Terrorist Nomenclature

Barry Hussein isn't the only candidate with name problems.

From Wonkette:

This is Bill Cahir, Iraq War veteran hero and Democratic congressional candidate from Pennsylvania's 5th district. His last name is pronounced "Care," as in "Care Bears." Here is a video of him trying to explain the pronunciation to Pennsylvania's rural voters, who don't buy his fancy-pants space alien phonics.



via Wonkette

Barry Hussein Hates His Future Jewish Veep

Non-9/11 NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg introduced St. Barack of Obama at a speech today, so that def means they are going steady:

Those who love the Veepstakes will enjoy today's Obama speech, not for the substance but for the person who will introduce him: Michael Bloomberg. While the mayor says he's not endorsing anyone (yet?), this is the second time Bloomberg has given Obama a high profile photo-op (remember the meeting at that diner a few months back?). As for Obama's economic speech, per the campaign, "Obama takes on special interests for housing/economic crisis; lays out principles for new regulatory framework." Obama, himself, previewed the speech on the plane yesterday. "I will be giving some, I will be outlining, my thoughts on the current state of the economy. How we got there and some very specific prescriptions, what helped trigger the financial crisis and the financial problems." But it will be the potential of Obama-Bloomberg that could be the most important take-away. In fact, considering that anti-Israel sentiments being expressed by the Rev. Wright in these newly circulating church bulletins (see Andrea Mitchell’s reporting on TODAY below in the Obama section). A fortunate thing for Obama is at least these church bulletins aren’t video. The idea of a Jewish running mate might end up making more and more sense for Obama as the summer wears on.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the world is busy trying to prove that Barry Hussein is a dangerous terrorists whose church bulletins hated Anne Frank:

Middle America, I'm sure this sort of stuff appears in your church bulletins all the time.



Israel and South Africa worked on "ethnic bombs" to kill blacks and Arabs, and Libya was designated as a terrorist state by the U.S. for supporting African liberation movements?

There is more nuttiness here than in a Payday bar, but rest assured that Barack Obama never saw this bulletin, and certainly doesn't agree with it, just as he's never seen or agreed with any of the other insanities that have been uttered in his church of choice over the past 20 years

You know, because everyone else's church is free from teh crazy.



via MSNBC / Confederate Yankee

Mexican Emo Judgement Day 2008™

Thinking about wearing your sister's pants while on spring break in Acapulco? Think again.

Angry Messicans are flooding the streets looking for emo boy-kissers:

A bizarre wave of mob emo-bashings is sweeping across Mexico. The movement is being generated on message boards and social networking sites by non-emo youth who highly dislike like the emo look and attitude.

The spark came first in Queretaro on March 7. An estimated 800 young people poured into the city's Centro Historico hunting for emos to beat the crap out of. They found some. The next weekend it spread to Mexico City, where emos faced off against punks and rockabillies at the Glorieta de Insurgents, the epicenter of emo social space in the capital. There's also been reports of anti-emo violence in Durango, Colima, and elsewhere.



Now the emus are fighting back, presumably by throwing hair brushes or razors that were already lodged in their arms.

via Intersections

We Are Clinton

via Sully

Happy Anniversary

Two Virginia men will celebrate 50 years together in April:

Cook, an 88-year-old retired teacher and school counselor, and Cole, a 78-year-old retired physician, are poised to celebrate their 50th anniversary April 15 with a cocktail party among friends. At last week’s Servicemembers Legal Defense Network dinner in Washington, the two were recognized on stage for reaching their Golden Anniversary.

During a lengthy phone interview last week from their second home in Virginia Beach, the two recalled the fateful 1958 cocktail party where they met in Farmville, Va.

“We were introduced and we found each other attractive and pleasant and nice and so we started going together,” Cook says.

...“We have traveled the world, we have made money, we have a host of friends throughout the world and we continue to have a very wonderful life together.”

via Towleroad

Condi Will Be Juan McCain's Veep. Someone Said So.

