Satanic Goaterrorist's Bloodlust Knows No Bounds

The latest in the ongoing Save Teh Goatz saga:

A Fort Walton Beach police officer found a sixth decapitated pygmy goat early Wednesday at the intersection of Holmes Boulevard and Memorial Drive.

...The six decapitated goats were killed in similar ways and five were tossed on or near city streets not far from each other. The goats were killed at another location. The beheadings were almost surgical and the carcasses were significantly lacking blood, Thompson said. At least three of the five goats found had carefully cut leaves and twigs arranged in their mouths.

Tim Gunn Calls Cindy McCain A "Cunt"

From Gawker:

Tim Gunn is an expert on politics. Or rather, Tim Gunn—fashion maven, Project Runway mensch, stand-up guy—is an expert on what lady politicians or regular politicians' wives should be wearing. You may recall that Tim once called Hillary Clinton (she's a woman who tried to run for president once) "mannish" when prompted by Conan O'Brien. And now, when asked by no less than Time magazine, he's said that Cindy McCain (wife of an old man) looks like "someone twisted her ponytail into a knot and tried to give her a face lift."

BYOD

If you're going to the Olympics and have a craving for doggy dumpling, you're SOL:

Beijing has asked hotels and restaurants in the city to take dog meat off the menu for the duration of next month's Olympics and September's Paralympics.

...Concerned that canine dishes might offend animal rights groups and Western visitors, Beijing said restaurants expected to be popular among foreign visitors must stop serving dog meat "to respect the dining customs of different countries."

The directive "advocated" that all restaurants serving dog suspend it during the Olympics but made no mention of the many popular establishments with donkey on the menu.

Juan McCain's Jesusy New Ad

En Español!!!

WALNUTS! Conquers LDS Demo

We all know that John McCain is a terrible husband.....what we didn't know is that he was a terrible husband to two women at the same time:

In his 2002 memoir, "Worth the Fighting For," McCain wrote that he had separated from Carol before he began dating Hensley.

"I spent as much time with Cindy in Washington and Arizona as our jobs would allow," McCain wrote. "I was separated from Carol, but our divorce would not become final until February of 1980."

An examination of court documents tells a different story. McCain did not sue his wife for divorce until Feb. 19, 1980, and he wrote in his court petition that he and his wife had "cohabited" until Jan. 7 of that year -- or for the first nine months of his relationship with Hensley.

Although McCain suggested in his autobiography that months passed between his divorce and remarriage, the divorce was granted April 2, 1980, and he wed Hensley in a private ceremony five weeks later. McCain obtained an Arizona marriage license on March 6, 1980, while still legally married to his first wife.

Barack Obama Doesn't Care About Black People

Tiger Beat's Middle East Bureau Unveils Newest Centerfold

Meet Hamza bin Laden. He's OBL's 16yo son, and heir to the bin Laden Shitty Youtube Post Dynasty™.

Hamza (or H-dog as the kids call him) dropped his latest track with some funky fresh lines, such as:

“Accelerate the destruction of America, Britain, France and Denmark.”

...Oh God, reward the fighters hitting the infidels and defectors. Oh God, guide the youth of the Islamic nation and let them assist with the fighters’ plans.

“God, be pleased with those who want to go for jihad — and blind those who are watching and want to capture them.”

Two things are evident from this video:

1) This kid is a douchebag

2) Apparently, terrorist males do not have balls at the the age of 16, causing all of them to sound like Jordy.

via The Sun

Tarantino's New Movie

Quentin is studio shopping for his latest project, Inglorious Bastards, starring Brad Pitt:

Quentin Tarantino has just gone out with his long-anticipated script about World War II. I hear it's gone out to Universal, Warner Bros, Paramount, and Sony. Not only is Lawrence Bender attached to produce Inglorious Bastards, but here's the weird thing sources are telling me: Harvey Weinstein also will be producing as well but not financing it though his The Weinstein Co wants to distribute it domestically to pocket the fee.

...This latest Tarantino epic, originally for Miramax and originally set for 2001, has been so long in the works that some people thought it might never see the light of day. Tarantino himself has described it as a Spaghetti Western meets World II film that's an homage to 1967's The Dirty Dozen and its derivative, the more extreme 1978 Italian movie Quel Maledetto Treno Blindato (released in the U.S. under the title Inglorious Bastards) about a group of soldiers on their way to be executed who get the chance of a reprieve.

Today's Godtube Moment

Australia's First Out Olympian

From Towleroad:

Last month, the Sydney Morning Herald announced that Australian Olympic diver Matthew Mitcham had come out of the closet, but Mitcham, in a new interview with Australia's gay newspaper SX, says he's been out since he's 14. Mitcham, who will be Australia's first openly gay Olympian when he competes in Beijing, is now 20.

