The Only Piece On Lambo Cockrissian You Need To Read

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So.....

We were really gonna let this whole Lambo thing go. He lost, yet yll over the intertubes you can read and view statements of his coyness (is that word?) about his involvement in the acts of buttfuckery.

Yet, Richard at Gawker has summed up our feelings. So here it is:



You know what, Adam Lambert? Just can it with the coy shit. Everyone knows the American Idol second-placer is a big ol' homo from Fruitington Corners, but in every goddamn interview the lurching behemoth always says things like "keep speculating..." And I wish he'd just man up and step out.

Not that people should be forced to come out of the closet, but fool keeps calling himself a role model, and then won't acknowledge the fact that he's the gayest thing since Jody Watley got lost in the Tenderloin that one time. You can't really call yourself a role model, I don't think in this post-Prop 8 bullshit era of codified homophobia, while completely playing "tee heeeeee" with the press about something as fundamental and unchangeable as who you like to put your junk into. Is it anyone's business? Of course it's not. But would it be nice, just for fucking once, for a clearly gay, currently popular (and that's fleeting, Mary. Don't think it isn't. You're gonna be whistling the national anthem at state fairs come this time next year) to step up to the plate and say "You know what? Forget my own career, I'm gay. I'm well-liked (currently) and visible and I'm a proud gay American"? Yes that would be really nice. Because it would be honest and brave and true and exactly what (in some small part) the struggling gay youth of America needs. A person who everyone loved who also just happens to be gay.

So, Mr. Lambert, I know the coy shit is fun and cutesy and oohhh hoo hoo don't you chuckle to yourself between gulps, but it's all starting to come off a bit latent and scaredy-cat and lame. And the more you're teasing and "Maybe I'll come out in Rolling Stone, maybe I won't..." the more it becomes something that should be teased about, something that should be hinted and whispered. And it's not. It's a fact like any other fact. So please, either be honest and forthcoming about yourself, or just shut the hell up, make way for the real men, and stop calling yourself a role model. Because right now the only person you're a role model to is the kids who want to be what they want to be, but also don't want anyone to know about it. And that's sad.

Update! Yes, I know he's supposedly coming out on the cover of Rolling Stone next week. So, good for him! And good for Rolling Stone! How wonderfully this whole thing has been parlayed into a money-making endeavor. The gay community is so grateful to you, Adam.



Richard Lawson is our new hero.

via Gawker

Florida Pays For Very Expensive Beard

The St. Petersburg Times ran an interesting piece yesterday about the cost of protecting fancy Charlie Crist's wife, Carole, and her two kids.....who do not live with Crist.

From The Juice:


In the past six months, it cost the Florida Department of Law Enforcement $57,000 to protect Carole Crist and her two kids. This is hardly an eye-popping figure, when compared to the $208,000 once spent to protect former first lady Columba Bush.

But the story also points out that Carole Crist's daughters live in New York, while she has a house in Fisher Island, and has only made rare public appearances since marrying Crist last December. Which calls into question whether Crist's new family is much of a family at all.

Rumors have swirled for years that Crist is gay, but mainstream media outlets such as the St. Petersburg Times have largely ignored them. Then along came the documentary Outrage, which exposes closeted Republican politicians who champion anti-gay legislation while secretly trolling for lovers in bars and men's bathrooms.

The film debuted in Florida this month, and Crist plays a prominent role in it. Two sources are interviewed on camera saying they had been at parties where a GOP staffer told friends that he had a physical relationship with Crist. ( New Times' Bob Norman first reported these allegations and more about Crist's mysterious personal life in 2006). Outrage also points out that Crist, a longtime bachelor, only seems to find a girlfriend--or wife--at politically expedient moments.

Crist, of course, has repeately denied having sex with men. But if everyone in the mainstream media believes him, why does one of the most venerable papers in the state need to make a stink about his new wife being MIA?

Well, Who Can Argue With One More Closeted GOP Senator?

