Crazy Racist Aunt Up To Her Old Tricks Again

Everyone has a crazy racist aunt, right?

Lately, I've been concerned for her well-being, as I have not received one of her Forward To All masterpieces in quite some time.

And lo, another awkward email is sent:


Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow ', this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him... I know I have.



LOLZ @ MUJIBARZ STOOPID FACE!!!!!!!

via my crazy racist aunt

CNN Says Barack Obama Is A Big Dumb Dumb Dummy Monster Tard

Pretty much.

CNN is concerned that President Unicorn isn't reading enough:


It appears President Obama has to step up his reading pace if he wants to beat his predecessor in one particular measure: how many books a president can polish off a year.

In an interview with the BBC Tuesday, Obama said he is currently reading Joseph O'Neill's 270-page novel "Netherland," a book Obama first said he began back in April.

If Obama is close to finishing the novel, that puts him on less than a 10 book-a-year pace, far less than the close to 100 books President Bush was reportedly able to finish in the same amount of time.

According to former top Bush aide Karl Rove, he and the former president engaged in a friendly wager every year to see who could read more books.

In 2006, Bush read 95 books to Roves 110: a Herculean pace of nearly two books a week — in an election year to boot — for the ex-president. But, according to Rove, Bush's reading slowed a bit in the final years of his presidency, finishing a not-too-shabby 51 books in 2007 and at least 40 in 2008.

And if that's not impressive enough, Rove also said Bush found time to read the Bible "from cover to cover" every year.



Never mind that we will all be hobos in about 3 weeks and that crazy Chinaman who wears platform shoes has missles and stuff.

via CNN

Today's Paultard Video

Meet the tiniest hobbit's new bff....this guy. He was held back in high school, but no matter.

Let him teach us all about the Free Speech and so forth.

via Middle-earth

This Kid Is Just A Giant Douche

OMG.

It's just been a matter of time.

The above video comes from a twinkbot waste of oxygen named Connor Jon, girlfriend of known Paultard and famed lesbian, Gay God....also known as Matthew Lush. The two place have a live-stream web show thingy where they cut out paper hearts, talk live to lonely fat girls, and post pointless videos such as this:



While Lush is an internet hemorrhoid unto himself, it's Connor that we would really like to see waterboarded.

Just because a bunch of bored, obese cutters tune in to your show or watch your Youtube vidjas, an internet star you are not.

Everytime you watch a Connor Jon or Gay God upload, a MrChiCity3, or Sara, or Jon Roberts gets an internet virus.

Stop watching this shit. Foreals.

The only thing ConnorJon is good for was this video:



Other than that, eat a bag of dicks.


via the Youtubes

Joe The Plumber Hates, Yet Fears Queermosexuals

Glitter Graphics



Here's a gem from everyone's favorite Intellectuel Moderne, Samuel Wurzelbacher...also known as Joe the Plumber after he dons his cape constructed of American flags stolen from librul public libraries.

From a Christianity Today interview:


Q: In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

A: At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary—it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing.


via shorts

Checkin' In With Chuck

Why does the Muslin Devil Obama hate Jesus? Chuck Norris explores the issue in a holiday themed piece over at WND:


According to a new national survey by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press 10 percent of Americans still believe Obama is a Muslim. Seven percent of Democrats believe it. And nearly 20 percent of evangelicals do.

That is how people across the country responded to the question, "Do you happen to know what Barack Obama's religion is? Is he Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, atheist, agnostic or something else?"

What I find fascinating is that the same study showed only 55 percent of Democrats knew or believed Obama was a Christian, even after nearly two years on the political trail for president spouting his views and beliefs on everything under the sun.

Moreover, 35 percent of all of those polled have no clue as to what religion the president adheres. That's one-third of the nation he leads. One in three people don't have any idea of his religious convictions. Should the percentage be that high? Religion might be a private choice, but should it be a secret one too, even for a leader?

...Any questions? No Holy Week hesitations here. His name is Jesus, and I believe He was born into this world to die for the sins of mankind, that whosoever believes in him shall have eternal life – just as I chose to do decades ago at a Billy Graham crusade in Los Angeles.

Is Obama afraid of the "Jesus" word? I'm not, and maybe that's where my heart and mind should dwell during this period in which one billion people around the world commemorate his Via Dolorosa. Rather than ask what we believe about Obama's religion, maybe we should be answering what we believe about ours.

Whatever your religious persuasion, don't be ashamed of it. And don't hesitate to let others know where you stand, respectfully speaking. This is America. And that's one of the things that still makes us a great nation. In God we trust.

Giant Brown Muppet Plane Terrorizes MSM

via here, here and here

Missouri Lawmakers Sign Bill To Fight Mooslim Tyranny

Some Republicans got together and decided that, in these trying economic times, Issue #1 should be outing our Half-Breed Muslin President for the Illuminati Caliph Devil he is. What would be the best way to do that? Amend the state constitution:

Fifteen Republican members of the Missouri General Assembly have signed on to a state constitutional amendment that appears aimed at advancing the claims of the fringe movement that doubts President Barack Obama's eligibility to serve as president.

