If you're a GOP Congressman in a very close reelection year, in a moderate district, it's probably not a good idea to try and make out with W.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
What I Watched Last Night
I watched the Florida returns on MSNBC. Chris Matthews and Kieth Olbermann reamed Hillz the whole night.
It was heaven.
It was heaven.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Hookhand Monster for Senate
I know it's way wrong to find this funny, but it is. Steve Novick is running for US Senate in Oregon. He's 4'9" and has a steel hook for a left hand.
Following is the baddestass campaign video EVER. See you all in hell:
via novickforsenate.com
Hitch Reams Billary
Best parts:
This calculated willingness to shop on both sides of the street of racial politics was actually analyzed quite shrewdly by Dick Morris, the former consigliere of the gruesome twosome, in conversation with Sean Hannity last week. The Clintons, he thought, would be quite happy to lose big to the "black vote" in South Carolina. It would enable them to signal that they were the ones to stem the flow of the color tide. Morris' host protested that this seemed a touch cynical. Morris jovially assured him that he knew the people he was talking about.
As indeed he did. It was Hillary Clinton who insisted on recalling Morris to the embattled White House, notwithstanding his various disgraces and notwithstanding the fact that he had been the adviser and strategist for Jesse Helms of North Carolina. Why am I saying "notwithstanding"? It was because he had performed so well for Helms, including helping him with the famous "white hands" ad that showed a white man crumpling up a letter that told him of preference for "minorities" in hiring, that Morris was thought of by the then-first lady as such a guru.
And:
I never quite understand how the Clintons' initial exploitation of racism was overlooked the first time around and has been airbrushed from the record since. After falling behind in the New Hampshire primary in 1992, and after being caught lying about the affair with Gennifer Flowers to which he later confessed under oath, Clinton left the campaign trail and flew home to Arkansas to give the maximum publicity to his decision to sign a death warrant for Ricky Ray Rector. Rector was a black inmate on death row who had shot himself in the head after committing a double murder and, instead of dying as a result, had achieved the same effect as a lobotomy would have done. He never understood the charge against him or the sentence. After being served his last meal, he left the pecan pie on the side of the tray, as he told the guards who came to take him to the execution chamber, "for later." Several police and prison-officer witnesses expressed extreme queasiness at this execution of a gravely impaired man, and the prison chaplain, Dennis Pigman, later resigned from the prison service. The whole dismal and cruel and pathetic story was told by Marshall Frady in a long essay in The New Yorker in 1993 and is also recounted in a chapter titled "Chameleon in Black and White" by your humble servant in his book No One Left To Lie To. For now, I just ask you to imagine what would have been said if a Republican governor, falling in the polls, had gone out of his way to execute a mentally incompetent African-American prisoner.
via Christopher Hitchens at Slate
BREAKING NEWS: Clintons are Scam Artists
photo via Paul J. Richards/Scanpix
Great piece from Paul Loeb:
Hillary Clinton is now campaigning in Florida and arguing that the state's delegates should count, along with those from the Michigan primary. This would sound fair enough, unless you know that both Michigan and Florida moved their primaries up after the Democrats agreed that the only states to vote before February 5th ("Super Tuesday") would be Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina (picked because they were relatively small states, representing different demographics). The Democratic Party agreed that votes from the two renegade primaries would not count. The major candidates made an explicit agreement not to campaign in either state. Florida law required that all candidates keep their names on, but Obama and Edwards pulled their names from the Michigan ballot.
Now Clinton is trying to change the rules mid-game. She's arguing that her delegates from Michigan should count after all. (Running essentially unopposed, and with a netroots campaign to get Democrats to cross over and vote for Romney, she still got only 55% of the vote, since 40% voted "uncommitted" and Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel -- and Chris Dodd, who'd already dropped out -- split the remaining 5%.) She's campaigning in Florida with a wink and a nod (doing closed talks and photo ops, not public rallies), while trying to get those delegates to count too. She seems to be banking on the hope that a Florida win, even if only symbolic, will erase Obama's momentum from his massive South Carolina victory.
via Paul Loeb at HuffPo
Florida Election Day V.2.008
Today is an election day in the great State of Florida, so you know what that means. Drum roll please.....................
VOTING GLITCHES!!! HOORAY!!!
