Today's Paultard Video

Meet the tiniest hobbit's new bff....this guy. He was held back in high school, but no matter.

Let him teach us all about the Free Speech and so forth.

via Middle-earth

Today's Paultard Video

The swine flu according to a Paultard.

You gotta watch the whole damn thing.


via Crazy Town

Existence Of Ancient Paultards Confirmed!!!!!

Paultards, wish no more.

The Independent has done your geneology homework for you:

A miniature species of extinct humans, nicknamed "hobbits", possessed unusual anatomical features explained by their complete isolation from the rest of humanity for thousands of years on their remote island home in Indonesia, studies have found.

The tiny people, who grew to an adult height of no more than three feet, astounded scientists in 2004 when a skull and partial skeletons were unearthed from a cave on the island of Flores. Radiocarbon dating suggested that the species, Homo floresiensis, had lived in and around the cave for tens of thousand of years before dying out about 17,000 years ago.

The latest research into H. floresiensis has found that they were flat-footed, long-toed creatures who could walk easily on two legs but would have found it difficult to run at speed. A separate study suggests that their very small heads, which were perfectly in proportion to their bodies, were the evolutionary outcome of living on such a remote island for so long.

Two studies published in the journal Nature also cast further doubt on the idea that the hobbits were ordinary people suffering from some kind of pathological condition, such as microcephaly – when the skull fails to grow normally. Many scientists believe there is now little doubt that the hobbits were indeed a human species who had evolved as a result of island dwarfism, when larger animals gradually become smaller over the generations.


So, there's a secret Paultard Island where all these fucks could be living in Freedom™ to eat Cheetos while conjuring up conspiracies about WoW being monitored and controlled by the Freemasons?

What are we waiting for? Let's go ahead and send 'em packing.

via The Independent

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

Class is in session, kids.

Did you know that Thomas Paine, the famous Revolutionary hero and ghostwriter for the Harry Potter book series, is alive? Well he is.

And he's a big 'ol racist.

And he's a Paultard...which is also a type of racist.


via tangle

Today's Paultard Video

Today's Paultard Video

If you can make sense of what this 9/11 truther hobbit is talking about...write us.

When will they allow waterboarding in schools?

via Middle-earth

Today's Anti-Paultard Video

From the description:

We, at the cult of Ron Paul, discuss the vile conspiracy that prevented the good Dr. Paul from taking his rightful place in the white house. We discuss Dr. Paul's broad base of support and the complete media black against him perpetrated by the evil NWO.

Today's Paultard Video

Again with the tiniest hobbit.

We'd stop mocking if he's stop videoing. Or whatever that word would be.

From the description:

twitter me twitter.com/robertwanek

my president is fascist he wants me to serve thats the bottom line respect he can't earn.


via Middle-earth

Today's Paultard Video

Hey everbody. Ron Paul has a brother. We did not know this.

Listen as he too rails against the Federal Reserve. This is funny to us because Wayne Paul is so old that when he speaks, it sounds like he is crying.

via the Youtubes

BREAKING NEWS: brickbat Endorses Missouri

The alternate title of this post was "Chuck Baldwin And This Douche Are Gold-humping, Ron Paul-fetishist Jewbeasts."

From (giggle) Chuck Baldwin:

Thanks to a concerned Missouri state policeman, a nationally syndicated radio talk show host stated that he was alerted last week to a secret Missouri state police report that categorized supporters of Congressman Ron Paul, Bob Barr, and myself as "'militia' influenced terrorists." The report, he said, "instructs the Missouri police to be on the lookout for supporters displaying bumper stickers and other paraphernalia associated with the Constitutional, Campaign for Liberty, and Libertarian parties."

Ignoring the threat of Muslim terrorists, the Missouri Information Analysis Center (MIAC) report focuses on the so-called "militia movement" and "conflates it with supporters of Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin, Bob Barr, the so-called patriot movement and other political activist organizations opposed to the North American Union and the New World Order."


Good...because you people are fucking nuts.

Let's read on:

The Columbia Daily Tribune also carried the story last Saturday. It quoted Missouri resident Tim Neal of Miller County. "When Neal read the report, he couldn't help but think it described him. A military veteran and a delegate to the 2008 Missouri Republican state convention, he didn't appreciate being lumped in with groups like the Neo-Nazis.