Condi gave a speech yesterday morning at the gathering of Americans for Tax Reform. This obviously means she has beaten out the Florida Orange Governor for the coveted slot of life partner to Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™:

At the semi-secret gatherings which Republican political hopefuls migrate to to get the blessing of not only Norquist but the diverse parts of the nation's conservative money and political machinery, Norquist gives everyone in the room 3 minutes to pitch their cause or issue. I have attended before, but if one wants to attend again -- no one may write or speak about the internal discussion or who attended.

In this case, however, I am not attending -- but a source other than Norquist has leaked this information to The Washington Note and As one major Republican operative told me yesterday:

Someone like Condi Rice doesn't go to Grover Norquist's den to talk about the Annapolis Middle East peace process. She's going to secure her future in Republican politics and to position herself as a 'potential' VP candidate on the McCain ticket.

So there.

via HuffPo

Chelsea Clinton Drank Coffee Or Didn't While America Was Attacked

Famous Bosnian War Veteran Hillary Clinton is in trouble again for mispeaking. This time it's about where daughter Chelsea was during the attacks on 9/11:

After Sept. 11, Hillary had a problem. New Yorkers were desperately focused on their own need for protection and they were saddled with a senator who was not one of them — an Arkansan, or was it a Chicagoan?

Interviewed on the “Today Show” one week after Sept. 11, she spun an elaborate yarn. The kindest thing we could say was that it was a fantasy. Or a fabrication.

She said that Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade Center on Sept. 11 and happened to duck into a coffee shop when the airplanes hit. She said that this move saved Chelsea’s life. But Chelsea told Talk magazine that she was in a friend’s apartment four miles from ground zero when the first plane hit. Her friend called her, waking her up, and told her to turn on the TV. On television, she saw the second plane hit, disproving Hillary’s claim that “she heard the plane hit. She heard it. She did.”

So why did Hillary make up the story about Chelsea? Most likely to was because her co-senator (and implicit rival for the voters’ affection), a real New Yorker, Charles Schumer (D), spoke of his daughter, who attended Stuyvesant High School, located next to the Trade Center, being at real risk on Sept. 11. Hillary needed to make herself part of the scene.

What this story doesn't tell you is that Chelsea was actually under sniper fire and ducked into the nearest Starbucks while Barack Obama parachuted out of one of the planes right before it hit.

Atleast that's what'll be on the next Clinton ad in Pennsylvania.

via The Hill

Pat Robertson's Dry Erase Board Teaches You All You Need To Know

Take that, Xenu!

Chuck Norris Wants To Cut Lesbians' Noses

Famous literary figure and friend of Baby Jeebus, Chuck Norris, writes a blog for Townhall. Today's installment did not disappoint:

Is encouraging or teaching about homosexuality what our Founders expected for the public education system they started? Even the most liberal among them opposed it. For example, Thomas Jefferson drafted a bill concerning the criminal laws of Virginia, in which he proposed that the penalty for sexual deviance should be unique corporal punishment. Jefferson's views were indeed representative of early America:

"Whosoever shall be guilty of Rape, Polygamy, or Sodomy with man or woman shall be punished, if a man, by castration, if a woman, by cutting thro' the cartilage of her nose a hole of one half inch diameter at the least." Can you imagine a statesman proposing such a law today?

No Chuck, I can't. That was over 200 years ago, when Juan McCain first ran for the Continental Congress.

That and the fact you probably just made it up.

Next week's post should be great. I heard it's about the time that Chuck, Hillary Clinton, and Thomas Jefferson made a daring visit to Middle-Earth while ducking sniper fire.

via Townhall

Walmart Sues Brain-damaged Employee

Fropm BraveNewFilms:

Debbie Shank used to stock shelves at night for Wal-Mart so she could spend time in the afternoons with her three sons. Now she lives in a nursing home, requires around-the-clock medical care and owes Wal-Mart almost $500,000.

