Today's Paultard Video

Meet the tiniest hobbit's new bff....this guy. He was held back in high school, but no matter.

Let him teach us all about the Free Speech and so forth.

via Middle-earth

Westboro Not Going Anywhere According To Crazy Rant On Site

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About a month ago, Towleroad speculated about a Westboro Baptist Church mass suicide because of a cryptic blog entry that went a little something like this:

We are particularly urgent about it, because the time is shortly to come when we will grant you your wicked wish, Doomed america! Your smart-assed pundits and foul-mouthed politicians have for years told us to pack up and leave if we don’t like this filthy little cancerous boil on the butt of the earth. You all think you’re so clever that you can come up with such cutesy little quips. You’re collectively so Bible dumb that you don’t know what you’re saying. So let me help you out.

...We gotta go, peeps! We gotta go! And when we do, it’s time for this filthy nation to receive of all the plagues that your Creator has promised. The reason there is such urgency in those words … such passion in the irresistible call from our Saviour, Husband, and Friend … is because when that time comes for this rebellious nation – which is spiritually called Babylon and has become literally Babylon by the inexplicable and forcible snatching of that Mesopotamian land where ancient Babylon sat – it is going to be very fast and very violent, such that all mankind is utterly and simply amazed.


Alas, this is not the case. Atleast according to Westboro's blog section in an email answering session:

A few web sites are claiming you guys are going to do a mass suicide because of the April 4 field report. What do you think about waht they’re saying? Here are some excerpts:

From Gossip Boy:
A cryptic blog post on the Westboro Baptist Churchs website hints that their mission is coming to an end, as full darkness invades America, and they are ready to end their fight and depart. Generally, when cults start talking this way, someone is in the kitchen mixing up Kool Aid.

From Towleroad:
Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church recently left a blog post that has some wondering if the extremist group is planning a mass suicide (a la Jonestown). A little excerpt from the post (link goes to WBC blog) written in their typical hag-alect:

Kansas Watch:
But in today’s posting on Fred Phelps’ and family’s blog, they kind of sound like they are planning to leave this mortal coil.

Justin


And the answer:


I say first: This is wishful thinking and standard slander. It means nothing.

I say second: I am late in responding because I was at K-State picketing General David Patraeus. If you check out our schedule of coming pickets (in less than 12 hours I hit the road for Hartford, CT and Cambridge/Boston, MA) - that schedule is almost enough to make me tired just looking at it. My point being - WHY NOW would anyone think that we would do anything as disobedient and lawless as murder?

I say third: That excellent field report says nothing different than we have been telling you for a long time. Today our exit out of this country feels closer than it has in the past. The truth of the matter is that GOD, IN HIS WORD, says he gave those examples in the scriptures FOR OUR EXAMPLE and FOR OUR LEARNING and FOR OUR COMFORT, it says, upon whom the ends of the world have come. There is a VAST body of scripture that speaks to these last hours of the last days of all. So even as Noah preached to the world and THEN GOT ON THE ARK JUST BEFORE THEIR DESTRUCTION CAME, the Doomed Ante-diluvium world and even as LOT preached to and then LEFT Doomed Sodom et al, and their destruction came and likewise when Moses and the Children of Israel PREACHED TO and then LEFT Egypt at which point God destroyed the MOST POWERFUL ARMY in the world in that day (from which Egypt NEVER recovered), etc. etc., we preach to Doomed america. Now, there are three things we hear from brutish Doomed americans, and in this order, to wit: 1. God loves everyone; 2. There is NO God and 3. If you don’t like america . . . if america is Doomed . . . if you think we are this or that, etc. . . . THAN GET THE F#@& OUT!!

SWEET!

...That 144,000 Jews are going to put away the lies of the house of Israel about Christ and who he is and so forth, and they are going to serve God in truth, and WE are going to help them! YAY!! Stay tuned Justin! The day is coming when you will see the flip of what Paul did. He told those stiff-necked and rebellious Jews that he was DONE with them, that God had sent him now to the Gentiles to call out a people for his name, and at Romans 11, Paul makes it CRYSTAL clear that when the fullness of the Gentiles be come in, that God is going to return to the Jews and save a remnant of them and that day is fast approaching! I cannot tell you how thankful I will be when we are through talking to this nation of truly STUPID rebels against God (and you have NO cause!).

