star-Spangled Banner" will be sung by the Rev. Jeremiah Wright (in 2/4 time).

...-- I will erect two additional terrorist-deterring national monuments to two of my favorite movie stars and heroes: John Wayne and Charlton Heston. These monuments will be known collectively as "The Smith & Wesson Memorials." (Of course, Heston's will have a three-story high Ten Commandments fountain in the center.)


Dear Chuck,

Please go back to acting. Your blog makes our eyes hurt.

Thanks,

brickbat