Florida's Governer and reigning George Hamilton impersonator Charlie Crist is running away from his wife for Senate!!!

Oh my, how Lindsay Graham must be getting the vapors at the thought of he and Crist, arm in arm, mincing around D.C., balls deep in it's glorious nightlife.

From Politico:

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist (R) will be announcing Tuesday that he will be running for the Senate, according to a source close to the governor, giving Republicans their most high-profile recruit of the 2010 election cycle.

Crist's decision puts Republicans in strong position to hold onto the seat held by retiring Sen. Mel Martinez (R-Fla.) Crist holds high approval ratings among both Republicans and Democrats, according to statewide polling, and has forged a moderate governing style that has won him widespread support.

His decision to run came as little surprise to political observers, with the governor and his allies hinting of his interest in running for Congress over the last several months.



Now (and you knew this was coming) Crist has a Twitter page where he announced his candidacy himself...or maybe with the help of his wife as he's still trying to get this twat thing down:

After thoughtful consideration with my wife Carole, I have decided to run for the U.S. Senate.


We're gonna stay on top of the story. It really ought to be a page turner.

Janet Napolitano: Bulldogga

While most sites are turning their attention to the possible first openly gay cabinet memeber, there's not a whole lot of attention towards the new head of Homeland Security.

Take this article from the Phoenix New Times from 2003:

If Governor Janet Napolitano isn't a lesbian, I'll eat your hat. She is a walking, one-woman LPGA tour all by herself. It may be the thing I like best about her.

I've known Attorney General Terry Goddard almost from the first moment he entered politics, and I've never known a time when his sexual identity wasn't the object of idle gossip among the ladies who lunch.

As newly elected leaders in a traditionally conservative state, the two of them have put a face on dignity in Arizona.

Governor Napolitano has appeared on the cover of local gay publications holding forth in dewy-eyed interviews.Goddard, the state's top prosecutor, was honorary co-chair of the Arizona Human Rights Fund awards dinner this past June. He shared the limelight at the gay ball with his wife.

...I guess I am supposed to be happy, to consider it progress, that in Arizona we're not stapling faggots to fence posts like they did in Wyoming; well, I expect better, and with leadership, I think the people of this state will accept more.

Not to worry. Ed Rendell is doing his part to out her:

Today's Godtube Moment

Speaks for itself.

via Godtube

OMGEEZITZCLAYAIKENSINGINGTOHISBUTTBABYLOLZ!!!!!!!!

Low

The GOP knows their base and had 9udy 11uliani direct and produce this sadistic film about 9/11 before WALNUTS! spoke so delegates would have something to jack off to.....besides hidden toilet-cam footage of young interns.

Lindsey Graham Loves The Troops

up his butt.

HOLYCRAPYESTHISISHAPPENING!!!!!!!

Our orange gay governor is getting married to a woman, because it is illegal to have a same-sex marriage in Florida.

Other than the fact that Carole Rome is not a make-believe female, the most interesting aspect of this story is the timing......of dumping a ridiculous story on the 4th of July weekend.

Okay, Charlie. This is for the win. If you wanna be life-partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™, it's gotta sound authentic:

"She's special in every way. She's brilliant, beautiful and sweet. I'm very, very lucky," Crist told the St. Petersburg Times in an exclusive interview.

Crist said he picked out the sapphire and diamond ring on Wednesday at the Gold and Diamond Center in St. Petersburg's Northeast Shopping Center.

No date has been set for the wedding, but Crist, 51, said it would be in St. Petersburg, where he is a member of First United Methodist Church. There probably also will be a reception in Tallahassee.

Special in every way? Dude, you sound like Mary Poppins. All we can picture is you and this beard wife......a wife, right?.......your wife "dishing" on shoes and how many pills Cindy took the night John McCain falls asleep at the podium takes the stage at the convention.

Here's some more:

"We've talked about it quite awhile," said Crist, who proposed to Rome, 38, on Thursday morning in his Bayfront Tower condominium in St. Petersburg.