We have a most glorious new task, and it is going to be amazing. There are going to be two things that those Jews are going to do in response to this call that we are going to put forth now, WITH a vengeance (you know we will ) and so we must look to the scriptures to see it. Because those Jews are likened by the prophet Jeremiah to Figs - REALLY GOOD figs or REALLY, REALLY BAD or EVIL figs - SO BAD AND EVIL that you cannot eat them or you will die! Plus - the beat the crap out of Paul and at one point they left him for dead and HELLO, THEY KILLED CHRIST!! Our personal experience with them is that they are mean and vicious and violent!!

...Now I must ask you - WHY IN THIS WORLD would we consider anything short of running to this battle as FAST as our little legs will carry us!!

As for that cryptic lie - YIKES!! We are about as plain spoken as words can be - GOD HATES FAGS AND THEIR ENABLERS . . . . . . . . . . . . .THEREFORE . . . . . . . . . . . . . america IS DOOMED!!! YAY!!!

Thanks!


Wow. Just.....wow.

Joe The Plumber Hates, Yet Fears Queermosexuals

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Here's a gem from everyone's favorite Intellectuel Moderne, Samuel Wurzelbacher...also known as Joe the Plumber after he dons his cape constructed of American flags stolen from librul public libraries.

From a Christianity Today interview:


Q: In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

A: At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary—it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing.


via shorts

President Unicorn Is Almost 100 Days Old; Does Not Matter To Racist Crazies

The Muslin Kraken will have been our Supreme Leader for 100 days tomorrow...and he's done some stuff.

Not everyone is celebrating, as illustrated above.

Hoorayz 4 Freedoms™!!!

via the Youtubes

It's Hard Out There For A Hater

We were totally going to breeze over the above ad released by the National Organization for Marriage because other sites had already covered it. But this is just too rich.

The Washington City Paper has audition tapes, dug up by the HRC, showing that mouth breathers really do have problems sounded out the King's english. Let the hilarity ensue:

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Finally! Someone summed up the major arguments against gay marriage in under 30 seconds...kinda.

Pastor Mike, a gay internet taint-goblin, made this vidja with the aid of his daughter's Leapfrog to help us understand that the gays Devaluate™ the concept of marriage, which is based on gold and Ron Paul dollars.

via tangle

Missouri Lawmakers Sign Bill To Fight Mooslim Tyranny

Some Republicans got together and decided that, in these trying economic times, Issue #1 should be outing our Half-Breed Muslin President for the Illuminati Caliph Devil he is. What would be the best way to do that? Amend the state constitution:

Fifteen Republican members of the Missouri General Assembly have signed on to a state constitutional amendment that appears aimed at advancing the claims of the fringe movement that doubts President Barack Obama's eligibility to serve as president.

The language is contained in a proposed "voter’s bill of rights," which would serve "as a defense against corruption, fraud, and tyranny."

The proposed amendment states:

"For candidates who are required by the Constitution of the United States to be natural born citizens, the secretary of state shall request an official copy of the candidate’s birth certificate. Other certifications, such as a certificate of live birth, shall not be accepted. Should any candidate fail to provide an official birth certificate within thirty days of the request by the secretary of state, his or her name shall not be placed on the ballot."

The Birthers, as they're known, have focused on the State of Hawaii's refusal to release the original of Obama's birth certificate, as opposed to official copies; Hawaii state law bars the release of the original.

Today's Paultard Video

RONPAULZWUNTHURDPLASELOLZ!!!!

Time for celebration by heavy mouth breathing and stuttering over your own prepared remarks.

via the Youtubes


PS: Even anti-pork "Washington outsiders" get their earmarks:

Rep. Ron Paul vehemently denounced the $410 billion catch-all spending bill approved last week by the House of Representatives.

But although the libertarian-leaning Republican from Lake Jackson cast a vote against the massive spending measure, his fingerprints were on some of the earmarks that helped inflate its cost.

Paul played a role in obtaining 22 earmarks worth $96.1 million, which led the Houston congressional delegation, according to a Houston Chronicle analysis of more than 8,500 congressionally mandated projects inserted into the bill. His earmarks included repair projects to the Galveston Seawall damaged by Hurricane Ike and the Gulf Intracoastal Waterway.

