Dying In Style

From Complex Blog:

Bring on the pollutants and harmful toxins—these Diddo Velema, Gucci and Louis Vuitton collaborative gas-masks are going to make fashionistas want to inhale stuff that’ll kill them. The high-fashioned monogrammed, and diamond encrusted headwear was debuted by Velema at the 2008 Luxury Show in Bucharest, Romania and seem to be reserved for the filthy-rich hypochondriacs. Chemical warfare? No biggie, we’re dyin’ in style.

via Sully

Things I Never Wanted To See

Horrifying pictures of Clay Aiken at a handprint ceremony at Planet Hollywood Times Square.

via dlisted

McNasty Denies Fighting...Kinda

Yet another interesting story from the new book, The Real McCain:

Perhaps the most remarkable story of McCain's temper involved Arizona Congressman Rick Renzi. Two former reporters covering McCain, one who witnessed the following events and one who confirmed the facts provided by the first, relayed it to me as follows: In 2006, the Arizona Republican congressional delegation had a strategy meeting. McCain repeatedly addressed two new members, congressmen Trent Franks and Rick Renzi, as 'boy.' Finally, Renzi, a former college linebacker, rose from his chair and said to McCain, "You call me that one more time and I'll kick your old ass." McCain lunged at Renzi, punches were thrown, and the two had to be physically separated. After they went to their separate offices, McCain called Renzi and demanded an apology. Renzi refused. Apparently this posture made McCain admire him, as they became fast friends.

Yesterday, the elderly Juan McCain went on FOX to dispute the account:



via HuffPo

Fundies Freak Over French Fries

McDonald's has joined the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Among the NGLCC's agenda are the promotion of hate crimes legislation and the ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act.)

Jesus huggers are freaking the fuck out.

Take this one:

In exchange for the donation, a McDonald's senior executive has been placed on the board of the pro-homosexual group. Wildmon says the chain's decision is baffling. "And this is so strange, because it's the family that McDonald's appeals to -- children's playland, you know, all the little toys, all of that," Wildmon shares. "And they are promoting a lifestyle that would utterly destroy the traditional family."

..."If a person really wants to make an impact," Wildmon encourages, "call your local McDonald's and say, 'As long as you are members of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, I'm going to have to seriously consider whether or not I'm going to continue to come to your restaurant and bring my family to your restaurant.'"

Or this one:

Not today, in light of reports that McDonald's has decided, apparently, to declare war on my family. And to declare war on the civilization of liberty, independence, creativity, and humanity under God that my Dad fought for in World War II.

...A hamburger's worth giving up and giving in to all that?

Hardly.

McDonald's is now on trial.

The fries are good. Even great. But the worldview they support isn't fit for human consumption.

Maybe we'll stop by Chick-Fil-A instead. It's a little out of the way, but I hear they like families.

See, gays?

Why do you hate America?

via Sully

Once Again, Food Leads To Orgy Scandal

This story makes the Three-For-All look like Sunday School.

From Wonkette:

Ohio is blowing up with the biggest scandal of all time, in politics. Its Attorney General, Marc Dann, may be involved in an investigation into whether one of his top managers, Anthony Gutierrez, sexually harassed two ladies. Dann may have lured these two ladies over to his and Gutierrez's condo with promises of Hawaiian pizza, and penises.

Today's Godtube Moment

Def Jesus Jam

Holocaust Porn

From Gawker:

Opening today at New York's Film Forum: Stalags, a new documentary about pornographic paperbacks that were quite popular in Israel in the 1960s. They took place in Nazi concentration camps. They were full of pervy sado-masochism. They made the Holocaust sound like kinky fun. They were written by, and for, Israeli Jews, under American-sounding pseudonyms. The books were all about male prisoners being raped and tortured by "curvaceous female Nazi guards." The film argues that they perhaps helped Israeli Jews "discuss" the Holocaust for the first time since the war ended. So: Holocaust porn, for Holocaust survivors. Surely this beats cancer jokes for uncomfortable discussion topics. How does it stand up against American Marines killing puppies? What does it mean that as a culture it took us almost a decade longer to laugh about the Holocaust than to jerk off to it?

via Gawker

Why Hillary Surrounds Herself With "Girly Men"

Paglia explains the phenomenon:

I agree that the male staff who Hillary attracts are slick, geeky weasels or rancid, asexual cream puffs. (One of the latter, the insufferable Mark Penn, just got the heave-ho after he played Hillary for a patsy with the Colombian government.) If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say Hillary is reconstituting the toxic hierarchy of her childhood household, with her on top instead of her drill-sergeant father. All those seething beta males (as you so aptly describe them) are versions of her sad-sack brothers, who got the short end of the Rodham DNA stick.

via Salon

Today's Hilltard Video

Children Are Our Future....Unfortunately

From First Time Voters:

To explore this potentially historic turnout by people age 18 to 24, The Journal News and LoHud.com have prepared a special multi-media report on First-time Voters in which we hear young people's concerns in their own words online and in print. We also asked new citizens voting for the first time to share their experiences, and more seasoned voters to share their memories of their first votes in a presidential election.