"God bless her, she said yes," he said. "What better place to do it than the 'Burg," said Crist, who said his parents were "ecstatic."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.


via Halperin / St. Pete Times

XXX: Charlie Crist's Elevator Makeout Party

What does Gov. Charlie Crist do in his free time, when he's not fellating microphones or the elderly Juan McCain?

Make out with hot chicks in elevators, of course. Like any very straight heterosexual Republican would do:

How interested is Florida Governor Charlie Crist in being John McCain's VP runningmate? So much so that veteran GOP dirty trickster Roger Stone -- who coordinated a few dirty stunts in support of Crist during the 2006 gubernatorial campaign -- is quietly peddling a so-called "Charlie Crist sex tape." That's what Stone called it during a telephone conversation. And no, it is not a tape of Crist having sex with a guy. In fact, it isn't even X-rated. The video was seemingly staged to kill the rumors that Crist is gay. Stone claims the tape -- which he discussed recently with Politics1, but didn't show to us ("I'm saving it for the national shows") -- "shows Charlie fooling around in a hotel elevator with his girlfriend ... They're making out." Adds Stone: "It was captured on a security camera in the elevator" last month. And Stone just conveniently happens to have a copy of the hotel's elevator surveillance tape, just when Crist's name is in play for the VP spot. Hmm. As for Crist's purported girlfriend -- presuming it is the same one he took as his date to the White House Correspondents Dinner in DC a few weeks ago -- she's still married (and not to Crist). Disclaimer: Always be skeptical of anything from Stone.

If Charlie gets the veep nod, expect the DNC to have a surveillance tape of their own.

via Politics1

Edwardses Will Not Endorse

Famous son-of-a-mill John Edwards and his beard wife Elizabeth will not endorse anyone for anything ever.

However, they did open up to respected news Goliath People Magazine about their likes, dislikes, and fave boy bands.

Elizabeth likes Hillary's healthcare plan because her cancers told her to, but does not like Thundercunt because what little money the hobo does bring in comes from lobbyists.

Mrs. Edwards likes St. Barack because young people like him, but does not like the fact that he is black or something like that:

In their first joint interview since John, the Democratic former senator and 2004 vice presidential nominee, dropped out of the race in January, the couple named what they liked and disliked about each of the remaining Democrats – and Mrs. Edwards didn't hesitate: "I like Hillary's health care plan."

What doesn't she like about the senator from New York and former first lady? "The lobbyist money," she adds.

On Obama, she says: "The fact that he has motivated so many young people to be involved, I think is fantastic."

But, she adds: "I don't like his health care plan or his advertising on health care, which I think is misleading."

As for Millboy, he likes Hillary for her tenacity. He likes Obama because he is black and therefore probably hung:

On Clinton: "I like something different about Hillary. I think her tenacity shows a real strength that's inside her."

What doesn't he like about Clinton? "Um, still a lot of the old politics," John Edwards said.

As for Obama, he says: "Sometimes I want to see more substance under the rhetoric."

But he cited two things he likes about the charismatic young senator from Illinois: "One is, I think he really does want to bring about serious change and a different way of doing things. And secondly, I think it's a great symbolic thing to have an African-American who could be president."


via People (yes, People)

People Say Clay Aiken Came Out On QVC

Monday, QVC took time out from hocking glittery country duck sweatshirts and face creams for cougars on a budget to push closet-spelunking Clay Aiken's new abortion album.

From Towleroad:

Clay Aiken debuted his new CD on QVC Monday night and folks are buzzing that the song he performed, entitled 'The Real Me', was pretty much a cry for help from the closet.

The lyrics:

Foolish heart looks like we’re here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don’t let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I’m empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

[Chorus:]
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I’m tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade…

Charlie Crist's Kinda Wife

From Americablog:

I am pretty positive this is an accident (x2), but paging through Bloomberg's official White House Correspondents' Dinner afterparty pictures, I found this and this.

