Friday, April 24, 2009
WorldNetDaily Still Questions Mooslim Devil's Existence
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Oh, good lord Xenu deep fried on a dildo. These "birthers" need to eat shit, die, and go to hell.
WND, a Mexican snuff webpamphlet, can't resist the temptation of again raising questions about President Unicorn's eligibility to be...President Unicorn.
Take this:
...arguably Obama’s most egregious, unconstitutional “power-grab” as president may have been his very first – being elected to the highest office in the land while steadfastly refusing to offer proof he is a “natural born citizen,” as required of all presidents by the U.S. Constitution.
That explosive story is the focus of the April 2009 edition of WND’s acclaimed Whistleblower magazine. It’s called “YOUR PAPERS, PLEASE? Why dozens of lawsuits and millions of Americans want Barack Obama to prove he's constitutionally qualified to be president.”
Or this:
In the last few months, dozens of U.S. courts have dismissed legal challenges to Barack Obama's constitutional eligibility to occupy the Oval Office, and even the U.S. Supreme Court has refused to hold a hearing on the evidence – but what have the courts actually cited as reasons for dismissing the concerns of millions of Americans?
Mootness, lack of jurisdiction, lack of responsibility, lack of standing, a series of "no comments" and even the fact the issue has been "twittered."
The one subject that has been avoided to date has been whether or not the president is, in fact, eligible.
Or, better yet, this:
PETITION FOR PUBLIC RELEASE OF
BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE
To: Electoral College, Congress of the United States, Federal Elections Commission, U.S. Supreme Court, President of the United States, other controlling legal authorities
Whereas, by requirement of the United States Constitution, Article 2, Section 1, no one can be sworn into office as president of the United States without being a natural born citizen;
Whereas, there is sufficient controversy within the citizenry of the United States as to whether presidential election winner Barack Obama was actually born in Hawaii as he claims;
Whereas, Barack Obama has refused repeated calls to release publicly his entire Hawaiian birth certificate, which would include the actual hospital that performed the delivery;
Whereas, lawsuits filed in several states seeking only proof of the basic minimal standard of eligibility have been rebuffed;
Whereas, Hawaii at the time of Obama's birth allowed births that took place in foreign countries to be registered in Hawaii;
Whereas, concerns that our government is not taking this constitutional question seriously will result in diminished confidence in our system of free and fair elections;
SIGN THE PETITION
We, the undersigned, assert our rights as citizens of the United States in demanding that the constitutional eligibility requirement be taken seriously and that any and all controlling legal authorities in this matter examine the complete birth certificate of Barack Obama, including the actual city and hospital of birth, and make that document available to the American people for inspection.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!! Barry Hussein is a secret muslin/Kraken hyrbid determined to abort our Freedoms with African communism.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Today's Paultard Video
If you can make sense of what this 9/11 truther hobbit is talking about...write us.
When will they allow waterboarding in schools?
via Middle-earth
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Today's Godtube/tangle Moment
Today's installment surely stands apart.
One can't help but wonder why this singing twat knows so much about animal buttfuckery.
via tangle
Morning Dump
Levi Johnston to write pop-up book about his time spent with apes.
Fundies get a new mascot.
Megan McCain's resume was posted online via an incoherent twattering.
Yet another reason to get rid of this whole Twitter thing before Ashton Kutcher is installed as a puppet emporer under the control of Skynet.
Judgement Day is closer than we thought.
The first and possibly only time we will tell someone to "take a cue from George W. Bush".
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Internets Just Got Significantly Wierder
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Whoa there! This little masterpiece just took Lambo Cockrissian obsessions to the next level.
Someone on LIVEJOURNAL took the time to write an Adam Lambert/Kris Allen fantasy buttseks mini-series, which turns out to be 100 million words long or so.
As interesting as the fleeting concept may be, this is just regoddamndiculously uncomfortable (NSFW):
He tilts his head down, runs his hand up Kris' back, soothing pressure and guidance, and Kris stands up straighter, pressing against Adam, and Adam licks at his lip because can, and Kris' hand is smoothing along his cheek and neck, tentative, thumb finding the pulse point and Adam laughs against Kris' mouth.