Sun-Sentinel reports:
At Kings Point west of Delray Beach, voters faced delays because a poll worker mistakenly shut down the voting machines, Anderson said.
"Someone accidentally turned them off," he said during a visit to H.L. Johnson Elementary School in Royal Palm Beach, where voting was occurring normally.
Also:
At Precinct 5014, a fire station west of Boynton Beach on Jog Road, voters faced a delayed opening of a polling station, according to Adams.
"That is where equipment was delivered to a neighboring precinct yesterday, and so it was late in getting set up," said Adams, noting that the location opened at 8:15 a.m. instead of the normal 7 a.m. opening
Either way, it doesn't matter to me that my vote will be burned after i cast it. I'm a registered Indy, so that means I only get to vote on the totes boring homestead exemption ammendment.
So....whatever. Katherine Harris can stuff her bra / wipe her ass with my ballot. Nothing can stop Kitty from making George W President of the Universe for Eternity.
via Sun-Sentinel
Crazy Tom Cruise Also A Sucker
I have conflicting emotions.
One one hand, I'm still emo over Heath, so anyone trying to take advantage of his death by posing as his father to get free schwag and condolences from movie stars disgusts me.
On the other, when it's Tom Cruise involved, that....that's just fucking gold:
Heath Ledger's father set about the sad task of gathering personal effects today from his son's SoHo apartment.
Kim Ledger, a race-car driver, was spotted today outside the apartment where his son died last week. He arrived in New York on a flight from LA yesterday.
While Ledger visited the apartment, police were still trying to find a twisted impostor pretending to be the grieving father. The imposter cruelly duped superstar Tom Cruise into consoling him over the phone - and nearly got John Travolta to buy him a plane ticket to the United States, sources told The Post.
To which Tommy replied:
via NY Post
SOTU Ice Fest
photos via AP
W's last State of the Union was last night. I didn't get to watch it live, but did watch some highlights. Apparently the best parts were before Bushie started talking about the economies and scary brown people or whatever.
Above is a picture where Hillz reaches across to shake Ted Kennedy's hand, and Barry turns his back. The horror!!!
Below is a picture where, I guess, Barry is scouting the perfect place to drive a stake in her heart.
AP reports:
Rival Democrats Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama came within a foot of one another just before President Bush's State of the Union speech Monday night and managed not to acknowledge each other.
It was quite a feat, given the packed House floor, the customary bear-hugging and jostling among other members. Then a doorkeeper sat the rivals in the same row, only an aisle and four senators between them.
Sen. Edward M. Kennedy was not caught in the middle. The Democrat from the iconic political family had taken sides earlier in the day when he endorsed Obama over Clinton. Kennedy was seated beside Obama, away from Clinton.
CNN elaborates:
When Clinton straightened up, Kennedy quickly reached across Barack Obama to shake Clinton’s hand. She took it. As they spoke, Obama turned away. Then the senators seated to Obama’s right – Ben Nelson and Ken Salazar — both shook Senator Clinton’s hand and talked to her. Instead of doing the same, Obama turned to look at the back of the room. Sen. Claire McCaskill, who has also endorsed Obama and was seated next to Kennedy, reached across the Massachusetts senator — who was still talking to Clinton — and tapped Obama (still twisted toward the back of the room) on the shoulder. McCaskill engaged Obama in conversation until the moment passed.
Another interesting part:
In other handshaking news, Bush shook Obama's hand after the speech but not Clinton's.
Maybe this is why...
via AP & CNN
Monday, January 28, 2008
Super Mormo Heads to Celestial Planet
Gordon Hinckley, the head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, died Sunday. He was 97.
What did Mittens have to say?
"He had a great capacity and great ability to reach out and touch a large number of people with a very personal and human connection," said Romney on Monday morning at a 6:00 a.m. press conference held in front of a Texaco station. "His humanity and gentleness will always be part of the memory we have."
Then he pulled over the car and cried like the little magic pajama ninja sissy he is.
via NY Times / Politico
FWB / Panama Shitty Blue Hair Battle
Today's NWF Daily News and Panama Shitty Herald battle it out to see who can write the sappiest piece on people who are way old.
