Palin Church Fire Secrets Revealed

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Not only was the Great Wasilla Bible Church Fire of '08 the work of angry homosexuals. Now it has come to light that it was the work of homosexual assassins:

[Blogger Kevin] Collins said he discussed the situation with a church elder, Tom Ryan, who confirmed the case isn’t a simple arson, but an attempted murder situation.

“There were five adult women and a 17-year-old girl in the church during the arson,” Collins wrote.

He also reported the telephone wires and those controlling the fire alarm and water sprinkler were cut before the fire was set from within the building, because footprints were found inside the control room.

“Clearly the arson[ist] knew the victims were present,” he wrote.

“The facts speak clearly. This attempted murder was perpetrated by someone from outside of the Wasilla area, a hired assassin who went there to kill people because of what they believe,” Collins reported.


Jesus' General responds:

No doubt your conclusion is correct. It must have been a murder attempt carried our by hired assassins from out of state. Your logic is impeccable. As you note, the phone and alarm lines were reportedly cut--surely, no one from Wasila has the mental acuity needed to operate a tool as complex as a wire cutter.

But who are these assassins? Are they Obama-voting infidels from Seattle, Denver, Charlotte or some other piece of faux America? Or are they part of a more sinister group--perhaps one with international origins.

I strongly suspect it's the latter. More specifically, I blame Nigerian child witches. They certainly have a motive. Gov. Palin's close relationship with Nigerian witch fighter Thomas Muthee surely scares them. They are already suffering greatly from the "poison destroyers," imprisonment, and beatings to which Pastor Muthee and his fellow witch fighters are subjecting them. Add the full power of American military might Palin could muster after God makes her President, and, hey, these wicked child witches could be rendered powerless in a matter of weeks.

I hope you'll pursue that lead, but if you do, please do so carefully.