...He kissed him, firmly, then stood to slid his own pants down. He poked at Kris' hip. "Hips, up, lover." And he knows his smile is dark.
We recommend both Lambo and Kris Allen seek a restraining order.
via Part 1 and Part 2
A Children's Treasury Of Horrible Day Of Silence Videos
This past Friday (when your editor was going on 48 hours of no sleep in a Biloxi casino) various gay youths around the world celebrated the Day of Silence, which is a holiday where young homosexuals give their teachers and fellow students a break by shutting the fuck up.
Here's a collection of the worst videos we've found so far:
And for the win: A young Maddow wannabe. See how far you can make it.
Merry 4/20 And All
COED compiled a list of the 10 most successful potheads on our Earths...a few months ago:
Ted Turner
Ted is a rare breed of billionaire — he comes off as completely absent minded, incapable of even putting on his own pants. Yet he is a mega-mogul. He single-handedly invented the 24-hour news cycle with CNN, was named Time’s Man of the Year in 1991, is the largest private land owner in America, and also owns a few other TV stations, and the Atlanta Braves. So… owning lots of stuff? Not what you’d expect from a guy who grew pot in his college dorm room. Ted is also a major funder of the Kentucky Hemp Museum, along with renowned stoner Woody Harelson, and is a well known fan of the classic stoner cartoon Scooby-Doo.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Lambo Takes Backseat To Kris Allen
Richard @ Gawker sums it up best:
When you gonna wise up, judges and America? Kid's the best thing on rollerskates and you all secretly know it. Sure he's not the purest most bombasto-tastic vocalist of them all, but he's so f'ing marketable. Who doesn't like a milky-faced kid with a guitar and a triangle mouth? Communists, that's who. In this weirdo truncated episode—only two judgings per singer!—Randy obviously wasn't able to feel out the sea change, so he just went with that "it was just aight" party line. Don't get him wrong, he's heard of "Falling Slowly," that song from Once, but you know, he doesn't like it for Kris. Kara is, apparently, a little more savvy, and she picked up on the fact that the performance demanded praise. But it was elusive and vague and measured only against Kris's other performances, not against his competitors'. Paula's arm agreed with Kara and we'll never know what Simon thought. I bet (I hope) he was dreaming up record deals.
...Lamb Chops sang "Born to Be Wild", from the movie Easy Rider (sort of), and... I want a check for the broken crystal ware and lightbulbs. Lamby's always been shrieky, but Gott in Himmel, last night was like Screech's balls getting caught in the door of the Max. I know, I know. He's artistic and different and slobberdy-goo-gumdrops. Buy his album after he wins. And then tell me with a straight face that you like it. He's a circus oddity, which is a fine. But a commercial pop sanger? Nay.
Oh well. The whole thing is such a foregone conclusion at this point. The only reason anyone's watching anymore is to see what weirdness Lambo comes up with next, and maybe to shriek and clap like a complete 25-going-on-14-year-old when it's announced that Kris will be singing that swoony swirly indie Once song and your roommate eyes you strangely and you wheeze and drink your seltzer and oh man, Tuesdays have gotten weird.
Adam Lambert Born to be Wild HIGH QUALITY Video Top 7 Week Performance from Fernando Vivanco on Vimeo.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Cheers
From today's Meghan McCain piece at The Daily Beast:
This week, I will be speaking at the Log Cabin Republicans' national convention in support of the gay community and its role in the future of the Republican Party. Of all the causes I believe in and speak publicly about, this is one of the ones closest to my heart.
...it isn't just the GOP’s opposition to gay marriage that makes the party seem unwelcoming toward gay voters. It’s the anti-gay rhetoric they use to whip up the base. Recently, a conservative congressman was quoted saying, “If we don't save marriage, we can't remain pro-life." That's absurd. President Obama, for instance, is also against gay marriage—a dirty little secret many of my gay friends were shocked to discover during the presidential campaign. But you’d never know it because he always "sounds" so inclusive.