The story of the Shank family is heartbreaking in the sense that it could happen to anyone. Driving home one night, Debbie's car was hit by a tractor-trailier, leaving her brain-damaged and paralyzed. After collecting health insurance money for hospital bills (Debbie's policy with Wal-Mart paid for over $400,000 worth of emergency care), the Shanks sued the trucking company responsible for the accident, hoping to provide for Debbie's long term needs.

Now Wal-Mart has sued the Shanks, citing a line of fine print in Debbie's insurance policy that entitles the company to any lawsuit settlement. Wal-Mart intends to collect $470,000 from the Shanks, despite the fact that this will undoubtedly bankrupt Debbie's family.



via BraveNewFilms

Today's Godtube Moment

Jesus: Identity Theft Victim

Bosnia: The Missing Footage

Gov. Charlie Crist's Fondness For Women.......'s Handbags

The Florida Orange (or would that be Orange Florida?) Governor is totally straight, okay?

Even if he does queen out at gay bars after getting tipsy off of three Mint Juleps.

Americablog reports on the possible future life-partner of Juan McCain's 100 Year Crusade Against Gay Messican Abortions™:

For some reason, the Florida press is pushing several stories feeding the notion that Republican Governor Charlie Crist really likes women. Could this have something to do with rumors that the very-single and always-tan Mr. Crist is being considered as a VP choice for John McCain? (There are other rumors too.) There's this, which is embarrassing enough ("chick magnet"? Yeah, right), and then there's this from his dad, regarding his son's "fondness" for women:

"Always! I mean, I can't keep up with him. And they like him, too."

via Amerciablog / Towleroad

Elderly Panamanian Juan McCain Endorsed By Nancy Reagan's Tarot Cards

Hooray for WALNUTS! The endorsements just keep getting better and better. This time it's from former First Lady of Astrology Nancy Reagan.

Let's hear from the elderly stars of Cocoon III:

People Still Talking About Giving Gore Job He Doesn't Want

Not content with letting President of Earth/Saviour of Baby Seals Al Gore live in peace while saving drowing polar bears, talking heads still float the idea of Gore being the only hope to save the Dem party:

U.S. Rep. Tim Mahoney, whose district includes much of Martin and St. Lucie counties, is hoping he won’t have to attend the Democratic Party national convention in Denver in August.

If he does go, that will mean the Democrats still haven’t decided a nominee for the presidential election. And if neither Sen. Hillary Clinton nor Sen. Barack Obama has clinched the nomination by August, Mahoney says we may see a brokered convention, meaning the nominee could emerge from a negotiated settlement.

“If it (the nomination process) goes into the convention, don’t be surprised if someone different is at the top of the ticket,” Mahoney said.

A compromise candidate could be someone such as former vice president Al Gore, Mahoney said last week during a meeting with this news organization’s editorial board.

If either Clinton or Obama suggested to a deadlocked convention a ticket of Gore-Clinton or Gore-Obama, the Democratic Party would accept it, Mahoney said.

At this point, I think the Dems would accept the mummified corpse of FDR as the nominee.

via TCPalm

Rest Easy

Worried about the Dem nomination process turning into the clusterfuck we all know it will? Rest your little head. Harry Reid is on the case:

Question: Do you still think the Democratic race can be resolved before the convention?

Reid: Easy.

Q: How is that?

Reid: It will be done.

Q: It just will?

Reid: Yep.

Q: Magically?

Reid: No, it will be done. I had a conversation with Governor Dean (Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean) today. Things are being done.

And by things are being done, Harry means he and Howard Dean will end up dumping one of their bodies in the Nevada desert.

via Las Vegas Review Journal

Speaking Of Bosnia

CBS wants to delve a little deeper.

Time For A Good Ol' Fashioned Church-off

In an attempt to deflect criticism from this whole "I said I was under sniper fire, but what I really meant was I hugged some girl and got flowers" thing, Sen. Thundercunt is now attacking Sen. Unicorn over Rev. Wright.

Again.

Today's Hilltard Video

What the fuck is that?