Says Mitcham: "It’s not really a big deal. It’s not like I’m a different person. It’s not like I was straight before. So nothing really has changed....I came out years ago. All that happened recently was that I was doing an interview with the Herald and there was a pretty innocuous question, ‘Who do I live with?’ and I just said ‘my partner Lachlan’. And the journalist was really excited – she thought it was absolutely wonderful!"

An Ode To Jesse Helms You Don't Want To Miss

From Hitchens:

It seemed somehow profane that Sen. Jesse Helms should have managed to depart this life on the 232nd anniversary of the declaration of American independence. To die on the Fourth of July, one can perhaps be forgiven for feeling, is or ought to be a privilege reserved for men of the stamp of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, both of whom expired on that day in 1826, 50 years after the promulgation of the declaration. One doesn't want the occasion sullied by the obsequies for a senile racist buffoon.

...I make no apology for calling him a provincial redneck, because that, to be fair to him once more, was how he thought of himself and even described himself. It was a scandal that a man with so little knowledge of the outside world should have had such a stranglehold on American foreign policy for so long. He once introduced Benazir Bhutto as the prime minister of India. All right, that could have happened to anybody. But what about the hearings on North Korea in which he made repeated references to "Kim Jong the Second"? In order to prevent any repetition of this idiotic gaffe, Helms' staff propped up a piece of card on which was clearly written the pronunciation "Kim Jong ILL." The senator from North Carolina duly made the adjustment, referring thenceforth to the North Korean despot as "Kim Jong the Third."

Best. 4th of July Parade. Ever.

From Wicked Local:

The long tradition of political satire and bad-taste humor at the Beverly Farms Fourth of July parade went too far this year, at least for three parade judges.

Three angered parade judges quit after several off-color floats poked fun at 17 Gloucester High School girls whose partners impregnated them during the past school year — one of which won an award.

The floats also stirred the ire of Gloucester’s mayor, who said she was “deeply offended” by the floats’ portrayal of teenage pregnancy in her city and has reignited the controversy on a national level, with TV stations picking up the Citizen video of the parade.

Also, skip to the 2:20 mark for their salute to Barack Obama.

Something Else You Can Blame On Hillary

People hating on Michelle:

Hillary became a first-name in a way that Barbara and Betty never did. Everyone managed to project his or her fantasies onto her. For the right, she was a leftist Madame Defarge. She was a closeted lesbian. She was having an affair with Vince Foster. Even on the left, any number of feminist writers blew a gasket over her failure to leave Bill over his infidelity or her seeming to be an enabler. She became a Rorschach test for prurient fantasies of all kinds. Bill Maher, the comedian, this year said that he was voting for Barack Obama but added that he couldn't fathom Hillary-hatred. If you hate Hillary the problem is with you, he said. She is not a hateful person.

...The Hillaryifcation of First Ladydom continues. Teresa Heinz Kerry took her hits in 2004. Once the floodgates are open and a first lady is no longer seen as removed from politics, no one is safe. Thus the right already pillories Michelle Obama.

Granted, Mrs. Obama's ham-handed line about being very, very proud of her country for the first time in her adult life over the presidential bid of her husband struck many as off-putting. But the right making her into a latter-day Angela Davis has twisted that bit of spousal hyperenthusiasm. A cover story on Michelle in the National Review made her out to be a grievance monger. They've made much of her senior thesis at Princeton, where she wrote with great pain about feeling alienated on a campus surrounded by white privilege.

Cindy McCain To Steal More African Black Babies

Unsatisfied with her current collection, John's trollopcunt is going window shopping for yet another negro Hummel to fill that void in her curio cabinet.

PS: Someone tell UNICEF to padlock their med stash.

Well, Fuck You Too

Famous writer of fiction for pedarists, Jim Webb, has announced that he hates Hope™, therefore hating Freedom:

You can officially scratch off Sen. Jim Webb's name from the list of Barack Obama's potential running mates.

The freshmen senator from Virginia and onetime Republican said unequivocally Monday he does not want to be the Illinois senator's No. 2.

"Last week I communicated to Senator Obama and his presidential campaign my firm intention to remain in the United States Senate, where I believe I am best equipped to serve the people of Virginia and this country," Webb said in an issued statement. “Under no circumstances will I be a candidate for Vice President."

Good God

Now there's a Nobama girl.

Today's Hilltard Video

Yes, they're still out there. Here's a hilarious rant by a shirtless sodomist who keeps saying Thundecunt was slaughtered in the primaries. Also, he's mad as hell. Worth watching til the end.