...I am a woman who despises labels and boxes and stereotypes. Recently, I seemed to have rocked a few individuals within my party by saying that I am a pro-life, pro-gay-marriage Republican. So if anyone is still confused, let me spell it out for you. I believe life begins at conception and I believe that people who fall in love should have the option to get married. Lest we forget, our founding document, the Declaration of Independence, grants the same rights to everyone in this country—“All men are created equal.” If you think certain rights should not apply to certain people, then you are saying those people are not equal. People may always have a difference of opinion on certain lifestyles, but championing a position that wants to treat people unequally isn't just un-Republican. At its fundamental core, it's un-American.
At the end of the day, speaking at the Log Cabin Republicans' convention isn’t just about reaching out to the gay community—although I believe doing so is vital to the future success of the party. It’s also about reaching a wider base and redefining what it means to be Republican, and leaving labels, stereotypes, and negativity by the wayside. That more and more people are discussing gay rights speaks positively for the millions of young and progressive Republicans waiting for our party to return to its roots. Personal freedoms are what makes this country the greatest country in the world. And just like the civil-rights and feminist movements before this, the movement toward gay equality and gay marriage is one I have absolute faith will triumph over prejudices. Moreover, I believe the Republican Party has, at this moment, the opportunity to come forward and play an instrumental role in securing gay rights. That's why I'm speaking at the Log Cabin convention and couldn't be prouder to be doing so. And yes, I'm still a Republican. Get used to it.
Lambo Cockrissian Lands NYT Feature
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From NY Times:
Let’s imagine, then, that among the assorted warblers and strummers and leather-lunged divas that have made up the renewable cast of hopefuls on the country’s No. 1 television show, you appear not as some talented hopeful with a shady backstory but as a theatrical creation with a message to sell beyond the usual will to prevail. You are swivel hipped and pillow lipped. You have an outsize talent and a fondness for Cher. You have blond hair dyed black and styled in an asymmetrical shag. At some long-ago moment, you gave in to your inner Maybelline girl.
You are Adam Lambert, the contestant widely tipped as a favorite to be the next winner of “American Idol.” And the only thing standing between you and riches and the chance to play arenas may be a question currently burning up the Internet: Can a gay contestant win?
Leave aside for a moment the answer to such a question, or even whether Mr. Lambert is gay. He may be. He may not. Fox, which owns “Idol,” is not saying; neither is the contestant himself.
...According to a Gawker post last week, the “applause-o-meter” had Mr. Lambert pulling way ahead. “Might we actually get a Kris/Adam finale?” read the item, referring to Kris Allen, a generic teen idol type with a waxed cowlick and a lopsided smile. “Might, also, we get a Kris/Adam somethin’ else?’ Hah, doubtful. No one sees Adam without his skinsuit on, except maybe that fetching, fey little blond character they keep cutting to and describing as Adam’s ‘friend.’ ”
...America’s heartland, he said, turns out to be politically contiguous to its notoriously liberal coasts. “Iowa is apparently infested with San Francisco values,” he said.
Even the White House made a point of inviting lesbian and gay families to join in an annual Easter Egg Roll.
Thus it seems plausible that a person with more than a toe peeking out of the closet might actually win the most hotly contested singing show on the planet. True, it took six years of public insinuation before Clay Aiken, the popular also-ran from Season 2, made the choice in 2008 to come out. When he did so, however, the anticipated career-stall never happened. The news was greeted with a collective yawn.
“I see us as living in the post-Neil Patrick Harris era,” said Mr. Ehrenstein, referring to the actor who in 2006 trumped online efforts to expose his sexuality by publicly declaring himself gay to People magazine. “He crossed the Rubicon. He did the ‘sudden death’ play. Supposedly you come out and your career is over. He came out and his career is in better shape than it ever was.”
Bonus Video of two old gay pervs a'pervin on Lambo:
UPDATE:
From NYP:
I am extremely excited for "American Idol" tomorrow, especially given last week's wah-wah performances. Not only will the Top 7 tackle songs featured in films, but they will be mentored by Quentin Tarantino -- the world's most surprising "Idol" fan.
