Friday, June 13, 2008
Barack Obama Is Destroying America, One Relationship At A Time
From Shenanigans:
Keller, a 27-year-old health care consultant who is backing Obama, told us Wednesday that she had been dating a guy — whom we’ll refer to as Nameless Philly Guy because she declined to name him — for about six months when they suddenly broke up. He said that he was “all wrapped up in the campaign.” And he’s not a campaign staffer. Nor does he live in D.C. Nor does he work in politics — he’s a health care consultant, too. (For now, let’s just ignore the politics of two health care consultants backing Obama.)
“I’m your average girl who likes Us Weekly,” Keller said. “And I read the headlines in The New York Times, sure, but I’m not as in-depth as that. And so there were times when he wanted to go canvass Ohio and I wanted to just hang out with my friends.”
And when they broke up? “I kept thinking, ‘I got dumped for Obama.’ I can’t believe my relationship ended because he was involved with the campaign.”
Obama The Lightworker
You may have heard that Sen. Unicorn is The Messiah, but did you know that he is also a Lightworker who can heal the planet?
From SF Gate:
Here's where it gets gooey. Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Hitchens On The Clintons
From HuffPo:
"The ex-president revealed to a crucial number of people something that many of us already knew: he is a raging psycho," said the Vanity Fair writer. "It's very gratifying to see more people catching up to that now."
Explaining that Sen. Clinton's loss was due in large part to her husband's behavior on the trail, Hitchens, a troublesome grin appearing on his face, concluded: "That pleases me more than I can say. In fact, I think I might orgasm in my trousers."
McCain's Womens' Clinic Is Out Of Toner
When President Juan "WALNUTS!" McCain is elected, he will open his own womens' clinic, headed by Vicki Iseman.
And no, you may not eat babies there.
via BraveNewFilms
Here It Is. Now STFU.
Markos, who is an ex-CIA Buildabear Illuminati, got a copy of St. Barack's Muslim birth certificate.
Yes, he was born in the U.S.
via Kos
Bobby Jindal: Demon Warrior
Before Louisiana Governer Bobby Jindal was a candidate for life partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™, he was a young bright-eyed college student who spent his spare time casting demons out of his friends.
In a 1994 essay he wrote for the New Oxford Review, Jindal describes an encounter with his friend Susan. She had the cancers and started acting wierd and smelling really bad. One night at a prayer meeting, Susan collapsed and had a seizure.....sooooo.....yeh, it was time for a exorcism:
The students, led by Susan's sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, "Satan, I command you to leave this woman." Others exhorted all "demons to leave in the name of Christ." It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.
...Whenever I concentrated long enough to begin prayer, I felt some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe. . . Though I could find no cause for my chest pains, I was very scared of what was happening to me and Susan. I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.
After a few hours, the girl tried to get up and escape, but her friends
Maybe she sensed our weariness; whether by plan or coincidence, Susan chose the perfect opportunity to attempt an escape. She suddenly leapt up and ran for the door, despite the many hands holding her down. This burst of action served to revive the tired group of students and they soon had her restrained once again, this time half kneeling and half standing.
After this didn't work, they tried to get a help from a preacher. He refused, because he realized that they were batshit fucking crazy. Then this:
It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand.
While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence "Jesus is Lord." Over and over, she repeated "Jesus is L..L..LL," often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed "Jesus is Lord."
With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, "Has something happened?" She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief.
So, there you go. And you thought Dick Cheney was creepy.
via TPM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Today's Paultard Video
The tiny hobbit delivers once again with a rant about soldiers, Zionists, Middle Easterns, the Vatican, British Royals, and the Build-A-Bear workshop.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
All The Political Insight You Ever Needed
Meet this guy. He is a political junkie, which means he smokes crack while jacking off to Keith Olbermann's special comment.
See how far you can make it into the video without wanting to punch him in the throat. I made it to about the 30 second mark.
Hilarious Anti-Obama Video
Here's a musical tribute to B.A. Barackus and all his terrorist criminal friends.
And to think someone spent several hours making this.
John Gibson: Giant Douche
From Media Matters:
On the June 6 edition of his Fox News Radio show, John Gibson said to a caller who spoke favorably of Sen. Barack Obama: "You don't know what Barack Obama stands for. You just like him because he's -- he's -- he's like you and you want to see one of you up there, and you don't care what he stands for." The caller responded: "[H]e's not one of me. ... He's not one of me just because he's a black guy or something like that. That doesn't make him one of me. He's standing for him, not me."
Monday, June 9, 2008
Candidates Send Messages To Bitter Shut-ins
It's never too early to start pandering, so Hopey and McNasty sent nice video messages to the 18 million women bitters who love watching that channel with all the cheating and date rape movies.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Jabba The Penn Blames Loss On Clintons Being Hobos
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. So all she needed was a cashfan.
From NY Times:
While everyone loves to talk about the message, campaigns are equally about money and organization. Having raised more than $100 million in 2007, the Clinton campaign found itself without adequate money at the beginning of 2008, and without organizations in a lot of states as a result. Given her successes in high-turnout primary elections and defeats in low-turnout caucuses, that simple fact may just have had a lot more to do with who won than anyone imagines.
BREAKING NEWS: Amy Winehouse Does Drugs And Says Stupid Shit
From News of the World:
In a sequence shot around May 2007—weeks after the couple eloped to wed in Miami—they are in a dingy crack den with Delboy-style bamboo patterned wallpaper.
Amy, 24, and a pal called Sarah giggle as they sing a string of racist lines set to the tune of kiddies' favourite ‘Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.
Blake pretends NOT to record the unfolding events and eggs them on, saying: "Can we have a singsong of it?"
Sarah is at first reluctant but soon warms to the action as Amy enthusiastically sings:
"Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips, Gooks and Nips!
"And deaf and dumb and blind and gay!"
She repeats the first line over again and on the word "Nips" Amy pulls her eyes into slits then pushes her boobs up in a gesture to her nipples.
The girls' efforts are greeted warmly by Blake, who pledges: "Well done. I promise I wasn't recording it."
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