Fred Phelps To Protest Shawnee Mission East

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Back in October of 2007, the Prairie Village, KS high school annointed a sodomist homecoming overlord. Apparently the folks at Westboro Baptist Church, a renowned bathhouse in Topeka, have a harder time sounding out the printed word than we thought and are just now catching up on the news.

Fred Phelps and his army of secret homosexuals for Jesus will arrive at the school to protest February 5. Hoorayz!!!!!

Here's their Mission statement:

Shawnee Mission East High School - God Hates Fags! 7500 Mission Rd On the whole electing a fag to be your Homecoming Queen - well that is so appropriate for a filthy little goody-two-shoes-type bible belt community like Prairie Village! Here's how you hypocrites got that way: Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; 19 ¶ Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. 20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: 21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, 23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. 24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. AMEN!


One can only hope they'll bring the kids to do some more caroling:




UPDATE: If anyone attends the event, email video and pictures to brickbatblog@gmail.com. There may be a Blingee contest on the horizon.

Westboro Baptist Really Needs To Stick To Bake Sales

Monday, a few mouth breathers from Fred Phelp's Westboro Baptist Church, a famous homosexual bathhouse in Kansas, staggered their way to Silverton, Oregon to protest some tranny mayor.

From Jesus' General:

America's favorite spiritual family, Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Clan, came to Silverton, Oregon on Monday, November 24th, 2008, spreading the good news that God hates Silvertonians (having earlier visited Portland and Tigard to share the news that the lord cannot stand Portlanders and the country of Finland). The Mayor of Silverton (Stu Rasmussen) is transgender, and that ticks off the deity but good. Alas, the Lord had other commitments and could not deliver His condemnation in person: instead, He who is the One True God chose to delegate the job of sharing His bellicosity to one man and three young women from Kansas who had some free time. The God of the Israelites is one mysterious dude, and His hiring practices are opaque. He is nothing if not the King of "Go Figure."


Our fave images from the event here:

Today's Godtube Moment

brickbat proudly brings you The Fischers, a family of musical homosexual puss demons from Outer space...or Nashville. I can't remember which one.

In their own words:

You don't believe in killing babies-Get Out and Vote! You don't believe in Gay marriage-Get Out and Vote! Don't like illegal immigration-Get Out and Vote! Don't like Slack politicians-Get Out and Vote! Stand up and be counted! IF YOU DON'T GET OUT AND VOTE--THE DEVIL WILL! There are supposed to be many more people in this country that believe in God than those that don't. So tell me, why are these ungodly minorities pushing us around and passing laws that are anti-Christ and anti-God? Because we don't stand up! If every single person that claims to believe in God were to get out there and vote for Godly values we wouldn't be sliding into such an ungodly mess! Stand up and be counted!!! For more info on this and other topics go to www.thefischers.net


Seriously, go check this shit out.

brickbat's fav parts here and here.

Fucking gold.

The GOP's "Base"

Email From Crazy Racist Aunt Of The Day

Now she wants to pray the Mooslim Obama away:

Subject: prayer request

I was very dismayed when, recently, a member of my Church said to me with great resignation that she was afraid Obama will take the presidency. These words came from someone that in the past has been a great prayer warrior. What is happening was my question??? Why are we Christians settling for the loss of our Christian heritage, not issuing a battle cry and falling to our knees and taking our country back? We allow ourselves to be stripped of the right to pray at school functions and in school, we have the Ten Commandments removed from government places and are told we cannot pray publicly or proclaim Christian principles, all the while providing public prayer places for Muslims. We allow Muslim mosques to operate in America funded by Saudi Arabia, and proclaim anti-American, anti-Christian threats and terrorism.

...It is time for all Christian Americans to raise the battle cry and take our nation back! Maybe McCain on his own cannot defeat Obama, but our God can and He will if we take to our knees in prayer and raise a mighty cry to the heavens to 'Save us O Lord'. Who knows where with his message of 'change'; a change which I fear will be away from our Christian ideals, and away from Christ . We have God's promises in 2 Chronicles 7:14, 'If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.' We have the power to change the course of this election and to keep a man as suspect as Barak Obama from leading our country away from one nation under God to one nation under Allah.

