The Only Piece On Lambo Cockrissian You Need To Read

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So.....

We were really gonna let this whole Lambo thing go. He lost, yet yll over the intertubes you can read and view statements of his coyness (is that word?) about his involvement in the acts of buttfuckery.

Yet, Richard at Gawker has summed up our feelings. So here it is:



You know what, Adam Lambert? Just can it with the coy shit. Everyone knows the American Idol second-placer is a big ol' homo from Fruitington Corners, but in every goddamn interview the lurching behemoth always says things like "keep speculating..." And I wish he'd just man up and step out.

Not that people should be forced to come out of the closet, but fool keeps calling himself a role model, and then won't acknowledge the fact that he's the gayest thing since Jody Watley got lost in the Tenderloin that one time. You can't really call yourself a role model, I don't think in this post-Prop 8 bullshit era of codified homophobia, while completely playing "tee heeeeee" with the press about something as fundamental and unchangeable as who you like to put your junk into. Is it anyone's business? Of course it's not. But would it be nice, just for fucking once, for a clearly gay, currently popular (and that's fleeting, Mary. Don't think it isn't. You're gonna be whistling the national anthem at state fairs come this time next year) to step up to the plate and say "You know what? Forget my own career, I'm gay. I'm well-liked (currently) and visible and I'm a proud gay American"? Yes that would be really nice. Because it would be honest and brave and true and exactly what (in some small part) the struggling gay youth of America needs. A person who everyone loved who also just happens to be gay.

So, Mr. Lambert, I know the coy shit is fun and cutesy and oohhh hoo hoo don't you chuckle to yourself between gulps, but it's all starting to come off a bit latent and scaredy-cat and lame. And the more you're teasing and "Maybe I'll come out in Rolling Stone, maybe I won't..." the more it becomes something that should be teased about, something that should be hinted and whispered. And it's not. It's a fact like any other fact. So please, either be honest and forthcoming about yourself, or just shut the hell up, make way for the real men, and stop calling yourself a role model. Because right now the only person you're a role model to is the kids who want to be what they want to be, but also don't want anyone to know about it. And that's sad.

Update! Yes, I know he's supposedly coming out on the cover of Rolling Stone next week. So, good for him! And good for Rolling Stone! How wonderfully this whole thing has been parlayed into a money-making endeavor. The gay community is so grateful to you, Adam.



Richard Lawson is our new hero.

via Gawker

Corrections: THIS Is Lambo's Boyfriend

We've spent months speculating about the wrong guy. (It was still fun)

From Towleroad:

Perez Hilton claims that this man, allegedly named Drake, is Adam Lambert's love interest and Lambert was affectionately referring to him as "my boy" at a recent party. Over the weekend, the New York Daily News floated a rumor that Lambert was spotted with someone he referred to as "his boyfriend" while dining out with fellow Idol contestants over the weekend.



No word yet from you know who.


Also, Ted Haggard wants to buy meth and get fisted (in no certain order) by Kris Allen.

Geno's World Full Of Shit; Lambo Brings A Date; Etc.

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Hoorayz!!! More Blog Warz™!!!!

Geno's World, TMZ's mongoloid sister, has just done dug themselves a hole.

This past week, they had a post entitled "Exclusive: Adam Lambert's friend and former boyfriend "Cheeks" turns down Star Magazine's offer for revealing interview!":

As revealed on Geno's World exclusively on 3/4/09 , the man pictured kissing Adam Lambert in the photos that swept the Internet is "Cheeks", a rising music star in his own right. A loyal friend, "Cheeks" has turned down interviews and money making opportunities to reveal stories about his relationship with Lambert. "Cheeks" has repeatedly told friends of "Geno's World" that he does not want to interfere with Adam's race to the finals on Idol. He is content to stay in the background and root his friend on quietly.

Today, word came to Geno's World that "Cheeks" was offered a measly $2,000 and promotion for his projects from Star magazine to "tell all" about his relationship with Adam. A source close to "Cheeks" told me "2 Grand? Please! "Cheeks" has turned down offers that have dwarfed that one to talk about Adam. The only way he'd ever open up is to do so in a friendly and safe environment. The price would have to be out of this world and with the understanding that "Cheeks" would never ever say anything disrespectful or mean about Adam" Good for "Cheeks"! It's good to know that someone has integrity out there!


Besides the ironically hilarious last line of the post about "integrity", again the title of the post is Exclusive: Adam Lambert's friend and former boyfriend "Cheeks" turns down Star Magazine's offer for revealing interview!.

