Elderly Juan McCain Throws Oil Under The Bus

Topping learning there is no Santa Claus and seeing Hermione Granger's whatnot on the intertubes on the list of things that have shattered my worldview, the kindly ol' senile gent from Arizona just let me know that George Bush and Dick Cheney lied to me.

Juan McCain had another senior moment: slipping up and telling me Operation Iraqi Freedom was not at all about freedoms or terrors or little Iraqi lapel pins. It was all so that stupid bitch next to me at the gas pumps that can't drive her Excursion in the first place has plenty of oil to endager people for 100 miles.



The elderly man immediately blacked out and fell asleep for 14 hours. He awoke the next day and, after someone reminded him of what had happened, had this to say:

"No, no, I was talking about that we had fought the Gulf War for several reasons," McCain told reporters.


One reason was Saddam Hussein's invasion of Kuwait, he said. "But also we didn't want him to have control over the oil, and that part of the world is critical to us because of our dependency on foreign oil, and it's more important than any other part of the world," he said.

"If the word `again' was misconstrued, I want us to remove our dependency on foreign oil for national security reasons, and that's all I mean," McCain said.

"The Congressional Record is very clear: I said we went to war in Iraq because of weapons of mass destruction," he said.

Still confused by the flashing lights and the crazy image taking contraption that was stealing his soul, McWALNUTS! then had this to say about the above stuff that he didn't say:

But then when specifically asked by an Associated Press reporter if, when he made the statement, he was “thinking about the first Gulf War,” he said no.

“No, I was thinking about- it’s not hard to- we will not,” McCain stumbled. “By eliminating our dependency on foreign oil, we will not have to have our national security threatened by a cut off of that oil. Because we will be dependent, because we won’t be dependent, we will no longer be dependent on foreign oil. That’s what my remarks were.”

He then screamed "What the hell are you lookin' at!?!?", punched the reporter in the throat, and shuffled his way back to his plane before he miss Jeopardy.

via HuffPo and MSNBC