Not content with letting Pagan goat killers encroach on Panhandle territory, Satanic forces are stealing "light-up Lords" (otherwise known as Baby Jesus) from mangers all over Panama Shitty. Since this has happened on a couple of occasions this year, it's obviously an epidemic. Atleast according to S. Brady Calhoun of Florida Freedom Newspapers, who's pretty pissed that people are fucking with plastic versions of God's only son.
One of the victims, Gerard Virga, agrees with my snap judgement:
It might be a cult or something. Why would you take baby Jesus?
Why indeed, sir?
[Baby Jesus being stolen from Panama City mangers]
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