Today's Paultard Video

Seems like as good a way as any to start the posting again.

Here's our favorite tiny hobbit rambling about how librul schools are giving vaccines for the Mexican Pig Aids just so they can contaminate children's blood with NAFTA NWO brain leeches or something.

Enjoy.


via Middle-earth

brickbat Returns From Longest Vacation In Recorded History

Jingle jangle and salutations!

We have made it back to this series of tubes after an extended sabbatical to clear our minds of nonsense, such as healthcare, recessions, racist wingnuts, paultards, truthers, and other various types of nonsense.

Now, it's back to the usual. Enjoy (or not) our triumphant return.

It's 3am And Hillary Can't Answer The Phone

Well, Librul Socialist America. Looks like you may have made the right choice.

SOS Clinton's fragile lady bones are preventing her from doing President Unicorn's busy work:


Secretary of State Hillary Clinton canceled a planned trip to Greece and Italy this week because she is still recovering from surgery to repair her fractured elbow.

In Trieste, Italy, Clinton planned to attend meetings with her Group ofEight counterparts on Iran, the Middle East peace process and the War inAfghanistan. She also planned to take part in a gathering of the Organizationfor Security and Cooperation in Europe in Corfu, Greece, which was expected to focus on the tensions between Russia and Georgia.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

S E X. Space the letters out and tangle will allow you to post a video about carnal indulgence.

Let's find out what Jesus people have to say about eating out or eating someone or eating someone out.

via tangle

GHWB Bday Sodomist Furry Orgy Spectacular

Who knew?

From Tabloid Prodigy:


So you may be asking yourself: What are these two whores doing next to these two beautiful strippers?

Well, the explanation is quite simple, really. See, to celebrate Barbara Bush’s 84th birthday, actors from a local production of A Chorus Line were invited to join George H.W. Bush and the bday gal in Maine at the Bush family vacation home to celebrate.

The bikini-clad hot chick parked in the former President’s lap is actress Katie Cameron, and the hottie standing next to former first lady Barbara is Justin Clynes (at right). And yes, he’s a dick smoker. He has graced the cover of Genre magazine, and also had a turn in nothing-but-a-towel on Broadway’s The Ritz. And curiously, he was also the subject of a blind item on Kennethinthe212, in which a “famous gossip columnist” (Musto, perhaps?) tipped that Clynes claimed he was closeted actor Jake G’s (Gyllenhaal, perhaps?) alleged former lover.

The Only Iranian Election Post You Need To Read

Myspace Glitter Graphics



From Reza Aslan:


On Friday, Iranians go to the polls to choose a new president in an election that will have profound consequences throughout the globe, not least in the United States, where President Obama has expressed a desire for a thaw in relations with Iran.

Although some 400 candidates signed up to run for the office, the election has become a four-way race, with the incumbent, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, facing off against the even more conservative former commander of Iran’s dreaded Revolutionary Guard, Mohsen Rezaie; the popular reformist and former prime minister Mir Hossein Mousavi; and the perennial populist and leftist candidate—Iran’s very own Ralph Nader—Mehdi Karroubi. With only a few days to go, however, the contest is shaping up into a two-man contest—and an unusually bitter, increasingly raucous, and utterly absorbing one at that—between Ahmadinejad and Mousavi.

Four years ago Ahmadinejad burst onto the political scene in Iran as a relatively unknown figure who shocked Iranians, and the world, by beating the powerful cleric and absurdly wealthy businessman Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani—whose net worth Forbes estimates at $1 billion—to become Iran’s first non-cleric president. Back then, Ahmadinejad ran on a platform of reforming the economy and rooting out corruption in the government.

Four years later, thanks both to a precipitous drop in oil prices and his administration’s reckless financial policies, Iran’s economy is on the verge of total collapse. As a result, Ahmadinejad has reinvented himself as the one candidate who could most effectively reach out to Barack Obama and responsibly open up the country to the international community—something all candidates agree must be done but with vastly different ideas about how to do so. In fact, Ahmadinejad’s campaign slogan is Ma Mitavanim…Farsi for “Yes, we can!”