We learned of his addiction to the reality show back when he guest judged in season three, but he didn't actually help the contestants then. This time around, he'll be standing in on practices, and doling out advice. And to those of you who think he has no business critiquing music, I dare you to find another director who turns more undiscovered gems into must repeat iPod tracks!
First Muppet Arrives At White House
The moment has arrived. The Obamas finally got their dog, which is a hand-me-down from an elderly talking Lion from the Land of Massachusia:
The little guy is a 6-month-old Portuguese water dog given to the Obama girls as a gift by that Portuguese water dog-lovin' senator himself, Edward M. Kennedy of Massachusetts. The girls named it Bo -- and let it be noted that you learned that here first. Malia and Sasha chose the name, because their cousins have a cat named Bo and because first lady Michelle Obama's father was nicknamed Diddley, a source said. (Get it? Bo . . . Diddley?)
But what of the pledge to adopt a hobo AIDS dog?:
The choice of a Portie raised one complication. The Obamas have long said they wanted a rescue dog. But the carefully bred PWDs almost never end up in shelters. Bo had been living with another family, but it wasn't a good fit, so the Kennedys acquired him for the Obamas.
As for the rescue pledge, the Obamas came up with a solution intended to lend a serious symbolic note: They're going to make a donation to the D.C. Humane Society.
Mexican Child King To Set Sights On Mooslim, Not Diapered Whoremonger
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Over the weekend, there was some buzz about Bobby Jindal (a famed Republican exorcist/date rapist) running for David Vitter's Senate seat in 2010.
Not so, says someone:
No, Gov. Bobby Jindal is not going to run for a U.S. senate seat next year, the governor's office said Saturday in response to a television news report.
New York Magazine journalist John Heilemann mentions the rumor about Jindal during an appearance as a panelist this weekend on The Chris Matthews Show, according to the media industry blog TVNewser, which obtained a transcript of the recorded program in advance of the broadcast.
"I was down in New Orleans, and I heard a great rumor that Bobby Jindal, who we were just talking about as a potential presidential candidate for the Republican party, is thinking about giving up the governorship and running for Senate against David Vitter, or for Vitter's seat if Vitter doesn't run," Heilemann said, according to the blog site.
...Jindal spokeswoman Melissa Sellers said there is "no truth" to the rumor and that Jindal is running for re-election as governor in 2011.
Which means, given the fact he is writing a fancy diary about his childhood spent appearing on Indian game shows, Jindal will run for the 2012 Republican presidential candidate slot against various angry white men and one very retarded redneck slut.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Today's Anti-Paultard Video
From the description:
We, at the cult of Ron Paul, discuss the vile conspiracy that prevented the good Dr. Paul from taking his rightful place in the white house. We discuss Dr. Paul's broad base of support and the complete media black against him perpetrated by the evil NWO.
Checkin' In With Chuck
Why does the Muslin Devil Obama hate Jesus? Chuck Norris explores the issue in a holiday themed piece over at WND:
According to a new national survey by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press 10 percent of Americans still believe Obama is a Muslim. Seven percent of Democrats believe it. And nearly 20 percent of evangelicals do.
That is how people across the country responded to the question, "Do you happen to know what Barack Obama's religion is? Is he Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, atheist, agnostic or something else?"
What I find fascinating is that the same study showed only 55 percent of Democrats knew or believed Obama was a Christian, even after nearly two years on the political trail for president spouting his views and beliefs on everything under the sun.
Moreover, 35 percent of all of those polled have no clue as to what religion the president adheres. That's one-third of the nation he leads. One in three people don't have any idea of his religious convictions. Should the percentage be that high? Religion might be a private choice, but should it be a secret one too, even for a leader?
...Any questions? No Holy Week hesitations here. His name is Jesus, and I believe He was born into this world to die for the sins of mankind, that whosoever believes in him shall have eternal life – just as I chose to do decades ago at a Billy Graham crusade in Los Angeles.
Is Obama afraid of the "Jesus" word? I'm not, and maybe that's where my heart and mind should dwell during this period in which one billion people around the world commemorate his Via Dolorosa. Rather than ask what we believe about Obama's religion, maybe we should be answering what we believe about ours.