"'I was going down the list and thinking, "Check, that's me,"' he said. 'I'm a Ron Paul supporter, check. I talk about the North American union, check. I've got the "America: Freedom to Fascism" video loaned out to somebody right now. So that means I'm a domestic terrorist? Because I've got a video about the Federal Reserve?'"


Yes, it does.




And with that, we bring you a very special Today's Paultard Video:



via here and Columbia Daily Tribune,

Bruno Rapes Stupid Ron Paul In DC Hotel

Hahahahahahahaha. Oh my.

If this report from Slate is true, we will watch the Bruno movie for 3 days straight without sleep.

Besides tricking the Alabama National Guard in to allowing him on post to train and show off his thong, Sacha Baron Cohen dooped everyone's favorite loveable crazy racist Dr. Congressman to share a night of hot gay sex by candlelight, just as it was intended by the framers of our Constitution:

In a five-minute scene, comedian Cohen tries—and fails—to seduce the Texas congressman and former Republican presidential candidate in a Washington hotel room. A spokeswoman for Paul confirmed the appearance but declined to discuss details, which were provided by two people who attended a test screening last week.

...The scene with Paul, filmed in early 2008, occurs about halfway through the movie, after Bruno gets the idea that you have to make a sex tape to become famous. (Stop reading here if you want to see the movie unspoiled.)

Cut to a nondescript hotel suite where Bruno sits across from Ron Paul. After a brief exchange of pleasantries, a light blows out on the set. Bruno apologizes for the technical difficulties and suggests that he and Paul wait in the other room while the crew fixes the light.

The other room, it turns out, is a bedroom. The lighting is low, and the film is now grainy—not unlike a sex tape—as it cuts to a hidden spy camera. There's a spread of Champagne and strawberries and caviar on a table.

Bruno tells Paul to make himself comfortable. Paul sits down on the bed. Bruno turns on some music and starts dancing. Paul is visibly uneasy but doesn't say anything at first. He picks up a newspaper and pretends to read it. "You can tell at each weird gay detail, he [chalks] it up to, This guy is European," says one of the attendees.

Finally, Paul asks what's going on. "Don't worry about it, Dr. Paul," says Bruno, who then unbuckles his belt and drops his pants. At that point, Paul snaps up and storms out of the room.

As Paul is walking away, you can hear him say, several times, something like, "This guy is a queer!" "The word queer comes out of his mouth three or four times," says an attendee.

A spokeswoman for Paul confirmed that the episode took place but declined to provide details. "We don't want it to distract from his message," said press secretary Rachel Mills. "Now is the time when people need to be listening to him on economic issues."

Mills, who was present at the taping, did elaborate on the "queer" line. "I heard him say 'weird,' " she wrote in an e-mail. "In any case, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk … it's not exactly a shocking term if that's what he did say."



I believe you all owe Buster McDermott an apology:




via Slate

Checkin' In With Chuck

Taking a page from the Paultard playbook, WorldNetDaily hitman Chuck Norris mulls the idea of a Texas secession. And guess who would be president? Chuck Norris:

On Glenn Beck's radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, "I may run for president of Texas."

That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.

From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government.

...Thomas Jefferson counseled us, "We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt." Yet the Feds have just skyrocketed our national deficit and debt by trillions of dollars, and it plans much more fiscal expansion with few expectations of resistance. Despite that George Washington admonished, "To contract new debts is not the way to pay for old ones," we keep borrowing and bailing, while we watch the stock market plunge further every time we do.

...Patrick Henry taught that, "Our Constitution is … an instrument for its people to restrain the government." Yet our Congress and president stampede that founding document, overlook its explicitness and manipulate its words to abandon a balance of power and accommodate their own desires, partisan politics and runaway spending.


Whoa. It's like the Doctor Congressman L. Ron Paultard has possessed the body of Chuck.

It gets better worse:

When I appeared on Glenn Beck's radio show, he told me that someone had asked him, "Do you really believe that there is going to be trouble in the future?" And he answered, "If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up." Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, "And where's that going to come from?" He answered his own question, "Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?" I replied, "Oh yeah!" Definitely.

It was these types of thoughts that led me to utter the tongue-n-cheek frustration on Glenn Beck's radio show, "I may run for president of Texas!"

I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it. As most know, Texas was its own country before it joined the Union as its 28th state. From 1836 to 1846, Texas was its own Republic. Washington-on-the-Brazos (river) served as our Philadelphia, Pa. It was there, on March 2, 1836, where a band of patriots forged the Texas Declaration of Independence. (We just celebrated these dates last week.)

