Mexican Child King To Set Sights On Mooslim, Not Diapered Whoremonger

Glitter Graphics



Over the weekend, there was some buzz about Bobby Jindal (a famed Republican exorcist/date rapist) running for David Vitter's Senate seat in 2010.

Not so, says someone:


No, Gov. Bobby Jindal is not going to run for a U.S. senate seat next year, the governor's office said Saturday in response to a television news report.

New York Magazine journalist John Heilemann mentions the rumor about Jindal during an appearance as a panelist this weekend on The Chris Matthews Show, according to the media industry blog TVNewser, which obtained a transcript of the recorded program in advance of the broadcast.

"I was down in New Orleans, and I heard a great rumor that Bobby Jindal, who we were just talking about as a potential presidential candidate for the Republican party, is thinking about giving up the governorship and running for Senate against David Vitter, or for Vitter's seat if Vitter doesn't run," Heilemann said, according to the blog site.

...Jindal spokeswoman Melissa Sellers said there is "no truth" to the rumor and that Jindal is running for re-election as governor in 2011.


Which means, given the fact he is writing a fancy diary about his childhood spent appearing on Indian game shows, Jindal will run for the 2012 Republican presidential candidate slot against various angry white men and one very retarded redneck slut.

Today's Godtube/tangle Moment

What will actually happen when the Son of Gawd comes back to Earth for the Raptures?

Mexicans will be left behind with no toilet paper as Lord Xenu barrels down from Heaven astride Shadowfax to date rape Christians, leaving their clothes on the ground for the rest of us to clean up.

Asshole.

via tangle

Bobby Jindal To Deliver SOTU Response...In Tongues

Tonight, President Unicorn will be accompanied on the airwaves by fellow Mooslim and known date rapist Piyush "Bobby" Jindal:

Jindal, the 37-year-old governor of Louisiana and the Republican party's new hope, needs to demonstrate confidence and competence - and show a little sparkle - to boost his hopes of being chosen to take on Obama in 2012.

...Being chosen by the Republicans to respond to Obama gives Jindal a significant leg-up over his rivals, offering millions of viewers their first opportunity to see Jindal, who is conservative on both social and economic policy. The high-profile slot in the past has boosted careers but also destroyed them.


So, good luck, our fair Mexican Child King. Fuck this up, and the GOP is stuck with Bible Spice.

Veep Debate Wrapup

Last night was way better than last week's Obama/McCain snoozefest. Joe Biden was calm and collected as he raped Sarah Palin with words, but was kind enough to pay for the rape kit afterwards. Palin stuck to the talking points she was given at McCain's POW camp in Arizona, because she was not allowed out of the bamboo cage until she did.

Right off the bat, the endangered Alaskan Snowcunt admitted she is way unqualified and reinforced the fact that she's been doing this thing for like 5 minutes:



Oh, they talked about those subprime mortgages that black people bought with 5 magic crack beans, but Palin was all "Darn right, it was the banks, doggonnit, heck, golly, GIT-ER-DONE!!!:



Biden and Obama love the gays and go to orgies in San Fran like every other week, schedule permitting. Palin would like to hunt down gays from a helicopter...but she will allow their partners to visit while she skins and guts them:



This is just fun because she pronounces the word nuclear "nucular", like some other unqualified folksy monstertard I seem to remember:



Sarah Palin is asked if she even knows what a Vice President is or does or how to spell those words. After making an awkward joke about how Biden sucks at joke-telling (no shit) she says she will use the office of Veep to take over the world with Jesus as her co-pilot and steal everyone's healthcare and condoms.





And now for the closing statements...

Palin: "Maverick. The Medias will give us AIDS. Maverick. Jesus is AWESOME. Reformer. Maverick. Ronald Reagan's Maverick Freedom AIDS in our bloodstream. Maverick. Snarf."

Biden: "It was nice to meet you lady but, um, you and that elderly gent you spoon applesauce to every afternoon are pretty fucking dangerous and scare the hell out of me and America THE END."



You can view the full debate here.

Today's Godtube Moment

Exclusive footage of Bobby Jindal's date rape exorcism.

Bobby Jindal: Demon Warrior

Before Louisiana Governer Bobby Jindal was a candidate for life partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™, he was a young bright-eyed college student who spent his spare time casting demons out of his friends.

In a 1994 essay he wrote for the New Oxford Review, Jindal describes an encounter with his friend Susan. She had the cancers and started acting wierd and smelling really bad. One night at a prayer meeting, Susan collapsed and had a seizure.....sooooo.....yeh, it was time for a exorcism:

The students, led by Susan's sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, "Satan, I command you to leave this woman." Others exhorted all "demons to leave in the name of Christ." It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.

...Whenever I concentrated long enough to begin prayer, I felt some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe. . . Though I could find no cause for my chest pains, I was very scared of what was happening to me and Susan. I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.

After a few hours, the girl tried to get up and escape, but her friends date raped pinned her back down to the floor and continued the Good Baby Jeebus' work:

Maybe she sensed our weariness; whether by plan or coincidence, Susan chose the perfect opportunity to attempt an escape. She suddenly leapt up and ran for the door, despite the many hands holding her down. This burst of action served to revive the tired group of students and they soon had her restrained once again, this time half kneeling and half standing.

After this didn't work, they tried to get a help from a preacher. He refused, because he realized that they were batshit fucking crazy. Then this:

It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand.
While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence "Jesus is Lord." Over and over, she repeated "Jesus is L..L..LL," often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed "Jesus is Lord."

With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, "Has something happened?" She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief.

So, there you go. And you thought Dick Cheney was creepy.

via TPM