Former.

Which proves my point from a week or so ago.....about Geno's World being full of shit:

"Radar Online has reported on Geno's World's exclusive revealing of American Idol's Adam Lambert's boyfriend's identity. "Cheeks" had no comment to Radar's request for a quote......But Geno's World is hard at work talking to "Cheeks" friends convinving him to tell his story exclusively here at Geno's World. And Geno's World has an exclusive response to an Access Hollywood report from 1 hour ago. Adam had talked to AH about his kissing photos that hit the web of him and "Cheeks". The report says Adam is currently single.....NOT SO says a close associate of "Cheeks". "Oh no, they still see each other.".....Stay tuned......."


So......suck it.

Moving on, The NY Daily News reported that Lambo took his "boyfriend" to Outback with other Idol contestants:

American Idol" finalist Adam Lambert wasn't coy about his love life when he and other "AI" contestants got together the other night at Burbank's Outback Steakhouse. Lambert called the dude with him "my boyfriend," says a spy. Also looking cozy at the dinner: Anoop Desai and Megan Joy Corkrey, who sources say are an item.


Again, this probably bullshit. According to Matt Giraud and Jackie Tohn's Twitter page, the group went out to the Olive Garden.

What can we gain from all of this?

None of this is true.

Adam Lambert is neither straight nor gay. He is a pansexual Adlet sent to our Earths to drink the blood of children who are not baptized.

Three more days and this shit will be over, folks.

Now it's time to go, because the 4th hour of the Today Show is on and.......yeh.


UPDATE: As much as it pains me, go here. This is Jesusery/douchebaggery at it's finest:



Sarver took down the video from his MySpace and issued this “apology”:

May 18, 2009 11:49 AM
Just want to say to those offended by this video that I am sorry you were offended. I did not intend that. In a world where I love u between guys can mean more then one thing we just wanted to clarify the status of our relationship. It had nothing to do with passing judgement. “

Lambo's Possible Devilbride Of Sodom In Idol Audience Last Night

Skip to about the 2:30 mark for a peek at who we assume to be Brad Bell / Cheeks along with some hot twinkbot with long blonde hair.

Btw, who was that twinkbot? Hmm? Hmm? Lambo, you are a nasty bad naughty boy.

Bonus video: James Dobson was right. The gays DO recruit...

Last Lambo Boyfriend Update...Maybe/Possibly/Probably Not

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Access Hollywood is reporting that Adam Lambert claims he is single:

Fortunately for him, Adam Lambert is not one to back down from a controversy.

The “American Idol” finalist handily addressed the recent photo scandal where votefortheworst.com posted pictures of him dressed in drag and kissing another man.

“You know what, I have nothing to hide. I am who I am. And this is about singing… nothing else,” Adam told Accesshollywood.com’s Laura “Dish of Salt” Saltman at last night’s Top 13 party.

For the record, Adam said he is currently single. When he spoke with Access last week, the photos had not yet surfaced and Adam admitted he had been Google-ing himself while competing on the show to see what people were saying about him.

“That came back to bite me, didn’t it,” he joked.

And yes, he did Google himself when he heard about the photos.

“When my parents, family and friends told me too, I did. I live here in Hollywood, you know. All about free expression. It’s all in the name of art,” he added.

The photos in question were taken at the “Burning Man” arts festival held in the California desert each summer.


Geno's World, who claims to be in contact with associates of Cheeks/Brad Bell, begs to differ:

Geno's World has an exclusive response to an Access Hollywood report from 1 hour ago. Adam had talked to AH about his kissing photos that hit the web of him and "Cheeks". The report says Adam is currently single.....NOT SO says a close associate of "Cheeks". "Oh no, they still see each other. They're still together!".....Stay tuned

No Surprises Here

Idol contestant Adam Lambert made it to the final 12 last week, but pictures that have recently surfaced may test the majority of America's tolerance towards teh buttseks.

From Tabloid Prodigy:

Big surprise everyone: American Idol’s makeup loving, fingernail polished pretty boy, Ryan Seacrest Adam Lambert, is a big homosexual. Or as Simon would say, he’s theatrical.
And he’s got awesome gay friends who've released scantily clad, fagalicious photos of him wearing makeup and flamboyant clothes. True, he looks like a club kid fag all the time on Idol. But in these photos, you can see him swapping spit bubbles with his fellow skinny, twinky boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.

Check out his gallery of regretable gayness at Dudetube.