Here's Michael from New York.

Juan McCain Has Another Senior Moment At Iraq Hearing

Poor Pawpaw. He just can't seem to get his A-rabs right.

College Kid Throws Rove Under The Bus

Iranian Blogosphere

From Harvard:

Given the repressive political and media environment, and high profile arrests and harassment of bloggers, one might not expect to find much political contestation in the blogosphere. However, we identified a subset of the secular/reformist pole focused intently on politics and current affairs and comprised mainly of bloggers living inside Iran, which is linked in contentious dialog with the conservative political sub-cluster. Surprisingly, a minority of bloggers in the secular/reformist pole appear to blog anonymously, even in the more politically-oriented part of it; instead, it is more common for bloggers in the religious/conservative pole to blog anonymously.

via Berkman Center for Internet & Society

"You Can Have Your Tiger Woods..."

Pawpaw McCain has some pretty racist friends that say pretty fucking racist things on the campaign trail. But, that's okay.

He's a war hero.

Like Pawpaw.

From HuffPo:

At a campaign stop today, Sen. John McCain's introductory speaker took a sharp and potentially sensitive swipe at Sen. Barack Obama, saying that McCain was "the real audacity of hope" and not just a political "Tiger Woods."

Former Army Staff Sergeant David Bellavia, who introduced the Arizona senator at a Vets For Freedom rally, sought to contrast McCain's "lifetime of service to our nation" against the lack of resolve of his political opponents. And while he never addressed Obama by name, he did offer this nugget.

"Rest assured," he told the crowd, "that men like Senator McCain will be the goal and the men that my two young boys will emulate and admire. You can have your Tiger Woods, we've got Senator McCain."

HOLY CRAP, IT TALKS!!!

No, that is not the world's largest water bottle. It's the world's tiniest teenager:

A teenager from India who stands at a tiny 1ft 11in (58cm) tall is the smallest girl in the world.

Jyoti Amge, 14, is shorter than the average two-year-old child and only weighs 11lb (5kg

She has a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia and won't grow any taller than her current height.

Due to her size, Jyoti has to have clothes and jewellery made for her. She sleeps in a tiny bed and uses special plates and cutlery to eat, as normal-sized utensils are too big.

Despite this, she goes to a regular school in Nagpur, central India, where she has her own small desk and chair, and her classmates treat her like any other student.

via Daily Mail

'Cause We Just Can't Get Enough Of Craig Stevens

Here's the latest chapter in the Craig Stevens vlog saga.

Craig and beard girlfriend Janine went to Spamalot and got backstage. Then Craig blows his wad when he gets a sneak peek at......wait for it.......wait for it......COSTUMES!!!:

Hey y'all, so i just had like the best day of my life. Janine and i went backstage at broadway's Spamalot(a spoof on Camelot...lmao!)This show stars Clay Aikens from American Idol. We had so much fun and met our first friends on broadway! Stay tuned for more...

Best line of the video: "Unfortunately, I was waiting outside and Clay did not come out."

Nor will he, little Craigy. Nor will he.



via the Youtubes

Danny Noriega's Cry For Relevancy

Someone just please let him sing somewhere.

Hillary Clinton: Hometown.....EVERYWHERE

The carpetbagging Sen. Thundercunt has called Illinois, Arkansas, D.C., and NY home. Now she has another city to add to the list, just in time for the Pennsylvania primary.

Home of Dunder Mifflin.

Romney Family Reunion Probed By Authorities

What could be more innocent than a cultist compound filled with underage pregnant brides?:

State authorities had taken legal custody of 401 children, saying they had been harmed or were in imminent danger of harm. Officials continued searching the compound on Tuesday.

The raid on the compound founded by jailed polygamist leader Warren Jeffs started with a call from a 16-year-old who alleged abuse.

Authorities were looking for evidence that the girl, who allegedly gave birth at 15, was married to a 50-year-old, and for records related to other mothers aged 17 and younger. Even with their parents' permission, Texas law forbids girls younger than 16 to marry.

Some 133 women left the ranch voluntarily with the children and were being housed at a historic fort here while authorities conduct interviews. Dressed in ankle-length dresses with their hair pinned up in braids, the women milled about Monday as the children played on the fort's old parade grounds.