...Perhaps the biggest surprise of these elections is the role the Internet is playing in the campaigns. Taking a page from the Obama playbook, all four candidates are on Facebook and Twitter (Mousavi’s Facebook page boasts more than 30,000 supporters). Huge, spontaneous rallies have been coordinate by text message.

It seems that, as with the previous elections, large urban centers, including conservative cities like Isfahan and Mashad, will go to Mousavi (it is difficult to find an Ahmadinejad supporter in Tehran!), while poorer and more rural voters are overwhelmingly supporting Ahmadinejad.


The article goes on, with insight from Iranian citizens. Must read.

via The Daily Beast

Crazy Racist Aunt Up To Her Old Tricks Again

Everyone has a crazy racist aunt, right?

Lately, I've been concerned for her well-being, as I have not received one of her Forward To All masterpieces in quite some time.

And lo, another awkward email is sent:


Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow ', this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him... I know I have.



LOLZ @ MUJIBARZ STOOPID FACE!!!!!!!

via my crazy racist aunt

BREAKING NEWS: Pat Robertson Still Has A Show

Much to our shock and dismay.

So, how do you fill airtime after 43 years? Pray for people to poop!

This is a disgusting, yet necessary tool to help us through Hump Day.

via the Youtubes

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Ever been minding your own business, drinking or drinking and driving and whatnot, and some buzzkill comes along to talk about their boyfriend Jesus?

Well, The Rapture will solve that for you. Armageddon is just another term for "more booze and sexy time left for the rest of us".

via tangle

Jesus-double-dutching-Christ: Today's Paultard Video

Dear parents of this hobbit,

Smack him.

Sneak up in his room while he's distracted, like say when he's whacking it to Alex Jones' internets show......then just smack the shit out him.

It's for his own good


Yours in Christ,

brickbat

CNN Says Barack Obama Is A Big Dumb Dumb Dummy Monster Tard

Pretty much.

CNN is concerned that President Unicorn isn't reading enough:


It appears President Obama has to step up his reading pace if he wants to beat his predecessor in one particular measure: how many books a president can polish off a year.

In an interview with the BBC Tuesday, Obama said he is currently reading Joseph O'Neill's 270-page novel "Netherland," a book Obama first said he began back in April.

If Obama is close to finishing the novel, that puts him on less than a 10 book-a-year pace, far less than the close to 100 books President Bush was reportedly able to finish in the same amount of time.

According to former top Bush aide Karl Rove, he and the former president engaged in a friendly wager every year to see who could read more books.

In 2006, Bush read 95 books to Roves 110: a Herculean pace of nearly two books a week — in an election year to boot — for the ex-president. But, according to Rove, Bush's reading slowed a bit in the final years of his presidency, finishing a not-too-shabby 51 books in 2007 and at least 40 in 2008.

And if that's not impressive enough, Rove also said Bush found time to read the Bible "from cover to cover" every year.



Never mind that we will all be hobos in about 3 weeks and that crazy Chinaman who wears platform shoes has missles and stuff.

via CNN

When Majorities Rule

Jesus' General gives us a little history lesson.


(Photo via LA Times)

The Only Piece On Lambo Cockrissian You Need To Read

Glitter Graphics



So.....

We were really gonna let this whole Lambo thing go. He lost, yet yll over the intertubes you can read and view statements of his coyness (is that word?) about his involvement in the acts of buttfuckery.

Yet, Richard at Gawker has summed up our feelings. So here it is:



You know what, Adam Lambert? Just can it with the coy shit. Everyone knows the American Idol second-placer is a big ol' homo from Fruitington Corners, but in every goddamn interview the lurching behemoth always says things like "keep speculating..." And I wish he'd just man up and step out.