Whatever your religious persuasion, don't be ashamed of it. And don't hesitate to let others know where you stand, respectfully speaking. This is America. And that's one of the things that still makes us a great nation. In God we trust.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Homosexual Emodemon Horrifies Fox News
It was only a matter of time. Bill O'Reilly and the geniuses over at FOX have pegged Lambo Cockrissian as a sodomist warlock, what with the pictures of said warlock kissing another guy or a unicorn or whatever.
Pay no mind to the fact that THESE PICTURES HAVE BEEN OUT FOR MONTHS NOW.
This is what news has come to.
via Towleroad
Trigg, Tripp. They're Both Retarded Stupid Names
Who cares if it's true. This has the smell of Paultard paranoia all over it:
This is NOT a photo of Levi with Tripp Johnston, allegedly born December 27, 2008.
This is a photo of Levi Johnston cradling tenderly Trig Palin, allegedly born April 18, 2008. It was taken the same day as the photos that Mercede put up on her MySpace page, some time before May 5th 2008.
Why in the world would this photo be selected for release on the Tyra Banks show unless Mercede is trying to send us a message, loud and clear? Surely, if Tripp IS Levi's child (and Trig is the son of his ex future mother-in-law) there would be no earthly reason to release photos of Trig with Levi on a show that was supposed to be about current events, i.e., Tripp's birth and the current relationship with Tripp's mother. But.. someone in the Johnston clan selected this photo. Of Levi cuddling Trig. Now almost a year ago. Intentionally. So I... and other "anonymous bloggers..." would see it. And we have.
Mercede, message received. Thank you.
This one is worth a whirl, too.
It's Hard Out There For A Hater
We were totally going to breeze over the above ad released by the National Organization for Marriage because other sites had already covered it. But this is just too rich.
The Washington City Paper has audition tapes, dug up by the HRC, showing that mouth breathers really do have problems sounded out the King's english. Let the hilarity ensue:
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Today's Godtube/tangle Moment
Finally! Someone summed up the major arguments against gay marriage in under 30 seconds...kinda.
Pastor Mike, a gay internet taint-goblin, made this vidja with the aid of his daughter's Leapfrog to help us understand that the gays Devaluate™ the concept of marriage, which is based on gold and Ron Paul dollars.
via tangle
Whoa, There. You're Still Around?
Jesus, is it 9/11 already? Usually it's that certain date in the Fall when 9udy 11uliani pokes his head out of a bunker, forcasting whether we will have 6 more weeks of terror for the year.
The failed GOP presedential candidate appeared on Morning Joe to scare the shit out of anyone listening about President Unicorn's Ecard sent to Iran.
From HuffPo:
Rudy Giuliani charged on Wednesday that Barack Obama's recent outreach to Iran -- specifically, the videotape message he offered to the Iranian people several weeks ago -- was actually abetting terrorism in that region.
"Sending a videotape message into Iran and the language and tone of that message, in my view, is the kind of thing terrorists look at and say 'we can take advantage, we can push,'" said the former New York City mayor.
..."He didn't talk about any of the things we need from them," Guiliani went on. "He is talking to a dictatorship. He is not talking to a liberal democracy. If you listen to that, you would think he was talking to a liberal democracy."
...Nevertheless, Giuliani said on Wednesday, "I think it was a mistake. [Not a] complete misstep, I think it was a mistake. it needed balancing language about his recognition of the complete lack of freedom within Iran and even a strong message to the Iranian people... You have one chance to talk to the people of Iran. They are watching. You want to create a reformist element in Iran and you don't speak to that? ... This is why terrorist will say, we can take advantage of the guy.'"
We're really starting to regret not throwing a shoe at this twat when we had the chance.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Morning Dump
Surprise!
Guess what?! The White House has a fever, and the only prescription... is more KalPenn.
The problems of the world won't be solved by love alone. You need the opposite of love too... and by "opposite" we mean Scientology.
Tiny chinaman hobbit weeps.
What exactly does Joe Biden do for a living?
This thing is still going on?
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