The language is contained in a proposed "voter’s bill of rights," which would serve "as a defense against corruption, fraud, and tyranny."

The proposed amendment states:

"For candidates who are required by the Constitution of the United States to be natural born citizens, the secretary of state shall request an official copy of the candidate’s birth certificate. Other certifications, such as a certificate of live birth, shall not be accepted. Should any candidate fail to provide an official birth certificate within thirty days of the request by the secretary of state, his or her name shall not be placed on the ballot."

The Birthers, as they're known, have focused on the State of Hawaii's refusal to release the original of Obama's birth certificate, as opposed to official copies; Hawaii state law bars the release of the original.

BREAKING NEWS: Group Lamer Than Cutters Exists!!!

Teenage girls that embed foreign objects in their skin:

Those unfortunate souls who find cutting insufficiently harmful have taken mutilation to the next level with something doctors call "self-embedding disorder." According to the Chicago Tribune, embedding is when people deliberately insert objects into their flesh, either by forcing them through wounds or by puncturing the flesh with those objects.

"Personnel at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon. One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long."

via Jezebel

Barack Obama's Terrorist Acorn Family Tree

In our continuing coverage of "HOLY SHIT. PEOPLE ARE LIKE THIS", here's the latest from Ben Smith:

As the reality that Obama could become president sinks in, the ire directed at him is amping up, as in this striking video taken by a liberal Ohio blogger outside a McCain-Palin rally in Ohio.

...And while the vitriol may help, a bit, in rallying the base, it's also probably not something independent voters are going to find terribly attractive.

FINALLY: Someone To Blame This Financial Mess On

Add Glitter to Pictures




Dead babies....aborted babies and their killers and/or eaters. Also, the Mexicans.

Waldo Lydecker picks up on a crazy story:

Remember in Philadelphia, how Denzel Washington's character asks people telling him complicated things to "explain it to me like I'm a six year-old"?

Thank goodness Harare Grocery has laid bare the real cause of America's financial meltdown. The headline says it all- "

Why Abortion is a Cause of the Financial Mess (by way of Illegal Immigration)


Let's read, shall we?

Ahem:

Something struck me at breakfast this morning, an awful (and frankly, a little strange) realization that I think has been overlooked in the bailout debate.

One of the root causes of the financial mess we’re in is the holocaust of abortion.

Follow the logic here…

In the thirty five years since Roe v. Wade, 48.5 million babies have been killed (legally) in the United States. That’s 48 million people under the age of 35 that we’re missing as a nation - about 20 million of which would now be in the workforce.

In 1973, according to the US government, the estimated number of illegal immigrants in the United States was at 4 million people. In the intervening thirty-five years, those same years since Roe, that number has quintupled to (you guessed it) around 20 million. To replace the population, especially the workforce population, that had been lost by abortion, businesses turned to an underground market of illegal immigrant labor.

...Those same rule changes allowed no down payment mortgages up to 125% of the value of the house – which encouraged fraud among the illegal immigrant population.

Imagine the fraud possibility – you use the fraudulent documents that allowed you to steal someone else’s identity to also get a mortgage, for 125% of the value of a home, pocket the extra 25% in cash, live in the house for a year, don’t make payments, leave to go work somewhere else and let the bank foreclose. And because you’re on a stolen identity, no one can track you down.


Wow.

Because They Think (Ergo KNOW) Many Americans Are This Stupid

Andrew Sullivan Sums Up Everything We've Been Too Tired/Inebriated To Say

Here:

For me, this surreal moment - like the entire surrealism of the past ten days - is not really about Sarah Palin or Barack Obama or pigs or fish or lipstick. It's about John McCain. The one thing I always thought I knew about him is that he is a decent and honest person. When he knows, as every sane person must, that Obama did not in any conceivable sense mean that Sarah Palin is a pig, what did he do? Did he come out and say so and end this charade? Or did he acquiesce in and thereby enable the mindless Rovianism that is now the core feature of his campaign?

So far, he has let us all down. My guess is he will continue to do so. And that decision, for my part, ends whatever respect I once had for him. On core moral issues, where this man knew what the right thing was, and had to pick between good and evil, he chose evil. When he knew that George W. Bush's war in Iraq was a fiasco and catastrophe, and before Donald Rumsfeld quit, McCain endorsed George W. Bush against his fellow Vietnam vet, John Kerry in 2004. By that decision, McCain lost any credibility that he can ever put country first. He put party first and his own career first ahead of what he knew was best for the country.

And when the Senate and House voted overwhelmingly to condemn and end the torture regime of Bush and Cheney in 2006, McCain again had a clear choice between good and evil, and chose evil.

He capitulated and enshrined torture as the policy of the United States, by allowing the CIA to use techniques as bad as and worse than the torture inflicted on him in Vietnam. He gave the war criminals in the White House retroactive immunity against the prosecution they so richly deserve. The enormity of this moral betrayal, this betrayal of his country's honor, has yet to sink in. But for my part, it now makes much more sense. He is not the man I thought he was.

