The Only Piece On Lambo Cockrissian You Need To Read

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So.....

We were really gonna let this whole Lambo thing go. He lost, yet yll over the intertubes you can read and view statements of his coyness (is that word?) about his involvement in the acts of buttfuckery.

Yet, Richard at Gawker has summed up our feelings. So here it is:



You know what, Adam Lambert? Just can it with the coy shit. Everyone knows the American Idol second-placer is a big ol' homo from Fruitington Corners, but in every goddamn interview the lurching behemoth always says things like "keep speculating..." And I wish he'd just man up and step out.

Not that people should be forced to come out of the closet, but fool keeps calling himself a role model, and then won't acknowledge the fact that he's the gayest thing since Jody Watley got lost in the Tenderloin that one time. You can't really call yourself a role model, I don't think in this post-Prop 8 bullshit era of codified homophobia, while completely playing "tee heeeeee" with the press about something as fundamental and unchangeable as who you like to put your junk into. Is it anyone's business? Of course it's not. But would it be nice, just for fucking once, for a clearly gay, currently popular (and that's fleeting, Mary. Don't think it isn't. You're gonna be whistling the national anthem at state fairs come this time next year) to step up to the plate and say "You know what? Forget my own career, I'm gay. I'm well-liked (currently) and visible and I'm a proud gay American"? Yes that would be really nice. Because it would be honest and brave and true and exactly what (in some small part) the struggling gay youth of America needs. A person who everyone loved who also just happens to be gay.

So, Mr. Lambert, I know the coy shit is fun and cutesy and oohhh hoo hoo don't you chuckle to yourself between gulps, but it's all starting to come off a bit latent and scaredy-cat and lame. And the more you're teasing and "Maybe I'll come out in Rolling Stone, maybe I won't..." the more it becomes something that should be teased about, something that should be hinted and whispered. And it's not. It's a fact like any other fact. So please, either be honest and forthcoming about yourself, or just shut the hell up, make way for the real men, and stop calling yourself a role model. Because right now the only person you're a role model to is the kids who want to be what they want to be, but also don't want anyone to know about it. And that's sad.

Update! Yes, I know he's supposedly coming out on the cover of Rolling Stone next week. So, good for him! And good for Rolling Stone! How wonderfully this whole thing has been parlayed into a money-making endeavor. The gay community is so grateful to you, Adam.



Richard Lawson is our new hero.

via Gawker

Lambo Takes Backseat To Kris Allen

Richard @ Gawker sums it up best:

When you gonna wise up, judges and America? Kid's the best thing on rollerskates and you all secretly know it. Sure he's not the purest most bombasto-tastic vocalist of them all, but he's so f'ing marketable. Who doesn't like a milky-faced kid with a guitar and a triangle mouth? Communists, that's who. In this weirdo truncated episode—only two judgings per singer!—Randy obviously wasn't able to feel out the sea change, so he just went with that "it was just aight" party line. Don't get him wrong, he's heard of "Falling Slowly," that song from Once, but you know, he doesn't like it for Kris. Kara is, apparently, a little more savvy, and she picked up on the fact that the performance demanded praise. But it was elusive and vague and measured only against Kris's other performances, not against his competitors'. Paula's arm agreed with Kara and we'll never know what Simon thought. I bet (I hope) he was dreaming up record deals.

...Lamb Chops sang "Born to Be Wild", from the movie Easy Rider (sort of), and... I want a check for the broken crystal ware and lightbulbs. Lamby's always been shrieky, but Gott in Himmel, last night was like Screech's balls getting caught in the door of the Max. I know, I know. He's artistic and different and slobberdy-goo-gumdrops. Buy his album after he wins. And then tell me with a straight face that you like it. He's a circus oddity, which is a fine. But a commercial pop sanger? Nay.

Oh well. The whole thing is such a foregone conclusion at this point. The only reason anyone's watching anymore is to see what weirdness Lambo comes up with next, and maybe to shriek and clap like a complete 25-going-on-14-year-old when it's announced that Kris will be singing that swoony swirly indie Once song and your roommate eyes you strangely and you wheeze and drink your seltzer and oh man, Tuesdays have gotten weird.


Adam Lambert Born to be Wild HIGH QUALITY Video Top 7 Week Performance from Fernando Vivanco on Vimeo.

Today's Caroline Update

Looks like it's all but over:

Caroline Kennedy now almost certainly won't be the new Praetor of New York! The overreaching Bloomberg aide pushing her has given up. Good news for her!

...Mayor Bloomberg's top political aide is pulling back on his lobbying campaign to propel Caroline Kennedy into the U.S. Senate because "it wasn't working," according to sources.

"Everything was backfiring," said one source of the intense behind-the-scenes effort by Deputy Mayor Kevin Sheekey.

"He's not out front any more."

Anyways now the Kennedy thing is surely sunk, as there's no longer any political support for her, just a bit of popular support, mostly among women Democrats, and we know how the party feels about appeasing them. Sorry, Caroline! Back you to go the Upper East Side to sleep in your sheets made of money (probably Euros).


Read the whole thing here.

Gawker's Olympic Hottie Rundown

More here.

Best Of Teevee News

Click here for a great compilation Gawker put together of TV News' most uncomfortable moments.

BREAKING NEWS: Noone Wants To Fuck Perez Hilton

No shit.

From Gawker:

The Los Angeles Times interviewed internet gossip belcher Perez Hilton for the "How I Made It" feature in its business section. The newspaper does its best to puff Hilton up, saying he charges "up to" $54,000 for a one-day ad package and noting he once wrote for Star magazine — without mentioning that Hilton was fired from that same job, per the LA Times' own reporting. The not-so-subtle message to readers: If this guy in bunny slippers can make $50k per day off his crayon-illustrated website, why is the recession kicking your ass? That's OK, since Hilton takes himself down a peg, by talking about his sex life:

What fame hasn't brought: Hilton dishes that "in 2007, I got laid once. One time. Which, for a gay man, is unheard of. That's like, celibate."

How sad and cringe-inducing. But maybe Perez just got way too picky after his 2006 makeout session with John Mayer. He had at least one really, really desperate groupie sending him a sex tape and everything! Now is no time to start holding yourself to "standards" or whatever, Perez.

Intertubes Starting To Scare Me

I love Youtube. It's an endless treasure chest of assholes, wierdos, agoraphobes, paultards, and WoW losers plugging away on the interwebs with cheeto stained fingers.

But these webtards are getting a little out of control.

From Gawker:

Guess what, you're losing your bashing privileges!" A boy using the name broncfn90 yells at the YouTube commenters who ripped him apart. All he did was come on this site to give his opinions on the Denver Broncos! And they all disrespected him! But seriously, this poor kid had explained on video that his face has been half-paralyzed since birth, and the commenters still came at him. Now his videos (which were reposted by his detractors after he deleted his account) are making the rounds at 4chan, that pit at the bottom of the Internet, and broncfn90 might become a mini-Chris Crocker. Come see a boy gone mad. Plus a bonus video from the vaults, of a teen girl crying over YouTube comments. The takeaway, as if you didn't know: YouTube users are scum and reading their comments will turn you into a whiny pile of impotent rage.

Here's the videos. Worth the watch, trust:







As soon as this is posted, I'm running to get a vasectomy.

My advice is that we all just stick to XTube.

via Gawker

Worst. Headlines. Ever.

Gawker comprises the worst screengrabs off CNN.

via Gawker