...As Sam Houston once said, "Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may."

Just last Friday, the Alamo celebrated its 173rd commemoration, when on March 6, 1836, Texans under Col. William B. Travis were overcome by the Mexican army after a two-week siege at the Alamo in San Antonio. But they didn't go down without a hell-of-a-fight, as those roughly 145 Texans fought to their dying breaths against more than 2,000 Mexican forces under Gen. Santa Anna. (Casualties in the battle were 189 Texans vs. about 1,600 Mexicans.) They lost that battle, but would provide the inspiration to win the war. Their fighting spirit rallied the new-found republic, and still does to this day. So when you think all is lost in America, remember the Alamo!

For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America, I encourage you to join Fox News' Glenn Beck, me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon (March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST). Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation. You can host or attend a viewing party by going to Glenn's website. My wife Gena and I will be hosting one from our Texas ranch, in which we've invited many family members, friends and law enforcement to join us. It's our way of saying "We're united, we're tired of the corruption, and we're not going to take it anymore!"

Again, Sam Houston put it well when he gave the marching orders, "We view ourselves on the eve of battle. We are nerved for the contest, and must conquer or perish. It is vain to look for present aid: None is at hand. We must now act or abandon all hope! Rally to the standard, and be no longer the scoff of mercenary tongues! Be men, be free men, that your children may bless their father's name."


Chuck Norris is a secret Mexican Paultard.

Today's Paultard Video

The tiniest paultard hobbit is back again, imploring fellow gold-fellating 9/11 truther fucksticks to make 20 second video messages for President Obama.

People actually did this:




Dear Mr. Obama: Please do not close Guantánamo Bay and allow brickbat to write the guest list.

via Middle-earth

Today's Paultard Video

RONPAULZWUNTHURDPLASELOLZ!!!!

Time for celebration by heavy mouth breathing and stuttering over your own prepared remarks.

via the Youtubes


PS: Even anti-pork "Washington outsiders" get their earmarks:

Rep. Ron Paul vehemently denounced the $410 billion catch-all spending bill approved last week by the House of Representatives.

But although the libertarian-leaning Republican from Lake Jackson cast a vote against the massive spending measure, his fingerprints were on some of the earmarks that helped inflate its cost.

Paul played a role in obtaining 22 earmarks worth $96.1 million, which led the Houston congressional delegation, according to a Houston Chronicle analysis of more than 8,500 congressionally mandated projects inserted into the bill. His earmarks included repair projects to the Galveston Seawall damaged by Hurricane Ike and the Gulf Intracoastal Waterway.

Mittens Wins GOP Black Panther Straw Poll

Hoorayz!!! Mitt Romney has been crowned Grand Dragon of Michael Steele's conservative hip-hop movement at CPAC's drunken Carnival, also known as the Players Ball.

Mittens garnered 20 percent of the vote, edging out Mexican Child King Bobby Jindal, who pulled in 14 percent...because he is brown.

As if this weren't funny enough, Sarah Palin tied for third place with Ron Paul.

We repeat: Sarah Palin tied for third with RON PAUL.

LONG LIVE BLIMPS AND HOBBITS!!!

via Politico

Today's Paultard Video

Once you get past the history of our Earths and how Jesus invented a bunch of neat stuff for a bunch of heathen ingrates, you get to the part about how most politicians are Satanists.

via the Youtubes

Today's Paultard Video

This Paultard made a prediction that markets would collapse on January 26 of this year.

Funny thing: today is January 31 and most of us are still not hobos who gobble cock in an alleyway for chocolate wrappers that look gold.

But, BEWARE! Youtube user january262009 warns of February 6, which is the day that Jesus comes back to Earth wearing a V for Vendetta mask astride Ron Paul to devour our dollars and economies.

via The Youtubes

Tis The Season

Merry War on X-mas eve.

Today's Paultard Video

Today's Paultard Video

Sure, we pick on this kid alot...but he's a flaming paultard.

This story is about a tiny hobbit who used the gold he stole from a troll's cave to purchase a 9/11 truth shirt and wear it for his school's picture day.

There was drama.

Not to worry, though. By Gandolf's staff, he won!!!



And America lost.

Oh, and so did Ron Paul. Get rid of the signs, freak.