Not that people should be forced to come out of the closet, but fool keeps calling himself a role model, and then won't acknowledge the fact that he's the gayest thing since Jody Watley got lost in the Tenderloin that one time. You can't really call yourself a role model, I don't think in this post-Prop 8 bullshit era of codified homophobia, while completely playing "tee heeeeee" with the press about something as fundamental and unchangeable as who you like to put your junk into. Is it anyone's business? Of course it's not. But would it be nice, just for fucking once, for a clearly gay, currently popular (and that's fleeting, Mary. Don't think it isn't. You're gonna be whistling the national anthem at state fairs come this time next year) to step up to the plate and say "You know what? Forget my own career, I'm gay. I'm well-liked (currently) and visible and I'm a proud gay American"? Yes that would be really nice. Because it would be honest and brave and true and exactly what (in some small part) the struggling gay youth of America needs. A person who everyone loved who also just happens to be gay.

So, Mr. Lambert, I know the coy shit is fun and cutesy and oohhh hoo hoo don't you chuckle to yourself between gulps, but it's all starting to come off a bit latent and scaredy-cat and lame. And the more you're teasing and "Maybe I'll come out in Rolling Stone, maybe I won't..." the more it becomes something that should be teased about, something that should be hinted and whispered. And it's not. It's a fact like any other fact. So please, either be honest and forthcoming about yourself, or just shut the hell up, make way for the real men, and stop calling yourself a role model. Because right now the only person you're a role model to is the kids who want to be what they want to be, but also don't want anyone to know about it. And that's sad.

Update! Yes, I know he's supposedly coming out on the cover of Rolling Stone next week. So, good for him! And good for Rolling Stone! How wonderfully this whole thing has been parlayed into a money-making endeavor. The gay community is so grateful to you, Adam.



Richard Lawson is our new hero.

via Gawker

Conservatives To Republicans: STFU

Build your own Blingee




Holy bejesus. People really don't like this Sotomayor lady.

Take Rush Limbaugh and Tom Tancredo:





Yet, the winner in this crazery has to be G. Gordon Liddy, the douche with the molestache that helped plan the whole Watergate deal.

Here's his thoughts on B.A. Barackus' Mexican girlfriend:

Yesterday on his radio show, conservative host G. Gordon Liddy continued the right wing’s all-out assault on Judge Sonia Sotomayor. First, just like Tom Tancredo, Liddy slammed Sotomayor’s affiliation with the civil rights group La Raza — and referred to the Spanish language as “illegal alien“:

LIDDY: I understand that they found out today that Miss Sotomayor is a member of La Raza, which means in illegal alien, “the race.” And that should not surprise anyone because she’s already on record with a number of racist comments.

Finished with the race-based attack, Liddy moved on to denigrate Sotomayor’s gender:

LIDDY: Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then.

Finally, Liddy disputed the entire idea that there’s anything wrong with the paucity of women and total lack of Hispanics on the Court:

LIDDY: And everybody is cheering because Hispanics and females have been, quote, underrepresented, unquote. And as you pointed out, which I thought was quite insightful, the Supreme Court is not designed to be and should not be a representative body.





In all this madness, the few conservative minds that haven't been warped by Jesus, Xenophobia, and airplane glue have some advice for their peers.

From Ben Smith:


The memo has clearly gone around, and leading conservative voices this morning urged, with unusual harmony, their fellow partisans to be very, very careful in their attacks on Sotomayor.

Peggy Noonan, inimitably, urges the GOP to "play grown-up":

She is of course a brilliant political pick—Hispanic when Republicans have trouble with Hispanics, a woman when they've had trouble with women. Her background (public housing, Newyorican, Catholic school, Princeton, prominence) is as moving as Clarence Thomas's, and that is moving indeed. Politically she's like a beautiful doll containing a canister of poison gas: Break her and you die.

Steele wants an end to the "slammin' and rammin'" of Sotomayor.

Krauthammer: thinks it's a "teachable moment" on justice and race:

What should a principled conservative do? Use the upcoming hearings not to deny her the seat, but to illuminate her views. No magazine gossip from anonymous court clerks. No "temperament" insinuations. Nothing ad hominem. The argument should be elevated, respectful and entirely about judicial philosophy.