And when he had the chance to engage in a real and substantive debate against the most talented politician of the next generation in a fall campaign where vital issues are at stake, what did McCain do? He began his general campaign with a series of grotesque, trivial and absurd MTV-style attacks on Obama's virtues and implied disgusting things about his opponent's patriotism.

And then, because he could see he was going to lose, ten days ago, he threw caution to the wind and with no vetting whatsoever, picked a woman who, by her decision to endure her own eight-month pregnancy of a Down Syndrome child in public, that he was going to reignite the culture war as a last stand against Obama. That's all that is happening right now: a massive bump in the enthusiasm of the Christianist base. This is pure Rove.

Yes, McCain made a decision that revealed many appalling things about him. In the end, his final concern is not national security. No one who cares about national security would pick as vice-president someone who knows nothing about it as his replacement. No one who cares about this country's safety would gamble the security of the world on a total unknown because she polled well with the Christianist base. No person who truly believed that the surge was integral to this country's national security would pick as his veep candidate a woman who, so far as we can tell anything, opposed it at the time.

McCain has demonstrated in the last two months that he does not have the character to be president of the United States. And that is why it is more important than ever to ensure that Barack Obama is the next president. The alternative is now unthinkable. And McCain - no one else - has proved it.

Obama Is A Sexist Hater Of Swine

Is this what we're in for for the next 8 weeks?

This Is The Headline Story For My Local Newspaper

A moth that looks like Jesus.

Christ.

Crazy Racist Aunt Dabbles In Art Of Poetry

She just luuuuuuuuuuvs to hit Forward to all.

via my BBry about 5 mins ago:

Welfare Poem - oh boy you will love this


I cross ocean,
poor and broke,
Take bus,
see employment folk.

Nice man treat me
good in there,
Say I need to
see welfare.

Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
right to your door.'

Welfare checks,
they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
you healthy!

By and by,
I get plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.

Write to friends
in motherland,
Tell them 'come
fast as you can.'

They come in turbans
and Ford trucks,
I buy big house
with welfare bucks

They come here,
we live together,
More welfare checks,
it gets better!

Fourteen families,
they moving in,
But neighbor's patience
wearing thin.

Finally, white guy
moves away,
Now I buy his house,
and then I say,
'Find more aliens
for house to rent.'
And in the yard
I put a tent.

Send for family
they just trash,
But they, too,
draw the welfare cash!
Everything is
very good,
And soon we
own the neighborhood.

We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay
for baby feeding.

Kid's need dentist?
Wife's need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

American's crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
running here.

We think America
darn good place!
Too darn good for
the white man race.
If they no like us, they can
scram,


Got lots of room in Pakistan .
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of$2,470.00.

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off and maybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1,012.00 and the pensioners up to $2,470 00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing over the past 11 years - to the over-taxed American.

SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW!!


A delightful mix of prose and xenophobia. Whitman would be proud.

OMGEEZ!!! Help Some Newspaper Stalk Barack Obama

The Honolulu Star Bulletin wants you to stalk the future leader of the free world send in some pics of Barry Hussein......you know, if you happen to be in Hawaii and feel like ruining the one week the man gets before he goes back to working 20 hours a day.

Hardy Har Har

Redstate has a new t-shirt to sell.

From Sully:

Ross thinks it's "(ahem) a joke," which it is. A harmless joke, given the legions of evangelical Christians waiting for the Rapture and convinced that only the Republican party represents the will of God? I guess it's just as well that Ross thinks the religious right is entirely a function of the liberal media's imagination. Just as David Brooks once did. After he strikingly didn't.

Remote Wars: McCain Beats Wife, Obama Total Fag

Here's some useless info from Entertainment Weekly:

WALNUTS!:

EW: Who controls the remote at home, you or Cindy?

McCain: Sometimes I win the arm wrestling contest, but foolishly she continues to try to assert her control over the remote. This is a battle that will continue for a long time. But there are shows we agree on. We like the reruns of Seinfeld. I really like Curb Your Enthusiasm. I kind of like Dexter, too, although it certainly has a macabre side to it. I'll tell you that Cindy likes Big Love — I haven't watched it much, but she enjoys that. And I like The Wire a lot, too. That's a great show.


And St. Barack:

EW: So neither of you are fascists when it comes to the remote?

Obama: If I tell her, ''Sweetie, we've got game 5 of the NBA finals on,'' she's willing to give me a little slack. Most of the time, though, the TV is on HGTV, and I suffer that silently.

via Ben Smith

In Case You Were Wondering

The official GOP Convention store is selling Zubaz pants.

Under the "CivicFest" catagory, you'll find this timeless piece of fashion with the description:

The original Zubaz pants. A Minnesota company that we are proud of! Made in the USA. Zebra printed. Available in red, royal, and navy.