Merrill Jessop, who oversees the ranch and is a presiding elder in the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, told the Salt Lake Tribune that officers conducting the search were collecting cell phones "as fast as they can find them." He said the men were becoming worried about their wives and children because they have no Internet or television access.

So much for VP Mittens :(

via Breitbart

Hitch Calls Sully A Lesbian

When you get two of the biggest queens in the same room, hilarity ensues:

Summary: On MSNBC's Tim Russert, responding to Christopher Hitchens, Andrew Sullivan said, "And now you've made me forget my second point," to which Hitchens replied, "Oh, well, don't be such a lesbian. Get on with it."



via Media Matters

Mark Penn To Pay For Own Enormous Food Bill

Jabba the Penn has resigned has Thundercunt's chief strategist:

His resignation came after a politically embarrassing week during which it was reported that he met with Colombia's ambassador to the U.S. to discuss passage of a bilateral free-trade agreement -- a pact Clinton opposes.

Howard Wolfson, a spokesman for the campaign who will now coordinate Clinton's "strategic message" told the Huffington Post that Penn offered up his resignation to the Senator on Sunday and that she accepted. Penn's firm, however, will continue to be involved in the campaign's polling.

When not working at his firm, Penn, Schoen and Berland Associates, Inc., Mark will fill his hours eating by the fist full a Sam's Club 5-gallon vat of Crisco.

via HuffPo

Volatile Juan McCain Calls Wife Cunt

While it's no secret that the elderly John McCain has quite a temper, we've mostly heard stories of his ire being directed at colleagues. Until now.

Here's a gem from the new McNasty biography, The Real McCain:

Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days.

Not to worry. Cougar McCain was so hopped up on Vicodin at the time she had no idea what was going on.

via The Raw Story

How To Make Ridiculous Election Cycle Even Worse

West Wing writer Lawrence O'Donnell has written an imaginary movie script of brokered Dem convention:

Barack: So, I’d be your VP and Bill would be what? Your executive vice-president?
Hillary: Don’t worry about Bill.
Barack: I’d worry about him a lot less if he was my VP’s husband.
Hillary: I don’t want to be VP.
Barack: Been there, done that?
Hillary: Kinda, yeah. And I learned a lot.
Barack smiles—here we go with the Hillary’s-experience bullshit.
Hillary: Talk to Al Gore about what he learned as VP.
Barack: I think he learned it’s a dead end.
Hillary: You don’t—
Barack: Hillary, I care about two things exactly as much as you do: the party and getting the nomination.
Hillary: You mean you don’t give a shit about the party and you’d kill to get the nomination?
Barack (smiles): You wearing a wire? (beat) You know, all that ugly ink you’ve been getting all summer about destroying the party, handing the election to McCain—there’s only one person who can make that go away. Me. That brilliant acceptance speech you’re expecting me to give can put you back where you belong—hero of the Democratic Party—can put your husband back where he belongs—respected statesman. Nothing else can.

via NY Mag

McCain Girls Are Back

And proving they are just as bad as Godtube, they ruin another song that I used to like.

We're Back

Sometimes, it's just a good idea to step out of this whole election news bullshit to get perspective on the real world.

Maybe it was the continuous sniping of the candidates. Maybe it was the ever-flowing verbal diarreah out of the mouths of cable news talking heads. More thank likely it was the fact that if I saw that yellow fucking pantsuit one more time I would have wrapped my mouse cord around my neck and ended it all.

So, that being said, here are some non-news things we here at brickbat learned over the extended extended weekend:

1) Elderly people are are actually tolerable at casinos. Not nasty at all. Probably due to the combination of medication and flashing lights.

2) If you look like you're 16, expect half of your time at a casino to be filled with showing pit bosses and leggy cocktail waitresses your I.D. The other half of your time will be filled waiting for the same leggy waitress to bring you your fucking drink.

3) You can only get your money's worth out of $22 buffets by slamming mimosas. It def won't be gotten by eating the food.

4) Slot machines are ridiculous these days. Too many buttons. Since when do I have to hit 3 buttons and then pull a lever, hoping to match 5 Jango Fetts just to win $5?

5) Never follow 12 hours continuous hours of gambling by going to some hippy music fest in the woods.

6) If you do, never audibly make fun of Ron Paul unless you wanna get the stank eye the rest of the night by a bunch of dirty wannabe hippies.

7) Hippies can't stand silence. If a band stops, drum circles begin. Immediately.

8) You can't escape politics by going to said music fest. All bands hate W, war machines, the federal reserve, and most things that do not involve L. Ron Paultard.

9) Hippies are actually dirty filthy people who don't pick up trash, and therefore hate Mother Earth.

10) I'm getting older because I hate hippies.