It's talking.

I think.

Douchebag of the Day: Nick Snider

Once again, this glorious series of tubes has outed another DOTD.

From Gawker:

Nick Snider is very young and oddly gorgeous — that's probably why at 19, he's already a top model, posing for Prada and others! Unfortunately, he ruins it with his nasty attitude, showcased on YouTube and aimed towards that scourge of modern society, "haters." Example: "Maybe you're just like, old and ugly... or, maybe you just don't have the body for [modeling.]" Also? "Seriously, who uses LiveJournal anymore? Nooobody fuckin' 'uses Livejournal." Update: Damn! Video deleted in record time. We found a way better one: it involves lip-synching to Miley Cyrus!




via Gawker

Bubba on Teh Gayz

From Sully:

Watch him get testy when confronted with his own record on gay equality - going after a college student. And accusing her of "re-writing history." The facts are these: under Bill Clinton the rate of discharges of gay people from the military doubled; under Bill Clinton, the Defense Of Marriage Act did not only simply enshrine the pre-existing right of some states not to recognize the civil marriages of other states - as he misleadingly states - but barred all of us gay couples from any rights on a federal level; Bill Clinton cited the Defense of Marriage Act in re-election campaign ads in the South. Even now, he claims that repealing DOMA would lead to more persecution of gays, because more states would allegedly pass anti-gay constitutional amendments. But there are very very few left that could do more to stigmatize gay couples than currently do. And he still resists any defense of gay equality in substance seeing it entirely, as he did in office, as a matter of partisan positioning.

Just as he left any mention of any gay people and any gay appointees out of his interminable autobiography, he still will not stand up for gay equality when confronted by the next generation. Anyway, check it out for yourself:




via Sully

Fredneck Wakes From Hibernation To Punish Us With More Shitty Acting

Former part-time presidential candidate / master thesbian Fred "Big Al" Thompson has just signed an acting deal:

Former Republican presidential hopeful Fred Thompson is returning to his career as an actor and signed a deal to be represented by the William Morris Agency, the talent group said on Monday.

Thompson, a former U.S. senator from Tennessee, is best known in the entertainment world for portraying New York District Attorney Arthur Branch on the television crime drama "Law & Order," but has appeared in numerous films and TV shows over the years.

Wanna know what you're in for? Here's a taste:



Because of this, I officially volunteer to chair the "Draft Fred for 2012" campaign.

via Reuters

Guess Who's Still A Douchebag?

Yup.

To Catch A Mayor

Texas is pretty fucked up. How fucked up? Fucked up enough to have a registered sex offender run for mayor of one of it's cities.

Inspired by the heroic tale of Carl Stanley McGee, Brian Sliter is running for mayor of Wilmer, Texas. People are all upset and stuff just because he was caught in a police sting while trying to bone a 15yo girl:

Brian Sliter said late Friday he accepts responsibility for his arrest and has received counseling that has helped "turn my life around."

"I don't expect anybody in the public to condone what I did and I don't expect anybody to forgive what I did," said Sliter, 42. "What I do hope is people look at my current character ... . People can rehabilitate and make themselves a better person."

Sliter was arrested after arranging a meeting with whom he thought was a teenager, according to state records. He was charged with attempting to commit sexual assault of a child and placed on 10 years probation, records show.

Sliter is eligible to run for office in Wilmer, a town of about 3,400 just south of Dallas, because he was never convicted. He received deferred adjudication, which means he will not be convicted if he successfully completes probation.

"Someone told me, `Make something positive come from this,'" Sliter said. "I feel really bad about it, really embarrassed about it, really awful about it. I am really glad there is no direct victim. I thank God for that every day."


via AP

Barack's On Vacation And You Should Care

Atleast that's the opinion of CNN. They sent a stalker reporter to catch video of Barry Hussein.......talking on his phone.

The Obama family is vacationing in St. Thomas. That is the island formerly known as St. Thomas, currently known as St. Obama.



via CNN