WTF is Up with Goats Down Here?!?!

I'm getting really worried about my adopted motherland of NW Florida.

First, goat killers are on the loose.

Now, some freak is kidnapping (heh) them.

Oh wait. I almost forgot that back in March some goat fucker caused the Walton County Sheriff's office to USE A RAPE KIT ON A DEAD GOAT.

Dear Wierd Goat Freaks,

Stop this bullshit. I'm super serial about this. My mom is coming down in a little over a week. The last thing she needs to see are half goat/half redneck hybrids scurrying around our beaches. I'm thinking about forming some kinda Save Teh Goatz task force or something just to preserve what little dignity the Panhandle of Florida has left. Go back to playing World of Warcraft or blogging about how awsome Ron Paul's blimp is or something. I don't care what you do. Just lay off the kids.

via NWF Daily News

Self-Esteem Boost for the New Year

photo via Daily Mail

Yeh, btw, Happy New Year.

We all drank, I'm sure. Okay, I drank for sure.

But this? Meh.

Apparently in London, an ambulance was called every eight seconds because of binge drinking.

Now I don't feel so bad.


via Daily Mail

Hillary Pops Xanax for Final Iowa Ad

Oh Yeh, This Guy.

Kucinich says that if by some strange reason he does not win 15% in the caucuses, his folks should shuffle their elfin feet over to Barack's folks.

via Politico

Chuck Norris doesn't go Negative. He Determines Right and Wrong.

With a little more than 24 hours to go before the Iowa caucuses, Ranger Walker has figured out how to hand the nod to his guy Huckabee.

Kick the shit out of Mittens:

After a blogger suggested that the actor and martial-arts aficionado deliver a "roundhouse kick" to Mr. Romney, Mr. Norris replied, "I don't roundhouse kick. I choke. … I'd just like to choke those guys out."

via NYSun

And Another Paultard Response

Rainman is Back

New WALNUTS! Ad

First Lady in the Making

History is happening before our eyes.



via Sully

The God Squad

Nazi Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to combat the rise of Satanism.

The initiative was revealed by 82-year-old Father Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican "exorcistinchief," to the online Catholic news service Petrus.
"Thanks be to God, we have a Pope who has decided to fight the Devil head-on," he said.

Herr Pope, I have three words for you: Steel. Cage. Matches.

via Daily Mail

Classic Obama

A Sad Day

Red State Update: Ron Paul

If Only

BREAKING NEWS: There are Gayz in Florida

UCLA School of Law’s Williams Institute released a report stating there are 55,000 same-sex couples living in Florida.

So that's about 110,000 residents soon to be fucked over by religious mouth breathers' Save Marriage from Teh Gayz constitutional amendment.

Stay classy Florida.

[The marriage debate] via NWF Daily News

Assassinated

photo via ABC

[Pakistan's Bhutto Killed in Attack]

New Hampshire Hates Mittens

First, the Concord Moniter gives Mitt an anti-endorsement.

Now, the Union Leader gives the scary spaceman the same treatment.

They say he lacks conviction, which is code for "Your religion is fucking nuts, you have secret handshakes, you wear magic pajamas, and ummmmm that kinda creeps us out."

UPDATE: Paultard takes Lips Away from Bong Long Enough to Rebut

Paultard responds by throwing flower necklaces.

My Hero for the Day

Eat this CNN.

12/25 Truce with Nazi Pope

photo via AP

At tonight's Xmas mass, Pope Benedict XVI said something I found profound:

Man is so preoccupied with himself, he has such urgent need of all the space and all the time for his own things, that nothing remains for others, for his neighbor, for the poor, for God

AP

I Had No Idea

What do nosebleeds, Anime, and Viagra have in common?

Read the backtracks.

via Sully

Why the U.S. is STILL Better than Our Bacon Eating, Syrup Chugging Neighbors to the North

This Canadian brainchild got silicon breast implants for his tatoo of a lady with big ta tas.

[Lady Lumps] via Jezebel

12/25 Racial Stereotypes

The lynchpin of American society. This has been in my head all month. Still as funny since the first time.

Pat Robertson Intrigued by Paultards

Aren't we all?

Ron Paul - Slavemaster

I heart Meet the Press. Tim Russert has the ability to bring out the kook in anyone.

Yesterday's episode featured Paultard Overlord Ron Paul. As usual with anything that features RuPaul, it brought the crazy. Here's his take on the Civil War, basically saying Lincoln was an idiot and should have just bought all the slaves.

Vote Ron Paul and own your own slaves! What a douche.





And this is why I heart Ann Coulter.