In both photos, Crist has his arm around an attractive brunette woman, and the captions read as follows (emphases mine):

Charlie Crist, governor of Florida, right, and his wife attend an afterparty hosted by Bloomberg LP following the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner in Washington, D.C., on Saturday, April 26, 2008.

Charlie Crist, governor of Florida, and his wife arrive for an afterparty hosted by Bloomberg LP following the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner in Washington, D.C., on Saturday, April 26, 2008.

I did a little digging around, and I don't think Crist is married. In fact, contrary to what the Florida press and Charlie's dad have reported, I thought there was a lot of speculation as to whether Governor Crist ever wanted to marry a woman...again. (He was married once before for about a year back in 1979).

However, if there is any truth to the speculation that he's a possible Republican VP candidate, then someone urging him to be seen with an attractive "wife" at this particular juncture wouldn't be entirely far-fetched.

Larry Craig Is Now A Gay Hobo

The Idaho Bathroom Goblin is finding out the hard way that it would have been way cheaper to pick some dude up online:

Per the Senate ethics committee's Feb. 13 "admonition" of him for his guilty plea to disorderly conduct charges, Craig has not paid any of his top-flight lawyers from his campaign committee since early February. The last legal payment from Craig for U.S. Senate, in the form of an $80,695 check, went out on Feb. 3 to Billy Martin's firm of Sutherland Asbill & Brennan.

According to reports his campaign committee filed with the Federal Election Commission, that put Craig's total legal tab at more than $407,000 since he was arrested June 11 at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport in an undercover sting designed to root out lewd behavior.

via HuffPo

If Craig Was Any More Excited This Would Be On XTube

After going to Spamalot (and posting three very tedious videos about it), Craig collects his thoughts and reflects on the very un-gay orgasmic metamorphosis of his Broadway adventure.

Also, he is very stressed. Probably because he loves the cock, yet has a girlfriend.

Craig Stevens At Spamalot! Part 3

Craig Stevens Video Blog: Backstage at Spamalot!(Part 2)

A thoroughly painful discussion of hair, wigs, confetti, and other damning evidence that Craig is a pillow biter.

Part III coming soon.

Craig Stevens Sings For You.....You Ungrateful Homophobe

New York's newest rube New Yorker has a song in his little gay heart, and he'd like to share it with you:

Hey guys...so this is my first attempt at a pop song. I LOVE THIS SONG it's so pretty. Don't hate, I'm learning how to riff!

I'm singing this at an open call for Altar Boy(z) on Tuesday!!!!!

Gov. Charlie Crist's Fondness For Women.......'s Handbags

The Florida Orange (or would that be Orange Florida?) Governor is totally straight, okay?

Even if he does queen out at gay bars after getting tipsy off of three Mint Juleps.

Americablog reports on the possible future life-partner of Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™:

For some reason, the Florida press is pushing several stories feeding the notion that Republican Governor Charlie Crist really likes women. Could this have something to do with rumors that the very-single and always-tan Mr. Crist is being considered as a VP choice for John McCain? (There are other rumors too.) There's this, which is embarrassing enough ("chick magnet"? Yeah, right), and then there's this from his dad, regarding his son's "fondness" for women:

"Always! I mean, I can't keep up with him. And they like him, too."

via Amerciablog / Towleroad

How Did Craig Stevens' Audition Go?

You remember Craig, right?

He's the bright-eyed boy from Murfreesboro, Tennessee who moved to NY City with his beard girlfriend with big dreams of becoming a Broadway star.

He made it to his audition for The Lion King. But, it was rough :(

Poor guy was hoping to get cast for the role of regular Simba, but the line he was standing in was for young Simba. OH NOOOOOOOOS!!!

Not to worry. After the harrowing event, Craig did what any normal very very straight man would do.

Yup. Drowned his sorrows with blue margaritas from T.G.I Fridays with his.....ahhhhh, I can't say it...okay okay....GIRLFRIEND and some of her friends.