Levi Has More Stuff To Say.....Shirtless

GQ, the closeted man's Undergear, hung out with snowbilly hottie Levi Johnston to talk about trucks, hunting, sluts, and those crazy crackers that almost resided at Number One Observatory Circle.

The whole piece is a great read, but here's just a taste:

In Alaska you heard two competing takes on the Bristol-Levi affair. One was the “under the bus” narrative, held to by the Levi camp. In this story, Levi loves a girl, she gets pregnant, he gives up high school and hockey so he can provide for her and the baby. When it suits their political purposes, the family embraces him and essentially puts him forward as a son-in-law. When his meager political value is spent, they do what most normal parents would do and discourage the daughter from marrying him, in hopes that she can get back on with her future. He’s frozen out of the family. They won’t let him see the baby except for a few hours at a time. They won’t let the baby sleep at his house. His visits at the Palins’ are awkward. He can’t bond with the baby. He’d said to me,

Just going over there makes me pretty damn uncomfortable. I would call and say, “Can I pick him up?” It was, “No, you can’t have him, but you can come see him.” Just going over there, and Todd and Sarah sitting there staring at me, doesn’t do it for me. Todd never says anything, really. Sarah, I don’t know. She’s a politician. She knows how to throw in a fake smile and look happy. They’re pretty good at that.



via GQ

This Girl Made Us Cry Last Night

Not because of the story, but the talent.

So You Think You Can Dance is one our guiltiest pleasures, and we usually root for a dude (Travis , Nick , etc.)

But Caitlin Kinney's got it.

NOM Afraid Of Books And Field Trips

Here is the National Organization for Marriage's latest ad.

It features a voice-over by Foghorn Leghorn warning New York residents about the dangers of gay marriage, such as books in Massachusetts and school outings in California. Gasp!

Also, it seems that gay people will steal your wedding photos.

All that's missing is Foghorn saying "There's something kind of 'eee-yew' about a boy who doesn't like baseball." (skip to about the :40 mark)

via Towleroad

Fun With The Internets

We chanced upon this site and it ranks right up there with Cake Wrecks, The "Blog of "Unnecessary" quotation marks, and Awkward Family Photos.

Ladies and Gents....we bring you Awkward Boners.

This gem is entitles "Bedboner".

Today's Paultard Video

Meet the tiniest hobbit's new bff....this guy. He was held back in high school, but no matter.

Let him teach us all about the Free Speech and so forth.

via Middle-earth

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Gospel Dance Aerobics.

The rest of Paul Eugene Green's videos are priceless.

via tangle

Barack Obama's New Mexican Girlfriend Has An Infomercial Now

Now that President Unicorn has announced Sonia Sotomayor has his SCOUTS pick, let the ad wars begin!!!!

The above one is a nice biography of how Sonia from the Block went to many fancy schools and is way smarter than you.

In return, the Judicial Confirmation Network released this ad about how Sotomayor is part of Barack Hussein's librul Islamo Mexican Revolution, which will abort all your white children, replacing them with Spanish-speaking Muslin androids... much like the movie AI:




Also of note: Did you know that Catholics will now comprise 2/3's of the SCOTUS? I know, exciting!!!

And then there's this crazery.

Enjoy your Wednesday.

Merry Memorial Day And All

Westboro Not Going Anywhere According To Crazy Rant On Site

Make custom Glitter Graphics





About a month ago, Towleroad speculated about a Westboro Baptist Church mass suicide because of a cryptic blog entry that went a little something like this:

We are particularly urgent about it, because the time is shortly to come when we will grant you your wicked wish, Doomed america! Your smart-assed pundits and foul-mouthed politicians have for years told us to pack up and leave if we don’t like this filthy little cancerous boil on the butt of the earth. You all think you’re so clever that you can come up with such cutesy little quips. You’re collectively so Bible dumb that you don’t know what you’re saying. So let me help you out.