We are great at passing stories and pictures around the internet but where are our prayers and prayer warriors praying to stop this tide of Barak Obama? God parted the Red Sea, Jesus was raised from the dead, and we can bring our country back to its Christian roots and stop the undermining of our country by Muslims. We can stop our country from being 'under Allah' but we must begin to pray, to pray as our country and our lives depended on it because they do.

We can stop all these atrocities against God's commands that have taken root in our country through something as simple as sincere prayer, a call to God to deliver us, to forgive us our sins of apathy and to protect us from the evil that is upon us.

Okay prayer warriors, here is your challenge, start those prayer chains. Get the spiritual power working on our behalf and stop Barak Obama the proper way, by calling on our God to save us from the deception that charismatic preaching is using to lead us on the wrong path. Stop those who would take God out of our country and our government. Raise up good men to lead us and protect us. George Bush is being buffeted because he has fought a holy war against the evils that attack us ... and we should not be surprised because a prophet is not honored in his own country. But we should not rest on our laurels and allow ourselves to be taken further off the path of Christianity and to have God removed from our presence in our schools, courts, government and businesses. Invite God into the fray. Ask that His power rest upon us and give us the victory. Ask him to raise up a mighty army to defend us and to protect our country as he did in days of old. Let us be victorious beginning NOW. The battle is His but we must call on Him without ceasing and unite our voices and hearts in prayer and fasting.

Please pass this around to all people of prayer that you know and maybe, just maybe, a more eloquent person of prayer will write something better and more inspiring and even the rocks will shout that Jesus is Lord and our Mighty God is with us and bringing the victory for us and ultimately for Him. AMEN!

Today's Installment Of RACERIOT 2008™ Theatre

From Gawker:

Hours before Sarah Palin showed up to get BOOED at the Flyers opener in Philadelphia, she hosted a rally in Johnstown, PA. And the citizen at left showed up with a stuffed monkey with an Obama sticker on its head. "This is little Hussein," he boasted smugly to cameras. Surely the other McCain/Palin supporters admonished him in the no uncertain terms, yes? No. They giggled and clapped.

Barack Obama's Terrorist Acorn Family Tree

In our continuing coverage of "HOLY SHIT. PEOPLE ARE LIKE THIS", here's the latest from Ben Smith:

As the reality that Obama could become president sinks in, the ire directed at him is amping up, as in this striking video taken by a liberal Ohio blogger outside a McCain-Palin rally in Ohio.

...And while the vitriol may help, a bit, in rallying the base, it's also probably not something independent voters are going to find terribly attractive.

Holy Shit. People Are Really Like This.

Goshdarnit, Bible Spice just brings out the best in people. Take this rally in Orlando for example:

"Okay, so Florida, you know that you're going to have to hang onto your hats," Sarah Palin told a rally of a few thousand here this morning, "because from now until Election Day it may get kind of rough."

You betcha. And the person dishing out the roughest stuff at the moment is Sarah Palin.

"I was reading my copy of the New York Times the other day," she said.

"Booooo!" replied the crowd.

"I knew you guys would react that way, okay," she continued. "So I was reading the New York Times and I was really interested to read about Barack's friends from Chicago."

It was time to revive the allegation, made over the weekend, that Obama "pals around" with terrorists, in this case Bill Ayers, late of the Weather Underground. Many independent observers say Palin's allegations are a stretch; Obama served on a Chicago charitable board with Ayers, now an education professor, and has condemned his past activities.

"Now it turns out, one of his earliest supporters is a man named Bill Ayers," Palin said.

"Boooo!" said the crowd.

"And, according to the New York Times, he was a domestic terrorist and part of a group that, quote, 'launched a campaign of bombings that would target the Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol,'" she continued.

"Boooo!" the crowd repeated.

"Kill him!" proposed one man in the audience.

Turns out, that wasn't the only Klanish moment:

Palin's routine attacks on the media have begun to spill into ugliness. In Clearwater, arriving reporters were greeted with shouts and taunts by the crowd of about 3,000. Palin then went on to blame Katie Couric's questions for her "less-than-successful interview with kinda mainstream media." At that, Palin supporters turned on reporters in the press area, waving thunder sticks and shouting abuse. Others hurled obscenities at a camera crew. One Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American sound man for a network and told him, "Sit down, boy."