First up, Panama Shitty scares the shit out of me as they follow their 100 yo dinosaur on a car ride:
Not to be outdone, NWF Daily News interviews a former Air Force commander:
Throughout his 35-year Air Force career, he has been commander of Hickam and Eglin Air Force bases, as well as Payne Field, which is now Cairo International Airport.
He also flew more than 60 kinds of aircraft.
Now, he enjoys playing the stock market. “I find it a very interesting game — not that I do so well on it, but it is interesting.”
No wonder he isn't doing so well. Turns out the poor guy wasn't even on E*Trade, but 2girls1cup.
via NWF Daily News / News Herald
Gay Clay Aiken Doesn't Heart Seks
Macho hipster Clay Aiken, seen above doing his dead on Al Gore impersonation, sat down with New York Magazine to rap about his upcoming stint on Camelot.
In the interview, he claims he never has seks nor the desire to.
"Let's not fool ourselves," he says with his eyebrows up in his arch, queeny way. "The truth is? There are people like Justin Timberlake, males who are cool on radio right now, and then there's me. If I heard myself in a dance club? If I went into a dance club--which I never do--and I heard Clay Aiken come on, I'd roll my eyes and get out. But you know what? I'm fine with being kind of vanilla! It's oh-kye!" In his book, Aiken says that it's not just clubs but also bars he dislikes: "The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex. To me, bars are what hell is like."
The NY interview was even wierder than the Newsweek interview a while back that had this testy exchange:
How did you get into a fight with that lady on a plane?
I'm not going to talk about it.
I was just curious because you've never talked about it.
I did talk about it.
What about the Kelly Ripa thing?
I'm not going to discuss it.
Did you think it was homophobic?
I'm not going to discuss it.
What do you want to talk about?
I think we're done.
Can we talk about something fun?
No, we're done. I thought NEWSWEEK would be more reputable. I'm surprised.
But I think people are curious about it.
It was a year ago. This is NEWSWEEK. It's not the National Enquirer. I'd hate to have a job where I had to be rude to people.
We're just having a conversation.
Change the subject! I'd never take a job where I had to do something that I didn't want to do.
What about all those Ford commercials on "American Idol"?
That wasn't a job.
It was part of your job.
It wasn't a Ford commercial. It was a music video. It was a completely different thing.
I'll change the subject. What do you do for fun?
I watch the news. I read news magazines, but I'm reconsidering that now.
Are you going to watch "Idol"?
I haven't watched since season four. I compare it to high-school football--if it weren't for high school, we wouldn't be successful, but I don't need to keep going to the football games.
So, there you go. Clay is def not gay. And he def doesn't want to have seks of any kind. Atleast not with humans.
He may finger bang his dog every now and then, but that's just 'cause showtunes put him in that kind of mood.
via NY Mag
Jailhouse Seks Via Intertubes
There's actually a sight called Conjugal Harmony that hooks lonely people up with even lonelier inmates looking for
The Conjugal Harmony Difference Imagine having a wife who is always glad to see you, never cheats or stays out all night, and who rocks your ever-loving world twice a month with a pent-up vengeance you haven’t felt since college. Now imagine she never takes your credit cards, doesn’t spend all day talking to her mother, and never knows if you’re out with friends or sleeping around. Now stop imagining and open your eyes to the world of Conjugal Harmony. For almost a decade we’ve connected honest, background cleared, non-prisoners with exciting, passionate, loyal mates on the inside, and with rates so low you might think you’re the crook!
Take this one for example:
via The Stranger
Dipshit Tries to Hire "Silent Assassin" on Craigslist
Some kook in California offered $5000 to anyone willing to kill the wife of a man with whom she had an affair:
Linscott is accused of asking people who responded to her ad to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California," and she provided additional information on the intended victim, including her physical description, age and employment address. On two separate occasions following the November ad posting, she offered payment of $5,000 upon completion of "the eradication task," according to court documents.
Craigslist: Not just a place to buy vagina couches.
via CBS
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Gold
Money:
The old fatso’s endorsement has been in the works for a few days, it turns out, so it’s not like he’s ‘tarding out just because of that delightful speech last night. Instead, insiders suggest that it was Kennedy’s history of killing young white bitches in his car that made him feel closer to “the black candidate.”
via Jim / Wonkette
ps: Wonkette is just fine. No matter what.
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