...We gotta go, peeps! We gotta go! And when we do, it’s time for this filthy nation to receive of all the plagues that your Creator has promised. The reason there is such urgency in those words … such passion in the irresistible call from our Saviour, Husband, and Friend … is because when that time comes for this rebellious nation – which is spiritually called Babylon and has become literally Babylon by the inexplicable and forcible snatching of that Mesopotamian land where ancient Babylon sat – it is going to be very fast and very violent, such that all mankind is utterly and simply amazed.


Alas, this is not the case. Atleast according to Westboro's blog section in an email answering session:

A few web sites are claiming you guys are going to do a mass suicide because of the April 4 field report. What do you think about waht they’re saying? Here are some excerpts:

From Gossip Boy:
A cryptic blog post on the Westboro Baptist Churchs website hints that their mission is coming to an end, as full darkness invades America, and they are ready to end their fight and depart. Generally, when cults start talking this way, someone is in the kitchen mixing up Kool Aid.

From Towleroad:
Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church recently left a blog post that has some wondering if the extremist group is planning a mass suicide (a la Jonestown). A little excerpt from the post (link goes to WBC blog) written in their typical hag-alect:

Kansas Watch:
But in today’s posting on Fred Phelps’ and family’s blog, they kind of sound like they are planning to leave this mortal coil.

Justin


And the answer:


I say first: This is wishful thinking and standard slander. It means nothing.

I say second: I am late in responding because I was at K-State picketing General David Patraeus. If you check out our schedule of coming pickets (in less than 12 hours I hit the road for Hartford, CT and Cambridge/Boston, MA) - that schedule is almost enough to make me tired just looking at it. My point being - WHY NOW would anyone think that we would do anything as disobedient and lawless as murder?

I say third: That excellent field report says nothing different than we have been telling you for a long time. Today our exit out of this country feels closer than it has in the past. The truth of the matter is that GOD, IN HIS WORD, says he gave those examples in the scriptures FOR OUR EXAMPLE and FOR OUR LEARNING and FOR OUR COMFORT, it says, upon whom the ends of the world have come. There is a VAST body of scripture that speaks to these last hours of the last days of all. So even as Noah preached to the world and THEN GOT ON THE ARK JUST BEFORE THEIR DESTRUCTION CAME, the Doomed Ante-diluvium world and even as LOT preached to and then LEFT Doomed Sodom et al, and their destruction came and likewise when Moses and the Children of Israel PREACHED TO and then LEFT Egypt at which point God destroyed the MOST POWERFUL ARMY in the world in that day (from which Egypt NEVER recovered), etc. etc., we preach to Doomed america. Now, there are three things we hear from brutish Doomed americans, and in this order, to wit: 1. God loves everyone; 2. There is NO God and 3. If you don’t like america . . . if america is Doomed . . . if you think we are this or that, etc. . . . THAN GET THE F#@& OUT!!

SWEET!

...That 144,000 Jews are going to put away the lies of the house of Israel about Christ and who he is and so forth, and they are going to serve God in truth, and WE are going to help them! YAY!! Stay tuned Justin! The day is coming when you will see the flip of what Paul did. He told those stiff-necked and rebellious Jews that he was DONE with them, that God had sent him now to the Gentiles to call out a people for his name, and at Romans 11, Paul makes it CRYSTAL clear that when the fullness of the Gentiles be come in, that God is going to return to the Jews and save a remnant of them and that day is fast approaching! I cannot tell you how thankful I will be when we are through talking to this nation of truly STUPID rebels against God (and you have NO cause!).

We have a most glorious new task, and it is going to be amazing. There are going to be two things that those Jews are going to do in response to this call that we are going to put forth now, WITH a vengeance (you know we will ) and so we must look to the scriptures to see it. Because those Jews are likened by the prophet Jeremiah to Figs - REALLY GOOD figs or REALLY, REALLY BAD or EVIL figs - SO BAD AND EVIL that you cannot eat them or you will die! Plus - the beat the crap out of Paul and at one point they left him for dead and HELLO, THEY KILLED CHRIST!! Our personal experience with them is that they are mean and vicious and violent!!

...Now I must ask you - WHY IN THIS WORLD would we consider anything short of running to this battle as FAST as our little legs will carry us!!