Because They Think (Ergo KNOW) Many Americans Are This Stupid

Change Sarah Palin Can Believe In

As in curbing acts of buttfuckery:

Gov. Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

"You'll be encouraged by the power of God's love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality," according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child.

Palin's conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain's candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.

Focus on the Family, a national Christian fundamentalist organization, is conducting the "Love Won Out" Conference in Anchorage, about 30 miles from Wasilla.

Crazy Racist Aunt Dabbles In Art Of Poetry

She just luuuuuuuuuuvs to hit Forward to all.

via my BBry about 5 mins ago:

Welfare Poem - oh boy you will love this


I cross ocean,
poor and broke,
Take bus,
see employment folk.

Nice man treat me
good in there,
Say I need to
see welfare.

Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
right to your door.'

Welfare checks,
they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
you healthy!

By and by,
I get plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.

Write to friends
in motherland,
Tell them 'come
fast as you can.'

They come in turbans
and Ford trucks,
I buy big house
with welfare bucks

They come here,
we live together,
More welfare checks,
it gets better!

Fourteen families,
they moving in,
But neighbor's patience
wearing thin.

Finally, white guy
moves away,
Now I buy his house,
and then I say,
'Find more aliens
for house to rent.'
And in the yard
I put a tent.

Send for family
they just trash,
But they, too,
draw the welfare cash!
Everything is
very good,
And soon we
own the neighborhood.

We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay
for baby feeding.

Kid's need dentist?
Wife's need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

American's crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
running here.

We think America
darn good place!
Too darn good for
the white man race.
If they no like us, they can
scram,


Got lots of room in Pakistan .
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of$2,470.00.

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off and maybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1,012.00 and the pensioners up to $2,470 00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing over the past 11 years - to the over-taxed American.

SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW!!


A delightful mix of prose and xenophobia. Whitman would be proud.

Westboro Flamer Update

Ohhhhh yes. Whomever started this little garage fire thing will now feel the wrath of Fred Phelps and his army of homosexual homophobes.




Let's check out their blog:

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE FIRE
AT WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
THE FIRE YOU NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT IS THE ONE COMING OUT OF GOD’S NOSTRILS –
THAT STREAM HAS A BEAD ON DOOMED AMERICA
AND THE FIRE YOU NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT IS THE ONE THAT IS KINDLED BY GOD’S BREATH FOR ETERNITY – THAT STREAM HAS A BEAD ON YOU!

THANK GOD FOR THE CRIMINAL ARSONIST!
OUR WORDS COME AT YOU LIKE A SWORD ON FIRE!
YOU CAN NOT BREAK OFF THESE BONDS!
CHECK IT OUT NOW DOPEY DOOMED AMERICA:
YOU ALSO CAN NOT BURN OFF THESE BONDS!

YOU’RE PLAYING WITH FIRE – AND IT’S A FIRE YOUR FIREFIGHTERS CAN NOT PUT OUT!

THIS MAKES US SO HAPPY!

...You foolish rebels. When will you learn?

Speaking of learning, you learned that stupidity from Baltimore.

The Baltimore case inspired criminal arsonists. Ironically the arsonist tried to burn the very property those Baltimore haters want to try to take.

Speaking of learning, when will you get this through your thick disobedient heads: What you try to do to the people of God and his church, God will do to you. Now you can expect God to send fire from heaven and burn your “churches” (whore houses and dog kennels).

Apparently you are slow learners. Over six thousands lightening strikes – THAT’S FIRE DUMMIES – from God’s hand in California. You’re still playing with fire!

(Today a team of faithful watchers are on the ground in California, picketing the funeral of the dead fag in Sanoma County who was the first to get "married" in that county. Now the butt buddy is dead – at age 37, 37 days after the fag marriage license went forth. Some media mutt said his death was “shocking.” Are you kidding me? That was so predictable it’s painful! You’re playing with fire you arrogant asses! Our God doeth all things well. Besides which, he also has quite a sense of humor and irony. )

Psst! God still hates fags. America is still doomed. God still hates the world. Your acts of arson have changed exactly nothing.

In summary, Baby Jesus hates fags blah blah blah and Fred Phelps will live for 1000 years the end.