Saturday Night Randomry

Too Bad Helms Won't Be Around This November

B.A. Barackus is only 4.5 points behind in Helm's home state of NC.

Good Riddance

Jesse Helms is dead.

Nothing he has said need be repeated. He was a miserable old fuck filled with poisonous vitriol.




PS: Fuck you, Billy Graham.

In Case You Forgot, Charlie Crist's Wife Is Up For Re-election

Today's Godtube Moment

A star is born.

HOLYCRAPYESTHISISHAPPENING!!!!!!!

Our orange gay governor is getting married to a woman, because it is illegal to have a same-sex marriage in Florida.

Other than the fact that Carole Rome is not a make-believe female, the most interesting aspect of this story is the timing......of dumping a ridiculous story on the 4th of July weekend.

Okay, Charlie. This is for the win. If you wanna be life-partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™, it's gotta sound authentic:

"She's special in every way. She's brilliant, beautiful and sweet. I'm very, very lucky," Crist told the St. Petersburg Times in an exclusive interview.

Crist said he picked out the sapphire and diamond ring on Wednesday at the Gold and Diamond Center in St. Petersburg's Northeast Shopping Center.

No date has been set for the wedding, but Crist, 51, said it would be in St. Petersburg, where he is a member of First United Methodist Church. There probably also will be a reception in Tallahassee.

Special in every way? Dude, you sound like Mary Poppins. All we can picture is you and this beard wife......a wife, right?.......your wife "dishing" on shoes and how many pills Cindy took the night John McCain falls asleep at the podium takes the stage at the convention.

Here's some more:

"We've talked about it quite awhile," said Crist, who proposed to Rome, 38, on Thursday morning in his Bayfront Tower condominium in St. Petersburg.

"God bless her, she said yes," he said. "What better place to do it than the 'Burg," said Crist, who said his parents were "ecstatic."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.


via Halperin / St. Pete Times

Barack Obama: Soccer Mom

Above is some footage from a totally normal soccer game. A totally normal soccer game attended by the Sercret Service where you can't hear the kids over camera shutters OH MY GOD IT'S BARACK OBAMA AT HIS KID'S SOCCER GAME GRAB YOUR CAMERA AND TAKE ONE ZILLION PICTURES AND SEND THIS TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Spoiler Alert: The terrorists win.


via Slate / du

Elderly Panamanian Juan McCain Tried To Kill Sandinista Rebel With Bare Hands

Here's a fun story. Another friend person that has known John McCain for longer than five minutes has verified that the man is indeed batshit fucking crazy .

In this 1987 adventure, WALNUTS! goes on some kind of diplomatic gay cruise to Nicaragua with Thad Cochran and Bob Dole (who has also stated that McCain is a psychogeezer).

Cochran, Dole, and McCain were meeting with some Sandanistas, who turned out out NOT to be delicious cookies. The discussion got heated and suddenly Generalissimo John McCunt snatched one of the Pecan Sandanistas out of his chair, assaulted him, and probably called him a cunt.

From Sun Herald:

Notably mild-mannered Republican Sen. Thad Cochran shocked many earlier this year with comments about John McCain's volatile temper. He has since mended fences with the GOP presidential nominee.

But as first reported at sunherald.com, Cochran told the Sun Herald he witnessed a confrontation between McCain and a Sandinista rebel decades ago in which McCain "got mad at the guy and he just reached over there and snatched him."

...The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine," Cochran told the Globe. "He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."

...But Cochran said he observed McCain engage in a physical confrontation with a Sandinista while participating in a diplomatic mission led by Sen. Bob Dole and others in the fall of 1987. Cochran, McCain - who had won election to the Senate that year - and other members of a bipartisan committee of lawmakers called the Central American Negotiations Observer Group - met with Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, head of the left-wing political party known as Sandinistas, about tensions in the region.

The atmosphere was tense, as the U.S. was pressing "pretty hard." Cochran noticed a disturbance at the meeting table in a room lined with armed personnel.

"McCain was down at the end of the table and we were talking to the head of the guerilla group here at this end of the table and I don't know what attracted my attention," Cochran said. "But I saw some kind of quick movement at the bottom of the table and I looked down there and John had reached over and grabbed this guy by the shirt collar and had snatched him up like he was throwing him up out of the chair to tell him what he thought about him or whatever. I don't know what he was telling him but I thought, good grief, everybody around here has got guns and we were there on a diplomatic mission. I don't know what had happened to provoke John but he obviously got mad at the guy and he just reached over there and snatched him."