As for that cryptic lie - YIKES!! We are about as plain spoken as words can be - GOD HATES FAGS AND THEIR ENABLERS . . . . . . . . . . . . .THEREFORE . . . . . . . . . . . . . america IS DOOMED!!! YAY!!!

Thanks!


Wow. Just.....wow.

We Assume The History Books In The District Need Updating

Ah, prom season.

It's the time of year when doucheteens across the country max out their parents' credit cards to rent snazzy outfits and fancy limousines to attend an overpriced party in their HS gym to bump and grind to the rap music, followed by bumping and grinding in a cheap motel. That is America.

Montgomery County, GA has a very special kind of prom. The kind where white and black folk are segregated. Hoorayz for 2009!!!

From NY Times:


Waiting out the final weeks of the school year, they begin rightfully to revel in the shared thrill of moving on. It is no different in south-central Georgia’s Montgomery County, made up of a few small towns set between fields of wire grass and sweet onion. The music is turned up. Homework languishes. The future looms large. But for the 54 students in the class of 2009 at Montgomery County High School, so, too, does the past. On May 1 — a balmy Friday evening — the white students held their senior prom. And the following night — a balmy Saturday — the black students had theirs.

...Racially segregated proms have been held in Montgomery County — where about two-thirds of the population is white — almost every year since its schools were integrated in 1971. Such proms are, by many accounts, longstanding traditions in towns across the rural South, though in recent years a number of communities have successfully pushed for change.

...Students of both races say that interracial friendships are common at Montgomery County High School. Black and white students also date one another, though often out of sight of judgmental parents. “Most of the students do want to have a prom together,” says Terra Fountain, a white 18-year-old who graduated from Montgomery County High School last year and is now living with her black boyfriend. “But it’s the white parents who say no. … They’re like, if you’re going with the black people, I’m not going to pay for it.”

“It’s awkward,” acknowledges JonPaul Edge, a senior who is white. “I have as many black friends as I do white friends. We do everything else together. We hang out. We play sports together. We go to class together. I don’t think anybody at our school is racist.” Trying to explain the continued existence of segregated proms, Edge falls back on the same reasoning offered by a number of white students and their parents. “It’s how it’s always been,” he says. “It’s just a tradition.”


The whole piece is a great read, but these few lines really stand out:


Earlier this month, on the Friday night of the white prom, Kera Nobles, a senior who is black, and six of her black classmates drove over to the local community center where it was being held. Standing amid a crowd of about 80 parents, siblings and grandparents, they snapped pictures and whooped appreciatively as their white friends — blow-dried, boutonniered and glittering in a way that only high-school seniors can — did their “senior walk,” parading in elegant pairs into the prom. “We got stared at a little, being there,” said one black student, “but it wasn’t too bad.”

After the last couple were announced, after they watched the white people’s father-daughter dance and then, along with the other bystanders, were ushered by chaperones out the door, Kera and her friends piled into a nearby KFC to eat. Whatever elation they felt for their dressed-up classmates was quickly wearing off.


We immediately thought of this:




Story via Jesus' General (MUST read piece here as well)

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSNAP!

Blech.

We sooo wish this were from another source, but it's too good not to put out right the fuck now:


Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will soon announce that gay American diplomats will be given benefits similar to those that their heterosexual counterparts enjoy, U.S. officials said Saturday.

In a notice to be sent soon to State Department employees, Clinton says regulations that denied same-sex couples and their families the same rights and privileges that straight diplomats enjoyed are "unfair and must end," as they harm U.S. diplomacy.

"Providing training, medical care and other benefits to domestic partners promote the cohesiveness, safety and effectiveness of our posts abroad," she says in the message, a copy of which was obtained by The Associated Press.

"It will also help the department attract and retain personnel in a competitive environment where domestic partner benefits and allowances are increasingly the norm for world-class employers," she says.

"At bottom, the department will provide these benefits for both opposite-sex and same-sex domestic partners because it is the right thing to do," Clinton says.



Barack says what?



via HuffBlow